Episode begins at the Diaz Household. Star throws a punch at the camera, which cuts to Three-eyed Potato Baby, Buff Frog, and Beard Deer falling over. Camera shifts to Star and Marco side by side, dodging attacks and blasting spells. Ludo watches the battle from atop a nearby rock. | |
Ludo | How are you losing?! You guys have, like, 200 pounds on her! |
Camera shifts back to Star and Marco, blasting Beard Deer in his pants as he cries. | |
Ludo | [to Bearicorn] At least hit her with a rock or something! |
Bearicorn roars and throws a pebble at Star's head. She doesn't budge. | |
Ludo | [frustrated groan] |
Star Butterfly | Woo-hoo! |
After bouncing off a two-headed monster, Star jumps onto a cactus. | |
Star | Off the cactus, over the tree! Nothin' but net! |
Star fires a Dagger Crystal Heart Attack. It ricochets off a cactus and into the back of the giraffe monster's neck. | |
Star | Told you I could do it. |
Marco smiles and almost gives Star a dollar bill. He turns around to see several monsters approaching in a line. | |
Marco Diaz | Double or nothing! One kick, seven monsters! |
Star smiles and bows. | |
Marco | Hiii-yah! |
Marco kicks Buff Frog in the chin, knocking him backwards into the other monsters, and they fall like dominoes. At the back of the line, Three-eyed Potato Baby falls over onto Ludo. | |
Ludo | [screams] |
Marco | After a victory like this, there's only one thing to do: get Chinese food! |
Star | Ooh, Chinese food! [walks off-screen with Marco] I have no idea what that is. |
Camera pans over to Ludo, still underneath Three-eyed Potato Baby. | |
Ludo | [angry groans] |
Ludo's frustrated cries carry over into the next scene at his castle. Cut to the castle break room. Ludo and Bearicorn stand next to a vending machine while Ludo hollers in complete anger. | |
Ludo | [screaming] You guys are USELESS!!!! |
Camera pans across the break room. Three-eyed Potato Baby hovers over the water cooler, with the Boo Fly stuck inside. The two-headed monster's right head has forks in his eyes. The giraffe monster plays a guitar. The warthog monster has a baguette in his nose. Big Chicken accidentally knocks over the coffeemaker. An orange lizard monster sits on top of the refrigerator. Cut back to Ludo and Bearicorn. Bearicorn tries inserting a dollar into the vending machine, but it keeps rejecting the dollar. | |
Ludo | You're always screwing up my brilliant plans! I need someone who can wrangle you imbeciles. [slaps Bearicorn's hand] Oh, go get change! |
Three-eyed Potato Baby gets water from the water cooler as the Boo Fly floats inside. Scene transitions to Chinese restaurant, where Star and Marco have lunch. | |
Star | [holding chopsticks] Delicious! And it's so fun eating with these tiny wands! [imitates laser] |
Mrs. Liao puts a plate of fortune cookies on Star and Marco's table. | |
Star | Oh, and there's cookies too! |
Star quickly eats a cookie and spits out the paper. | |
Star | Bleh. I don't like the filling. |
Marco | These are fortune cookies. They can magically predict the future. |
Star | What?! No way! |
Marco | [eats cookie] "A friend will greet you with a smile." |
Star | Aww, how sweet. [smiles] |
Marco | [gasps] See? The cookies know all. |
Star | No, it can't be. [breaks cookie] "Think positive and good luck will come your way." |
Mrs. Liao passes the table with a box of fortune cookies. Star jumps out of her seat and goes up to her. | |
Star | [yelping excitedly] More cookies! |
Mrs. Liao | They're stale. |
Star | Gimme! |
Mrs. Liao | [gives Star the cookies] You're a weird girl. |
Marco | Wow, Star. Good luck did come your way. |
Star | It did, it did! These are incredible! |
Star holds the cookies up to her face with a frozen smile. | |
Marco | ...Star? |
