(theme song)
Scene opens in a desert. Star, Marco, and Pony Head are together.
Marco Diaz Uh, next.
Pony Head Where are you going? I thought you wanted a goblin dog, right?
Marco Do you see the goblin dog truck?
Pony Head This is the place. I am positive.
Marco But you've been saying that for the last 12 dimensions, and I'm hungry. I'm gonna go home and make a sandwich.
Star Butterfly Guys guys guys! I found it. [pointing] There it is. The goblin dog truck.
They spy the truck, and a monstrously long line in front of it.
Marco That line is like, a million miles long.
Pony Head It's all good. My friend Kelly's holding us a spot. Yo, Kelly!
A green and fluffy monster pokes her head out of line.
Pony Head Oh, hey Kelly. Yo, Star! come stand by me girl. [shoves others to make room] Oh my goodness. B-fly, we got so much catching up to do. Let's start doing it. Not you Marco. [pushes Marco to Kelly] Okay. You can stand over here and talk to Kelly.
Marco Hey Kelly.
Kelly [blinks]
Marco Uh, have you been waiting long?
Kelly [blinks]
Pony Head That's so cute. You guys are basically like the same person.
Marco [hesitantly] Yeah, but, uh, are you sure you wanna wait in this crazy line for just a hot dog?
Koala It's not just a hot dog.
A battle axe swings by Marco into a tree, barely missing his head.
Koala It's a goblin dog. Some would kill for a goblin dog. Just like how I almost killed you with that axe. Just to be clear, I'm the one who threw that axe.
Tree I pulled myself out of the ground for a goblin dog. [points to roots] I'm a bit tender.
Pony Head Oh please. I had a goblin dog just last week and it was teh bomb.
Koala Really?
Roy [singing] ♪ You might think this line is long. But listen to my goblin song. It's been hours since you ate but goblin dogs are worth the wait ♫ Yeah!
Marco What is happening?
Pony Head With Ms. Heinous gone, St. O's is like a total party school now.
Marco Did you guys see that little man playing the music? [laughing]
Pony Head Marco, you're ignoring Kelly. Rude.
Marco Oh, sorry. [to Kelly] Did you see that little man playing music?
Kelly [blinks]
Marco Okay.
Sometime later
Pony Head I gotta have a tall man, you know, 'cause I like to float, like, five feet off the ground, so it's like I'm 4'6" but with six inch heels, you know what I'm saying?
Marco Ugh. I mean, sometimes it feels like they're the kids and I'm the parent, you know?
Kelly [spits out an apple core]
Marco Whoa! You got another one of those? I'm starving.
Kelly [spits out an apple core]
Marco You gotta be kidding me.
[Marco gets smacked in the face by a projectile]
Marco What the...
Roy Alright, kiddies. You're just moments away from maximum mouth-ertainment. So stay cool in a hot goblin dog T-shirt.
Monster 1 [jumping] Me, me!
Monster 2 In my mouth! I want it in my mouth!
Marco Excuse me.
Roy Hi.
Marco You work here?
Roy Yes.
Marco We've been waiting forever. How do we get a goblin dog?
Roy You wait in line.
Marco And can you tell me how to get in that short line over there? [points]
Roy Oh, that's the VIP line. It's my boss' idea.
Marco How do we get to the VIP line?
Roy Well, it's pretty exclusive but I could s-n-e-a-k you guys in.
Pony Head Oh, you know what? I'm gonna go with no, thank you.
Marco What? He just offered to sneak us in?
Pony Head Oh, what? I thought he spelled something else. That's my bad.
Roy Welcome to the VIP line! [appears in merchandise wagon] Okay. Who's ready to buy some goblin dog products?
Star That's okay. We just want the hot dog.
Roy You're in the VIP line. That stands for... ̲Very ̲Interested in buying ̲Products. Buy the products, stay in the line. get the dogs.
Star I don't have any money.
Pony Head Oh, I think I got some. Check in my back pocket, girl.
Star [reaches inside Pony Head]
Pony Head Oh, uh-uh. No, I think that's my keys.
Star Oh, I found it. Uh, 27 cents and two pistachio shells.
Marco I got some cash.
Star Marco, how much money is that?
Marco Like 650 bucks.
Roy Yep, that'll do it. [grabs money] This will get you the executive package.
Star [in goblin dog slippers] Man, this goblin dog stuff is ridiculous.
Pony Head Yeah, you dropped a ton of cash on all this swag.
Marco No, I got us into the right line.
Star [gasps] Oh my gosh. Look. We're next!
Roy [opens window]
Star Four goblin dogs please.
Roy Oh, you have to wait in that line now. [points to another monstrously long line]
Marco How many lines are there?
Roy Oh, it's all one line. There's just a lot of them, so after that line, you'll go to that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, then it hooks back like a dog's leg. Then you gotta take a number. You know, from a little number ticket pulley thingy.
Marco Okay, I'd like to speak to the manager please.
Roy Certainly sir. [closes window, opens it up now wearing a hat] Yes?
Marco What's the deal man? We waited six hours and bought all your stuff.
Roy I'm sorry sir, did you say you've been waiting for six hours?
Marco Yes.
Roy Well, some of these folks have been waiting years.
All [yelling] Years⁈
Roy [screaming] Years!! [closes window, reopens without his hat] So what did my manager say?
