Episode begins at the Diaz Household. Star throws a punch at the camera, which cuts to Three-eyed Potato Baby, Buff Frog, and Beard Deer falling over. Camera shifts to Star and Marco side by side, dodging attacks and blasting spells. Ludo watches the battle from atop a nearby rock.
Ludo How are you losing?! You guys have, like, 200 pounds on her!
Camera shifts back to Star and Marco, blasting Beard Deer in his pants as he cries.
Ludo [to Bearicorn] At least hit her with a rock or something!
Bearicorn roars and throws a pebble at Star's head. She doesn't budge.
Ludo [frustrated groan]
Star Butterfly Woo-hoo!
After bouncing off a two-headed monster, Star jumps onto a cactus.
Star Off the cactus, over the tree! Nothin' but net!
Star fires a Dagger Crystal Heart Attack. It ricochets off a cactus and into the back of the giraffe monster's neck.
Star Told you I could do it.
Marco smiles and almost gives Star a dollar bill. He turns around to see several monsters approaching in a line.
Marco Diaz Double or nothing! One kick, seven monsters!
Star smiles and bows.
Marco Hiii-yah!
Marco kicks Buff Frog in the chin, knocking him backwards into the other monsters, and they fall like dominoes. At the back of the line, Three-eyed Potato Baby falls over onto Ludo.
Ludo [screams]
Marco After a victory like this, there's only one thing to do: get Chinese food!
Star Ooh, Chinese food! [walks off-screen with Marco] I have no idea what that is.
Camera pans over to Ludo, still underneath Three-eyed Potato Baby.
Ludo [angry groans]
Ludo's frustrated cries carry over into the next scene at his castle. Cut to the castle break room. Ludo and Bearicorn stand next to a vending machine while Ludo hollers in complete anger.
Ludo [screaming] You guys are USELESS!!!!
Camera pans across the break room. Three-eyed Potato Baby hovers over the water cooler, with the Boo Fly stuck inside. The two-headed monster's right head has forks in his eyes. The giraffe monster plays a guitar. The warthog monster has a baguette in his nose. Big Chicken accidentally knocks over the coffeemaker. An orange lizard monster sits on top of the refrigerator. Cut back to Ludo and Bearicorn. Bearicorn tries inserting a dollar into the vending machine, but it keeps rejecting the dollar.
Ludo You're always screwing up my brilliant plans! I need someone who can wrangle you imbeciles. [slaps Bearicorn's hand] Oh, go get change!
Three-eyed Potato Baby gets water from the water cooler as the Boo Fly floats inside. Scene transitions to Chinese restaurant, where Star and Marco have lunch.
Star [holding chopsticks] Delicious! And it's so fun eating with these tiny wands! [imitates laser]
Mrs. Liao puts a plate of fortune cookies on Star and Marco's table.
Star Oh, and there's cookies too!
Star quickly eats a cookie and spits out the paper.
Star Bleh. I don't like the filling.
Marco These are fortune cookies. They can magically predict the future.
Star What?! No way!
Marco [eats cookie] "A friend will greet you with a smile."
Star Aww, how sweet. [smiles]
Marco [gasps] See? The cookies know all.
Star No, it can't be. [breaks cookie] "Think positive and good luck will come your way."
Mrs. Liao passes the table with a box of fortune cookies. Star jumps out of her seat and goes up to her.
Star [yelping excitedly] More cookies!
Mrs. Liao They're stale.
Star Gimme!
Mrs. Liao [gives Star the cookies] You're a weird girl.
Marco Wow, Star. Good luck did come your way.
Star It did, it did! These are incredible!
Star holds the cookies up to her face with a frozen smile.
Marco ...Star?
Cut to a waiting room at Ludo's Castle. Job applicants waiting to be interviewed include a short monster with a lot of eyes, a horned bird, a cute pudgy jackalope, a snake in a bowtie, a large muscular monster, and a female cyclops applying lipstick. In an office, Ludo interviews a six-eyed, four-armed monster in a greasy shirt. His eye twitches. On his desk are a Star Butterfly-shaped pencil holder (making it look like Star is impaled with two pencils) and a Newton's cradle with skulls.
Applicant 1 Eh, previous job experience? Nope. No one's ever been dumb enough to hire me.
Cut to next applicant: a monster with a long, thin neck and a large head.
Applicant 2 Weaknesses? I don't have any.
His head falls over to the left. Cut to next applicant: a female pig-like monster with horns.
Applicant 3 How am I under pressure? Awesome!
Ludo (o.s.) Hmm, is that so?
Applicant 3 [trembling] Uh, yeah. Um, w-why? Did you hear otherwise? I can't take it anymore! [screaming, jumps out the window]
Cut to next applicant: a fluffy monster with curly horns. Ludo's eye twitches even harder.
Applicant 4 Where do I see myself in ten years? Oh, we're best friends and we hang out all the time sharin' feelings and holdin' hands.
Cut to next applicant: Three-eyed Potato Baby.
