Demoncism/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Episode begins at Butterfly Castle. Star is calling Tom on her compact mirror.
Tom's Voicemail	Hey, this is Tom! I can't get to the mirror right now. Leave a message after the shriek.
Voicemail Message	[cat meows]
	Cut to Star's bedroom's - interior. Star talks on the phone and smacks the floor with a magic hand created with her wand. Glossaryck is running around the room like a dog.
Star Butterfly	Hey, dude! It's me, Star. Anyway, just, uh, just wondering what you were up to.
	Star's magic hand and Glossaryck fight over a bag of Cornritos.
Star	Glossaryck. No! Down! Glossaryck! [to mirror] I thought— I thought we could meet up for that corn shake. So, give me a call.
	Star hangs up, walks over to Glossaryck, and pulls the Cornritos bag out of Glossaryck's mouth. She sits down by her bed and takes a chip out of the bag. There's a knock at the bedroom door. Star answers and sees Pony Head sweating a lot.
Star	Hey, Pony Head— Ooh! Sweat much? [laughs]
Pony Head	What, me? Oh, I mean, that's ridiculous!
Star	Uh... So... Anyway, I don't mean to dive straight into hot goss, but Tom is acting super weird.
Pony Head	[breathing heavily]
Star	I thought things were going great, and then all of a sudden he— Are you okay? You're ruining the carpet. Okay, what is going on?
Pony Head	What?! Ha-ha-ha! Oh, you know, that is so funny that you would think to say a thing such as that, because I most definitely did not run into Tom, and definitely he did not tell me to not tell you what's going on.
Star	Pony, what's going on?
Pony Head	...Tom's getting a demoncism, and he told me you can't know! [gasps] Oh, no. I'm unreliable.
Star	Whaaaat?!
Pony Head	Okay... I gotta go now! [flies toward the door]
Star	Oh, no, you don't!
	Star catches Pony Head with a magic hand from her wand and pulls her back toward her. She sticks upside-down in the floor by her horn.
Star	A demoncism? Aren't those, like, the worst?
Pony Head	[spits] Yeah! They are! He's gonna ruin himself.
Star	We gotta stop him!
Pony Head	His demoncism is happening, like, right now!
Star	Wait, what? Where?
Pony Head	Those things are, like, super secret. Like, you gotta get invited. You do realize you were not invited, right? I'm not trying to rub that in your face, but...
Star	[groans] This is not helping.
Pony Head	Look, we can go ask my ex. He got demoncized.
Star	Which ex? Sorry. That sounded way more judgy that I wanted it to.
Pony Head	Oh, bestie, are you joking right now? My big bad ex, Seahorse? You know, he's the one who wrote that song about me. Blech.
	Pony Head takes out her compact mirror and plays a video of Seahorse.
Seahorse	[heavy metal shouting, tossing guitar equipment, picks up microphone] Aw, yeah! You're all trash! [tosses microphone on the floor]
Pony Head	Aw! He was such a romantic.
	Pony Head lowers her mirror as scene cuts to compact mirror store. Seahorse, now a nerdy glasses-wearing sales clerk, speaks with Stan the fur-skinned skeleton.
Stan	Yeah, I-I tried that. What kind of dummy do you think I am? This mirror's garbage!
Seahorse	I'm sorry. That's disappointing. Can I help you find a replacement?
Stan	No. No! Get it out! [throws mirror on the floor and leaves]
Seahorse	Thank you for choosing Reflectacorp. Have a mirror-ific day! [sprays himself with water]
Pony Head	Oh, what a nerd! Look how much water he needs now!
Star	He's a seahorse, Pony.
Pony Head	Yeah, well, he used to be all dry, like a cool horse.
Seahorse	Well, hello! Welcome to Reflectacorp Mobile. Can I help you find a compact mirror?
Pony Head	Mmm. I'm just dropping by to, like, see how you've been doing and stuff.
Star	[whispers] And to ask about the demoncism!
Pony Head	Yeah, and that too.
Seahorse	Please take your time browsing our collection.
Pony Head	Uh, what?
Seahorse	Please take your time browsing our—
Pony Head	Yeah, I got that! Don't you even have anything else to say to me?
Seahorse	[takes out pamphlet] Can I interest you in a three-year interdimensional plan?
Pony Head	Seahorse! Hello?! Wake up! It's me, Pony Head! [whines] Can't we even talk like normal horsepersons?
