Scene opens at the Better Than Nothing Apartments complex.
Miss Heinous Thanks for meeting us here today, Rasticore. We had a problem with some rogue princesses which I hope you can help us with.
Rasticore [growls]
Heinous [hands him a photo of Star and Marco] Destroy the blonde one, but bring the dark-haired one to me.
Rasticore turns on a tracking device. It shows him a map of the United States, and an indicator light blinks in southern California. He then attempts to start his dimensional chainsaw.
Rasticore Ugh. Gimme a break. Stupid.
Heinous Do-Do you...
Rasticore Workin' on it!
The chainsaw finally starts, and Rasticore creates a portal by which he exits.
Gemini Oh, Miss Heinous. I cannot wait to recapture our former glory. It has been a long time since I last ate. [stomach rumbles]
Heinous Indeed. [walks to kitchen] Here. Take this. The last of our savings. [pulls out some bills from the cookie jar]
Gemini Oh, you're so generous, Miss Heinous. Finally, some little food for my mouth.
Heinous It's not for food you fool. It's for my hair. Miss Fairol's number 112. Golden brown. And bring back a receipt!
Scene changes to the Diaz's house.
Star Butterfly [laughs]
Janna [looking in wallet] "Billie's Ballet Shoe Emporium. Our discounts are on pointe." Marco, why do you even have this?
Marco Diaz For your information, they are incredibly comfortable to wear around the house. What are you guys doing looking through my wallet anyway? [no answer] Can't a guy get any privacy?
Star Nope.
Janna Hey, what's with this weird card? It's all shaky.
Star Let me see that. [card in hand] Hey, this is the Quest Buy gift card I got for you, Marco. I can't believe you haven't used it yet. I got this for our six-month friendship-aversary so you could get yourself something special. If you don't use it, it'll expire.
Marco Look, Star, it's not that I don't appreciate it, okay? It's just that the last time I went to Quest Buy, I almost got killed.
Star But Marco, it expires tonight. Come on! [whimpers]
Marco [sighs] Fine. Let's go.
Star Yay. Perfect! [opens portal] We'll be back in a bit Janna.
Janna Laters.
In Quest Buy
Star Alright, let's get you the perfect gift!
Marco Oh no.
Star See anything you like? [gasps] Look. There's a Skullaroid camera. Takes pictures specifically of ghosts.
Marco Uh, I don't think so.
Star Ooh, how about some spooky haunted garden gnomes?
Marco Ugh, look at all this stuff. This is exactly why I do not like shopping. I can never make up my mind.
Star Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy there, Mr. Picky Pants. Luckily, we got until midnight.
Back at the Diaz's house, Janna eats some Gold'n crips. Rasticore opens a portal into the house.
Rasticore Tell me where Princess Star and Princess Marco are located.
Janna Uh, loud. They went to Quest Buy.
Rasticore The one near the galactic vortex, or the one with the big parking lot? [pulls out tracking device] Never mind. I found them. [tries to start his chainsaw] Come on. [exits]
Janna Why did you even ask if you already knew?
Back at Quest Buy, Star's wand watch gives out a meow.
Star Ooh, that's getting a little too close for comfort. Marco, I don't mean to rush you, but it's been hours. If you don't find something soon, the card will expire and go to waste.
Marco You know it's hard for me to shop in public. Plus, I'm just not that into Quest Buy gear.
Star Ugh, Marco! That have literally everything in the universe here. There has to be something you want. Please!! Hurry up!!
Marco If you're going to rush me, then I'll just buy some piece of junk now, and come back to exchange it later, okay?
The Quest Buy gift card flies out of his pocket.
Marco Huh?
The card fires a laser at Marco's hand, and he drops the product he was holding.
Marco What the heck⁈
Star [laughs] Oh, yeah. That. I may have forgotten to mention that this is a "friends to the end" gift card. You have to truly, deeply want the item you spend it on, or else it won't work.
Marco Star, why would you give me a card like that?
Star Because I wanted to get you something you really liked.
Marco [sighs] Okay. Fine. Just, uh, nothing in this section.
Chicken in a bottle Good, 'cause I don't like you either.
Marco I see why you're on sale.
The card hums ominously over Marco.
Marco Alright, alright. Ugh.
Star How about this?
Marco No, no.
Star How about this?
Marco Too gaudy.
Star How about one of these?
Marco Another keychain? I'll pass.
Star Oh, how about one of these?
Marco Uh, maybe. Nah.
Star How about this? [holds a sweater]
Marco Ugh. Star, you know the neck is gonna stretch out on that.
The gift card zaps Marco again.
Marco Ow! Alright, alright. I'm sorry, but I really can't decide under this kind of pressure. Maybe we can get an extension on the card.
Star Well, we can try.
Star walks up to a store worker's comfortable
Star Excuse me. I have a question.
Worker Not my department.
Star But you're customer service.
Worker Oh, yeah. We really need to ditch that sign. Fine. How can I help you?
Star Is there any way we can extend the expiration date on this card?
Worker Shouldn't be a problem. [he scans it] Uh, you know what? No. This is a "friends to the end" gift card. It's not only impervious to change, but when it expires, so do you.
