Cornball!/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Episode begins with Star covering Buff Frog's eyes.
Star Butterfly	Okay! You can open your eyes now!
Buff Frog	They are open already. Your hands are still in way.
Star	Oh. My bad. [uncovers Buff Frog's eyes]
Buff Frog	[gasps]
	Camera pans across a cornball stadium, with hundreds of Mewmans and monsters in the seats and several players on the field.
Buff Frog	You have brought me to cornball game? And front-row seats?
Star	Not just any front-row seats. You, my friend, are the personal guest of Queen Eclipsa herself.
Eclipsa Butterfly	[places bag of popcorn in Buff Frog's lap] Hi! Have you seen my baby? [lifts up Buff Frog's legs]
Star	Eclipsa, this is Buff Frog.
Eclipsa	Very nice to meet you. Sweetie!
	Meteora is walking on the cornball field.
Meteora Butterfly	[giggles]
Eclipsa	[follows Meteora] Sweetie! Come back to Mommy!
Star	Soooo... cornball! The greatest sport. Brings together families.
Buff Frog	Star Butterfly, what are you planning?
Star	Nothing. I'm just really excited to watch this game with you... and... maybe convince you to come back to Mewni.
Buff Frog	Why would cornball game do that?
Star	Because, Buff Frog, this isn't just any cornball game. For the first time, Mewmans and monsters will play together.
Buff Frog	You mean against each other.
Star	Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no. With each other! This is the first-ever integrated match! Monsters and Mewmans working together on the same teams!
Buff Frog	That is terrible idea!
Star	Okay-okay-okay, just hear me out. I know things were bad when you left. Like, really super, super bad. But things have changed. Thanks to Eclipsa, monsters and Mewmans are totally equal now.
	Star tosses some popcorn into the air, intending to catch it in her mouth, but Buff Frog scoops them up with his long tongue.
Buff Frog	Just because things have changed does not mean they are better.
Star	Look, I know this is a lot to take in, but can you please just give this game a chance? For me?
Buff Frog	Hmmm... All right, Star Butterfly. For you. Anyway, I cannot turn down a free cornball game.
Star	[jumps] Ya-ha-hoo-hoo!
Buff Frog	But beside all that, how did you even track me down? I am master spy and made sure we were untraceable.
Star	I have my ways. [eats popcorn]
	Buff Frog's children appear through the crowd, knocking over a male Mewman. When his cornshake goes flying through the air, Katrina catches it.
Katrina	[slurps] Hi!
	The Buff children sit around Star and Buff Frog.
Katrina	I'm so excited to see my first cornball game!
Buff Frog	Katrina, did you tell Star where we were hiding? What did I say about being master spy? You cannot let anyone know what you are doing.
Katrina	Just like how you had no idea I was still in contact with Star on a daily basis?
Buff Frog	One day, she will surpass me. [tears up] I am... so proud.
	[P.A. system feedback]
Kelly	[over P.A. system] Welcome to the first-ever monster and Mewman cornball game!
Katrina	It's starting!
	In the announcers' booth, Marco and Kelly are the announcers. Kelly is shouting into the microphone while Marco covers his ears.
Kelly	[over P.A. system] We are so glad you could all join us today for the greatest game! Whoo-hoo! Cornball! Yeah!
Marco Diaz	Ow! That's so loud!
Kelly	[chuckles] Sorry, dude. I am just so hyped!
Marco	Hey, nothing wrong with that. I just wish I understood the rules.
Kelly	Ah, don't worry. I got you covered. Okay, so that's Selena Fortune, Mewni's number-one cob-kicker.
Marco	(o.s.) Mm-hmm.
	Selena Fortune warms up and kicks a cornball. Bleck Drockman catches the ball in a net.
Kelly	(o.s.) Bleck Drockman, the MCL's top stickler!
Marco	(o.s.) Stick, uh, what?
	Two Mewman brothers appear by a small pool of water.