Seahorse	Well, you can talk to anyone with Reflectacorp Mobile Technology.
Pony Head	Okay, you know what? You're broken, Seahorse! You're not the man you used to be!
Seahorse	That's disappointing. Can I help you find a replacement?
	Pony Head starts crying rainbow tears and floats away. Star goes after her.
Pony Head	It's too horrible! It's like he doesn't even know me! And I'm the best person anyone could know! I'm like a gift!
Star	Oh, Pony, I am so sorry. I'll take care of it. [to Seahorse] A friend of ours is going to get a demoncism tonight, and we need to know where it's happening. Can you give us directions? Using Reflectacorp Mobile Technology?
Seahorse	[blinks] You can go anywhere with Reflectacorp Mobile Technology—
Pony Head	We just want a map, you corporate turd! [sobs]
Seahorse	I'll print a... I'll print a map now.
	Seahorse slaps his fin on a printer, and it slowly prints out a map.
Printer	[buzzing]
Pony Head	[whimpering]
	Scene cuts to forest at night. Star and Pony Head follow the map to a site with dozens of demoncists in cloaks and a tent. One of the demoncists is banging a gong.
Star	You distract them. I'll find Tom.
Pony Head	Oh, yeah, I got you, girl. Watch this. [goes on stage wearing a cloak] Excuse me! Some last-minute announcement! [knocks the gong over] So, as all of you know, fall is coming up. Okay, so let's take a vote on our new spooky robes. The first color we're gonna vote on is maroon. Yea or nay? All for yea, show your hands.
	One of the demoncists raises his hand. The other demoncists look at him, and he puts his hand back down.
Pony Head	O-Okay, so we just not a hot ticket. That's fine. We just have one for yea. Okay.
	Star sneaks toward the tent. Inside the tent, Tom is trying to tie a necktie around his neck, but it burns in his hands.
Star	All right, Tom! Just what do you think you're do—? Ohhhh, you look so nice!
Tom Lucitor	What are you doing here?
Star	I'm here to stop you from making a terrible, terrible mistake! If this is just another ploy to get my attention, you have—
Tom	Whoa-whoa-whoa, wait. I don't know what Pony told you, but it's not what you think. I genuinely want this.
Star	What?
Tom	[sighs] I need to change. You're here being the best princess you can be, and it's really inspiring. It's time for me to be a better prince.
Star	Yeah, but whatever's going on out there looks creepy and dangerous.
Tom	I'm the prince of the underworld, okay? This is gonna be an easy procedure for a guy like me. In and out. All this stuff — the robed guys, the skulls, the fire — it's just for show.
Star	So, you're just gonna zap all your personality away so you can feel good about yourself?
Tom	No! I have problems, and this is the only way to get rid of them! [roars, sets himself on fire] See? Problems!
Star	You don't have to be like this, Tom!
Tom	Yeah, well, I've already made up my mind, and you're not gonna stop me.
Star	Fine, be that way! But I am not gonna stay here and watch you do this to yourself.
Tom	I didn't invite you, anyway, so...
Star	Great!
Tom	Great! [burns another necktie] Gah! Of course!
	Cut back to Pony Head distracting the demoncists.
Pony Head	Also, who is bringing what to the potluck, okay? Because I don't wanna see nothing but chips.
Star	[pushes Pony Head off-stage] Come on, we're outta here.
Pony Head	All right, y'all, thank you so much for your time! Peace!
	The gong rings, and the head demoncist comes out of another tent holding a skull staff and a book titled "An Exercise in Demoncism". He steps behind the podium on the stage.
Head Demoncist	Brethren, this world is in danger. There is a blight that plagues it. Of course, we dream of a world pure as a piece of sweet corn. But if one kernel is infected, then the entire harvest is at risk. Bring forth the son of the blight.
	Tom comes out of his tent in a dark-blue suit.
Tom	Son of the blight has arrived! Thanks for coming out, everybody.
	Two demoncists grab Tom by the arms and drag him forward.
Tom	Whoa! Heh. Tight grip there.
	Scene cuts to Star and Pony Head walking through the forest.
Star	That fool is so frustrating! I just wanna— I just wanna—!
Pony Head	Like, punch a tree or something?
Star	I need to punch a tree!
Pony Head	Girl! You know I hate trees.
