Death Peck/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Scene opens outside a spiraling castle. Star Butterfly's voice can be heard. Scene jumps to inside; Marco Diaz and Pony Head are standing next to Star.
Star	Mewmans and monsters have just misunderstood each other for too long. Mewni should be a place of peace and unity for everyone.
Pony Head	Right, yes. Like they don't, like, get peace or whatever.
Star	But for that to happen, [unrolls scroll] we need to stop following the old ways. We need to be the change we want to see. That's why I'm hoping you'll sign this super awesome Petition of Friendship between monsters and Mewmans. Your signature is the last one we need. So... what do you say? Will you sign?
	Rich Pigeon flaps his feathers.
Star	Um... [giggles]
Rich	[coos, looks up at his parents]
King Pigeon	[coos]
Queen Pigeon	[coos]
Rich	[coos]
Pony Head	Is this the same Rich Pigeon that, like, killed it at the Silver Bell Ball?
Star	Uh, [hesitantly] I think so?
Marco	Does he even understand a word we're saying?
Star	I don't know. We've never actually really talked. [to Rich] Um-hm. Le me just, uh, make it easier for you. [laughs, lays a quill at Rich's feet] Pen... Petition... Sign.
	The quill falls to the floor.
Marco	Come on, Star, he's just a dumb bird. You can't expect him to envision a utopian future.
Star	[reproachfully] Marco. [giggles, to Rich] Ignore him. How about one blink for yes, and two for no?
	Rich closes one eye, and then the other, making his blinking ambiguous.
Marco	Look, just, like, grab his little foot or whatever and sign the petition for him so we can get outta here. This place is giving me the creeps.
Pony Head	Yeah, Marco's right. Whoa. Did I just say that out loud?
Marco	[to Star] You just hold the petition, and I'll grab his foot.
Star	Yeah, I don't know, Marco. That doesn't really sound like the right way to go.
Marco	Relax. I've seen all the bird videos online. I got this.
Star	Okay, okay. Just be gentle.
Marco	Easy now. [tugs Rich's right foot] There we go. [chuckles] Birds feel weird.
	There's a snapping sound.
Marco	[gasps]
	Rich's foot dangles lifelessly below his perch.
Star	Marco! What did you do?! That was not gentle! Fix it, fix it, fix it now!
Marco	Uh, oh, sorry! Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry!
	Marco pushes Rich's foot into his feathers; it pops back out and Rich falls over, hitting the ground. Star, Marco, and Pony Head's mouths are wide open. They look around the room; there's scores upon scores upon scores of angry pigeons glaring at them. Suddenly, the whole flock takes flight, screeching angrily and flying straight at the three.
Star	Run!
	They run through the castle. The swarm is so aggressive that they destroy walls as they make their turns.
Marco	Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho!
Star	Marco, I told you to be gentle!
Marco	I was gentle!
	Marco steps in something, and he stops running. He looks down to see a human skull. He screams as the birds grab a hold of his hoodie.
Star	[turns around, spell casting] Crystal Narwhal... [pulls out a stick, gasps] My wand!
	Scene jumps to Star's bedroom. Glossaryck is gnawing at Star's wand like it's a chew toy. Scene jumps back to the castle.
Marco	A little help, please!
Star	[grabs his arms] I got you, Marco!
	They break him free and fall backwards, landing on the ground. The swarm flies by them, messing up their hair. They turn around and aim right at them. The three scream, jumping to their feet as the birds drill through the floor they were just sitting on. The birds recoup and swarm down a hallway missing the three, who are posed as statues.
All three	[sigh with relief]
Marco	I told you, birds don't see what doesn't move.
	The birds, having turned around, charge them again. The three start running again,
Star	Quick, in here!
	They run into a room and shut the door quickly.
Star	[panting] Okay, I think we lost them.
Pony Head	Oh, great! Now we're stuck in a room with paintings?! [groans] I hate paintings.
