(theme song)
Episode begins at the Diaz Household; the dog walker from "Running with Scissors" parks his car in front of the house. Miss Heinous' car falls out of the sky on top of the dog walker's car and with Rasticore's chainsaw tied to the front.
Miss Heinous (o.s) Gemini, the door is jammed!
Gemini (o.s) Are you sure it's not locked?
Miss Heinous (o.s) I know what it looks like when it's locked! Get me out of this car!
Gemini [stumbles out of car, grunts]
Miss Heinous (o.s) Gemini!
Gemini Oh! Oh, coming!
Gemini pries open Miss Heinous' car door, and she stumbles out onto the ground.
Miss Heinous Ugh! [kicks car, sighs] How is my hair?
Gemini Like you just came from the salon.
Miss Heinous Filthy lies, but I'll allow it.
In the back seat of Miss Heinous' car, Rasticore's right forearm is in a baby seat.
Miss Heinous [unbuckles Rasticore's seat belt] Come now, Rasticore. There's my baby bounty hunter. You're growing back so fast. Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
Rasticore's arm picks up his chainsaw.
Miss Heinous Now we are prepared to wreak recrimination on our foes.
Gemini Yes. Recrim-mim-mim-ination!
Miss Heinous [chuckles evilly, saws Diazes' front door in half]
Angie Diaz ...Hello?
Star and Marco walk toward the house from down the block.
Marco Diaz Now are you convinced that parking meters aren't filled with candy?
Star Butterfly Ugh, it's all just a big tease. How was I supposed to know... [notices Miss Heinous' car on top of dog walker's car] Ohhhh.
Marco Okay, that was not like that before.
Star and Marco notice the house's front door sawed in half.
Star Okay, here's the plan. I'll cover the back door, and on my mark, you bum rush the front door.
Marco Got it.
Star climbs over the backyard fence, sneaks into the house through the back door, and hiding behind a potted plant.
Marco One...
Star Two...
Marco Three.
Star [jumps out] Hiiii-yah!
Marco [kicks in front door, karate yell] Huh?
Rafael, Angie, Miss Heinous, and Gemini sit around the living room table.
Angie Marco?
Miss Heinous You!
Marco You! Get her!
Star Narwhal Blast!
Star blasts Gemini, and a narwhal pins him to the floor.
Marco [tackles Miss Heinous] Hiii-yah!
Miss Heinous [screaming]
Rafael and Angie [gasps]
Gemini [screaming]
Star Yeah! Get him, get him!
Marco What did you do to my parents?!
Miss Heinous Unhand me, you little—!
Rafael Diaz Stop! Marco, let go of that poor old woman!
Marco Wait! You're mad at us?
Star We're trying to save you guys!
Rafael We let her in. You are both being very rude.
Angie Star, put away your magical whale.
Star It's a narwhal. [returns narwhal to her wand]
Gemini [gasps]
Rafael You too, Marco. Let Miss Heinous go.
Marco But she's evil.
Rafael Now!
Marco [groans]
Miss Heinous Hmph. This is the princess who ruined my life. That's right, Princess Marco. I recognize you. Even with your super-cute new haircut.
Marco Huh?
Rafael What is going on here?
Marco This lady tied me to a chair and tried to brainwash me!
Miss Heinous That's a gross exaggeration. Your child has terribly wronged me, and I'm not going anywhere until justice is served.
Rafael [gasps] But if she doesn't leave...
Angie ...then how are we gonna have dinner with...
Camera pans over to fireplace photo of the Morrisons and their dog.
Rafael and Angie (o.s.) ...the Morrisons?!
Marco Who?
Angie The Morrisons are so cool. We've been on the wait list to have them over for months.
Rafael This dinner needs to be perfect. We can't mess it up.
Marco [sarcastic] Wow. That sounds really tough, guys.
Angie You're gonna resolve whatever issue you have with Miss Heinous right now!
Miss Heinous [chuckling evilly]
Angie [gives Miss Heinous a cup of tea] Here you go.
Miss Heinous Mmm. Thank you, your Highness.
Angie What exactly is your issue with Marco?
Miss Heinous Gemini.