Kelly	(o.s.) Yeah. The Cassidy brothers, they are an unstoppable moat guardian combo.
Marco	(o.s.) Huh?
	A Mewman girl, Danny Doom, is seen with a giant catcher's mitt, chewing bubblegum.
Kelly	(o.s.) That's midfield husker Danny Doom, but that's just a nickname.
Marco	(o.s.) Wait.
	Blabby Frontfaws, a pig-like monster, is seen drinking water. A slime girl next to her is holding a clipboard.
Kelly	(o.s.) And new up-and-comer Blabby Frontfaws! Oh, yeah.
Marco	But those are just player names. I don't know what they actually do.
Kelly	Hmm. Oh! I know. I have an expanded limited collector edition of the original rules and... [picks up large cornball rule book, grunts] ...regulations. It'll clear everything up.
Marco	This is big.
	When Marco takes the rule book from Kelly, it is so heavy that he falls to the floor.
Kelly	Do... you need any help?
Marco	Nah, girl. I'm super good at books.
Kelly	Uh, you don't have to stay here either. You could go sit with Star if you want.
Marco	No, that's okay. [picks up cornball rule book] We just got done with this whole drama with the Blood Moon Ball. It's kind of a long story, but—
Kelly	[over P.A. system] If you came here to see some cornball, let me hear you scream!
Crowd	[roars]
Kelly	Oh, sorry, Marco. [chuckles] I'm kind of in, like, professional mode when I work, yeah. Uh, were you saying something?
Marco	Nah, it's not important. You do your thing. I'll go grab us some snacks and, uh... [grunts, picks up rule book] ...skim through the rule book. [leaves booth]
Kelly	Sounds good, breakup buddy. [over P.A. system] What up, sports fans? It is time to pick teams! Today's captain for the purple team is Bleck Drockman. And for the red team, Jason Sheffield.
Star	[rubs hands together] Aw, yes. This is where the magic happens.
Katrina	I'm so excited!
Buff Frog	Let's not get hopes up.
Star	[covers Buff Frog's mouth] Shhh! Let them concentrate.
Kelly	[over P.A. system] And first pick for Bleck is... Blabby Frontfaws!
	Blabby walks over to Bleck's side.
Kelly	[over P.A. system] Bleck is going for an aggressive offense with the up-and-coming rookie.
Buff Frog	So, monster picks monster.
Star	Oh, it's just the first pick. I mean, come on. Look at that guy. He's built like a tank.
Kelly	[over P.A. system] And Jason goes for Selena!
	Selena walks over to Jason's side.
Kelly	[over P.A. system] Selena is known for preferring a low-scoring game.
Buff Frog	And Mewman pick Mewman.
Star	Yeah... [nervous chuckle]
	The team selection continues with Bleck picking monsters for her team and Jason picking Mewmans for his team. With every pick, Star looks more and more worried.
Kelly	[over P.A. system] And Bleck's turn. Back to Jason. Bleck again. Now Jason. Now Bleck. Back to Jason. It looks like old alliances hold strong on the field today, folks.
Star	Oh, come on! What are you doing? You guys notice anything? This is supposed to be an integrated exhibition match, but you're the super opposite of that right now! Come on! Time to mix it up, guys!
	The Mewman and monster players all circle around each other and end up where they started, with Mewmans on one team and monsters on the other.
Buff Frog	It is not going to be working, Star.
Katrina	I don't get it. Is this part of the game?
Mewman Girl with Popsicle	No.
Katrina	[moans]
Star	[sighs] This is gonna ruin everything. Eclipsa! What should we do?
Eclipsa	Uh... Well, perhaps we should—
Meteora	[snarls, pounces off-screen]
Popcorn Vendor	Popcorn. Get your popcorn. [gets attacked by Meteora, screams]
Eclipsa	Sweetie! What did Mommy say about preying on those weaker than you?!
Katrina	I just want to watch them play.
Popsicle Girl	Hey, uh, want to see something cool?
Katrina	Yeah.