Star	Wait, these are all paintings of Rich Pigeon.
Marco	Huh. Bold, confident brush work, with a subtle nod to neoclassicism. Nice.
	There's a loud pounding on the door.
Marco	[shoving a large pile of treasure] Uh, uh, quick! Barricade the door!
	Star joins him in moving lots of furniture to block the door.
Marco	Pony Head, where you going?
Pony Head	Ooh, I am sorry, but I cannot deal with this anymore right now, okay? I need to do me. [dives into a pile of treasure, puts on lots of jewelry] Ah! Much better.
Star	Pony Head, wait! What are you doing? Get back here and help us!
	The beaks of the pigeons begin to pierce through the door.
Pony Head	Guys, come quick! I think I found something!
	The three run into another room.
Star	Oh, thank Mewni.
	Pony Head flies up to a pair of prosthetic human legs designed for pigeons, and puts them on herself.
Pony Head	Look at me! I can dance now! [laughs] Look at this!
Star	Rich Pigeon's legs?
Marco	Pony Head, I don't see how some extra legs and jewels are gonna get us outta here!
Pony Head	Well, first of all, you are so wrong on so many levels, the second level being that this is not what I found that I'm talking about.
	Pony Head walks over to a cord and rings a bell. The ground shakes as a giant pair of legs walks over to them.
Pony Head	Look at them calves. Boom.
Marco	Whoa.
Star	Those are some big legs.
	The birds screech, still trying to break through the door.
Marco	Whoa! Everyone, hit the legs!
	Star and Marco each climb onto a leg and up to the top.
Pony Head	Hurry up!
Marco	Ugh. Sorry. We can't all just float wherever we want.
Pony Head	Definitely not with that attitude.
	All scream, as the door sounds like it's giving way.
Marco	Look at all these levers!
Pony Head	Push them all!
	Pony Head and Marco start flailing at the controls.
Marco	How does this thing work?!
Star	[grabs Marco's cheeks] Stop yelling!
Marco	Yelling feels good right now!
Star	No, I mean it. Stop yelling for one second. Do you hear that?
Marco	[after some silence] I don't hear anything.
Star	Exactly. They stopped.
	There are no longer any pigeons trying to poke their heads through the door.
Star	Phew!
Marco	Oh, thank karate. Now let's get this thing–
	The pigeons come crashing in through the floor. All three start squabbling and screaming as the weakened floor gives way. The birds continue to attack, however, the giant legs the three are in manage to pull some impressive evasive stunts. They continue to try to figure out the controls as the legs take off, running up the walls and ceiling while traversing the hallway. The camera holds steady, and the birds and the legs keep coming back to the same room. The legs have a mind of their own as they moon dance, turn into a race car, and leapfrog around the halls.
Pony Head	Are they still following us though?
	The pigeons roar in formation behind them.
Star	Yep.
Pony Head	Ugh, they're blocking the exit!
Star	No! Stop. Marco, you'll hurt the pigeons!
	She pushes Marco away from the controls.
Marco	Uff.
	The legs topple over, and all three end up on the ground.
Marco	Ow!
Pony Head	Oh, hey, girl. Uh, can I just ask you something so quickly? [screaming] What the heck-y was that?! Okay, we were almost out of this trash castle!
Star	If we hurt the pigeons, we're never gonna get Rich to sign the petition.
Marco	You really think that's still a possibility, Star?
	Pigeons coo all around the three.
Star	[laughs nervously] Hey, birds. Buddies. [laughs] So about all this... we are so sorry.
	Pony makes a fart sound, and a ton of treasure dumps out from her neck.
Pony Head	It's, uh, this is very normal for me. It happens. I know how to deal with it.
	She farts out even more treasure. And then again.
Star	Pony Head!
Pony Head	I know what I am.
Star	Okay, we're so sorry things got so out of hand... or claw or... whatever you... Okay, listen, how about we just please start over? We didn't mean any harm to Prince Rich Pigeon. We just wanted to—
	Pony Head sqeaks, and Rich falls out from her neck.
