Episode begins with Merrick Maizley climbing a flight of giant stairs with a bag of groceries. | |
Merrick Maizley | [grunting] No matter how many times I climb these stairs, I swear they're gettin' taller. Heh-heh. |
Merrick helps his wife Maude climb the stairs. | |
Maude Maizley | Oh... [grunts] We're just getting older. |
Merrick | Oh, boy. That market sure was a mess today, wasn't it? |
Maude | Oh, my goodness, yes! Ever since those monsters started showing up, hogging the aisles with their giant shopping carts... Now, if I had any say, I'd— Manny! Mendel! Quit dawdling! |
Manny and Mendel Maizley pop up from the stairs' lower steps. | |
Manny Maizley | Hey, Mom, I found a dead lizard! I wanna keep it! |
Mendel Maizley | Can we name him "Chomps"? |
Maude | [sighs] Okay, but... only if you finish your chores. |
Merrick | [reaches top of the stairs, breathes deeply] All right. You guys know the drill. [gets down on all fours under the doorknob] |
Maude | [climbs onto Merrick's back, grunting] Your back okay, dear? |
Merrick | [straining] Yeah. Yeah, that's fine, honey. |
With Manny on her shoulders, Mendel jumps onto Maude's shoulders. | |
Manny | Whoa! Whoa-oa! Whuh—! Whoa! |
Manny takes out a large door key and struggles to unlock the door, but it opens by itself. | |
Maizleys | [exclaiming] |
Monster Mim appears on the other side of the door. | |
Monster Mim | Huh? |
Maude | Oh, my! |
Manny | Whoa-ho-ho-ho! |
Mim | Sorry. We're not interested. |
Merrick | Wait! What are you doing in our house?! |
Mim | Uh, actually, this is our house. It belonged to my great, great, great, great, great grandmother before the Mewmans went and took over these woods. Now Eclipsa's returned it back to us by royal decree. See? |
Mim points to a notice pinned next to the door. It reads, "ROYAL DECREE BY THE ORDER OF QUEEN ECLIPSA. On this day in the year of great bounty one thousand and fifty three, those monsterfolk who have been driven from their homes may now return to them." | |
Merrick | Well, that sounds like a whole lot of malarkey! If this is your house,why don't ya prove it? |
Mim | Well, it's a monster house. [steps aside to reveal wife and two children] Everything is... monster-sized. Didn't you wonder why the rooms were so big? Or the furniture? Or the kitchen sink? |
Manny | You mean, the swimming pool? |
Mim | [sighs] Look, I gotta get ready for work. But we packed up your stuff for ya. [gives Maizleys their packed-up belongings] I think this is everything. Here you go! |
Awkward silence. | |
Mim | Well... this is awkward. Goodbye. [closes door] |
Mendel | Now, what do we do? |
Scene cuts to middle of the woods; the Maizleys carry their stuff on their backs and walk down the road. | |
Merrick | Look at it this way, kids. At least we don't have to live in town with a bunch of monsters anymore! |
Mendel | This is literally the first time I've seen a tree in my life. |
Merrick | You know... me, too! |
The Maizleys walk past Moon and River Butterfly's yurt. Moon stares at a centipede on a log. | |
River Butterfly | [groans and whines] |
Moon Butterfly | Do you have to do that? |
River | Aah! Moon Pie, I'm bored! |
Moon | River, that's the point. We came here to the woods just to spend time and do nothing. Besides, I thought you were cooking. |
River | I am! |
A plate of rocks cooks over the fire. | |
Moon | Sweetie, those are rocks. Can't you find anything more... edible to cook? |
River | [eats a rock] |
Merrick | Your Majesty? It's really you! Oh, my goodness! |
Maude | [gasps] |
Moon | Uh, hello. Do I know you? |
Merrick | Well, not personally. My name is Merrick Maizley. I was in the "Ac-corn-ting" (Accounting) Department in the Royal Fields Office. |
Moon | Ah. Thank you for your service. |
Merrick | Your Majesty, y-you have to help us. Monsters have taken over our homes, and we need them gone at once. |
Moon | Well, I'm afraid I'm not "your Majesty" anymore. Eclipsa is queen now. There's nothing I can do. |
Merrick | But then... what are we supposed to do? |
Moon | You could move? It seems like you've got your belongings with you. You're off to a great start! |
Merrick | Okay, then. We'll leave you to this. [walks away] |
Moon | Thank you! |
