Goblin Dogs/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Scene opens in a desert. Star, Marco, and Pony Head are together.
Marco Diaz	Uh, next.
Pony Head	Where are you going? I thought you wanted a goblin dog, right?
Marco	Do you see the goblin dog truck?
Pony Head	This is the place. I am positive.
Marco	But you've been saying that for the last 12 dimensions, and I'm hungry. I'm gonna go home and make a sandwich.
Star Butterfly	Guys guys guys! I found it. [pointing] There it is. The goblin dog truck.
	They spy the truck, and a monstrously long line in front of it.
Marco	That line is like, a million miles long.
Pony Head	It's all good. My friend Kelly's holding us a spot. Yo, Kelly!
	A green and fluffy monster pokes her head out of line.
Pony Head	Oh, hey Kelly. Yo, Star! come stand by me girl. [shoves others to make room] Oh my goodness. B-fly, we got so much catching up to do. Let's start doing it. Not you Marco. [pushes Marco to Kelly] Okay. You can stand over here and talk to Kelly.
Marco	Hey Kelly.
Kelly	[blinks]
Marco	Uh, have you been waiting long?
Kelly	[blinks]
Pony Head	That's so cute. You guys are basically like the same person.
Marco	[hesitantly] Yeah, but, uh, are you sure you wanna wait in this crazy line for just a hot dog?
Koala	It's not just a hot dog.
	A battle axe swings by Marco into a tree, barely missing his head.
Koala	It's a goblin dog. Some would kill for a goblin dog. Just like how I almost killed you with that axe. Just to be clear, I'm the one who threw that axe.
Tree	I pulled myself out of the ground for a goblin dog. [points to roots] I'm a bit tender.
Pony Head	Oh please. I had a goblin dog just last week and it was teh bomb.
Koala	Really?
Roy	[singing] ♪ You might think this line is long. But listen to my goblin song. It's been hours since you ate but goblin dogs are worth the wait ♫ Yeah!
Marco	What is happening?
Pony Head	With Ms. Heinous gone, St. O's is like a total party school now.
Marco	Did you guys see that little man playing the music? [laughing]
Pony Head	Marco, you're ignoring Kelly. Rude.
Marco	Oh, sorry. [to Kelly] Did you see that little man playing music?
Kelly	[blinks]
Marco	Okay.
	Sometime later
Pony Head	I gotta have a tall man, you know, 'cause I like to float, like, five feet off the ground, so it's like I'm 4'6" but with six inch heels, you know what I'm saying?
Marco	Ugh. I mean, sometimes it feels like they're the kids and I'm the parent, you know?
Kelly	[spits out an apple core]
Marco	Whoa! You got another one of those? I'm starving.
Kelly	[spits out an apple core]
Marco	You gotta be kidding me.
	[Marco gets smacked in the face by a projectile]
Marco	What the...
Roy	Alright, kiddies. You're just moments away from maximum mouth-ertainment. So stay cool in a hot goblin dog T-shirt.
Monster 1	[jumping] Me, me!
Monster 2	In my mouth! I want it in my mouth!
Marco	Excuse me.
Roy	Hi.
Marco	You work here?
Roy	Yes.
Marco	We've been waiting forever. How do we get a goblin dog?
Roy	You wait in line.
Marco	And can you tell me how to get in that short line over there? [points]
Roy	Oh, that's the VIP line. It's my boss' idea.
Marco	How do we get to the VIP line?
Roy	Well, it's pretty exclusive but I could s-n-e-a-k you guys in.
Pony Head	Oh, you know what? I'm gonna go with no, thank you.
Marco	What? He just offered to sneak us in?
Pony Head	Oh, what? I thought he spelled something else. That's my bad.
Roy	Welcome to the VIP line! [appears in merchandise wagon] Okay. Who's ready to buy some goblin dog products?
Star	That's okay. We just want the hot dog.
Roy	You're in the VIP line. That stands for... ̲Very ̲Interested in buying ̲Products. Buy the products, stay in the line. get the dogs.
Star	I don't have any money.
Pony Head	Oh, I think I got some. Check in my back pocket, girl.
Star	[reaches inside Pony Head]
Pony Head	Oh, uh-uh. No, I think that's my keys.
Star	Oh, I found it. Uh, 27 cents and two pistachio shells.
Marco	I got some cash.
Star	Marco, how much money is that?
Marco	Like 650 bucks.
Roy	Yep, that'll do it. [grabs money] This will get you the executive package.
Star	[in goblin dog slippers] Man, this goblin dog stuff is ridiculous.
Pony Head	Yeah, you dropped a ton of cash on all this swag.
Marco	No, I got us into the right line.
Star	[gasps] Oh my gosh. Look. We're next!
Roy	[opens window]
Star	Four goblin dogs please.
Roy	Oh, you have to wait in that line now. [points to another monstrously long line]
Marco	How many lines are there?
Roy	Oh, it's all one line. There's just a lot of them, so after that line, you'll go to that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, then that line, then it hooks back like a dog's leg. Then you gotta take a number. You know, from a little number ticket pulley thingy.
Marco	Okay, I'd like to speak to the manager please.
Roy	Certainly sir. [closes window, opens it up now wearing a hat] Yes?
Marco	What's the deal man? We waited six hours and bought all your stuff.
Roy	I'm sorry sir, did you say you've been waiting for six hours?
Marco	Yes.
Roy	Well, some of these folks have been waiting years.
All	[yelling] Years⁈
Roy	[screaming] Years!! [closes window, reopens without his hat] So what did my manager say?