Gemini Gemini hands Miss Heinous a hand mirror, and she projects a slideshow of St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses on it.
Miss Heinous Once, I was the headmistress of St. Olga's, the most esteemed princess school in the multiverse. It was a wonderful place where delinquent princesses were taught manners and respect. Until one day, an insolent princess showed up and inspired all the students to rebel against their elders who knew better. Princess Marco left, but the school was never the same. They made her the face of a revolution, even inspiring merchandise, influencing the next generation of young princesses with her devious ways.
Star Wait a minute. You have merchandise?
Marco Yeah. I get a $650 royalty check every month.
Miss Heinous As I was saying, my students lost all respect for authority. Soon, they were cutting classes just to party, even inviting the boys from the neighboring prince reform school. They threw me out! [turns mirror off] And now, I live in a car.
Rafael and Angie Oh!
Gemini [puts hand on Miss Heinous' shoulder] Oh...
Miss Heinous Don't touch me. And it's all thanks to Princess Marco and her little sidekick, Princess Butterfly!
Angie Marco, is this all true?
Marco Well... yeah, but that place was a prison! Those princesses were being oppressed! They're way happier now.
Miss Heinous [holding Rasticore's arm] And they blew up my bodyguard!
Angie Yeah, we were wondering what that was.
Rasticore's arm wriggles, scaring Rafael and Angie.
Miss Heinous He's my dear, sweet Rasticore. This is just his arm, but he's part lizard, so his whole body will grow back soon. And then he'll be a big boy, won't you, sweetie? [kisses Rasticore's arm]
Gemini [grumbling]
Angie So how shall we proceed, Miss Heinous?
Miss Heinous With a punishment commensurate with the crime. How about we annihilate her and display her skeleton as a warning against any further insurrection? Agreed? Good. Now, Rasticore, bring me Princess Marco's bones!
Miss Heinous throws Rasticore's arm at Marco, and it falls to the floor. The arm slowly crawls along the floor toward Marco.
Miss Heinous Gemini.
Gemini Oh, yes! Yes, milady! [picks up Rasticore's arm, growls]
Marco Okay, enough of this. [tackles Gemini, karate yell]
Miss Heinous Gemini, Rasticore, attack!
Star Get ready to feel the pain-ous, Miss Heinous!
Rafael No, Star!
Police officer [enters] Excuse me. Is this 48-15 Avocado Terrace?
Marco The police! Yes, it is! You're here just in time. That lady is trying to destroy me. And that trollish-looking guy-man-thing is totally helping her. Uh, just ignore the girl pointing a magic wand. And it's probably a lesser charge, but this severed lizard arm is complicit, too.
Officer Well, that's something, all right. Now if you'll all stay calm, I'm sure we can clear this up right now.
Everyone goes outside to where Miss Heinous' car is parked.
Officer Okay, I got a call about a car double parked. But, uh, since the wheels of the top car ain't on the ground, that's not my jurisdiction.
Marco What?! That's it?! You're gonna ignore all the evil going on? [points at Miss Heinous] Evil! [points at Gemini] Evil! [holds up Rasticore's arm] Evil!
Officer [chuckles] That doesn't look dangerous. That's one of those animations, right?
Marco You mean animatronics.
Officer Listen, kid, once there's a real crime, give me a call. [walks away]
Marco [growling]
Star, Marco, Rafael, Angie, Miss Heinous, and Gemini return inside the house.
Miss Heinous All right, let the bargaining begin. I leave if you let me rip out Princess Marco's spine and wear it as a fancy scarf.
Rafael Um, okay, that seems a little extreme.
Angie Honey, we really don't have time for this. The Morrisons are gonna be here soon, and we haven't even picked out the placemats!
Rafael [gasps] Um... what if we ground Marco for a week?
Miss Heinous Or you let me grind her bones into a pulp.
Rafael [stammering]
Angie We won't let Marco play video games.
Miss Heinous Do you even know how bargaining works?
Rafael No pizza on Fridays!
Miss Heinous Or you can let me disembowel her.
Rafael We make him do the dishes.
Marco [frustrated yell] What if I just apologize?!