	Cut back to site of Tom's demoncism. Tom is chained to an X-shaped table.
Tom	Hey, hey! Thanks for the ride, guys! Love the massage table.
Head Demoncist	Commence the purification ritual.
	A censer is suspended over Tom and sprinkles ritualistic incense all over him.
Tom	[sneezes]
Head Demoncist	Okie-doke. Let the ceremony begin. [reciting in foreign language] EH-VAH-TEY-REP-TOE-LU-CI-TAY
Demoncists	[responding in foreign language] EH-TU. REP-I-DAY
	A flock of crows appears and forms a ring in the sky.
Tom	Oh. That's a nice touch.
Head Demoncist	[reciting in foreign language] EH-VAH-TEY-SHAN-DAY-O
Demoncists	[responding in foreign language] EH-TU. REP-I-DAY
	Tom's shackles start to glow.
Tom	Wow. Magic manacles. "Magicles".
Head Demoncist	The cauldron!
	Four demoncists carry a large cauldron up to the stage. The head demoncist dips his fingers in the gold liquid inside, then walks up to Tom.
Head Demoncist	Close your eyes.
Tom	Okay, but no tickling.
	Tom closes his eyes, and the head demoncists draws a gold sigil on his face.
Tom	Hey. Hey, man, this is real ceremonious and stuff, but it seems kind of flim-flam to— [hiccup]
	The gold sigil on Tom's face turns blue and covers his face in bright veins.
Tom	[screams]
Head Demoncist	It begins!
	Tom spasms and pulls against his shackles.
Head Demoncist	Hold him! [continues reciting in foreign language] EH-VAH-TEY-REP-TOE-CAN-NO-I-AY
	The other demoncists hold Tom down, but he throws them backward.
Demoncist	Aah!
Tom	Tom starts floating over the table and continues to scream in pain. Blue flames surround the demoncism site. Cut back to Star punching a tree.
Star	[grunting]
Pony Head	Harder! HARDER!
Star	[kiais] Yah!
	When Star kiais, blue flames appear in the distance behind them.
Pony Head	Dang, not that hard.
	Demoncists run past Star, screaming in terror.
Pony Head	What? That's weird.
Star	Something's wrong. [runs back to demoncism site]
Pony Head	Huh? Where are you going?
	Star returns to the site of Tom's demoncism. She sees him screaming and floating while he's chained and the table, and blue flames continue to burn around him. The head demoncist flips through the pages of his book, but when the flames reach him, he runs away.
Star	You're just gonna leave him up there like that?
Head Demoncist	He'll be fine!
	Star runs through the flames.
Star	Magical Moth Chain Blast!
	Star tries to unlock Tom's chains, but her magic has no effect.
Star	[gasps]
	Star slowly approaches Tom's table. She pulls him down and holds him as he growls.
Star	Tom, it's okay. I'm... I'm here. I'm right here.
	Scene cuts to black, then cuts to Tom lying in bed.
Tom	[groans]
	When Tom wakes up, he sees Star pacing around the tent.
Tom	Star?
Star	Tom? Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?
Tom	I'm... [excitedly] in tremendous pain!
Head Demoncist	Congratulations, Master Lucitor. The procedure was a success. [holding a tiny demon in a jar]
Tiny Demon	[growling]
Tom	Wow. Hard to believe that one little demon was the source of so much rage.
Head Demoncist	What? No, no. No, no, no. You still got thousands of these little guys inside. We're gonna have to start you on a thirteen-year plan.
Tom	W-What?!
Head Demoncist	Yeah, this is all gonna be a long and painful process for all of us. But you were such a good boy today, you can help yourself to just one toy from the toy chest.
Tom	Oh, no... No...! No, no! I'm gonna be an evil demon forever!
Star	The important thing is that you want to improve yourself! You can still do that with a bunch of those little guys inside of you.
Tom	[smiles at Star]
Head Demoncist	So, should we go again next weekend?
	Star and Tom look at each other.
Tom	No. This is not worth it.
Head Demoncist	Well, if you're not coming back, you'd better make that one toy count.
	Scene cuts to Star and Tom walking through the forest together holding pinwheels.
Star	So, still up for that corn shake?
Tom	Yeah, that'd be cool.
Pony Head	[gasps] You two have got to be kidding me.
	Star and Tom look down. They are shown holding hands.