Kelly's World/Transcript

	Episode begins in the Woolandia Dimension. A dimensional portal opens, and Marco sticks his head through.
Marco Diaz	Whooooaaaa! Kelly's world is... hairy. All right, let's see here.
	Marco takes out a piece of paper with a picture of Kelly's house drawn on it.
Marco	Kelly's house should be...
	He sees a large mass of hair that matches the drawing.
Marco	Oh! There it is! All right. [steps out of portal] One small step for Marco, and I'm not sure what I'm steppin' on. [walks up to Kelly's house] Okay. Just gonna pretend this is a normal house.
	Marco reaches his arm into the mass of hair, and the doorbell rings.
Marco	You're killin' it, Diaz.
	Kelly's father reveals his face through the giant mass of hair.
Marco	Oh! Uh, hi there. I'm Marco. Is... Kelly around?
	Kelly's father hides his face.
Marco	And he's gone. Is this the right house?
	Kelly's father jumps out of the hair and dropkicks Marco to the ground.
Marco	Ow! [grunts, gasps]
Kelly's father	[points sword at Marco's face] Stand and face me, boy!
Kelly	Dad? What's going on out here?
Marco	This is your dad?! He was trying to—!
Kelly	Fight you? Oh, yeah. That's just how us Wooletts say hello. Dad, cool it. You're freaking Marco out.
Kelly's father	Oh, right, right, sorry. [puts sword away] Well, now that we're acquainted, Marco, let me give you a hand.
	Marco takes Kelly's father's hand, and he slams Marco onto the ground again.
Kelly	(o.s.) Dad!
Marco	Uh... Hey...
Kelly	So, Marco, what brings you here?
Marco	Well, we talked about making tortas a while ago. So, I brought over a few ingredients. At least... they were ingredients.
Kelly	Cool... [plops onto the couch] Let's, uh, make some tortas...
	Two Woolett wrestlers appear on the TV across from Kelly.
Wrestler 1	I'm gonna comb you over real good!
Wrestler 2	Not if I get to those split ends first! Just-just kidding. Your... Your hair looks amazing.
Wrestler 1	Thanks for noticing. But I'll never reveal my conditioner!
Marco	[notices Kelly is depressed] Is something wrong?
Kelly	Sorry. I just haven't felt like doing anything or talking to anyone lately. [pulls hair back into ponytail]
Marco	Yeah. I know it's been hard since Tad... you know.
	Kelly's cell phone vibrates, and she picks it up.
Kelly	Ugh! He just won't stop calling!
Marco	Uh, who won't stop calling?
Kelly	Tad!
Marco	Tad's alive?!
Kelly	But he's still dead to me.
Marco	What happened?
Kelly	After the battle, he ended up joining this creepy self-help group and started acting all self-righteous. He's become... a nester.
Marco	Whaaat?
Kelly	[presses "Accept Call" button]
Tad	[on phone] Namaste, Kelly. How's it been? Just wanted to say how great I've been doing since we broke up.
Marco	Yeesh.
Tad	Now that I'm free of all that negative energy, I'm a provider now.
	Phone screens zooms out to show Tad is a nest for baby chicks.
Tad	It's like, life isn't really worth living unless you're really making a difference in the world.
	The chicks' mother appears and feeds them.
Tad	Anyways, gotta go! Mother bird provides.
	The phone call ends.
Kelly	[imitates Tad] "Mother bird provides." Ugh! I'm sorry, Marco. I'm just in a weird place right now. Besides, I got a bunch of boring errands to do today. This library book's not gonna return itself.
Marco	Well, I don't mind running to the library with you.
Kelly	Really? But it's so boring.
Marco	Then we can make it fun together.
Kelly	All right. But don't say I didn't warn you.
Marco	Yes, ma'am!
	Marco follows Kelly, and she tosses a suit of red Woolett hair at him.
Marco	Augh! Ugh! What is this?
Kelly	You don't want to be caught outside without your hair on, do you? [undoes ponytail and wraps hair around her body] Besides, you're gonna need the extra padding. Trust me.
Marco	Oh. [puts on hair suit and follows Kelly] That's not ominous at all.
	Marco and Kelly leave the house.
Kelly	Bye, Mom! We're off to the library!
	Kelly's mother is revealed to be the house itself.
Kelly's mother	Bye, sweetie! Don't forget the family ancestral sword!
Kelly	Yeah, Mom.
Marco	Whaaaaaaat?
	Marco and Kelly pass by a large mass of blue hair.
Kelly	So, the library's downtown. We'll need to take the bus.
	The mass of blue hair is revealed to be a Woolett.
Blue Woolett	Huh? Oh, man, I'm late for work!
Brown Woolett	Have a good day, sweetie!
	At a bus ticket window, a green Woolett is buying a bus ticket.
Green Woolett	One, please! [groans]
	The ticket lady punches the green Woolett and then gives him a bus ticket.
Marco	I don't know why I haven't gotten around to visiting you sooner!
Kelly	[to ticket lady] Two for the downtown express, please!
Marco	Oh! Let me get 'em! Two for the downtown expr— [gets punched, grunts]
	Cut to bus interior; Marco has a black eye.
