Cheer Up, Star/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Episode begins on exterior shot of the Diaz Household. Magical explosions are seen behind it.
Marco Diaz	[o.s., screaming]
	Cut to Marco and Star running from Ludo's monsters.
Marco	Whoa!
Star Butterfly	Cupcake Blast!
	Star fires upon the monsters with cupcake projectiles. One of the monsters cuts off the head of a coyote sculpture. Star and Marco run into a backyard shed as monsters follow.
Ludo	[laughing] We've got them cornered!
	Ludo's army run toward the shed. Cut to the shed's interior. Star uses her wand to brighten the shed, and Marco locks the door as the monsters try to break it down.
Marco	How could I have been so stupid?
	Marco boards up the door with buckets of paint. The monsters pound on the door. Marco retrieves a skull-shaped bust on a shelf.
Star	Marco, what the heck is going on?
Marco	Uh... this may be all my fault.
Star	What?! What did you—
	Star notices a three-eyed monster looking inside through the open window blinds. Star closes the blinds.
Star	What did you do?
Marco	Um...
	Marco falls off the shelf and hands the skull bust to Star.
Marco	Hold this. Uh, we're gonna need to build some armor.
Star	Marco?
	Marco puts on a protective mask.
Marco	Okay, where does Dad keep his blowtorch?
	The monsters outside shake the shed, and the blowtorch falls into Marco's hand.
Marco	Heh-heh! There it is!
Star	Marco!
	Marco puts the mask down and turns the blowtorch on.
Star	Marco Diaz!
	Marco lifts up the mask and turns to face Star. Star drops the skull bust on the floor.
Star	What... is going... on?
Marco	Look, do you remember when I was having that really bad day?
	Flashback to Marco trying to catch up with a moving school bus.
Marco	[panting] Wait! [pounding on the bus] Stop!
	Inside the bus, Star opens a window.
Star	Look at you, jogging to school. In the zone.
Marco	[out of breath] I'm trying... to catch... the bus!
Star	Got to keep your focus. I get it. Stay in that zone.
	Star closes her window. The bus comes to a stop, and Marco runs into the bus's "Stop" sign.
Marco	Oof!
	He falls on the ground. The bus driver opens the door.
Bus driver	Who punched by bus? Who does that? Bus never did nothin' to you.
Marco	Ow...
	Marco groans and sits up. The bus door closes on his hood, and the bus starts moving again, pulling him along.
Marco	Whoa! [panting]
	As Marco jumps over a speed bump, his hoodie rips, and he crashes into a pile of garbage.
Marco	Oof! [pained groans]
	Marco emerges from the garbage with a black eye. A guy on a bicycle rides up next to him.
Guy on bike	Whoa... [laughing]
	The guy points at Marco's exposed shirt. The shirt depicts Marco kissing a ninja with the caption "I KISSED A NINJA AT KARATEKON 2012".
Guy on bike	You kissed a ninja! [laughing]
	Marco covers his shirt with a newspaper and runs away. The guy on the bike suddenly stops laughing and rides away off-screen. Marco runs up to the school and opens his black eye.
Marco	You have got to be kidding me.
	A sign outside Echo Creek Academy reads "PICTURE DAY!"
Marco	School picture day?!
	A female student appears from off-screen with a camera.
Student	Smile!
	She takes a picture of Marco as he makes a silly face.
Marco	[groans] I wanna go home.
	Jeremy Birnbaum appears behind Marco.
Jeremy Birnbaum	Well, well, well. Marco Diaz.
Marco	Not today, Jeremy.
Jeremy	I came to give you a black eye for picture day, but apparently, there's no need.
Marco	I said not today!
	Marco stomps his foot down, breaking Jackie Lynn Thomas's skateboard in half.
Jackie	Marco... you broke my... skateboard.
Jeremy	Ooo-hoo-hoo!
Marco	Jackie, I—
Jackie	It's fine, Marco. I'll just live with it.
	Jackie rolls off-screen on half of her skateboard.
Jeremy	I think my work here is done.
	Cut back to Diaz Household shed – present day. Star puts the skull bust in a vise.
Star	I'm sorry you had a bad day, Marco, but what does that have to do with right now?
	Marco starts sawing the skull bust in half.
Marco	I'm getting to that.
	Man Arm's arm crashes through the wall.
Marco	Whoa!
	Man Arm paws at the air trying to grab Star or Marco. Marco places the skull bust within Man Arm's reach. Man Arm grabs the bust and breaks off the top half.
