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Episode begins in the Woolandia Dimension. A dimensional portal opens, and Marco sticks his head through.
Marco Diaz Whooooaaaa! Kelly's world is... hairy. All right, let's see here.
Marco takes out a piece of paper with a picture of Kelly's house drawn on it.
Marco Kelly's house should be...
He sees a large mass of hair that matches the drawing.
Marco Oh! There it is! All right. [steps out of portal] One small step for Marco, and I'm not sure what I'm steppin' on. [walks up to Kelly's house] Okay. Just gonna pretend this is a normal house.
Marco reaches his arm into the mass of hair, and the doorbell rings.
Marco You're killin' it, Diaz.
Kelly's father reveals his face through the giant mass of hair.
Marco Oh! Uh, hi there. I'm Marco. Is... Kelly around?
Kelly's father hides his face.
Marco And he's gone. Is this the right house?
Kelly's father jumps out of the hair and dropkicks Marco to the ground.
Marco Ow! [grunts, gasps]
Kelly's father [points sword at Marco's face] Stand and face me, boy!
Kelly Dad? What's going on out here?
Marco This is your dad?! He was trying to—!
Kelly Fight you? Oh, yeah. That's just how us Wooletts say hello. Dad, cool it. You're freaking Marco out.
Kelly's father Oh, right, right, sorry. [puts sword away] Well, now that we're acquainted, Marco, let me give you a hand.
Marco takes Kelly's father's hand, and he slams Marco onto the ground again.
Kelly (o.s.) Dad!
Marco Uh... Hey...
Kelly So, Marco, what brings you here?
Marco Well, we talked about making tortas a while ago. So, I brought over a few ingredients. At least... they were ingredients.
Kelly Cool... [plops onto the couch] Let's, uh, make some tortas...
Two Woolett wrestlers appear on the TV across from Kelly.
Wrestler 1 I'm gonna comb you over real good!
Wrestler 2 Not if I get to those split ends first! Just-just kidding. Your... Your hair looks amazing.
Wrestler 1 Thanks for noticing. But I'll never reveal my conditioner!
Marco [notices Kelly is depressed] Is something wrong?
Kelly Sorry. I just haven't felt like doing anything or talking to anyone lately. [pulls hair back into ponytail]
Marco Yeah. I know it's been hard since Tad... you know.
Kelly's cell phone vibrates, and she picks it up.
Kelly Ugh! He just won't stop calling!
Marco Uh, who won't stop calling?
Kelly Tad!
Marco Tad's alive?!
Kelly But he's still dead to me.
Marco What happened?
Kelly After the battle, he ended up joining this creepy self-help group and started acting all self-righteous. He's become... a nester.
Marco Whaaat?
Kelly [presses "Accept Call" button]
Tad [on phone] Namaste, Kelly. How's it been? Just wanted to say how great I've been doing since we broke up.
Marco Yeesh.
Tad Now that I'm free of all that negative energy, I'm a provider now.
Phone screens zooms out to show Tad is a nest for baby chicks.
Tad It's like, life isn't really worth living unless you're really making a difference in the world.
The chicks' mother appears and feeds them.
Tad Anyways, gotta go! Mother bird provides.
The phone call ends.
Kelly [imitates Tad] "Mother bird provides." Ugh! I'm sorry, Marco. I'm just in a weird place right now. Besides, I got a bunch of boring errands to do today. This library book's not gonna return itself.
Marco Well, I don't mind running to the library with you.
Kelly Really? But it's so boring.
Marco Then we can make it fun together.
Kelly All right. But don't say I didn't warn you.
Marco Yes, ma'am!
Marco follows Kelly, and she tosses a suit of red Woolett hair at him.
Marco Augh! Ugh! What is this?
Kelly You don't want to be caught outside without your hair on, do you? [undoes ponytail and wraps hair around her body] Besides, you're gonna need the extra padding. Trust me.
Marco Oh. [puts on hair suit and follows Kelly] That's not ominous at all.
Marco and Kelly leave the house.
Kelly Bye, Mom! We're off to the library!
Kelly's mother is revealed to be the house itself.
Kelly's mother Bye, sweetie! Don't forget the family ancestral sword!
Kelly Yeah, Mom.
Marco Whaaaaaaat?
Marco and Kelly pass by a large mass of blue hair.
Kelly So, the library's downtown. We'll need to take the bus.
The mass of blue hair is revealed to be a Woolett.
Blue Woolett Huh? Oh, man, I'm late for work!
Brown Woolett Have a good day, sweetie!
At a bus ticket window, a green Woolett is buying a bus ticket.
Green Woolett One, please! [groans]
The ticket lady punches the green Woolett and then gives him a bus ticket.
Marco I don't know why I haven't gotten around to visiting you sooner!
Kelly [to ticket lady] Two for the downtown express, please!
Marco Oh! Let me get 'em! Two for the downtown expr— [gets punched, grunts]
Cut to bus interior; Marco has a black eye.
