(theme song)
Episode begins on Diaz Household exterior. Fighting is heard in the background.
Star Butterfly (o.s.) Hiyaah!
Marco Diaz (o.s.) Hiyaah!
Bearicorn goes flying off-screen. Cut to the backyard. Marco fights Ludo's giraffe minion.
Giraffe monster [growls]
Marco Hiyaah!
Marco kicks the giraffe monster in the throat.
Giraffe monster [choked] My weak spot!
Beard Deer sneaks up behind Star and grabs her.
Star [screaming]
Marco Star?
Bearicorn and the frill-neck monster dogpile on Marco.
Ludo Yes, yes! Now somebody grab the wand! Lobster Claws, you!
Lobster Claws Oh, yeah, I got this! Go, red boy! Go, red boy! Go, red boy!
Ludo Stop flexing your thorax and get it already!
Lobster Claws This is happening now!
Lobster Claws approaches Star...
Marco [yelling]
Star [yelling]
...and grabs what he believes to be Star's wand.
Lobster Claws Booyah! I got it! I got it! [laughing]
Ludo What the?
Buff Frog,
Bearicorn, and
Three-eyed Potato Baby
Lobster Claws You got clawed! [holding Beard Deer's left antler] Eww.
Beard Deer Huh?
Beard Deer notices his snipped antler and screams in pain, releasing Star. Star jumps into the air.
Star Poison Crystal Cupcake Kiss!
Star fires upon the monsters with cupcakes.
Ludo's army [groaning]
Bearicorn I love cupcakes! Ahh!
Bearicorn opens his mouth to catch a cupcake. A cupcake hits him in the eye.
Bearicorn [screaming, crying]
Star blasts Ludo with cupcakes, knocking him off his flying bat.
Ludo Oof! [sighing]
Star That was fun! But we gotta go to school. Ooh, you're on my backpack.
Ludo Here.
Ludo hands Star her backpack, and Star and Marco leave.
Ludo All right, morons. [opens dimensional portal] Walk of shame. You know the drill.
Ludo's monsters groan in pain as they enter the portal.
Ludo Oh, quit crying and rub some dirt on it!
Lobster Claws approaches the portal, but Ludo stops him.
Ludo Whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa, whoa. Where do you think you're going, hm?
Lobster Claws Uh, back home to celebrate how close we came with my bros.
Ludo After that performance?! You, sir, are a steaming pile of monster garbage! And... you're fired!
Ludo enters the portal. Before the portal closes, Lobster Claws holds it open.
Lobster Claws [laughing] Good one. You really had me going, boss.
Ludo Ugh, you're even bad at getting fired!
Two-headed monster I can't believe I was friends with him.
Buff Frog (o.s.) What a loser.
Beard Deer takes his antler back from Lobster Claws, and the portal closes.
Lobster Claws [gasps, crying]
Camera slowly zooms out from Lobster Claws on his knees. Cut to house interior hours later. Star and Marco enter.
Star Earth history is so cool. Ben Franklin blowing up that kite monster with his electric lightning powers? Like, whoa.
Marco Heh, yeah. That's not what happened.
Star Hey, look.
Camera shows Lobster Claws standing still in the backyard.
Star [screams]
Star and Marco run up to Lobster Claws. Star knocks him down and points her wand at him. Marco wields a frying pan.
Star You want seconds on those cupcakes?!
Star Um, this is the part where you fight back.
Lobster Claws [sobbing] Blast me! Do it!
Star [yelps]
Marco Um... Are you okay?
Lobster Claws Well, uh, the thing is... [sobbing] Master Ludo fired me! I can never show my face on Mewni again!
Marco Oh, man. He's taking this really hard.
Star This is probably just a monster trick.
Marco I don't think he's faking it. We should do something.
Star Like what?
Marco I don't know. But we can't just leave him like this.
Star Marco, why do you even care? He's a monster!
Lobster Claws shakes a tree, and several squirrels scurry out.
Squirrels [chittering]
Lobster Claws [screaming]
Star Monsters are the bad guys.
Lobster Claws [holding a squirrel] I don't have to be bad. In fact, I've always secretly wanted to be good.
Marco Really? Well, maybe we can show you how.
Star What? That's crazy! Monsters... are... evil! It's just their nature.
Lobster Claws No, it's not! Look!
Lobster Claws sets the squirrel down on the ground.
Squirrel [friendly chittering]
Marco See?
Lobster Claws Yeah!