Marco	Thank you!
	Marco boards up the hole in the wall with a painting.
Marco	I was so bummed out.
	Flashback to Marco on the living room couch looking depressed. Star appears from behind the couch wearing a large mustache.
Marco	(v.o.) But you did everything you could to cheer me up.
Star	Huh? Huh? Huuuh?
	Star juggles the laser puppies and nearly drops them. Star pulls a large fish out of a hat.
Star	Ta-da!
	The fish swallows Star's head.
Star	[muffled scream]
	Star runs around the room and trips. The fish swallows her whole.
Marco	[laughing]
Star	[laughing] I'm in a fish.
	Cut back to shed – present day.
Marco	And then, you met Oskar.
	Flashback to Echo Creek Academy hallway. Dissonant keyboard sounds fill the air.
Nerdy kid	[screaming]
Male student	Make it stop! Make it stop!
Female student	[screaming]
Janna	No, no, no, no!
	Star looks wide-eyed at something. She pulls Principal Skeeves in from off-screen.
Star	Skeeves. Who is that fresh of breath air?
	Oskar Greason sits on his car playing his keytar discordantly as students around him cover their ears.
Skeeves	Oh, that degenerate is Oskar Greason. I'd stay away if I were you. That boy has a record.
Star	Ohhhh, a record...
	Star sneaks up to Oskar's car. He smiles at her as he plays. He presses a button on his keytar to produce a rhythmic percussive beat.
Oskar	[singing] Ah, ah, ah, ah My car is a flying snail Let's ride him far away, yeah To mermaid pools filled with puppies' drool And centaurs pulling candy sleighs Ah, ah, ah, ah
Marco	(v.o.) Star!
	Cut back to shed – present day. Marco splatters a wall with red paint.
Marco	Can you please keep your fantasies out of my flashback?
Star	Almost done.
	Cut back to previous flashback. Star writes her number on a star-shaped sticky note and sticks it to Oskar's keytar.
Star	Call me. [sighs, slinks away]
	Cut back to shed – present day. Marco holds up a circular slide rule.
Star	[sighs] I couldn't wait to talk to him.
	Flashback to Diaz Household interior. Marco is using his cellphone. Star runs up the stairs and snatches his cellphone away.
Star	I'm expecting a phone call! From Oskar. [tittering]
Marco	Why don't you just give him the home line?
Star	Mmm, I like your ringtone better.
Ringtone	Space unicorn, soaring through the stars
Star	[laughs] So cute.
Marco	[sighs] It's supposed to be ironic.
	Star runs to her room with her wand in her mouth. She sits at a table, sets the phone down, and stares at it.
Ringtone	Space unicorn—
Star	[answers] Hello?
Grandma Diaz	Hola, Marco, it's Grandma.
Star	[hangs up, groans]
	Star lies on her bed waiting for Oskar's call. Scene transitions from afternoon to early evening to late evening to night. Cut back to shed – present day. Star is seen wearing the circular slide rule as a protective mask.
Star	I guess I'm just not cool enough for a guy with a record.
Marco	Are you kidding? You're the coolest girl I know.
	Star smiles at Marco. The shed shakes violently again, and Star falls over onto the floor. Everything on the shelves crashes.
Marco	Anyway, you were so sad.
	Cut back to previous flashback. Star lies face-down on her bed while Marco looks at her from the door.
Marco	(v.o.) It was my turn to cheer you up.
	Marco slips away off-screen. Star's bedroom door creaks closed, and a shadow creeps toward her bed. Star looks at the shadow. A flashlight turns on, and Marco is shown wearing clown makeup.
Marco	Hey, Star!
Star	[shrieks, turns on the lights]
Marco	[quickly walks away] I thought you liked clowns! Sorry!
	Smash cut to next scene. Star still lies on her bed.
Marco	(o.s.) Hey, Star, up here!
	Star looks up. Camera pans up to the top of Star's loft. Marco sits in a shopping cart with a rocket strapped to it, wearing a sombrero with sparklers on it and a foam finger.
Marco	Ha-ha, watch this. I'm gonna— [stammers] I can't do this.
	Before Marco can get out of the cart, it takes off.
Marco	[screaming]
	Star watches in shock as fireworks light up the room and Marco screams off-screen. Star sword sticks into the floor. Marco rides a rush of water down a flight of circular steps and slides next to Star's bed. He spits a lit sparkler out of his mouth.