Marco So, there's no money used here? Everything's done by fighting?
Kelly Yup, everything. Movie tickets are two punches. A hamburger is a kick and a jab. My uncle bought a yacht once. He's still in the hospital.
Elderly Woolett [to Marco] Excuse me, young man, but c-could I fight you for that seat of yours?
Marco Oh, no-no-no-no, please. Just take it.
Elderly Woolett Whaaaaa...?!
Bus Passengers [gasp]
Marco I-Is something wrong?
Kelly Marco! You can't just turn down a fight! That is the most shameful thing you can say to a Woolett!
Indigo Woolett Yeah! How dare you disrespect that old lady! If you won't fight her, I will!
Teal Woolett Hey! I was gonna fight the old lady!
Deep-Blue Woolett I'll fight both of ya to fight her! [screams]
A fight breaks out among all the bus passengers.
Kelly Let's get outta here.
Kelly pulls Marco off the bus, and they run away. The bus itself – a large, yellow, dog-like Woolett with wheels – barks at Marco and Kelly as they flee.
Kelly Sorry this dumb errand is taking way more time than it should.
Marco I don't mind. I always have fun when I'm around you.
Kelly Thanks, but you don't have to say that.
Marco Hey, since you guys are so into fighting, do you have any dojos around here?
Kelly What's a dojo?
Marco You know, a place you go to practice your sweet moves. [pulls hair into ponytail, kiais, does a karate kick]
Kelly Wool-hair-do!
Marco Wool-what-now?
Kelly Wool-hair-do! [shows library book to Marco] It's the ancient martial art of Woolandia!
Marco Whoa! This looks just like karate! [sits down and opens book] But hairier! In a good way!
Kelly My dad taught me to do these moves when I was a toddler. It was the first fighting style that I ever learned.
Marco Whoa, what's goin' on here?
Marco points to a picture of one Woolett standing on another Woolett's shoulders.
Kelly Oh, that's Dual Mode. To do that, you and your partner have to be totally in sync with each other. Like, uh, two Wooletts with one mind.
Marco Looks fun! You wanna try it out?
Kelly Oh, I've never been able to pull it off myself. [turns book page] But how 'bout one of these guys?
Marco Whoa! How is that even possible?!
Kelly Yeah. It's illegal in, like, 12 dimensions.
Marco Well, I won't tell if you won't tell.
Screen pans up to the sun. Two clouds float close to the sun, and the sun punches them. The sun goes down and the sky gets a little darker to indicate the passage of time. Screen pans back down to Marco and Kelly.
Marco Wow. If I could pull off a roundhouse kick like that, I'd just roundhouse kick all day.
Kelly [chuckles] That's the dream, right?
Kelly's cell phone vibrates inside her hair, and she takes it out.
Kelly Ugh! It's Tad again!
The phone screen shows a picture of Tad with his hands together in a prayer pose. The words "PEACE" and "FAMILY" and several peace signs are all around him. A caption under the picture reads "One day... I hope you find your own NESTING PLACE".
Kelly Why won't he just leave me alone?!
Marco You could just block him.
Kelly Really?
Marco Yeah, it's pretty simple. [points at "Block Number" button] Just press this button right here.
Kelly Huh. I gotcha. [presses button] Wow. I cannot believe I didn't know about that. Wait a minute.
The clock on Kelly's phone reads 4:55pm.
Kelly Is that the time? The library closes in five minutes!
Marco Hey, hey, don't worry. If it's a fight they want, I'm sure we can take 'em.
Kelly Marco, no! We don't play when it comes to library fines! If I'm late, I have to cut off my hair!
Marco What?!
Kelly Yeah. So let's book it!
Marco and Kelly run to the Woolandia Library. Inside, the librarian scans a book titled "HOW TO HUG EVERYTHING" for a young Woolett.
Librarian Okay, you're all set, dear. Oh, and could you tell your mother "hello" from me? [punches Woolett out of library]
Young Woolett Aah!
Marco and Kelly run into the library, and Kelly slams her book onto the librarian's desk.
Kelly [panting] Book!
A clock on the wall above the desk ticks from "ON TIME" to "LATE". The librarian scans Kelly's book, and her scanner beeps several times.
Librarian Oh, wow. This was due yesterday.
Kelly What?!
Librarian I'm afraid you'll have to pay the overdue fee.
The librarian presses a button on her desk. The desk splits in half and sinks into the floor. A barber's chair pops up in its place.
Librarian Let's make this quick. [holds pair of scissors in each of her four arms]
Marco Now, hold on!
Kelly Don't bother, Marco. Everything in my life is a mess right now.
Kelly sits down in the chair as the librarian sharpens her scissors.
Kelly What's one more situation that I can't control? [sighs] Life is cruel.
Librarian Yes, it is!
Marco No! Uh... If Kelly doesn't want to cut her hair, then she shouldn't have to! Librarian lady, I challenge you to a fight! [tosses off hair suit] If I win, you let Kelly keep her hair!