The squirrel's tail hangs out of Lobster Claws' mouth. Lobster Claws swallows the mouth.
Lobster Claws See?
Cut to moments later. The squirrel runs away in bandages and a neck cone.
Marco Okay, Lobster Claws. The key to being good is "do unto others as you'd have them do to you."
A guy on a bicycle rides by. Lobster Claws punches him. He falls over off-screen.
Lobster Claws Like that?
Marco Actually, that's 100% wrong and you want to do the opposite. Now say you're sorry.
Bicycle guy That's all right! I landed on a sprinkler!
Lobster Claws This is too hard. I'm never gonna get this.
Star Yeah. You should just give up.
Marco [laughing] Okay. Don't listen to her. Uh, the next time you get the urge to punch somebody, just imagine how it would feel if it happened to you.
Lobster Claws I got the urge! ...Wow, that totally would've hurt.
Little girl [sobbing]
Marco Aww, what's wrong?
Little girl My kitty's stuck in the twee.
Mr. Mittens [meow]
Marco Lobster Claws, this is your chance.
Lobster Claws climbs up into the tree.
Little girl [gasps] Careful with my Mr. Mittens!
Lobster Claws climbs out of the tree with Mr. Mittens.
Lobster Claws Ta-da!
Little girl Thank you so much, Mr. Lobster Man!
Marco I knew there was some good in him.
Mr. Mittens [o.s., screeching]
Mr. Mittens' tail hangs out of Lobster Claws' mouth.
Star and Marco [yelps]
Star and Marco retrieve Mr. Mittens from Lobster Claws' mouth.
Mr. Mittens [meow]
Star Now do you see what we're dealing with?!
Marco Mr. Mittens is fine. No harm, no fou— [screams]
The little girl's legs hang out of Lobster Claws' mouth.
Little girl [muffled screaming]
Star and Marco [yells]
Cut to moments later.
Marco Okay, that was my fault. I assumed you knew this, but... you can't eat children.
Lobster Claws Really? Not even annoying ones?
Marco Never!
Woman (o.s.) Help! Help!
A woman's house is on fire.
Woman Help me! My baby is still inside!
Star and Marco Your baby?!
Lobster Claws Don't worry. Red boy's got this.
Marco Wait!
Lobster Claws And I'm totally not gonna eat it!
Lobster Claws enters the burning house.
Star Cotton Candy Fire Extinguish!
Star puts out the fire with mounds of pink cotton candy.
Woman My baby! Oh, my baby, my sweet baby... [runs up to a piano] ...grand piano! Were you scared? Tell me what you're feeling.
The woman plays a single note on the piano, and it automatically plays "Camptown Races."
Woman [singing]
Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-dah, doo-dah
Marco I was wondering where that piano music was coming from.
Star Um, where's Lobster Claws?
There's a hole in the house's back wall shaped like Lobster Claws. Star and Marco go behind the house and find Lobster Claws eating the contents of an ice cream cart.
Lobster Claws [gurgling]
Marco Well, he's not eating humans. That's a step forward.
Cut to a town crosswalk. It turns from red to green. An old lady slowly crosses the street.
Marco Okay, here's an easy one. Help the old lady cross the street.
Lobster Claws scurries up to the old lady.
Lobster Claws I'll help you, miss.
Marco I'd say he's starting to get this.
Star Well, I'm not taking my eyes off him for one sec—
Star and Marco [screaming]
Cut back to Lobster Claws, who has somehow set the city on fire. The old lady runs away as Lobster Claws holds up a car. The bicycle guy from before rides past wearing a flaming helmet.
Bicycle guy [screaming] Where's a sprinkler?!
Lobster Claws [screaming]
Cut to Diaz Household some time later. Marco, Star, and Lobster Claws watch the news.
Newscaster (v.o.) Tragedy today as a rampaging lobster man destroyed four city blocks.
The TV screen shows Lobster Claws' monstrous image with the on-screen caption "CITY IN A PINCH!!!"
Newscaster (v.o.) Miraculously, no one was injured, but one cyclist mourns the loss of his new bike.
Bicycle guy Oh, it was our first outing together. Now I have nothing.
Marco turns the TV off.
Marco [laughing weakly] Yeah, you know how the news sensationalizes things. I still believe you can be good. But until then, I'm gonna find some rubber bands for your claws.
Star [inhales to speak]
Marco Save it. [walks off-screen]
Lobster Claws Why is being good so hard?