Marco	So, there's no money used here? Everything's done by fighting?
Kelly	Yup, everything. Movie tickets are two punches. A hamburger is a kick and a jab. My uncle bought a yacht once. He's still in the hospital.
Elderly Woolett	[to Marco] Excuse me, young man, but c-could I fight you for that seat of yours?
Marco	Oh, no-no-no-no, please. Just take it.
Elderly Woolett	Whaaaaa...?!
Bus Passengers	[gasp]
Marco	I-Is something wrong?
Kelly	Marco! You can't just turn down a fight! That is the most shameful thing you can say to a Woolett!
Indigo Woolett	Yeah! How dare you disrespect that old lady! If you won't fight her, I will!
Teal Woolett	Hey! I was gonna fight the old lady!
Deep-Blue Woolett	I'll fight both of ya to fight her! [screams]
	A fight breaks out among all the bus passengers.
Kelly	Let's get outta here.
	Kelly pulls Marco off the bus, and they run away. The bus itself – a large, yellow, dog-like Woolett with wheels – barks at Marco and Kelly as they flee.
Kelly	Sorry this dumb errand is taking way more time than it should.
Marco	I don't mind. I always have fun when I'm around you.
Kelly	Thanks, but you don't have to say that.
Marco	Hey, since you guys are so into fighting, do you have any dojos around here?
Kelly	What's a dojo?
Marco	You know, a place you go to practice your sweet moves. [pulls hair into ponytail, kiais, does a karate kick]
Kelly	Wool-hair-do!
Marco	Wool-what-now?
Kelly	Wool-hair-do! [shows library book to Marco] It's the ancient martial art of Woolandia!
Marco	Whoa! This looks just like karate! [sits down and opens book] But hairier! In a good way!
Kelly	My dad taught me to do these moves when I was a toddler. It was the first fighting style that I ever learned.
Marco	Whoa, what's goin' on here?
	Marco points to a picture of one Woolett standing on another Woolett's shoulders.
Kelly	Oh, that's Dual Mode. To do that, you and your partner have to be totally in sync with each other. Like, uh, two Wooletts with one mind.
Marco	Looks fun! You wanna try it out?
Kelly	Oh, I've never been able to pull it off myself. [turns book page] But how 'bout one of these guys?
Marco	Whoa! How is that even possible?!
Kelly	Yeah. It's illegal in, like, 12 dimensions.
Marco	Well, I won't tell if you won't tell.
	Screen pans up to the sun. Two clouds float close to the sun, and the sun punches them. The sun goes down and the sky gets a little darker to indicate the passage of time. Screen pans back down to Marco and Kelly.
Marco	Wow. If I could pull off a roundhouse kick like that, I'd just roundhouse kick all day.
Kelly	[chuckles] That's the dream, right?
	Kelly's cell phone vibrates inside her hair, and she takes it out.
Kelly	Ugh! It's Tad again!
	The phone screen shows a picture of Tad with his hands together in a prayer pose. The words "PEACE" and "FAMILY" and several peace signs are all around him. A caption under the picture reads "One day... I hope you find your own NESTING PLACE".
Kelly	Why won't he just leave me alone?!
Marco	You could just block him.
Kelly	Really?
Marco	Yeah, it's pretty simple. [points at "Block Number" button] Just press this button right here.
Kelly	Huh. I gotcha. [presses button] Wow. I cannot believe I didn't know about that. Wait a minute.
	The clock on Kelly's phone reads 4:55pm.
Kelly	Is that the time? The library closes in five minutes!
Marco	Hey, hey, don't worry. If it's a fight they want, I'm sure we can take 'em.
Kelly	Marco, no! We don't play when it comes to library fines! If I'm late, I have to cut off my hair!
Marco	What?!
Kelly	Yeah. So let's book it!
	Marco and Kelly run to the Woolandia Library. Inside, the librarian scans a book titled "HOW TO HUG EVERYTHING" for a young Woolett.
Librarian	Okay, you're all set, dear. Oh, and could you tell your mother "hello" from me? [punches Woolett out of library]
Young Woolett	Aah!
	Marco and Kelly run into the library, and Kelly slams her book onto the librarian's desk.
Kelly	[panting] Book!
	A clock on the wall above the desk ticks from "ON TIME" to "LATE". The librarian scans Kelly's book, and her scanner beeps several times.
Librarian	Oh, wow. This was due yesterday.
Kelly	What?!
Librarian	I'm afraid you'll have to pay the overdue fee.
	The librarian presses a button on her desk. The desk splits in half and sinks into the floor. A barber's chair pops up in its place.
Librarian	Let's make this quick. [holds pair of scissors in each of her four arms]
Marco	Now, hold on!
Kelly	Don't bother, Marco. Everything in my life is a mess right now.
	Kelly sits down in the chair as the librarian sharpens her scissors.
Kelly	What's one more situation that I can't control? [sighs] Life is cruel.
Librarian	Yes, it is!
Marco	No! Uh... If Kelly doesn't want to cut her hair, then she shouldn't have to! Librarian lady, I challenge you to a fight! [tosses off hair suit] If I win, you let Kelly keep her hair!