Miss Heinous An apology. Yes. [chuckling evilly] An apology will suffice... under certain conditions.
Marco [relieved sigh]
Star Marco, you can't give up that easy.
Marco I'll do anything to get Heinous out of here. Whatever you want, Miss Heinous, just name it.
Scene cuts to Marco wearing his princess gown from "St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses" holding a sign that reads "It IS Criminal to be an INDIVIDUAL".
Marco Why did I say whatever you want?
Miss Heinous and Gemini stand across from Marco with a video camera.
Miss Heinous [evil cackling] It's finally happening! Let's see what those princesses think of their idol now!
Rafael I can't believe our son led a revolution and we didn't even know.
Angie I'm not sure if I should be mad or proud.
Star Uh, hang on, hang on! A princess can't go on camera without blush. [applies blush to Marco's cheeks, whispering] Dude, don't do this. All those princesses, like, really look up to you.
Marco I know. If I know a thing or two about princesses, it's gonna take a lot more than some dumb video to break their spirits.
Star Aw, Marco...
Marco So how do I look?
Star Super pretty.
Miss Heinous Enough dilly-dallying. Let's get on with it.
Star Just... be careful.
Miss Heinous Gemini, are you ready yet?
Gemini Yes, milady. And... [presses Record button] We're rolling.
Marco Uh, hey, princesses of the multiverse. It's your girl Marco. What up?
Angie [whispering] Psst. Morrisons!
Marco Anyway, last time I was at St. Olga's school, I said and did some stuff that I shouldn't have. And that was... bad. And, uh, I just wanted to say, um... [looks at Star] ...I just wanted to say that I'm, like... [sarcastic] super sorry that I told you guys to resist your oppressors and stuff.
Star realizes what Marco is doing and smiles.
Marco [sarcastic] As princesses, we should never think for ourselves and just, you know... give up on our dreams and our own individuality.
Gemini Hmmm...
Miss Heinous [eye twitches]
Marco [sarcastic] Oh, I mean all this from the bottom of my heart. And I'm definitely not just saying that because Miss Heinous is threatening me and my family. [winks] Okay, was that good?
Gemini [stops recording] Ohhh... Milady, I have notes.
Miss Heinous [laughing] It's perfect. Perfect!
Scene cuts to Miss Heinous and Gemini leaving.
Rafael Miss Heinous, we just want to apologize again for Marco's behavior.
Angie Yes. We hope this can be a fresh start for all of us.
Miss Heinous Hm. We shall see. Maybe this will inspire you to take a more active role in your child's life. [walks away]
Miss Heinous' car starts flying away.
Rafael Good-bye, Miss Heinous!
Angie Safe travels!
Miss Heinous' car flies away through a dimensional portal.
Rafael Well, this was a real eye-opener. What else have you been hiding from us? Now is the time to own up to any other interdimensional chicanery.
Star Oh, no-no-no-no! No chicanery here!
Marco All good. Nothing to report.
Angie I think we have some responsibility to accept, too. Maybe we haven't been around enough for the two of them. We can start fresh tonight. I say we cancel dinner with the Morrisons and instead have a family game night.
Star Whoo-hoo! Game night! Let's get goin'!
Rafael [simultaneously] That's a very good idea!
Marco [simultaneously] Yeah! Can I stay in this dress?
Rafael Who needs to hang out with the Morrisons anyway?
The Morrisons enter carrying food.
Mrs. Morrison But the Diazes are so cool.
Scene cuts to another dimension with a red starry sky and planets in the background. Miss Heinous' car sits in the middle of a rocky crater.
Gemini There you are, milady. Pillow is fluffed just the way you like it. Sweet dreams, milady.
Gemini climbs into the car's trunk and takes out a Princess Marco doll.
Gemini And sweet dreams to you too, Princess Marco, the fairest in the land.
Miss Heinous wipes off her makeup, revealing club-shaped marks on her cheeks.
Miss Heinous Soon, the multiverse will shiver in fear once I destroy Princess Marco and Princess Butterfly. With you at my side, Rasticore...
Rasticore's arm wriggles.
Miss Heinous Why, Rasticore! You've grown an elbow! You'll be a big boy again soon. So very soon.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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