Star The problem is Marco's trying to make you something you're not. You're a vile, repulsive monster. Why fight it?
Lobster Claws Yeah. I am repulsive. I shouldn't be helping humans. I should be hurting them. You in particular.
Star And I wish I could just get back to smashing your face! Maybe there's a way we can both get what we want.
Cut to the backyard. The bandaged squirrel from before picks up an acorn. Star sleeps on a hammock.
Star [snoring]
A dimensional portal opens, and Ludo appears.
Ludo Shhh.
Ludo and his army tiptoe out of the portal. Beard Deer's left antler is bandaged to his head. Just before Ludo takes the wand, Star wakes up.
Star Ludo!
Ludo's army Huh?
Star I was just dreaming about kicking your butt!
Inside, Marco comes down the stairs with two stuffed teddy bears.
Marco I couldn't find any giant rubber bands, but... teddy bear mittens! Guys?
Three-eyed Potato Baby crashes in.
Marco [runs outside, yelps]
Marco ducks under a laser beam.
Marco Star!
Star knocks the warthog monster back. She jumps into the air, and the two-headed monster bounces backward on her hammock. Star lands next to Marco and blasts the two-headed monster.
Marco They're back?!
Star [whispering] Yeah. I lured them here to get Lobster Claws his old job back. I'm gonna let him beat me up. Play along.
Star blasts the giraffe monster.
Marco What?! That's crazy!
Star All right, Ludo, I got more than cupcakes this time!
Star Uh, I said, "I got more than cupcakes this time."
Lobster Claws appears from behind a fence.
Lobster Claws Go, red boy!
Lobster Claws throws a punch that misses Star. Star staggers back.
Star Ahh!
Lobster Claws Booyakasha! Don't worry, boss. I got this. Raahhhh!
Ludo "Boss"? [stammers] Didn't I fire you?
Lobster Claws and Star pretend to fight.
Warthog monster You know, he has gotten way better.
Buff Frog Very impressed.
Three-eyed Potato Baby [babbling]
Ludo Yes, yes, I do see marked improvement. But I'd really be impressed if you would just GRAB THE WAND!
Star [falls over, dramatic] He's defeated me! Ahhhh!
Lobster Claws takes the wand.
Star Hey!
Ludo Yeeesss!
Star [yelps]
Marco [yelps]
The wand cracks and turns from a purple form with white wings to a black-eye form with purple thorns. Lobster Claws' eyes turn black and purple.
Lobster Claws [voice getting gravelly] What's... happening... to me?!
Rocks and the bandaged squirrel levitate off the ground.
Lobster Claws [growling]
Beard Deer's left antler detaches and floats away.
Beard Deer Oh, not again!
Lobster Claws Being bad... feels so gooooood...!
Star How could you do this?! I was trying to help you!
Lobster Claws [growling] ...Huh?
Lobster Claws' eyes return to normal. The wand changes to a crab-like form.
Star Whoa!
Ludo Don't listen to her. She's the enemy!
Lobster Claws and the wand turn dark again.
Star No, I saw the good in you! Don't do it!
Lobster Claws and the wand turn normal again.
Ludo Act like a monster and give it to me!
Lobster Claws and the wand turn dark again.
Star Lobster Claws! Please!
Lobster Claws and the wand shift continuously between dark and normal.
Marco Hiiii...yah!
Marco runs up and kicks the wand out of Lobster Claws' pincer. The bandaged squirrel and rocks fall to the ground. Star catches the wand, and it returns to its purple white-winged form.
Ludo Ugh! I always forget about that karate boy!
Star Stardust Daisy Devastation!
Star blasts Ludo and the monsters with a blast of magic pollen.
Ludo [coughing] Retreat!
Ludo's monsters retreat into a dimensional portal. Lobster Claws approaches the portal, but Ludo stops him again.
Ludo Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. YOU! You had the wand in the palm of your claws! ...What did it feel like?
Lobster Claws It kind of tingled.
Ludo I knew it! I'm so jealous! Can I touch your claws?! [rubs Lobster Claws' pincer] Niiiiice! After you!
Lobster Claws enters the portal, and Ludo follows.
Marco Don't do it, Lobster Claws! What about wanting to be good?
Lobster Claws' pincer emerges from the portal to punch Marco.
Ludo (o.s.) That's my monster!
Star Huh. Marco, you were right. There was some good in him, after all.
Marco [lying on the ground] Not much.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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