Popsicle Girl	I just got a brand-new cornball. Want to go test it out?
Katrina	Yeah! [follows popsicle girl off-screen]
Star	Come on! This can't be that hard! You guys have so much in common!
Mewman Player	Like what, even?
Star	Uh, what about... monsters and Mewmans both love cornball!
Danny Doom	She's right.
Mewman Man 1	But Mewmans love cornball way more! In fact, Mewmans love cornball so much, we invented it!
Monster 1	Hey, even if that were true – which it's not – monsters perfected cornball!
Mewman Man 1	(o.s.) Why don't you come here and say that to my face?!
	Mewmans and monsters in the crowd all start to argue.
Buff Frog	I am not liking this vibe.
Kelly	[groans] They are ruining the spirit of cornball!
Marco	Hey, got you a cornshake.
Kelly	No time for cornshakes, Marco! I got to go save cornball! [runs out of the booth]
Marco	Hey, uh, wait. W-Who's gonna announce?
Kelly	Oh, yeah. Uh, cover for me, okay? If you have any questions, check the manual. [takes cornshake from Marco and kisses his cheek]
Marco	[blushes] Right. Just... check the manual. [opens rule book] Chapter 1...
Mewman Man 2	The first-ever cornball players were Mewman. That's a fact.
Monster 2	Oh, yeah? Where did you read that? A Mewman history book?
	The horned monster's child looks sad. Several Mewman and monster kids run past him.
Mewman Boy 1	Hey, you want to come too?
Monster Girl	Come where?
Mewman Boy 1	To... [whispers in monster girl's ear]
Monster Girl	Wow! Really?
Mewman Boy 1	Yeah! Follow me!
Star	[looking at crowd] Oh, come on. Guys! Guys, cut it out! Magic Bubble Double Diffusion!
	Star catches several arguing Mewmans and monsters in bubbles.
Monster 3	What's happening?!
Man in Crowd 3	Whatever's going on is your fault!
Star	[groans, runs off-screen]
	Bleck Drockman and Jason Sheffield face off while holding net sticks.
Crowd	[booing]
Star	You guys need to cool it! Would it really kill you to just give each other a chance?
Bleck Drockman	The only thing I'm giving this guy is a piece of my mind!
Jason Sheffield	Yeah, forget cornball! [tosses net stick on the ground] Let's settle this the old-fashioned way!
Other Players	[chanting] Fight, fight, fight, fight!
Star	Guys...
Buff Frog	Do not bother, Star. It was good for you to be trying, but I knew Mewni was not ready for this kind of thing.
Star	No, no-no-no! I know things look bad now, but we can't give up yet! Eclipsa! Show Buff Frog how much you care about monster-Mewman unity.
Eclipsa	What? Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I'm afraid I'm still looking for Meteora. I don't want her running off on her own if a brawl breaks out.
Buff Frog	Yes. This place is no longer safe for the children. It is time for me to leave.
Star	But, Buff Frog—
Buff Frog	But nothing. I refuse to put my family in danger. Katrina! Buff children! We leave now!
	Conjoined Buff children Alexei and Anya appear with cornball jerseys.
Alexei	'Sup, Dad?
Buff Frog	Alexei, Anya, where are your brothers and sisters?
Alexei	At the cornball game.
Buff Frog	What? Where?
Anya	Not that game. The other game.
Alexei	Yeah, the actually fun one.
	Alexei and Anya run off.
Buff Frog	The other game?
	Star, Eclipsa, and Buff Frog follow Alexei and Anya behind the stadium, where numerous Mewman and monster kids are playing cornball together.
Star	Whoa!
Children	[laughing, whooping]
Star	They're playing... cornball.
	In the announcers' booth, Marco has covered the walls in cornball rules and diagrams.
Marco	Okay, okay, so... so if a kicker kicks with his left leg and scores, that's three points. But if it's raining on a Tuesday, then that's four points. I get it! It's so simple!
