(Theme Song)
Scene opens at the Diazes' house. Marco is in his room, sitting in front of his computer and frantically typing. There's banging on the door, then it opens and Star sticks her head in.
Star Hey, Marco. [she enters the room and it is revealed that she is tied up with Christmas lights] Can I get your help with something?
Marco Can't help right now. I just found out there's a Mackie Hand movie marathon tonight, and I can't miss it.
Star Ooh. Who's Mackie Hand?
Marco He's the greatest martial-arts superstar who ever lived. He died thirty years ago while performing one of his own stunts on himself. Accidentally. [to computer] Come on, come on, come on. [takes a deep breath] Ooh!! [groaning; he buries his face into his keyboard and repeatedly hits himself on the head with his computer screen]
Star What is it? What's wrong?
Marco It's sold out.
Star Oh. [bends down and awkwardly pats Marco on the shoulder] I'm sorry, little guy.
Marco It's okay. It was just a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Star Don't worry. I'm sure there's a chance you can still get a ticket.
Marco Good things don't happen to me.
A giant blast of fire bursts out of Marco's desk, knocking Star and him over. The flames die down, revealing Tom, who is licking a snow cone.
Tom Hey. What's up?
Star and Marco Tom?
Star What are you doing here?
Tom Actually, I was wondering if we could hang out.
Star Ugh. No, no, no. A million times no!
Tom Not with you, Star. I meant with Marco.
Marco Huh? Uh, no?
Tom Oh. Okay then. Guess I'll just find somebody else to go with to the Mackie Hand movie marathon.
Marco Wha-huh? What? Wait, you're a fan of Mackie Hand?
Tom I'm a super fan.
Star, who is still wrapped up in the Christmas lights, starts trying to gnaw through the cords.
Marco Why do you want to go with me?
Tom I really thought we connected that one time. Over ping-pong?
Marco You kidnapped me.
Tom Look, I know I've been a little aggro in the past, and I'm sorry. I promise not to get mad this time.
Marco pushes the tied-up Star aside.
Marco Star, what is he up to?
Star I think you should go with him. He's obviously trying to bury the hammer or whatever.
Marco Hatchet? "Bury the hatchet".
Tom Well, the marathon is all the way on the other side of town, so are you coming or not?
Cut to Marco and Tom outside. Marco opens the door to Tom’s carriage and ominous music plays.
Marco Whoa!
Tom Let me just give you a tour. [they enter; to horse] Giddy up, skeleton horse!
Skeleton-horse whinnies and rides off. Cut to inside of Tom's carriage.
Tom So here it is. We got six flat-screen TVs, a photo booth, karaoke machine.
Marco Is that a white tiger? [briefly cuts to white tiger grooming itself]
Tom And up here is the lounge. Here. Have a seat in the throne. Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything? Some cereal perhaps?
Marco [a tray with cereal and milk appears on his lap] Look, you're being super nice to me right now, and you're never nice to me? What's this really all about?
Tom Wha - I'm just a huge fan of Mackie Hand.
Marco What's your favorite Mackie Hand movie then?
Tom Uh, it's [stammers]...
Marco I knew it! You don't know the first thing about kung-fu. I'm outta here.
Tom No, no, no, wait, wait. It's just because I have two favorites. "Hand To Hand To Hand", and "Hand To Hand To Hand 2". And now that I'm saying it, I'm gonna have to go with the original.
Marco Oh. Yeah, you're right. That is the best one.
Tom But not the English version. I'm talking about the original in Swedish.
Marco Huh. I guess you do like... stuff. I'm sorry.
Tom No, no, no, I get it, I get it. It can be hard to break through people's preconceptions of me. That's why I don't have many friends. I haven't even been to a movie marathon before.
Right outside the carriage are two men in a convertible.
Passenger Hey, where did you pick up your sweet ride? At a funeral home? Are you gonna go pick up someone's dead grandpa and hold a respectful service for him?
Marco You think you guys are fast? I can guarantee that we'll beat you to the next light without even breaking a sweat.
Tom Yeah. What are ya, chicken?
Both men Whaaat?!
Passenger Bro.
Driver Bro.
Passenger Bro!
Driver You're on, punk. [the light turns green and they speed off]
Tom Oh, I'll show them.
Marco No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. [siren blaring, police radio chatter] Those guys are going to jail.
Cut to a police car. The driver and passenger are in the back seat. Tom's carriage slowly passes by, and Tom and Marco look innocently at the men in the cop car. Cut to inside of Tom's carriage.
Tom [laughs] Oh, that was that was so much more fun than obliterating people.
Marco Yeah! This whole thing reminds me of one of my favorite songs, "Awesome Feeling".
Tom Wait, wait, wait. Isn't that a song by Love Sentence?
Marco [humming song] Uhhhh. Yeah?
Tom Come with me. [Tom brings Marco to a curtain, which he then pulls back]
Marco No way! [gasps] You have a signed picture of you and Justin Towers? I also have a vintage five-disc CD player with automatic shuffle.
Love Sentence [montage of Marco and Tom as the song plays]

♪ Awesome feeling ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna take us down ♪
♪ At first I turned my head, but then ♪
♪ You really turned my day around ♪