Three-eyed Potato Baby [incomprehensible babbling]
Ludo You make absolutely no sense! Go away!
Cut to next applicant: a squid-like monster petting a small animal.
Applicant 5 Soft... So soft...
Ludo (o.s.) Next!
Cut to next applicant: the pudgy jackalope from the waiting room.
Ludo (o.s.) Next!
Cut to next applicant: a small slime creature.
Ludo (o.s.) Next!
Cut to next applicant: a female monster who looks like Ludo. She has hearts in her eyes.
Ludo (o.s.) Neeeeext!
Ludo rubs his temples as he gets a headache.
Ludo These idiots are even dumber than you idiots!
Toffee enters and gives Ludo a glass of swamp water with an eyeball in it.
Toffee West Mewnian swamp water. Or do you drink from the bottle?
Ludo On days like this...
Toffee Tell me about it.
Ludo Oh, I'll tell you... [gurgling] I've been trying to steal a wand from a teenager. It's harder than it ought to be. [tosses glass away] Wait a second!
Ludo pulls on a lever next to him, raising the height of his seat.
Ludo Where did you come from?
Toffee I let myself in.
Ludo When?
Toffee After you hired me.
Ludo I hired you?
Toffee I accept.
Ludo ...Excellent!
Bearicorn claps. Buff Frog looks confused. Toffee shakes Ludo's hand and leaves a black card.
Toffee We'll start tomorrow. Get some rest. [leaves]
Ludo Uhhh... Did anybody catch his name?
Ludo, Buff Frog, and Bearicorn look at the black card. It reads "TOFFEE."
Ludo "Toffee". I guess his name is Toffee!
Cut to Diaz Household – next day. Star holds up a box of fortune cookies.
Star Oh, wise and powerful cookies, bestow your sugary prophecies upon me.
Marco makes a plate of his Super Awesome Nachos.
Marco Ehhh... Gotcha, Star! Those fortunes aren't magic. They're put there by people in a factory.
Star Next you'll tell me that's how they get the snow in snow globes. It's clear they're the work of dark wizards.
Marco I'm serious. They're not real. They're just vague so you can read things into them.
Star [breaks cookie] "An unexpected visitor will soon arrive."
Star turns to the door expectantly. Marco walks over and opens and closes the door repeatedly.
Marco See? No one's here. Now, who wants nachos?
Ferguson suddenly appears behind the door.
Ferguson Did someone say nachos?!
Star Well, hello, my unexpected visitor.
Marco Ferguson, Star thinks fortune cookies are magical. Will you please tell her they're not?
Ferguson Now, whoa, man. Whoa. Cookies are magical. Once, I ate one from the floor of a cab, and I met my spirit animal that night. It was a wolf. [walks off-screen]
Star Why are you suddenly a non-believer? [breaks cookie] "Reach for the stars and achieve your dream."
Star blasts a hole in the ceiling and nearly hits Buff Frog.
Buff Frog [screaming]
Marco pushes Star out of the way of falling debris.
Buff Frog Huh?
Star Pegasus feathers! I have always dreamed of having a skylight in here!
Marco [groaning]
Star Blindly following these fortune cookies is the best decision I've ever made.
Marco [straining] Can you give me a hand?
Star [breaks cookie] ...Yes.
Cut to Ludo's Castle – break room.
Ludo Okay, Toffee, I'm going to show you what we're working with here.
The two-headed monster and frill-neck monster are having a breakdance battle.
Music [rapping]
This is my house, this is my house, this is my...
My house, this is my house, this is my...
This is my house, this is my house, this is my...
The fly monster sticks a "KICK ME" sign to the frill-neck monster's back. The lizard monster kicks him into Bearicorn, and Bearicorn shoves him into Beard Deer. All of the monsters begin roughhousing.
Ludo Guess I'm doomed, huh? Be honest. I can handle it.
Buff Frog appears through a dimensional portal and salutes.
Buff Frog Ludo, master. The girl things the messages in her cookies are fortunes. She does whatever they say.
Ludo [to Buff Frog] Interrupting! [to Toffee] Well, Toffee? Give it to me straight. Are my monsters the worst ever or what?
Toffee Uh...
The warthog monster punches the lizard monster over and over, eventually getting his fist stuck in the lizard's mouth.
Warthog monster Aw, man. It's stuck.
Lizard monster [muffled]
Toffee Maybe... we can do something with those... fortune cookies.
Buff Frog pushes Ludo off to the side.
Ludo What? What is... What? What?
Buff Frog [whispering] You sure you trust him, boss?
Ludo Of course!
Ludo walks off with Toffee. The two-headed monster briefly walks on-screen with Three-eyed Potato Baby chewing on his left head. Cut back to Star and Marco walking through Echo Creek.
Star Aw. Last cookie. I can't wait to get more!
Marco Star, I'm telling you, they'll back me up at the restaurant. Food can't predict the future!
Star Sure it can. On Mewni, there's a place where you can get calzones that'll tell you how you're going to die.
Cut to shot of Mewni. A Butterfly family manservant bites into a calzone.