Star	[exasperated] Pony Head!
Pony Head	I thought that we might need him for leverage.
Marco	Cool. Can't wait to die.
	Scene transitions back to the throne room from the episode's beginning. Star, Pony Head, and Marco are imprisoned in a giant birdcage. All the pigeons are squawking loudly. The king coos, and they all fall silent.
King Pigeon	[squawks angrily]
Marco	How is this a fair trial? We don't even know what they're saying.
Star	Um, um, excuse me? King Pigeon, sir? I just want to apologize again for what happened here today. We did not mean to break your son's leg.
Pony Head	Yeah, like, in a thousand pieces.
Marco	Oh! I was gentle!
Star	[whispering] Okay, you guys, shh shh... [to King and Queen] We didn't come here today to hurt anyone. We just came here to ask your son for help.
King	[coos angrily]
	A gong is rung, and the ground shakes as a pigeon with a large battle axe breaks down a wall and approaches their cage. The three scream. The pigeon raises his axe.
Pony Head	Oh, my goodness! [gasps] This is not happening! No. No, no, no, no!
	They all scream as the axe is swung to the floor, missing their cage.
Marco	Whoa!
	The executioner opens up a suitcase, puts its large prosthetic arms inside it, and perches on the battle axe next to Marco.
Marco	Awww. Hey, there.
	The executioner pecks Marco in the forehead with its beak.
Marco	Ow. That kinda hurt.
	The pigeon continues to peck.
Marco	Ow. Ow. Ow. Okay, okay. Ow. That is annoying. Ow!
Pony Head	Ohhhh, I heard about this before. It's death by a thousand pecks!
Marco	Ow. Well–ow–this is gonna–ow–take forever–ow!
	The doorway entrance opens, and Rich walks out. His leg has been bandaged, and he's using a crutch, but he's otherwise perfectly fine. He walks to the center of the throne room.
Rich	Set them free!
	The other pigeons start squawking in a rage.
Star	He can talk?! [gasps] I knew it!
Pony Head	And it's such a strong, handsome man voice, too. Oh, my goodness. Hello.
	His father squawks and shakes his head angrily.
Rich	Yes Father, I disobeyed pigeon law and learned the Mewni tongue. But I did it for our kingdom's future. Why must we proud pigeons continue to pretend to be mindless animals? Princess Butterfly champions a noble cause: peace and friendship between the powerful and the downtrodden. We must not let our prejudices against the Mewmans prevent us from joining her fight for justice. We are a small but mighty empire. I love this kingdom, and it is my duty as its prince to protect it, but it is also my duty to bring it forth into the future. Star Butterfly, you have inspired me. Seeing you work so hard, it makes me want to be a greater prince for the pigeons. Nay, nay, nay, nay. For all of Mewni.
	The king sheds a few tears and squawks quietly. The others pigeons enthusiastically squawk as well. Star gives Rich a big smile and a thumbs up. Scene cuts to Rich signing the petition.
Star	We did it! We got all the signatures! Yeah! Thank you so much! And, uh, sorry again about busting up your castle.
Rich	Oh, no, no. The damage you did today was far less damage than we did [laughs] when we conquered it for ourselves.
Star	Conquered? From who?
Rich	Oh, you didn't notice the skeletons rotting in the hall?
Star	Uh... [rolls up petition] Oh. [laughs nervously]
	Camera reveals that they are perched in the dining room. Marco is struggling to stay on his perch.
Rich	[laughs] Enough business. Now we must feast to celebrate our new beginning.
Pony Head	Finally! I am starving! [groans] I could really go for some pizza or like a bunch of soda chips or...
	A pile of worms is dumped in front of them.
Pony Head	So you know what? You keep living your best life, all right, and I'm just gonna head out and not stay here anymore. Bye-bye!
	Rich falls head first into the pile of worms.