Cut to a waiting room at Ludo's Castle. Job applicants waiting to be interviewed include a short monster with a lot of eyes, a horned bird, a cute pudgy jackalope, a snake in a bowtie, a large muscular monster, and a female cyclops applying lipstick. In an office, Ludo interviews a six-eyed, four-armed monster in a greasy shirt. His eye twitches. On his desk are a Star Butterfly-shaped pencil holder (making it look like Star is impaled with two pencils) and a Newton's cradle with skulls. | |
Applicant 1 | Eh, previous job experience? Nope. No one's ever been dumb enough to hire me. |
Cut to next applicant: a monster with a long, thin neck and a large head. | |
Applicant 2 | Weaknesses? I don't have any. |
His head falls over to the left. Cut to next applicant: a female pig-like monster with horns. | |
Applicant 3 | How am I under pressure? Awesome! |
Ludo | (o.s.) Hmm, is that so? |
Applicant 3 | [trembling] Uh, yeah. Um, w-why? Did you hear otherwise? I can't take it anymore! [screaming, jumps out the window] |
Cut to next applicant: a fluffy monster with curly horns. Ludo's eye twitches even harder. | |
Applicant 4 | Where do I see myself in ten years? Oh, we're best friends and we hang out all the time sharin' feelings and holdin' hands. |
Cut to next applicant: Three-eyed Potato Baby. | |
Three-eyed Potato Baby | [incomprehensible babbling] |
Ludo | You make absolutely no sense! Go away! |
Cut to next applicant: a squid-like monster petting a small animal. | |
Applicant 5 | Soft... So soft... |
Ludo | (o.s.) Next! |
Cut to next applicant: the pudgy jackalope from the waiting room. | |
Ludo | (o.s.) Next! |
Cut to next applicant: a small slime creature. | |
Ludo | (o.s.) Next! |
Cut to next applicant: a female monster who looks like Ludo. She has hearts in her eyes. | |
Ludo | (o.s.) Neeeeext! |
Ludo rubs his temples as he gets a headache. | |
Ludo | These idiots are even dumber than you idiots! |
Toffee enters and gives Ludo a glass of swamp water with an eyeball in it. | |
Toffee | West Mewnian swamp water. Or do you drink from the bottle? |
Ludo | On days like this... |
Toffee | Tell me about it. |
Ludo | Oh, I'll tell you... [gurgling] I've been trying to steal a wand from a teenager. It's harder than it ought to be. [tosses glass away] Wait a second! |
Ludo pulls on a lever next to him, raising the height of his seat. | |
Ludo | Where did you come from? |
Toffee | I let myself in. |
Ludo | When? |
Toffee | After you hired me. |
Ludo | I hired you? |
Toffee | I accept. |
Ludo | ...Excellent! |
Bearicorn claps. Buff Frog looks confused. Toffee shakes Ludo's hand and leaves a black card. | |
Toffee | We'll start tomorrow. Get some rest. [leaves] |
Ludo | Uhhh... Did anybody catch his name? |
Ludo, Buff Frog, and Bearicorn look at the black card. It reads "TOFFEE." | |
Ludo | "Toffee". I guess his name is Toffee! |
Cut to Diaz Household – next day. Star holds up a box of fortune cookies. | |
Star | Oh, wise and powerful cookies, bestow your sugary prophecies upon me. |
Marco makes a plate of his Super Awesome Nachos. | |
Marco | Ehhh... Gotcha, Star! Those fortunes aren't magic. They're put there by people in a factory. |
Star | Next you'll tell me that's how they get the snow in snow globes. It's clear they're the work of dark wizards. |
Marco | I'm serious. They're not real. They're just vague so you can read things into them. |
Star | [breaks cookie] "An unexpected visitor will soon arrive." |
Star turns to the door expectantly. Marco walks over and opens and closes the door repeatedly. | |
Marco | See? No one's here. Now, who wants nachos? |
Ferguson suddenly appears behind the door. | |
Ferguson | Did someone say nachos?! |
Star | Well, hello, my unexpected visitor. |
Marco | Ferguson, Star thinks fortune cookies are magical. Will you please tell her they're not? |
Ferguson | Now, whoa, man. Whoa. Cookies are magical. Once, I ate one from the floor of a cab, and I met my spirit animal that night. It was a wolf. [walks off-screen] |