Librarian [laughs, puts scissors away] You know, I've always wanted to fight a Mewman. [takes out four daggers]
Marco Actually, I'm a human.
Kelly Yeah, you are! A soft, squishy human who just threw away his padded hair suit!
Marco Oh...
Kelly Well, I guess we're doing this! [pulls hair into ponytail] Okay. Just so you know, librarians are extremely powerful and fight pretty dirty, so, uh, use this. [gives Marco a short sword]
Marco Whoa! Is this your family's ancestral sword?
Kelly No! Why would I give that to you? [reaches into her hair] Found it!
Kelly pulls a large sword out of her hair.
Kelly This is my family ancestral sword!
Marco Oh, dang!
Librarian Ready?
Kelly Okay, you take the left two arms, I'll take the right. And, uh, try not to die.
Marco No promises.
Marco fights the librarian on her right side. Kelly goes around to her right side and knocks one of her daggers out of her hands, and it flies into a poster on the wall.
Librarian Ooh, that makes me angry!
The librarian attacks Kelly with three daggers at once, and one of them cuts off a piece of her hair.
Kelly Aah!
Marco Kelly!
Marco jumps in front of Kelly to protect her. They team up against the librarian's three daggers, eventually knocking all of them out of her hands.
Librarian Aah! [growling]
Dozens of hair ninjas fly out of the librarian's hair, wielding daggers, maces, and firecrackers. They completely surround Marco and Kelly.
Hair Ninjas [exclaiming]
Kelly Hey, you know what might be a good idea?
Marco Wool-hair-do?
Marco jumps inside Kelly's hair, and Kelly undoes her ponytail. A firecracker-wielding hair ninja charges at Kelly.
Kelly Hyah!
Kelly punches the hair ninja into the air...
Hair Ninja [grunts] You punched my butt!
...and Marco pops out of Kelly's hair, sitting on her shoulders, to punch the hair ninja again.
Marco/Kelly The Top-Knotted Double Fist!
The hair ninjas all charge at Marco and Kelly, and they knock them away with a spinning flurry of punches and kicks.
Marco/Kelly Legendary Side Bangs Sweep!
Librarian [growls, charges at Marco and Kelly]
Marco and Kelly leap into the air.
Librarian Huh?
While in the air, they join hands and fly at the librarian with a spinning punch, and she explodes into more hair ninjas.
Marco/Kelly The Twist Out of Destruction!
Marco and Kelly land on the floor, surrounded by unconscious or incapacitated hair ninjas.
Kelly Oh, my gosh! That was amazing! Um, I cannot believe we just pulled off Dual Mode! It was like I had your mind or something! I've never felt that way before!
Marco [simultaneously] Oh-ho-ho! You were amazing! That twirling thing you did! And then we were, like, "whoosh" up in the air! I didn't even know fighting could feel that way!
Marco and Kelly [laughing, sigh]
Kelly's cell phone vibrates in her hair.
Marco Uh...
Kelly fumbles to take her phone out and accidentally presses the "Accept Call" button.
Tad [on phone] Yo, Kells. It's me again. Tad. Your ex. Saw a tree, and it reminded me of you.
Marco I thought you blocked him.
Kelly [turns phone off, sighs] I... I couldn't do it. I know it's not smart, and I am ready to move on, but...
Marco Actually, I think I might know how you feel. I mean, I don't want to have feelings for Star, 'cause they're getting in the way of... [blushes] ...other feelings.
Kelly [blushes] Oh! Wow. Yeah. Then, um... I guess you do know exactly how I feel.
Marco [chuckling nervously] Oh, yeah. Cool. Sure is a bummer about the timing of these feelings.
One of the hair ninjas' firecrackers detonate into fireworks. The fireworks knock over a stack of books and turn on a tape cassette player.
Female Singer ♪ Your eyes, your eyes ♪
♪ The light in your eyes ♪
♪ It's just like the sun ♪
♪ Oh, it burns me alive ♪
Marco and Kelly are surrounded by blue and red fireworks.
Marco [stammering]
Marco and Kelly blush and stare at each other until the fireworks stop.
Kelly Buuuut... if we're honest about it, then maybe we could be break-up buddies?
Marco What's that?
Kelly Well, you kinda help each other forget your old feelings. So you can move on. [kisses Marco's cheek] Also, you can kiss when the mood is weirdly romantic. [chuckles, takes Marco's hand] And you can hold hands.
Marco and Kelly leave the library hand-in-hand.
Marco You know, every time I come to the library, I learn so much.
Kelly Ugh. We're hopeless.
Marco Oh, yeah, hopeless. Yeah, it's my middle name.
Kelly Huh. I thought it was Ubaldo.
Marco Yeah. "Ubaldo" is Spanish for "hopeless".
Kelly Really?
Marco No. No, I-I don't think I know Spanish, actually.
(end song)
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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