Children	[exclaiming]
Marco	Huh? What? Where's that coming from?
	Marco pulls away one of the diagrams covering the booth's rear window and sees the children playing cornball.
Marco	[gasps] The game's over here now?! [clears diagrams away] Aw! How did I miss this? All right, uh... [picks up microphone] And they're off! The red team's hitting the offense hard with a classic, uh, creepy crop circle formation! And the game's really starting to heat up, folks!
	Mewmans and monsters gather around Star, Buff Frog, and Eclipsa to watch the children's game.
Marco	[over P.A. system] Team Red's going all in with the beanbag blitz! Team Purple counters with a hula hoop hustle!
Monster Woman	Hey, they made my Jeanie third kicksmith.
Mewman Man 2	That's cute. They made my kid first kicksmith.
Marco	[over P.A. system] He's got it!
Crowd	[cheering]
	Meteora appears among several other babies watching the game.
Meteora	[giggles, claps hands]
Eclipsa	[gasps] There you are! [picks up Meteora] Well, all's well that ends well.
Selena Fortune	[holding a camera] Jordie, smile for Mommy!
Mewman Man 4	Go get 'em, Lexxy!
Marco	[over P.A. system] Here come the huckster hurdles! They're clearing one... two... three! They nailed it! Got some great monster-Mewman teamwork here!
Star	[to Buff Frog] Hey, your kid's got moves.
Marco	[over P.A. system] We've got some air time—! Nope! Interception! By the moat guardian! And he's tossing to his tenth baseman!
Monster Girl	This is for you, David! I'll always love you!
Referee	[blows whistle]
Marco	Wait. What's going on here?
Kelly	[appears from off-screen] Oh! That's rule 23: no shout-outs to exes on the field!
Marco	[over P.A. system] Oh, yeah! That makes no sense at all.
Kelly	[over P.A. system] And it's the final play?!
Marco	What?!
Kelly	[over P.A. system] One more cross-field goal could mean... What's this?!
Marco	[over P.A. system] Katrina steals the ball!
Kelly	[over P.A. system] Ohhhhhh!
Marco	[over P.A. system] Looks like Team Red has it in the bag, folks!
Kelly	[over P.A. system] Katrina's bookin' it towards the goal! She's got a clear shot! She's going for it!
	The last goal kick is intercepted by a net catch.
All	[gasps]
Kelly	[over P.A. system] It is a corn... in... the... hooooooole!
Marco	What does that mean?
Kelly	It means they just scored 15 points! They won!
Marco	15 points?! What kind of rule is—? You know what? I give up.
	The players cheer and pick up the kid who scored the final catch. They all shake each other's hands.
Referee	Good game! It was so much fun!
Mewman Boy 1	That was awesome!
Mewman Boy 2	Great job!
Buff Child	Yeah, we should do it again!
Monster 2	Hey, your kid played a pretty amazing game.
Mewman Woman	And your kid's got quite the kick... for a monster.
Monster 2	What did you say?
Mewman Woman	Oh, come on. You people get offended by anything!
Monster 2	I'm not just gonna stand here while you belittle my... [fades]
Mewman Woman	[simultaneously] I'm sorry! I didn't realize... [fades]
Star	And we're back to this. [goes up to Katrina] Hey, Katrina, everything okay?
Katrina	Yeah. I just wish we could've won.
Buff Frog	Guess we will need rematch.
Katrina	But cornball is only played on Mewni.
Buff Frog	Then I guess we will have to stay.
Star and Katrina	What?!
Katrina	[hugs Buff Frog] Thanks, Dad!
Star	Buff Frog, are you serious?
Buff Frog	I still have doubts, but this game has filled me with hope.
Katrina	I'm gonna go tell everyone! [runs off]
Star	But the adults are still angry with each other.
Buff Frog	Da. Our generation is garbage.
	Eclipsa appears holding Meteora.
Buff Frog	But the little ones...
Meteora	[giggles]
Buff Frog	They might turn out okay.