♪ Awesome feeling ♪
♪ We started out as friend-nemies ♪
♪ But found that we have chemistry ♪

♪ And you were like, "ooh-ahh-ooh" ♪
♪ And I was like, "ooh-eee-ooh" ♪
♪ White tiger's like, "ooh-ahh-ooh" ♪

♪ All right! ♪

Marco Man, I can't believe I'm actually having a good time with you.
Tom I know. Right? Heck, I could just skip that whole movie marathon and –
Marco Oh, my gosh. Oh, the marathon! What time is it?
Tom Don't freak out.
Marco It starts in ten minutes? [Marco heads towards the door, but magical chains appear and block the exit] What the heck? [he grabs the lock and tries to pry it open. He quickly gives up and turns to Tom] Hey, can you unlock the door?
Tom Actually, I can't let you leave yet.
Marco What? But we gotta go. We're gonna be late.
Tom Couldn't we just chill here for, like, another four-and-a-half minutes?
Marco No. Seriously, let me go.
Tom Please. Just wait a little longer.
Marco What is wrong with you? I said let me go!
Tom And I said wait! [As he says this his eyes glow red, he levitates and they are surrounded by a wall of fire]
The sound of a whistle blowing. The white tiger, with a whistle in its mouth, gets off the seat and opens the mouth to take off its skin, revealing it to be Brian in a costume.
Brian Sorry, Tom. That's an instant fail for you. Hey, you almost made it this time.
Tom No, no! Wait, wait! You gotta give me a second chance.
Marco Okay, seriously, what is going on here? [to Brian] Dude, I cleaned your litter box.
Brian Well, Master Tom here was just about to earn his anger management graduation badge. All he had to do was spend three hours alone with the person he hated the most without blowing up.
Tom But you, you had to be selfish. You could wait another four minutes and fifteen seconds! All you care about are your precious karate movie tickets. Well, guess what. [tears up tickets and sets the scraps on fire; Marco gasps] Mackie Hand movies are garbage.
Marco Are you kidding me? You lied to me about being a Mackie fan, and pretended to be my friend so you could earn some badge? Dude, you're a jerk and a liar, and that's not even the worst part. I was dumb enough to fall for it! [kicks door open and exits carriage. Tom runs after him]
Tom [panting] Marco, wait. I do like Love Sentence. That part wasn't a lie.
Marco Too little, too late. Which is my second-favorite Love Sentence song, by the way.
Tom ♪ Oh, girl, you know I never mean to hurt ya ♪
♪ When you're sad, you know I'd never desert ya ♪
♪ Mm-mmmm, you were my angel ♪
♪ My beautiful dove ♪
Brian [playing keytar]
Marco ♪ We spiraled high on a gust of love ♪
Both ♪ And I knew right from the start ♪
♪ Nothing could tear us apart ♪
Marco ♪ Till the day you broke my heart ♪
♪ And now it's... ♪
♪ Too little too late ♪
♪ Ooh-oooooh ♪
[walks away]
A blast of flame comes out of the ground.
Marco What the – ?
Tom [rising up on the flames, surrounded by demons; unintelligible chanting]
Marco Yeesh, what a drama queen.
The ground cracks open, and Marco jumps out of the way. More cracks form, spurting out lava, and then a coffin rises from the ground. Tom's flames and demons disappear, and he falls and crashes to the ground. The coffin glows and breaks open to reveal a skeleton in a karate uniform and is surrounded by a bright light. Marco looks on with sparkling eyes.
Marco It's - it's [cut to undead Mackie Hand] Mackie Hand!
Mackie Hand Oh-oh! I took quite a tumble there. How long was I out? I hope I didn't make us fall too far behind shooting schedule.
Marco But Mr. Hand, [kowtowing] I can't believe it's really you.
Mackie Hand Say, you must be the new PA. [shakes Marco's hand] Kevin, right? Nice to meet you.
Marco [checking his pockets] Oh, my gosh. I wish I had something for you to sign.
Mackie Hand Eh, don't sweat it. I gotcha covered. [pulls out one of his ribs with a grunt] Hold still. [signs Marco's forehead with rib] There you go.
Marco Tom, I can't believe you brought Mackie Hand back from the dead just for me! That was that was cool of you.
Mackie Hand Wait, I'm dead?
Tom's carriage pulls up to the theater, and the three run up to an employee standing outside of the ticket booth.
Marco Three for the Mackie Hand marathon, please.
Employee [pointing at "SOLD OUT" sign] What does the sign say?
Marco Wait, but [grabs Mackie by the wrist] do you know who this is? This is the Mackie Hand in the flesh.
Employee [sighs] Look, nice costume, but no one gets in without a ticket. [puts his hand on Mackie's shoulder and pushes him away] Now shove off, grandpa, before I have to get physical.
Mackie's hand turns 360 degrees. He glares at the employee and growls. He backhand punches the employee, who is thrown back. Action music begins to play.
Security guard Hey! You!
Security guards swarm around Mackie Hand, who fights them off. Tom and Marco are sitting onto the curb, eating cereal while they watch the fight. The shadows of Mackie and the security guards fighting can be seen on the pavement.
Tom You were right. This guy's for real.
Marco Yeah. I told you. ...I still don't like you, Tom.
Tom I still don't like you, too, Marco.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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