Lint Catcher/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Scene opens with a glimpse of Star Butterfly's room on the outside of Mewni castle.
Star	[singing] ♪ Oh, burrito burrito / I'll never let you go, my little burrito / Burrito, burrito, burrito / We've such a long way to go / For me to eat you ♪
	While Star is singing, Marco Diaz climbs into her room through the window.
Marco	Hey, Star!
Star	[shrikes, throws burrito at Marco] Marco! What did I tell you about– wait... Marco!
Marco	Hi.
Star	Oh, my goodness! [hesitantly] It's so good to see you. Um... what are you doing here?
Marco	I missed it here, so, I decided to come back permanently.
	A toilet flushes in another room. The pair can hear Tom Lucitor singing.
Tom	♪ Burrito / burrito / I'll never let... ♪
	Tom walks into Star's room.
Marco	Tom?
Tom	Marco!
Marco	Tom!
Lady Whosits	Intruder!
	She tackles Marco. A whole swarm of knights hop into Star's room through the window.
Star	Uh, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
	The knights continue to secure Marco as a prisoner.
Star	Guys, guys, hey guys, it's all right. It's just Marco.
Marco	I'm not an intruder. King River said I could be a knight. See? I got the cape and everything.
Lady Whosits	[laughs slowly, holds up Marco by the cape] Look, he's got a cape.
	All the other knights begin to laugh at him. The scene changes to the throne room where Queen and King Butterfly are seated.
Queen Butterfly	Ugh, River. I'm so confused here. You told Marco he could be a knight?
King Butterfly	Well, uh, yeah... I never actually thought we'd see him again. Ha ha!
Queen Butterfly	I'm sorry, Marco, but I'm afraid that's not how it works.
Marco	But King River gave me a knight's cape. M for Mewni.
King Butterfly	No, my boy, that's my meat blanket.
Marco	Meat blanket?
King Butterfly	Yes. I also have a cheese doily. [holds it up]
Queen Butterfly	[sighs]
Marco	But I wore this thing every day. For weeks... weeks.
King Butterfly	I'm sorry, Marco, but becoming a knight is no easy task.
Queen Butterfly	Yes, it takes years of intense training, dear.
Lady Whosits	Yeah. Years of intense training.
Other Knight	He hasn't even been a squire.
Marco	A squire? Hey, I can do that.
Queen Butterfly	River, are any of our knights in need of a squire?
King Butterfly	Wait, I've got it. How about we set him up with Sir Pop Lock and Dropeth? Hmm? That old scamp!
Queen Butterfly	[whispering] Um, actually, he "popped, locked, and dropped".
King Butterfly	You mean...? Oh, my.
Queen Butterfly	Star, why don't you have Marco stay with you? It will give you two a chance to catch up while we figure this out.
Star	Wait, wait, wait. I know a knight he can squire for.
	Scene changes to large stairwell.
Marco	Man, Star. I'm sorry. I feel like I just crash landed into your life–
Star	Well, we figured it out.
Marco	[awkward silence] Yeah... um, cool. Wow, heh. Check out all these stairs. Sure are a lot.
Star	So, what does Jackie think about all this?
Marco	Oh, well, she wasn't really into it... but... you know me. Ain't nobody telling me what to do. [chuckles, silence] That-that was a joke. Ugh. Actually, yeah, she... she broke up with me.
Star	Well, I'm very sorry about that.
Marco	So... are you and Tom–
Star	Yep! Oh, look, here's that door we were walking to.
	They hear Sir Lavabo laughing as they open the door to the laundry room. He is within a large pile of clothes.
Sir Lavabo	[pulls out a sock] Ah ha! Found you!
Star	Ah, here's our guy, Sir Lavabo. Hi!
Sir Lavabo	Ah, princess. I will be with you shortly. I have a job to finish.
	He lays the sock on a table next to another sock.
Sir Lavabo	There. Every sock in the kingdom now has its mate. How may I be of service?
Star	Well, I... I got you a squire.
Sir Lavabo	[gasps] My own squire? What do you call him?
Star	Marco Diaz.
Marco	What? I'm squiring for the laundry guy?
Star	Yeah. This is Sir Lavabo. He's super cool.
Marco	But I'd be way down here in the basement.
Star	Actually, sub-basement. So moody. You're gonna love it.
Marco	Yeah, but, just the same, how about you princess me up something a little closer, like, say, something in the castle?
Star	Marco, just 'cause I'm a princess doesn't mean I can do anything I want.
Marco	Yeah, but if I'm all the way down here, we're never even gonna see each other.
Star	[growls, yelling] You don't appreciate anything I do! [storms off]
Marco	Star, wait. I didn't mean...
	Star slams the door, leaving Marco in the laundry chamber.
Sir Lavabo	Marco Diaz, are you ready for your first quest?
Marco	Yeah... sure. What are we doing?
Sir Lavabo	You must empty the lint catcher.
	The scene jumps back to Star as she walks through the castle grounds.
Star	[imitating Marco] "Oh, hey Star! I just showed up out of nowhere. Why don't you give me a job to do?" [herself] "Okay, Marco, here's a job." [imitating Marco] "No, not that job! Another job–"
	Star trips on a large chain connected to a tree. The other end is connected to Eclipsa Butterfly, who's currently feeding birds seed.
Eclipsa	Hello.
Star	Eclipsa. They're giving you some outdoor time. That's great.
Eclipsa	I know. And real dragon chains, too. [sigh] They make a lady feel so free.
Star	Oh, yeah, that's, uh, that's really awesome. Can I sit? Sit, like, right there?
	Eclipsa grunts while moving herself and the chain to make room for Star on the bench.
Star	[sighs] Thanks.