Cut to some time later; Moon is reading a book, and River is holding a bundle of sticks. | |
River | Moon, would you be a dear and fetch some water for the soup? |
Moon | Soup? What's in it? |
River | I've, uh, got this... meat! |
Moon | Ugh. That's a bundle of— Oh, never mind. |
Moon brings a bucket to the stream to collect water. | |
River | (o.s.) Hurry, my dear! The meat wood is burning! |
Green slime floats from upstream and into the bucket. | |
Moon | What in—? |
Even more green slime floats from upstream. | |
River | (o.s.) Whoops, there it goes. It's on fire now. Soup's canceled! |
Moon follows the river upstream... | |
Moon | [gasps] |
...and finds Maude washing slime off her clothes. | |
Maude | [gasps] Your Majesty! Hi! |
Moon | What's going on here? |
Maude | Oh! [chuckles] Well, we got a little bit turned around and then fell into a gelatinous slime gulch. This stuff is disgusting. |
Moon | Yes, well, unfortunately, the slime has contaminated our water. I'd recommend cleaning up further away. Far, far, further away. |
Cut to even later; Moon and River come out of their yurt. | |
River | [holding vines] Okay, if we close our eyes, this might pass as spaghetti. |
Moon | River, you can't just— |
River | Just let me eat this! [walks into shirt hanging on clothesline, grumbles] What's all this? |
Merrick, Manny, and Mendel wash slime off themselves in the river. | |
Maude | Look at my clean babies! Get between your toes! |
Moon | So, I see you moved further downstream. |
Maude | Sure did! Thanks for the tip! The water is so clean and pure here! |
Manny and Mendel run past Maude and Moon. | |
Maude | Oh! |
Moon | Uh, where are they going? |
Maude | Oh, who knows? [snorts] Kids. Who cares? |
Manny | [to River] Hey! You wanna bet I can scream really loud? |
River | No! |
Moon | Well, I'm glad you're okay, but this is actually private property, so— |
Manny | [screaming in River's ear] |
Maude | What... What's that? |
Moon | [louder] Uh, I said this is private— |
Manny | [still screaming] |
Maude | [louder] Sorry, I... I didn't catch that over the screaming. |
Moon | [even louder] I said—! |
Manny | [still screaming] |
Moon | GET OFF OUR PROPERTY! [covers her mouth] |
Maude | ...Well. You didn't have to yell. |
Cut to even further later; Moon has built a fence around the yurt to keep the Maizleys out. | |
Moon | [sighs] Beautiful peace and quiet. |
Merrick | Hi! Heh. I know you probably want your peace and quiet. [laughs] But I've got a really quick question for ya. |
Moon | [sighs, to River] Go see what he wants. |
River | Why me? I've got all the wood for the fence! |
Moon | I gave birth to our child. |
River | [groans, walks toward Merrick] |
Moon | Heh. I can't believe that still works. |
River | [to Merrick] What do you want? |
Merrick | Um, so, uh, my kids found this. [holding large green egg] Is this safe to eat? |
River | Aah! No, no, no! That's a Carnian spirring lizard egg! They're the most poisonous creatures in all of—! |
Merrick | Oh, what? Oops! |
Merrick drops the egg, and it breaks on River's head, covering him in pink goo. The Carnian spirring lizard inside spews more goo from its mouth. | |
River | [yelps] Aah! [runs around screaming] |
Merrick | Oh, here! Maybe this'll distract 'em. |
Merrick breaks three more eggs, releasing three more spirring lizards that spew goo everywhere. | |
Merrick | Okay, Maude, you were right. The eggs were bad. |
River | It burns! It burns! Aah! |
Moon | [growls] |
Cut to nighttime; Moon and River are sleeping on a bed inside the yurt. | |
River | [snoring] |
A loud clanging outside wakes Moon up. | |
Moon | [growls] That's it! |
Moon goes outside and sees the Maizleys banging pots and pans. | |
Moon | What are you doing?! It's the middle of the night! |
Maude | Oh, we're protecting you from the Hookman. Cute nightgown. |
Manny | On full moons, he wanders the forest, finding unsuspecting victims to hook! |
Mendel | The only way to stay safe is to be loud! [bangs spoon on pan] |
Moon | Please, just leave us alone. |
Merrick | [to his family] We'll make noise in shifts. That way, there'll be constant loud noises all the way until the sun rises! Heh. Now, Maude, I know you brought all the pots and pans, but I was thinking— |
Moon | [growls] Leave! I... have... had it... with you! Leave now! Leave! Leave now! Leave! |