All You're the manager!
Pony Head Oh, you know what? Forget this okay? I'm not waiting years just to try a goblin dog.
Marco What? Pony Head, I thought you said you had a goblin dog before.
Pony Head Well, as it were, uh...
Marco Have you had a goblin dog or not, Pony Head?
Pony Head Uh, I don't know. [laughs] Who can tell? Like... maybe not?
Marco I'm done.
Star Marco, come on. Pony Head didn't mean bad. She's just a liar.
Marco [walks away, angrily muttering]
Pony Head [following] Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Marco Wait? That's all we've been doing. I'm sweaty, I'm hungry, and on top of everything, you lied about goblin dogs.
Pony Head Look, Marco, I mean, all of these people have lied.
Koala She's right. I lied too. I'm not the one who threw this axe at you.
Stan Hi. My name's Stan.
Crowd Hi Stan.
Stan I'm also a liar. I told my wife this was a mink coat. It's just my body.
Monster 3 My glasses are fake. Ooh, it feels good to let that out.
Monster 4 These aren't my teeth.
Star Look, we've all lied, and lying is not cool, but there's only one person here who's lied to all of us.
Koala Yeah. Pony Head.
Crowd Yeah!
Star Wait, no. No, no, no. That guy [points at Roy]
Koala Oh, yeah. He did lie to all of us. Get him!
Crowd [starts yelling]
Roy You're gonna lose your place in line. [takes out a shirt-zooka, starts firing at the crowd]
Pony Head Look out Marco.
Marco gets hit by a t-shirt.
Skeleton [gets hit] Skeleton!
Pony Head casts a magic spell to destroy the shirt-zooka.
Roy Oh no!
Star Yeah!
Marco Alright Pony Head!
Roy starts driving the goblin dog truck away.
Star He's getting away.
Marco We lost him.
Pony Head Oh no we certainly did not. Grab on, turd.
Marco [grabbing on to Pony Head] I'm not sure I like you calling... [aah]!
Star Summoning cloudy charm.
Pony Head, Marco, and Star chase after the goblin dog truck. When they catch up, Marco throws some goblin dog merchandise at Roy, causing him to swerve the truck.
Star Magnificence marshmallow mush!
The truck's wheels turn into marshmallows, and it crashes.
Roy [falls out, groans]
Pony Head Okay Roy, now get out the goblin dogs.
Roy Look okay, you get me severed horse head. goblin dogs aren't real.
Pony Head What?
Roy It's a ruse. I took you for everything.
Star Come on you guys. Let's just go.
Roy Look, kids, you can have your money back.
Marco You know what? Keep it.
Star Uh, Marco, that was 650 bucks.
Marco Yeah. Well, now every time he sees my 650 dollars, he'll remember the three kids whose dreams he wrecked.
Roy No, I'll just spend the money.
Star He's right Marco. Yeah, we'll take the money, okay, thanks.
Marco No Star, we're going home.
The trio walks away without the money.
Roy [giggling, lets the money blow away, runs up to Marco]
Marco What the...
Roy [grabs on to Marco]
Marco Star.
Roy [laughing] You've done it.
Marco Ready when you are, Star.
Star blasts Roy with her wand.
Roy No. You earned the goblin dog.
Marco What are you talking about?
Kelly Goblin dogs are real. I had one before.
Star Kelly?
Pony Head Oh, we thought you died.
Marco What? No we didn't.
Pony Head Oh, okay, well, I'm sorry. I thought she did die, so excuse me.
Marco Wait. You've had a goblin dog?
Kelly Got it from Roy.
Marco [to Roy] So goblin dogs are real?
Roy They are. Yes.
Star This was all some kind of trick.
Roy Not a trick. A goblin dog must choose its master through trial, and today, the goblin dog chooses you.
Roy holds up a bottle of ketchup and mustard. He creates a pentagram on the ground with the two condiments.
All Wow!
The magic symbol teleports them to a temple of some kind.
Roy Behold!
Pony Head Oh my gosh!
Star Whoa.
Roy Those aren't goblin dogs. [puts them in a microwave] These are goblin dogs.
Star Oh, yeah. Here Pony. Bon apetit.
They all bite into their goblin dogs.
Marco This tastes like a normal hot dog.
Pony Head It's basic, but it's good.
Star Hmm. Yeah. I guess I was expecting... [gasps]
All four of them start having hallucinations.
(voice) Goblin dogs! Goblin dogs.
They all wake up back in the desert.
Star That was amazing!
Marco I gotta give it to you, Pony Head. Those hot dogs were pretty good.
Pony Head Oh, well, you know, the best for my besties, and whatever, all that kind of stuff. [laughs] But, you guys, on the real, I am so done with this place.
Marco I'm ready to hoof it. [elbow knocks Pony Head]
Pony Head Oh no, you can't say that. No.
Kelly Ugh. Roy makes me go through this every time. Why are those goblin dogs so good?
Marco Hey Kelly, it's been really great talking to you.
A figure stands up from the top of Kelly's hair.
Tad Yeah man. It was really cool hangin' out with you too.
Marco What⁈
Tad Oh, hey, I'm Tad. I'm Kelly's boyfriend.
Marco You've been here this whole time?
Tad Yeah, I don't really eat hot dogs. I'm a vegan and stuff. But, you know, I like to hang out.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.