Star | Why are you suddenly a non-believer? [breaks cookie] "Reach for the stars and achieve your dream." |
Star blasts a hole in the ceiling and nearly hits Buff Frog. | |
Buff Frog | [screaming] |
Marco pushes Star out of the way of falling debris. | |
Buff Frog | Huh? |
Star | Pegasus feathers! I have always dreamed of having a skylight in here! |
Marco | [groaning] |
Star | Blindly following these fortune cookies is the best decision I've ever made. |
Marco | [straining] Can you give me a hand? |
Star | [breaks cookie] ...Yes. |
Cut to Ludo's Castle – break room. | |
Ludo | Okay, Toffee, I'm going to show you what we're working with here. |
The two-headed monster and frill-neck monster are having a breakdance battle. | |
Music | [rapping] This is my house, this is my house, this is my... My house, this is my house, this is my... This is my house, this is my house, this is my... |
The fly monster sticks a "KICK ME" sign to the frill-neck monster's back. The lizard monster kicks him into Bearicorn, and Bearicorn shoves him into Beard Deer. All of the monsters begin roughhousing. | |
Ludo | Guess I'm doomed, huh? Be honest. I can handle it. |
Buff Frog appears through a dimensional portal and salutes. | |
Buff Frog | Ludo, master. The girl things the messages in her cookies are fortunes. She does whatever they say. |
Ludo | [to Buff Frog] Interrupting! [to Toffee] Well, Toffee? Give it to me straight. Are my monsters the worst ever or what? |
Toffee | Uh... |
The warthog monster punches the lizard monster over and over, eventually getting his fist stuck in the lizard's mouth. | |
Warthog monster | Aw, man. It's stuck. |
Lizard monster | [muffled] |
Toffee | Maybe... we can do something with those... fortune cookies. |
Buff Frog pushes Ludo off to the side. | |
Ludo | What? What is... What? What? |
Buff Frog | [whispering] You sure you trust him, boss? |
Ludo | Of course! |
Ludo walks off with Toffee. The two-headed monster briefly walks on-screen with Three-eyed Potato Baby chewing on his left head. Cut back to Star and Marco walking through Echo Creek. | |
Star | Aw. Last cookie. I can't wait to get more! |
Marco | Star, I'm telling you, they'll back me up at the restaurant. Food can't predict the future! |
Star | Sure it can. On Mewni, there's a place where you can get calzones that'll tell you how you're going to die. |
Cut to shot of Mewni. A Butterfly family manservant bites into a calzone. | |
Calzone | You will die from choking on a calzone. Just kidding. [laughing] A giant's gonna sit on your face. |
Cut back to Echo Creek. Star and Marco enter an alleyway behind the Chinese restaurant. The two-headed and frill-neck monsters are in disguise and breakdancing. | |
Star | What are they doing? |
Marco | Shhh. I think one of them's about to get served. |
The fly monster sneaks up on Star and replaces her fortune cookie with another. He flies back to Toffee, who pets him on the head. | |
Toffee | Well done. |
As Star opens the cookie, Ludo's army appears, and the two-headed and frill-neck monsters remove their disguises. Bearicorn appears from under the boombox. | |
Bearicorn | Fooled you! [laughing] |
Marco | Hiiii-yah— |
Star | [holds Marco back] Hold on. "Love is always the answer." Hmm. |
Toffee narrows his eyes. The monsters surround Star and Marco. | |
Marco | What?! Not in this case! Fighting is! |
Star | Sorry, Marco. It's not the will of the cookie. |
Big Chicken attacks Marco. | |
Marco | Really?! Now?! Whoa! |
Ludo's monsters chase Marco. | |
Star | Hugs! [hugs Beard Deer] |
Beard Deer briefly looks confused before hugging Star back. | |
Ludo | There's the wand! I can totally grab it! |
Toffee | [holds Ludo back] Patience. |
Ludo | Awww... |
Marco | Hiii-yah! |