The Maizleys back away from Moon and leave. Cut to next morning; Moon has a crazed look while baking pies. | |
Moon | [gasps] Yes! Yes, yes, yes! |
River | [has a black eye] Honey, guess what! I can see out of one eye again, and— [gasping] Have you been making pies? |
Moon | Yeeeees. I've been up all night preparing a special treat for the Maizleys. Hyah! |
Moon tosses one of the pies out the window, and it explodes. | |
River | Strawberry death pies! You are a genius! I love you. |
Moon | Oh, you like that, do you? Then you'll love this! |
Moon pulls a tarp covering something to reveal a catapult. | |
River | [gasps] A pie catapult! You haven't built one since we were dating! |
Moon | I... I couldn't sleep last night. Because it occurred to me – they're just going to keep coming back, no matter what we do. If we want to get back to doing nothing, we've got to do something. Behold, our new moat! |
Alligators | Bwaaaaah. |
River | You caught alligators?! |
Moon | I speak alligator! Bwaah! |
Alligators | Bwaaaaah. |
Moon | Bwaaah! |
Alligators | Bwaaaaah. |
Moon | To the watchtower! |
River | [gasps] We have a watchtower?! [laughs, follows Moon] |
From the newly built watchtower, Moon and River look for the Maizleys through binoculars. The Maizleys are nowhere to be seen. | |
Moon | Hmmm. |
River | You don't think the Hookman got them, do you? |
Moon | River, the Hookman isn't real. |
River | Oh, right. Then they must be busy, uh... plotting something. |
Moon | Yes. Perhaps we should... go see what they're plotting! |
Moon and River search for the Maizleys. | |
Moon | Maizleys! |
River | Children! Merrick! |
Moon | Maude! Merrick! |
River | [looks under rock] Annoying children! |
Moon | Children! |
River | Are you annoying someone nearby? |
Moon | Maizl— [gasps] |
The Maizleys are seen walking down the road. | |
Moon | Hey! Wait! Maizleys! We've been looking everywhere for you. Where have you been? |
Merrick | Well, heh, we didn't want to trouble you anymore. So, we went looking for a new home. |
Mendel | But we couldn't see, 'cause it was pitch black outside, which is, like, pretty cool, but was, like, also kinda the worst. |
Moon | But what happened to your belongings? |
Maude | Oh. Squirrels stole 'em. |
Manny | And moths ate all our spare clothes. |
Maude | Then we, um, fell down a mountain and got stuck real bad in some quicksand, and... then, uh... |
Merrick | The Hookman got us. |
Moon | [gasps] What?! |
Merrick | Oh, it was terrible. He hooked us into buying homeowner insurance. |
River | But you guys don't own a home! |
Merrick | Yeah! [laughs] He's good! |
Moon | Haven't any of you ever learned to take care of yourselves? |
Merrick | Well, no, your Majesty. We've never had to before. You always took such good care of us. |
Maude | You gave us good jobs and a nice home. |
Merrick | But ever since you left, I don't know what we'll do. Anyway, we'll get out of your hair. We'll find a hole somewhere to live. Maybe live off berries. How's that sound, kids? |
Mendel | [flatly] Yeah, berries. |
The Maizleys start walking away. Moon and River look at each other and smile. | |
Moon | Wait! Maybe we can help. |
Cut back to Moon and River's camp; Moon plants a seedling in the ground while Maude watches. | |
Moon | And that's how you grow real food. |
Maude | Food. From the ground. Are ya pullin' my leg or what? [laughs] That's crazy! |
River and Merrick cook rocks over the fire. | |
River | You have to get the perfect burn color. Aaaaand... now! |
Merrick | [flips rocks with a spatula] |
River | You're a natural! |
Merrick | Aw, thanks! |
Manny fishes for fish while Mendel makes a fishing net. Something snags Manny's fishing line, and Mendel helps him reel it in. | |
Manny and Mendel | [grunting] |
An alligator lands on them. | |
Alligator | Bwaaaaah. |
Manny and Mendel | [laughing] |
Another family of Mewmans appears carrying their belongings on their backs. | |
Mewman Dad | Pardon me, ma'am. Heh. We're new to these parts. Mind if we set up camp here? |
Moon and River look at each other and smile. | |
(end song) |
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Down by the River/Transcript
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