Britta's Tacos (episode)/Transcript

	Episode begins at the Britta's Tacos fast food restaurant. Several Echo Creek citizens are seen hanging around the restaurant eating food. Star Butterfly, Marco, Mariposa, and Cloudy arrive at Britta's Tacos. Marco is carrying Mariposa in a baby carrier, and Cloudy is carrying Mariposa's baby supplies.
Star Butterfly	And this, Mariposa, is Britta's Tacos.
Mariposa Diaz	[blowing raspberries]
Star	No, no, no, no, no. It's pronounced "tacos". "Ta-cos". I had trouble with it, too.
Marco Diaz	I am so pumped! All I need is 50 more punches on my Frequent Eater card, then I'll win... the mystery prize!
Star	[gasps] I hope it's a T-shirt!
Marco	For 200 tacos, it'd better be a lot cooler than a T-shirt.
Star	I think it's a shirt.
Marco	All right, Mariposa. I got your bottles, your teddy, and your diaper bag.
Star	So what are we doing today, besides eatin' tacos?
Marco	Do? Summers are all about relaxin' and doing nothin'.
Star	Ohhh, okay. [slumps onto restaurant table] After the year I've had, nothin' is all I wanna do.
Marco	I'm gonna get some tacos.
Star	Tacos sound good. [straining] Cloudyyyyyyy!
	Star summons Cloudy next to her.
Cloudy	Aaah!
	Star rides on top of Cloudy to the restaurant counter. Sensei Brantley and Oskar Greason appear before them as Britta's Tacos employees.
Sensei Brantley	Welcome to Britta's Tacos.
Marco	Sensei?
Star	And Oskar!
Oskar Greason	Hey.
Marco	What are you doing here?
Sensei	Dude, I've been working here for the last six months. But you'd know that if you hadn't just up and left. I see you're a dad now. Figures.
Oskar	Classic Mango.
Star	Classic Mango.
Marco	Dude, this is... this is my sister.
Sensei	Ooh, I get it. You're hiding it from Jackie. Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.
Marco	I'm not hiding anything. This IS my sister. A-And even if she wasn't, there's no drama between me and Jackie.
Sensei	[winks at Marco and gives him a thumbs-up]
Marco	[sighs] Can I just get 10 tacos?
Oskar	[to Star] Hey, weren't we supposed to hang out, like, last summer?
Star	Yeah, guess so. Whatcha been up to?
Oskar	I got a job at Britta's Tacos.
Star	Niiiice.
	Sensei gives Marco a bag of tacos and uses a hole puncher to punch holes in his "Tacos Frequent Eater" card.
Marco	If I just pace myself, I should have no problem knocking back all 50 tacos today.
	Marco unwraps one of the tacos and eats it. Some of the taco meat falls on Mariposa's head.
Marco	[strained] That's four down. Ugh, it's gonna be a long day.
Star	Why don't you just have someone else eat them?
	Star summons a kitty cat with a spinning tail.
Star	All you need are the punches.
Marco	Oh-ho-ho-ho, yeah!
	Two bodybuilders are placing an order to Sensei.
Bodybuilder 1	Five lengua tacos, extra lengua.
Marco	Uh, excuse me. Could I have your punches?
Bodybuilders	All right, kid! [about to punch Marco]
Marco	No, no, no, no, no! Your Loyalty Card punches. I'm trying to get the mystery prize.
Bodybuilder 2	I dunno, man. I really wanna punch you.
Marco	C'mon, guys. Can you say no to this? [holds up Mariposa]
Mariposa	[babbles]
Bodybuilder 1	Whoa! How could I say no to the father of such a cute baby?
Marco	Father? Oh, no, I'm, uh... [sighs] Never mind.
	Sensei punches more holes in Marco's card with the hole puncher.
Marco	Ohhhh-ho-ho-ho-ho! That mystery prize is as good as mine!
	Principal Skeeves, Mr. Candle, and Miss Skullnick appear at the restaurant counter.
Principal Skeeves	[to Sensei] So you mean to tell me, I can't get apple slices with my que-sa-dill-a?!
Star	Teachers? Oh, no, no, no, no! I just ditched an entire year of school while we were in Mewni! Push me under the table, Marco!
Marco	What?
Star	Just do it!
Marco	Okay! Geez! [pushes Star under the table]
Skeeves	Well, well, well, Mr. Diaz. Getting along well without an education?
Marco	Uh-uh-uh-uh!
	Marco slaps his "High School Equivalency Diploma" on the table in front of Principal Skeeves.
Marco	Read it and weep! I got my diploma and everything.
	Marco's diploma gets greasy and slightly see-through from all the taco grease on the table.
Marco	Ewww!
Mr. Candle	Oh, no. Put that official business away, Marco. It's summer.
Marco	Crandle?! Did you, uh, follow me from Mewni?!