Marco kicks Big Chicken. A large egg lands in his hands. He throws it in Buff Frog's face. Bearicorn shoves Marco into Three-eyed Potato Baby and Beard Deer. Marco steps on Three-eyed Potato Baby's foot and knocks him away, then tosses Beard Deer off-screen. When the two-headed monster approaches from behind, Marco does a jumping split kick to its two heads. | |
Marco | Star! [karate chops giraffe monster] Forget that stupid fortune! Help me! |
Star | [hugging warthog monster] Marco, don't fight. Then they'll stop fighting you. Trust the cookie! |
Ludo's monsters toss Marco into a dumpster. Bearicorn uses his horn to lock it shut. | |
Marco | Hey, let me out! Hey! Hey! |
Ludo's monsters approach Star. | |
Star | You guys really need some hugs. |
Ludo | It's actually working! [touches Toffee's sleeve] Mmmm...! |
Star | [hugging two-headed monster] Love is always the answer. |
Ludo shoves his way past the monsters | |
Ludo | Out of my way! [squealing excitedly] Mine! Mine! Yes! Yes! Yes—! |
Before Ludo grabs the wand, the two-headed monster holds him back. | |
Two-headed monster (right head) |
Back off, dude. I've been waiting for this since middle school. [continues hugging Star] |
Ludo | What?! You idiots are screwing the plan! |
Star | Plan? |
Two-headed monster (right head) |
Huh? [inhale, exhale] Okay, look, Star. This is really hard to say, but if this is gonna go any further, I want our relationship to have a foundation of honesty. |
Two-headed monster (left head) |
Me too. |
Star | So confused. |
Two-headed monster (right head) |
Fortune cookies aren't real. It was all a trap so Ludo could steal your wand. |
Ludo | [stunned squealing] |
Two-headed monster (right head) |
Anyway, I hope— |
Two-headed monster (left head) |
We hope. |
Two-headed monster (right head) |
[groans] We hope this isn't a deal breaker. |
The dumpster flies into Ludo and the two-headed monster. Marco opens the lid. | |
Marco | You know what this means, don't you, Star? |
Star | Oh, yeah. Love is never the answer. |
Marco | Aw, man. I wanted to say it. [closes dumpster lid] |
Star | Mega Mushroom Destruction Blast! |
Ludo's army | [whimpering] |
Star blasts the monsters with a mushroom blast. Toffee watches from a roof, raising an eyebrow and grinning slightly. When the mushroom cloud fades, the monsters lie on the ground covered in mushrooms. | |
Ludo's army | [groaning] |
Ludo pushes Bearicorn through a dimensional portal. | |
Ludo | [to Toffee] Welcome to my life. |
Ludo enters the portal. Before following, Toffee briefly looks back at Star. | |
Marco | [groaning] |
Star | Sorry. I should've listened to you. Obviously you know better than a dessert. |
Marco | No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have messed with you and said those fortunes were magical in the first place. |
The back door of the Chinese restaurant opens, and Mrs. Liao appears with another box of cookies. | |
Mrs. Liao | Oh! Weird perky girl! You want some more stale cookies? |
Star | Who could say no to that? |
Star takes the box of cookies and Mrs. Liao closes the door while Marco looks at Star. | |
Star | [laughing] What? They're not real fortunes, but they're still real cookies. |
Marco breaks and eats the cookie, and Star reads the fortune. | |
Star | "A great evil has been unleashed." |
Star and Marco | Ooooohhh... [laughing] |
Star throws the fortune away. Cut to Ludo's Castle. Ludo and Toffee toast with some Mewnian swamp water. | |
Ludo | Cheers. [slurps] That was the closest we've ever come, but that girl always gets the best of me. |
Toffee approaches the window and looks at Butterfly Castle. | |
Toffee | Yes, well, you're not the first monster to fall victim to their magic. |
Ludo | Things will be different when I get the wand. [laughing, imitating laser] |
Toffee looks out the window expressionless. |
Advertisement
Fortune Cookies/Transcript
Advertisement