All	You're the manager!
Pony Head	Oh, you know what? Forget this okay? I'm not waiting years just to try a goblin dog.
Marco	What? Pony Head, I thought you said you had a goblin dog before.
Pony Head	Well, as it were, uh...
Marco	Have you had a goblin dog or not, Pony Head?
Pony Head	Uh, I don't know. [laughs] Who can tell? Like... maybe not?
Marco	I'm done.
Star	Marco, come on. Pony Head didn't mean bad. She's just a liar.
Marco	[walks away, angrily muttering]
Pony Head	[following] Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Marco	Wait? That's all we've been doing. I'm sweaty, I'm hungry, and on top of everything, you lied about goblin dogs.
Pony Head	Look, Marco, I mean, all of these people have lied.
Koala	She's right. I lied too. I'm not the one who threw this axe at you.
Stan	Hi. My name's Stan.
Crowd	Hi Stan.
Stan	I'm also a liar. I told my wife this was a mink coat. It's just my body.
Monster 3	My glasses are fake. Ooh, it feels good to let that out.
Monster 4	These aren't my teeth.
Star	Look, we've all lied, and lying is not cool, but there's only one person here who's lied to all of us.
Koala	Yeah. Pony Head.
Crowd	Yeah!
Star	Wait, no. No, no, no. That guy [points at Roy]
Koala	Oh, yeah. He did lie to all of us. Get him!
Crowd	[starts yelling]
Roy	You're gonna lose your place in line. [takes out a shirt-zooka, starts firing at the crowd]
Pony Head	Look out Marco.
	Marco gets hit by a t-shirt.
Skeleton	[gets hit] Skeleton!
	Pony Head casts a magic spell to destroy the shirt-zooka.
Roy	Oh no!
Star	Yeah!
Marco	Alright Pony Head!
	Roy starts driving the goblin dog truck away.
Star	He's getting away.
Marco	We lost him.
Pony Head	Oh no we certainly did not. Grab on, turd.
Marco	[grabbing on to Pony Head] I'm not sure I like you calling... [aah]!
Star	Summoning cloudy charm.
	Pony Head, Marco, and Star chase after the goblin dog truck. When they catch up, Marco throws some goblin dog merchandise at Roy, causing him to swerve the truck.
Star	Magnificence marshmallow mush!
	The truck's wheels turn into marshmallows, and it crashes.
Roy	[falls out, groans]
Pony Head	Okay Roy, now get out the goblin dogs.
Roy	Look okay, you get me severed horse head. goblin dogs aren't real.
Pony Head	What?
Roy	It's a ruse. I took you for everything.
Star	Come on you guys. Let's just go.
Roy	Look, kids, you can have your money back.
Marco	You know what? Keep it.
Star	Uh, Marco, that was 650 bucks.
Marco	Yeah. Well, now every time he sees my 650 dollars, he'll remember the three kids whose dreams he wrecked.
Roy	No, I'll just spend the money.
Star	He's right Marco. Yeah, we'll take the money, okay, thanks.
Marco	No Star, we're going home.
	The trio walks away without the money.
Roy	[giggling, lets the money blow away, runs up to Marco]
Marco	What the...
Roy	[grabs on to Marco]
Marco	Star.
Roy	[laughing] You've done it.
Marco	Ready when you are, Star.
	Star blasts Roy with her wand.
Roy	No. You earned the goblin dog.
Marco	What are you talking about?
Kelly	Goblin dogs are real. I had one before.
Star	Kelly?
Pony Head	Oh, we thought you died.
Marco	What? No we didn't.
Pony Head	Oh, okay, well, I'm sorry. I thought she did die, so excuse me.
Marco	Wait. You've had a goblin dog?
Kelly	Got it from Roy.
Marco	[to Roy] So goblin dogs are real?
Roy	They are. Yes.
Star	This was all some kind of trick.
Roy	Not a trick. A goblin dog must choose its master through trial, and today, the goblin dog chooses you.
	Roy holds up a bottle of ketchup and mustard. He creates a pentagram on the ground with the two condiments.
All	Wow!
	The magic symbol teleports them to a temple of some kind.
Roy	Behold!
Pony Head	Oh my gosh!
Star	Whoa.
Roy	Those aren't goblin dogs. [puts them in a microwave] These are goblin dogs.
Star	Oh, yeah. Here Pony. Bon apetit.
	They all bite into their goblin dogs.
Marco	This tastes like a normal hot dog.
Pony Head	It's basic, but it's good.
Star	Hmm. Yeah. I guess I was expecting... [gasps]
	All four of them start having hallucinations.
(voice)	Goblin dogs! Goblin dogs.
	They all wake up back in the desert.
Star	That was amazing!
Marco	I gotta give it to you, Pony Head. Those hot dogs were pretty good.
Pony Head	Oh, well, you know, the best for my besties, and whatever, all that kind of stuff. [laughs] But, you guys, on the real, I am so done with this place.
Marco	I'm ready to hoof it. [elbow knocks Pony Head]
Pony Head	Oh no, you can't say that. No.
Kelly	Ugh. Roy makes me go through this every time. Why are those goblin dogs so good?
Marco	Hey Kelly, it's been really great talking to you.
	A figure stands up from the top of Kelly's hair.
Tad	Yeah man. It was really cool hangin' out with you too.
Marco	What⁈
Tad	Oh, hey, I'm Tad. I'm Kelly's boyfriend.
Marco	You've been here this whole time?
Tad	Yeah, I don't really eat hot dogs. I'm a vegan and stuff. But, you know, I like to hang out.