Calzone You will die from choking on a calzone. Just kidding. [laughing] A giant's gonna sit on your face.
Cut back to Echo Creek. Star and Marco enter an alleyway behind the Chinese restaurant. The two-headed and frill-neck monsters are in disguise and breakdancing.
Star What are they doing?
Marco Shhh. I think one of them's about to get served.
The fly monster sneaks up on Star and replaces her fortune cookie with another. He flies back to Toffee, who pets him on the head.
Toffee Well done.
As Star opens the cookie, Ludo's army appears, and the two-headed and frill-neck monsters remove their disguises. Bearicorn appears from under the boombox.
Bearicorn Fooled you! [laughing]
Marco Hiiii-yah—
Star [holds Marco back] Hold on. "Love is always the answer." Hmm.
Toffee narrows his eyes. The monsters surround Star and Marco.
Marco What?! Not in this case! Fighting is!
Star Sorry, Marco. It's not the will of the cookie.
Big Chicken attacks Marco.
Marco Really?! Now?! Whoa!
Ludo's monsters chase Marco.
Star Hugs! [hugs Beard Deer]
Beard Deer briefly looks confused before hugging Star back.
Ludo There's the wand! I can totally grab it!
Toffee [holds Ludo back] Patience.
Ludo Awww...
Marco Hiii-yah!
Marco kicks Big Chicken. A large egg lands in his hands. He throws it in Buff Frog's face. Bearicorn shoves Marco into Three-eyed Potato Baby and Beard Deer. Marco steps on Three-eyed Potato Baby's foot and knocks him away, then tosses Beard Deer off-screen. When the two-headed monster approaches from behind, Marco does a jumping split kick to its two heads.
Marco Star! [karate chops giraffe monster] Forget that stupid fortune! Help me!
Star [hugging warthog monster] Marco, don't fight. Then they'll stop fighting you. Trust the cookie!
Ludo's monsters toss Marco into a dumpster. Bearicorn uses his horn to lock it shut.
Marco Hey, let me out! Hey! Hey!
Ludo's monsters approach Star.
Star You guys really need some hugs.
Ludo It's actually working! [touches Toffee's sleeve] Mmmm...!
Star [hugging two-headed monster] Love is always the answer.
Ludo shoves his way past the monsters
Ludo Out of my way! [squealing excitedly] Mine! Mine! Yes! Yes! Yes—!
Before Ludo grabs the wand, the two-headed monster holds him back.
Two-headed monster
(right head)
Back off, dude. I've been waiting for this since middle school. [continues hugging Star]
Ludo What?! You idiots are screwing the plan!
Star Plan?
Two-headed monster
(right head)
Huh? [inhale, exhale] Okay, look, Star. This is really hard to say, but if this is gonna go any further, I want our relationship to have a foundation of honesty.
Two-headed monster
(left head)
Me too.
Star So confused.
Two-headed monster
(right head)
Fortune cookies aren't real. It was all a trap so Ludo could steal your wand.
Ludo [stunned squealing]
Two-headed monster
(right head)
Anyway, I hope—
Two-headed monster
(left head)
We hope.
Two-headed monster
(right head)
[groans] We hope this isn't a deal breaker.
The dumpster flies into Ludo and the two-headed monster. Marco opens the lid.
Marco You know what this means, don't you, Star?
Star Oh, yeah. Love is never the answer.
Marco Aw, man. I wanted to say it. [closes dumpster lid]
Star Mega Mushroom Destruction Blast!
Ludo's army [whimpering]
Star blasts the monsters with a mushroom blast. Toffee watches from a roof, raising an eyebrow and grinning slightly. When the mushroom cloud fades, the monsters lie on the ground covered in mushrooms.
Ludo's army [groaning]
Ludo pushes Bearicorn through a dimensional portal.
Ludo [to Toffee] Welcome to my life.
Ludo enters the portal. Before following, Toffee briefly looks back at Star.
Marco [groaning]
Star Sorry. I should've listened to you. Obviously you know better than a dessert.
Marco No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have messed with you and said those fortunes were magical in the first place.
The back door of the Chinese restaurant opens, and Mrs. Liao appears with another box of cookies.
Mrs. Liao Oh! Weird perky girl! You want some more stale cookies?
Star Who could say no to that?
Star takes the box of cookies and Mrs. Liao closes the door while Marco looks at Star.
Star [laughing] What? They're not real fortunes, but they're still real cookies.
Marco breaks and eats the cookie, and Star reads the fortune.
Star "A great evil has been unleashed."
Star and Marco Ooooohhh... [laughing]
Star throws the fortune away. Cut to Ludo's Castle. Ludo and Toffee toast with some Mewnian swamp water.
Ludo Cheers. [slurps] That was the closest we've ever come, but that girl always gets the best of me.
Toffee approaches the window and looks at Butterfly Castle.
Toffee Yes, well, you're not the first monster to fall victim to their magic.
Ludo Things will be different when I get the wand. [laughing, imitating laser]
Toffee looks out the window expressionless.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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