Librarian	[laughs, puts scissors away] You know, I've always wanted to fight a Mewman. [takes out four daggers]
Marco	Actually, I'm a human.
Kelly	Yeah, you are! A soft, squishy human who just threw away his padded hair suit!
Marco	Oh...
Kelly	Well, I guess we're doing this! [pulls hair into ponytail] Okay. Just so you know, librarians are extremely powerful and fight pretty dirty, so, uh, use this. [gives Marco a short sword]
Marco	Whoa! Is this your family's ancestral sword?
Kelly	No! Why would I give that to you? [reaches into her hair] Found it!
	Kelly pulls a large sword out of her hair.
Kelly	This is my family ancestral sword!
Marco	Oh, dang!
Librarian	Ready?
Kelly	Okay, you take the left two arms, I'll take the right. And, uh, try not to die.
Marco	No promises.
	Marco fights the librarian on her right side. Kelly goes around to her right side and knocks one of her daggers out of her hands, and it flies into a poster on the wall.
Librarian	Ooh, that makes me angry!
	The librarian attacks Kelly with three daggers at once, and one of them cuts off a piece of her hair.
Kelly	Aah!
Marco	Kelly!
	Marco jumps in front of Kelly to protect her. They team up against the librarian's three daggers, eventually knocking all of them out of her hands.
Librarian	Aah! [growling]
	Dozens of hair ninjas fly out of the librarian's hair, wielding daggers, maces, and firecrackers. They completely surround Marco and Kelly.
Hair Ninjas	[exclaiming]
Kelly	Hey, you know what might be a good idea?
Marco	Wool-hair-do?
	Marco jumps inside Kelly's hair, and Kelly undoes her ponytail. A firecracker-wielding hair ninja charges at Kelly.
Kelly	Hyah!
	Kelly punches the hair ninja into the air...
Hair Ninja	[grunts] You punched my butt!
	...and Marco pops out of Kelly's hair, sitting on her shoulders, to punch the hair ninja again.
Marco/Kelly	The Top-Knotted Double Fist!
	The hair ninjas all charge at Marco and Kelly, and they knock them away with a spinning flurry of punches and kicks.
Marco/Kelly	Legendary Side Bangs Sweep!
Librarian	[growls, charges at Marco and Kelly]
	Marco and Kelly leap into the air.
Librarian	Huh?
	While in the air, they join hands and fly at the librarian with a spinning punch, and she explodes into more hair ninjas.
Marco/Kelly	The Twist Out of Destruction!
	Marco and Kelly land on the floor, surrounded by unconscious or incapacitated hair ninjas.
Kelly	Oh, my gosh! That was amazing! Um, I cannot believe we just pulled off Dual Mode! It was like I had your mind or something! I've never felt that way before!
Marco	[simultaneously] Oh-ho-ho! You were amazing! That twirling thing you did! And then we were, like, "whoosh" up in the air! I didn't even know fighting could feel that way!
Marco and Kelly	[laughing, sigh]
	Kelly's cell phone vibrates in her hair.
Marco	Uh...
	Kelly fumbles to take her phone out and accidentally presses the "Accept Call" button.
Tad	[on phone] Yo, Kells. It's me again. Tad. Your ex. Saw a tree, and it reminded me of you.
Marco	I thought you blocked him.
Kelly	[turns phone off, sighs] I... I couldn't do it. I know it's not smart, and I am ready to move on, but...
Marco	Actually, I think I might know how you feel. I mean, I don't want to have feelings for Star, 'cause they're getting in the way of... [blushes] ...other feelings.
Kelly	[blushes] Oh! Wow. Yeah. Then, um... I guess you do know exactly how I feel.
Marco	[chuckling nervously] Oh, yeah. Cool. Sure is a bummer about the timing of these feelings.
	One of the hair ninjas' firecrackers detonate into fireworks. The fireworks knock over a stack of books and turn on a tape cassette player.
Female Singer	♪ Your eyes, your eyes ♪ ♪ The light in your eyes ♪ ♪ It's just like the sun ♪ ♪ Oh, it burns me alive ♪
	Marco and Kelly are surrounded by blue and red fireworks.
Marco	[stammering]
	Marco and Kelly blush and stare at each other until the fireworks stop.
Kelly	Buuuut... if we're honest about it, then maybe we could be break-up buddies?
Marco	What's that?
Kelly	Well, you kinda help each other forget your old feelings. So you can move on. [kisses Marco's cheek] Also, you can kiss when the mood is weirdly romantic. [chuckles, takes Marco's hand] And you can hold hands.
	Marco and Kelly leave the library hand-in-hand.
Marco	You know, every time I come to the library, I learn so much.
Kelly	Ugh. We're hopeless.
Marco	Oh, yeah, hopeless. Yeah, it's my middle name.
Kelly	Huh. I thought it was Ubaldo.
Marco	Yeah. "Ubaldo" is Spanish for "hopeless".
Kelly	Really?
Marco	No. No, I-I don't think I know Spanish, actually.
	(end song)