Mr. Candle	I don't know what a Mewni is. I'm just here in Echo Creek helping kids find their lifelong posts. [stutters] Careers. Good lifelong careers.
Skeeves	[slaps Marco on the back] Relax, my boy! It's summer!
Marco	Well, since everything is cool, can I have your punches?
Skeeves	Yeah, sure!
Mr. Candle	Okey-dokey.
	As Marco, Skeeves, and Mr. Candle walk off-screen, StarFan13 appears in the bushes near Star and Marco's table.
Star	[laughs] I'm never going to school.
StarFan13	[breathing heavily] Star!
Star	Aaaah!
	StarFan drags Star into a spinning hug.
StarFan13	I thought you'd never come back to me! Selfie! [takes selfie with Star] And pout! [takes another selfie] Now smolder! [takes another selfie]
Star	If we're gonna do this, Mama needs a horchata. Marco! Earth money!
StarFan13	[sees Marco and Mariposa] Whoa! Nice baby!
Marco	Thanks.
StarFan13	[takes picture of Mariposa] I'm posting this right now! Wait. Oh, Marco, is it cool if I post this? You know, because Jackie might see it.
Marco	Uh, yeah, of course. Why not?
StarFan13	Some people get really awkward when they run into an ex. You know, it's, like, drama! [accidentally drops Star on the ground] Oh! Oops! [picks up Star] It could get really weird.
Marco	Everything's totally great between Jackie and me. No weirdness here!
StarFan13	Oh, that's good. 'Cause it's Taco Tuesday. Jackie always comes to Taco Tuesdays.
Marco	[puts Mariposa down on Cloudy] Well, I look forward to seeing her. I gotta go to the bathroom.
	Marco enters the public restroom and splashes his face with water.
Marco	[sighs] What does StarFan know? It's not gonna be weird to see Jackie. We're friends.
	A grown man with the same hairstyle as Marco's pops up from inside the bathroom stall behind Marco.
Man	I thought me and my ex were cool. But last year, I ran into her at this very taco stand. It was terrifying! And she threatened to squeeze hot sauce into my eye! And I've been hiding out in this here stall ever since.
Marco	Well, that's you, man. Jackie and I – we had a healthy relationship.
Man	Yeah? Well, why'd you break up then?
Marco	Oh. Well, you know, 'cause she thought I was in love with... my best friend.
Man	Oh, brah, that's, like, way worse than what I did!
Marco	Oh, no... I was a terrible boyfriend.
	From outside the bathroom, StarFan13 pounds on the door.
StarFan13	Yoo-hoo, Marco! Guess who's here! You have a visitor! Marco!
Marco	[whispers] Jackie!
	StarFan13 uses Star's hand to slam the bathroom door with continuous Narwhal Blasts.
StarFan13	Marco! Marco! Marco! Marco! Marco! Great work, Star!
Star	Yeah. Yeah, you bet.
	Marco slowly comes out of the bathroom.
Ferguson O'durguson and Alfonzo Dolittle	(o.s.) Hey, Marco!
Marco	Huh?
	Ferguson and Alfonzo run up to hug Marco.
Ferguson	[laughs]
Alfonzo	[laughs] Marco, it's so good to see you!
Ferguson	Are you all right, man? You look a little freaked.
Marco	No, no, no, I'm fine. I mean, I just thought you guys were... maybe... Jackie or something.
Ferguson	Jackie? Nah. Last I heard, she was studying abroad in France, so I don't think she'll be coming by anytime soon. I mean, unless she wants a taco. [laughs] Say hello to our new D&D group!
	Ferguson introduces four cool-looking guys and girls.
Cool Girl	What up?
Marco	These guys play D&D?
Alfonzo	Oh, being a nerd has gotten super cool since you left.
Cloudy	Special delivery from Star! [puts Mariposa's baby carrier on Marco]
Marco	What the heck?!
Mariposa	[giggles]
Ferguson	Cool! Star and Marco had a baby!
Marco	No! It's not our baby! It's—!
Ferguson	Aw, cool! Star's here! Guys, this is the one I was telling you about. She does real magic.
Alfonzo	Hey, Star! Can you, uh, conjure a unicorn stampede?
Star	Awww, unicorns.
StarFan13	Sorry, guys, she's kinda busy at the moment doing nothing. See?
	StarFan13 picks up Star's arm, and it flops back down on the table.
StarFan13	Just like an old cat! [crazed laughter] I could do this all day!
	Sensei gives bag of tacos to Ferguson and Alfonzo and Marco's Frequent Eater card to Marco.
Sensei	Here's 30 tacos and 30 punches.
Marco	I'm getting really close! Thanks for the punches, guys.
Ferguson	Ah, sure thing, Marco! Hey, I'll see ya! Gotta go crush some elves!
Alfonzo	I'm sure we'll see you really soon though!