Eclipsa	[handing Star the bird seed] Here, take a load off. Feed the birds. Always makes me feel better.
Star	[grabs the bag angrily, starts eating it] I don't get how some people think it's okay to just drop into your life without so much as a head's up text. You know what I'm saying? And then you try to help him out, no appreciation.
Eclipsa	So, what's his name?
Star	Huh? What? No, no, no, no, no, it's not like that. Well, well not anymore. It's just Marco.
Eclipsa	Ah, Marco. So that's it.
Star	Marco thinks that just because I'm a princess, I can get him whatever job he wants.
Eclipsa	Well, can't you?
Star	No... fine, yes. But that's not the point.
Eclipsa	Well, now that he's here, do you want him to stay?
Star	Uh, yeah... no. Ugh, I don't know. [sighs] Doesn't matter anyway. I already made him a laundry squire.
Eclipsa	[concerned] He's squiring for the knight of the wash? Uh, well then your problem will take care of itself, dear.
Star	What's that supposed to mean?
Eclipsa	No squire has ever survived more than a day in the laundry room. It's the most dangerous place in the castle.
Star	[gasps] Marco! I got to go. [throws the bag down] Thanks for the popcorn.
Eclipsa	That wasn't popcorn.
	Scene changes back to the laundry room.
Star	Lavabo, where's Marco?
Sir Lavabo	On his first quest, cleaning out the lint catcher, milady.
	Lots of pink lint flows out of a large barrel.
Star	Oh, no. [casting spell] Sparkle slushie juice blast!
Sir Lavabo	Wait, princess!
	Star's spell hurls her into the lint catcher. The catcher is full of fluffy pink lint. A large fan sits at the back.
Star	Marco? [pause] Whoa!
	A face in the lint wearing a sock as a hat sticks its tongue out at Star, then dissapears.
Star	That was weird.
	Star gazes more at her surroundings. She spies Marko with a horrified look on his face hiding behind a support beam.
Star	[screaming] Marco! There you are.
	She walks towards him.
Marco	[whispering] No, don't. You're gonna wake it up.
Star	What?
Marco	[whispering] No, I said. Don't. You're gonna wake it up.
Star	What?
	Star arrives at where Marco is.
Marco	[sighs, no longer whispering] I said, you're gonna wake it up.
	All of the lint begins to crawl into a large pile. The pile roars, revealing several rows of teeth, and it begins lashing out with lint tentacles.
Marco	Whoa!
Star	[yelps]
	It grabs Marco by the feet and reels him into its mouth.
Marco	Whoa! Aah! Star!
Star	[casting spell] Rolling thunder lightning blast!
	The spell hits and Marco is dropped. The lint then grabs Star
Star	Aah!
Marco	Star!
	Star screams as Marco charges, jumping into the lint's mouth causing it to drop Star.
Star	Marco!
Lint	[burps] Huh? [belches out Marco]
	Marco lands on top of Star.
Star	Marco, are you okay?
Marco	[points] We gotta get that fan moving.
	The lint moves in front of the fan, blocking their path. Marco begins punching one of its tentacles. Star blasts it with a spell. She then propels Marco forward with a blast from her wand.
Marco	Hiya!
	He grabs the fan's blades.
Marco	It won't budge!
Star	Wiggle harder!
	The lint swarms around Marco.
Star	I'm coming, Marco.
	Star jumps up and grabs on to Marco's legs.
Star	Ha, gotcha!
Marco	Whoa!
	Their combined weight forces the blade to start spinning, and the lint is sucked away into it. Marco grabs onto Star.
Star	Fantastic exit beam!
	Both scream as they exit the catcher and land in a pile of laundry.
Sir Lavabo	Bravo! Fantastique! Only one other squire has survived the lint catcher. Me! Marco Diaz, you will make a fine squire for the knights of the wash.
Marco	[laughs] Great. Thanks, I guess.
Star	Uh, Lavabo, can you give us a sec? I need to talk to Marco alone.
Sir Lavabo	As you wish, Princess. Long live the wash! [marches away]
Star	[sighs] Okay, listen, Marco. Here's the thing. A lot has changed in my life since you left. It's complicated, but I finally figured out that I just need to be the best princess I can now. And with you here it's really hard to–
Marco	Yeah, yeah. I totally get it. It was a crazy bad idea for me to do this without giving you a heads up. I'll go back to Earth.
Star	That's not what I meant.
	The scene changes to a hallway in the castle lined with many paintings.
Marco	Okay, can I, uh, take my hands off my face, please? I feel like I'm gonna run into something.
Star	Okay, stop. This is the place. [casts spell] Sparkle glitter bomb expand. Okay, you can look now.
Marco	Whoa.
	He opens a newly formed door, leading to his room.
Marco	Is that... [gasps] What? No way! I can't believe it!
	The laser puppies greet him.
Marco	[excited] My room! [gasps] All my stuff! My galactic kung fu doll. [gasps] This is so great!
Star	Marco, kneel.
Marco	[laughs] Uh, what?
Star	Marco, sit.
	All the puppies sit.
Marco	What are-are you doing?
Star	[clears throat] Head down, please.
	Star is enveloped in a cone of light.
Star	I hereby declare that you, Marco Ubaldo Diaz, shall henceforth be my royal squire, to stay by my side in times of peace or danger, as my most trusted confidant and advisor.
	As she speaks, Star touches her wand to each of Marco's shoulders.
Star	To go clubbing with me even when he's too tired, to share his late night nachos, but most importantly to be my very best friend so long as we both shall live. Amen. Do you accept?
Marco	I do. [pause, they smile] Wait, do princesses even have squires?
Star	I'm a princess. I can do what I want.