Marco	Ta-da!
Star	Ugh!
	Marco stands up and finds Star's wand on the table.
Marco	(v.o.) And that's when I realized – nothing makes you happier than when you're Narwhal Blasting a monster.
	Marco ties the wand to the end of a fishing line and opens a portal with Star's dimensional scissors. On the other side of the portal, Ludo's two-headed minion is seen sweeping up skulls and bones.
Marco	(v.o.) So I tried to lure one with your wand.
	Marco tosses the wand next to the monster's feet.
Two-headed minion	Hmm? Hey!
	As he bends down to pick up the wand, Marco reels it in. The monster chases after it and follows it through the portal.
Marco	[sing-songy] Oh, Star!
	More monsters suddenly appear. Cut back to shed – present.
Star	So you brought these monsters here to cheer me up?
Marco	Yeah... I just didn't expect so many. [chuckles]
	Marco puts a bucket on Star's head.
Marco	But don't worry. [puts back on the protective mask] This armor will hold them off.
	Marco and Star are dressed in crudely-made battle armor. The shed's roof is suddenly ripped away, and Man Arm's arm reaches inside to grab Marco.
Star	Marco!
Marco	[screaming]
	Man Arm holds Marco in one hand while Ludo and his army surround him.
Ludo	Give it up, Star Butterfly! You're outmatched!
Star	Ludo, what's with all these new monsters?
Ludo	What? These are all the same monsters I always bring.
Star	Mmm, I don't know.
Marco	[pointing at Man Arm] I've never seen this dude in my life.
Ludo	You mean you've never met Man Arm?
	Man Arm turns to the left to reveal his human-like left arm.
Man Arm	Hey.
Ludo	Surely you know Spikeballs.
Spikeballs	Well, we were never formally introduced.
	Spikeballs walks up to Marco and shakes his hand.
Spikeballs	Hi, I'm Spikeballs. I'm usually in the back.
Ludo	[sighs] Now that you all know each other... [chuckles] Get the wand!
	Ludo's monsters charge in to attack. Star blasts Man Arm with Rainbow Fist Punch, causing him to drop Marco. Star and Marco team up against the monsters. Star jumps high into the air.
Star	Honeybee Tornado Swarm!
	Star swarms the monsters with bees and pollen. Most of the monsters get covered in bee stings, but a flower monster appears to enjoy it.
Star	You were right, Marco! I'm totally cheered up! [blasts Big Chicken] I don't even care if Oskar calls!
Ringtone	Space unicorn, soaring through the stars Delivering the rainbows all around the world...
Ludo	Ugh, what is that terrible ringtone?
Marco	It's supposed to be ironic!
Star	[looks at phone, gasps] It's Oskar!
Marco	[in a headlock] Well, talk to him.
Star	Oh, right-right-right-right-right! [answers] Hello?
Oskar	[playing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on his keytar] Hi, I'm calling this phone number on my phone?
Star	Thank you for calling. No, I mean—Hiiii.
Oskar	Hi.
Star and Oskar	So what are you—
Star	Oh, I-I-I'm sorry, I-I interrupted you.
	Bearicorn roars loudly in Star's ear. She slowly turns to him, appalled.
Star	Ugh! [to Oskar] Oskar, can you hold on for, like, one second? [to monsters, enraged] Hey! I am on the phone! You monsters are so rude!
	Ludo's monsters look surprised.
Star	Syrup Tsunami Shockwave!
	Star washes the monsters away with a tidal wave of waffles, pancakes, and maple syrup.
Ludo's army	[screaming]
Star	[sighs, to Oskar] Sorry about that. [giggles] Cool.
Oskar	Cool.
Star	...Okay, bye. I like your phone voice. [hangs up, sighs]
	The two-headed minion is seen stuck to the ground. A crocodile minion is stuck to a cactus. A giraffe minion's head is stuck to his own back.
Two-headed minion	[grunts] Sticky. All sticky.
	Marco walks up to Star with maple syrup completely covering him.
Star	Mmm, thanks, Marco. You did know just how to cheer me up. And Oskar called anyway! [giggles] Hugs!
	Star hugs Marco and gets stuck to him because of the maple syrup.
Star	Blecch.
	The bicycle guy from earlier rides up next to them.
Guy on bike	Whoa... [laughing]
	He suddenly stops laughing and rides away. Marco and Star look to the camera confused.