	Ferguson and Alfonzo leave. Scene cuts to nighttime. Star, Marco, Mariposa, Cloudy, and StarFan13 are still at Britta's Tacos, and Marco is still eating tacos.
Marco	[chomps, gulps, groans] I just need two more punches. [groans] Why hasn't anyone else come by?
StarFan13	This is more of a lunch place, actually.
Marco	Wait! Janna! She can get me a few punches, I bet!
Sensei	Hold on there, bro! Janna isn't welcome around here anymore! She's banned for life!
	Sensei points at a wall with several pictures of Janna on it, some of which show her wearing disguises.
Marco	[sighs] Looks like it's up to you, Diaz. Let's get this over with.
Mariposa	[babbling]
Marco	[walks up to counter] Two tacos, please.
Sensei	Bad news, Marco. You bought us out of every ingredient. All we have to make tacos with are these home-grown Echo Creek white-hot pain peppers.
Marco	[gags, gulps] Haven't those been outlawed in, like, 16 states?
Sensei	What am I? A cop? Embrace the pain!
Marco	[sighs] Nah, man. I'm done. My quest for the mystery prize is a bust. Two punches! I just needed two!
	Someone punches Marco's arm twice from off-screen.
Marco	Ow! Ow! Huh?
	Jackie Lynn Thomas appears beside Marco.
Jackie Lynn Thomas	You want chips on the side?
Marco	Jackie?! I thought you were...! Hi!
Jackie	[sees Mariposa] Aww, who's this little lady? Looks like you've been busy.
Marco	She's not mine! I mean... she's... she's mine. Just not mine mine. She's my sister.
Jackie	[laughs] Classic Diaz. Oh, hey, I've got somebody I'd like you to meet.
	Chloe appears next to Jackie.
Chloe	Bonjour! (Hello)
Jackie	Chloe, meet Marco.
Marco	Oh, hi! How do you guys know each other?
Chloe	We met in France.
Jackie	She taught me all about the beauty of French architecture and how to do sweet parkour off it. Montre-lui (Show him), Chloe.
Chloe	D'accord! (Okay)
	Chloe runs up to Star's table and does a circular parkour swing off the umbrella stand.
Star	[whispers] She's so cool.
Chloe	Voilà!
Jackie	Now I'm showing her the coolest of Echo Creek life: skateboarding and pain pepper tacos!
Marco	Pain pepper tacos? Hey! Uh, if you give me your two punches, I'll buy them for you. [gives money to Sensei]
Jackie	Dude, Diaz! What a gentleman!
	Jackie takes two pepper tacos from Sensei and gives one to Chloe.
Chloe	Ready for ze pain?
Jackie and Chloe	Un, deux, trois! (One, two, three) [bite into tacos]
Jackie	Aah! [breathing heavily]
Chloe	Oh, sacré bleu! Oh, my gosh, it's so spicy!
Jackie	[laughing]
Marco	[smiles]
Jackie	Well, Marco, thanks for the tacos. It's really nice to see you.
Marco	Really? 'Cause I wasn't sure if things were cool between us.
Jackie	Of course things are cool, bro. You just bought us tacos.
Marco	I don't know. I was in the bathroom thinking about life, and it dawned on me: Marco, you were a terrible boyfriend to Jackie.
Jackie	[wide-eyed]
Marco	And you're Jackie.
Jackie	[laughing]
Marco	What?
Jackie	Nothing. You're just the best. Look, as boyfriends go, you were pretty standard. But you always knew how to make me laugh.
Marco	Standard? You're not just saying that?
Jackie	Look, I learned a lot about myself in France, and we just weren't the best match. And that's okay. It doesn't mean we can't be friends.
Marco	Yeah. That's what I was hoping.
StarFan13	[sobbing] That's soooo beautiful! [slapping Star's hand on the table]
Jackie	Okay, Marco. Well, we better get going. Bye, Star!
Star	Bye, Jackie!
Jackie	Now, she's a special girl, Marco. [ruffles Marco's hair] Make sure you don't mess that one up. Stay amazing.
Chloe	Au revoir! (Till we meet again)
	Jackie and Chloe ride away on skateboards while holding hands.
Marco	Bye.
	On Star and Marco's table, Marco's "Tacos Frequent Eater" card has 200 punches. Next to the card is a napkin that says "TWO PUNCHES! CHLOE & JACKIE" with a smiley face.
Star	[gasps] Marco's got all 50 punches! [grabs card and gives it to Sensei] Prize! Now!
Sensei	Sorry, the prize has been stolen. [chuckles]
Star	What?! Well, what was it?!
Oskar	A T-shirt. Said "Britta's Tacos" on it. Pretty sweet.
Marco	You know, the real prize was getting to see all our friends.
StarFan13	[breathing heavily, hugs Marco] Friends!
Marco	[gags] I think I just threw up a little bit.
	(end song)