Marco What⁈ Like, we die?
Worker Geez. Everyone's gotta die some time. This just guarantees that you'll die sooner. It's all here in the contract your friend signed. If you don't use it by midnight, zap, ha ha. Both of you get blasted into oblivion.
Marco Zap?! Tell me again, Star. Why did you get me a card like this?
Star I didn't know. I never read the fine print.
Marco Always read the fine print Star. I mean look at this contract.
The contract, floating in the air besides him, is dark purple with bat-like wings.
Star There's gotta be something we can do.
Worker Nope. Sorry, dude. Um, dudes. You know, seeing as there's only a few hours left, you better go find something you really like.
Star and Marco run back into the aisles, screaming. Rasticore opens a portal into the store, though he struggles to get through it.
Worker Uh, yes, before you ask, this is not my...
Rasticore blasts the worker with a quick laser.
Worker Ow.
Scene jumps back to Star. Her wand meows again.
Star Oh no. Ten minutes to midnight.
Marco We're toast.
The Quest Buy gift card loudly charges up with electricity, turning into a large humanoid figure.
Card Activating expiration mode.
Star Shooting star explosion!
The spell is absorbed by the card.
Card Enough nonsense. Choose your gift. Your life depends on it. Commencing countdown to your expiration date. You have ten minutes.
Star and Marco scream some more.
Star See anything you like Marco?
Marco No.
Card Nine minutes until expiration.
Star What about gourmet hair gel?
Marco No.
Card 8.5 minutes until expiration.
Marco Who designed this card⁈
Star Why do you have to be so picky?
Marco I'm not picky. I'm just... highly selective. Wait, Star. Hold on.
Marco approaches a large sign that says "Your Secrets are Safe with Me." There is a wallet on display
Marco The ultimate in privacy. It's even my favorite color. And a thumbprint privacy setting [laughs].
Star Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. [opens case] It's yours Marco. Get it, get it, get it out.
Marco [straining] It's stuck.
Card Sorry sir. That's a display model.
Marco and Star take off, screaming and running again.
Star We gotta get the Quest Buy sloth employee to help us.
They run by a worker's lounge. Two sloths are enjoying what appears to be break time. Star and Marco pound on the window outside.
Star Stand back.
Star blasts the glass wall open.
Star My friend Marco needs one of your privacy wallets.
Worker Uh, well, I am on my break, but, sure, let me check.
Marco Can you see if they have it in plum?
Worker Uh, sorry. Looks like we're out of stock.
Marco No. It can't be.
Card One minute to expiration.
Star This is all my fault. I should've let you know there was an expiration date. [sobs] And I wasn't being lazy when I bought that thing, I promise. I genuinely thought you would love to pick out what you wanted.
Card Sorry. Did you mean jeans pig unwanted?
Marco I know a lot of this wouldn't have happened if I was easier to shop for.
Card Okay, I will search for cheesier mop store.
Marco Let's hug, so when they find our charred skeletons, they'll know we were friends.
Card Sorry. There was zero results for snow made worm pants.
Marco Wait! I know what I want! [to workers] Hey, there's only one thing in this whole stinkin' store that I could ever want. Star's my best friend, and friendship is the greatest gift I could ever receive.
Worker You need to pick something you can purchase from the store.
Marco Well, it was worth a shot.
Star It was sweet Marco.
Card Preparing to honor expiration.
Star Good-bye Marco.
Marco Good-bye Star.
Rasticore comes jumping through the ceiling, tackling the card's figure.
Rasticore [mumbling] Where are the stairs in this place? [to Star and Marco] Princesses, my name is Rasticore Chaosus Disastervaine. Miss Heinous sent me. Prepare to ...
Rasticore is electrocuted as the card rematerializes.
Card Invalid entry. Expiration imminent.
Worker Hold it. We do have have one more privacy wallet in stock.
Star + Marco [cheer]
Worker Only, sorry. We don't have it in plum. Just, we have it in, um, Prussian blue.
Marco [sobbing] Oh, it's perfect. Prussian blue is my favorite color. Even more than plum.
Worker Sheesh. So dramatic.
Card Good doing business with you sir. Contract obligation fulfilled.
The card turns back into a card and the worker picks it up, scans it, and throws it out.
Worker Well, that completes your transaction. Have a good day sir.
Star We found you the perfect friendship gift!
Back at the Diaz's house
Star What is with this thing? How the heck are you even supposed to open this?
Janna Yeah. Let me see that.
Marco Nice try, ladies. Its thumbprint lock will allow no man or magical creature to ever break into...
Janna Got it.
Marco Janna, get out of town!
Star How did you do that Janna?
Janna I got Marco's thumbprint. In fact, I've got all of your sensitive information, Marco.
Marco [screaming] Get outta town!!
Scene changes back to Miss Heinous' apartment.
Gemini Delivery from Quest Buy, milady. But I wouldn't open it. You're not going to like it.
Heinous Oh, well, then there are two things in this room I don't like.
Miss Heinous opens the box. Inside lies Rasticore's hand and tracking device.
Heinous Rasticore! I'll get you, Princess Marco.
Gemini I'm sorry. What's the other thing you don't like?
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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