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(theme song)
Episode begins at Britta's Tacos. Oskar Greason is taking an old lady's order. Jackie Lynn Thomas and Chloe are seen sitting at one of the outdoor tables.
Old Lady Golly, I'm excited. I haven't had a chimichanga since I lost my molars in 1988.
Oskar Greason Whoa. I wasn't even alive in '88. [gives old lady her food in a paper bag] Here you go.
Old Lady Oh, boy!
The old lady reaches for the paper bag, but the ground suddenly starts to shake.
People [gasping]
The trembling stops.
Old Lady [chuckles] Strange weather, huh? But nothin' calms the nerves like a nice chimi—
The ground starts to shake again.
Oskar and Old Lady [gasping]
The trembling stops again.
Old Lady Well, how do you like that? You know, this place was built on a tar pit. Maybe you ought to check that there isn't a tar geyser bubblin' in the basement.
Oskar Good thinking, old chick. [runs off]
Old Lady Now, wait a second. What about my—?
The old lady's food flies into her arms from off-screen.
Old Lady Oh, there you are.
The ground shakes yet again. Scene cuts to the underground cavern under Britta's Tacos.
Star Butterfly Glittery Mad Sparkle Piano!
Star conjures a talking piano...
Piano Hi, Star!
...and tosses it into the well of magic.
Piano [screams]
Star [looks into the well] Where is she?! Exploding Incandescent Wrecking Ball Devastation!
Star conjures a wrecking ball and tosses it into the well. Janna dumps a trash can full of garbage into the well. Tom walks up holding a box of raw meat.
Tom Lucitor I got a... got a box of garbage meat.
Star Put it in the hole, Tom.
Tom throws the box into the well. Marco is analyzing the hieroglyphics depicting Glossaryck and the well of magic.
Marco Diaz (o.s.) So, if this is the magic well, it's leading to these boats traveling here...
Star (o.s.) Giant Narwal Avalanche Explosion!
Marco ...Yeah! That's it! Star, if the magic well connects Earth and Mewni, then what if the first Mewmans were actually humans?
Star Marco! Less talky, more trashy! Sparkling Landfill Garbage Geyser!
Oskar (o.s.) Star?
Oskar reaches the bottom of the ladder leading into the underground cavern.
Oskar Hey, I didn't know you worked at Britta's Tacos.
Janna She doesn't, you clod. [drops rusty toaster oven into the well]
Oskar Uh, so if you don't work here, then what are you doing in the basement?
Star Look, Oskar, we're kind of in an emergency-type situation here. See, I need to get home, and the only way home is down that well and through a big ol' magic slip-and-slide that makes you lose your mind if you're in it too long. So I'm trying to call my daughter – my unicorn daughter – because she stays sane in the magic, and she can guide us through in one piece. So we're throwing garbage down the well to get her attention.
Oskar Garbage?
Star Oskar, please, try to keep up! My unicorn daughter is a total neat freak. Don't know where she got that from. But the garbage we throw down the well will bring her to us.
Oskar Huh. Well, how about the meat cooler?
Oskar points to a meat cooler. One side of the cooler has the words "SUPER FREEZE" on it. Another side has a picture of an anthropomorpic leg of meat dressed like a superhero.
Oskar I bet your unicorn daughter wouldn't be able to ignore that big boy.
Star, Marco, Tom, Janna, and Oskar slowly push the meat cooler toward the well. The Firstborn pops out of the well, looking angry.
Firstborn Stop throwing garbage in here!
Star Firstborn! Thank goodness! You gotta listen. We need you to take us into the well that leads to Mewni.
Firstborn Every time you come in here, you sour this place. I cannot help you. Goodbye.
The Firstborn disappears back into the well. Star, Marco, Tom, Janna, and Oskar look inside the well.
Janna Soooo... what do we do now?
Star Well, WE don't do anything. Looks like I gotta just drive in there and hopefully make it back to the Mewni well before I lose my mind.
Marco What? No way. You're not going in there by yourself. We're going together, Star.
Oskar Yeah. Together.
Star [smiles]
Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna scream as they ride Oskar's car into the well and land inside the Realm of Magic.
Firstborn No. No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
Star [rolls down car window] Thanks for letting us borrow your car, Oskar!
Firstborn What are you doing? You have to go! The last time you were here, you caused a major problem for me.
Star Bee-oop!
Star magically creates reins around the Firstborn's muzzle.
Star Okay, look, here's the deal. You're my daughter, so you have to do what I say. I need you to lead us through the magic to the Mewni well. And if you don't, do you really want four goo-goo-brained teenagers who've lost their minds running around down here? Yeah, that's right. We're teenagers. We're great at causing problems.
Firstborn If you want to go back to Mewni, then I'll send you back to Mewni.
The Firstborn's horn starts to glow. Star grabs the Firstborn's horn.
Star No! No, no! Don't do the zappy thing! We all have to go back together. Now, be a good daughter unicorn and pull us to the Mewni well. And no more complaining.
Firstborn I can't believe I'm doing this. Huh. I must be crazy.
The Firstborn starts pulling Oskar's car by her reins.
Star Now, I can't have any monkey business, so just to be safe, I'm setting the child lock. [lock clicks]
Janna [scoffs] Star, give us a little credit.
Star Nuh-uh. I can't risk any of you guys getting out of the car. This place does crazy things to your mind, and if you were to wander off, you'd be done for. Trust me. Now, come on. Let's just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Tom It is pretty cool.
The Firstborn starts looking around nervously.
Janna [holds up a tennis ball] Hey, guys? What are these things?
Marco Uh, that's just a tennis b... a tennis b... uhhh... [blinks, looks at Janna] ...Hi.
Janna Hi.
Star Oh, boy. It's already starting? All right, say goodbye to your memories, people.
Marco What? It's kicking in already?! But I'm not ready!
Janna [scoffs] Looks like somebody can't handle his magic. [laughs]
Tom [laughs] Newbie.
Star Marco, my man. Sit back and relax. Just let it wash over you.
Marco ...What am I doing here? I didn't want this. [pulls his hood over his head] Tom... gets what he wants. Gets to go home.
Tom has a goofy smile and tennis balls on his horns. Another tennis ball bounces off his face.
Marco Janna... gets to be... weird.
A tennis ball flies into Janna's mouth, and she spits it out.
Marco [sighs] I don't get to have what I want. [to himself] You don't even know what you want! Yes, I do. I want, I w... I want... I want... I want to be...
Marco shifts around in his seat and puts his head on Star's lap.
Marco ...to be very small. And I want you... uh... I want you to put me in your pocket. And I want to stay there. And you can just reach in whenever you want and just pat me on the head.
Star starts to stroke Marco's head.
Marco Because I love you, Star.
Scene cuts back to reality; the previous scene was Marco's hallucination.
Star What'd you just say?
Marco [laughs] What?
Star smiles at Marco.
Marco [looks toward back seat, screams] That guy's got three eyes!
Tom I do?! [exclaims] Get it— Get it— Get it— Get it off! Get it off!
Star It's all right. It's all right. Marco, be cool, man. That's just... uh, what's your name again?
Tom It's, uh... Oh, man! [laughs] I have no idea!
Janna Whoa. Cool. All guys should have three eyes.
The Firstborn continues to pull Oskar's car through the Realm of Magic.
Janna [bounces tennis ball off Tom's head, groans] I want to go outside!
Star [plays with steering wheel] We're not supposed to! But I can't remember why.
Tom Maybe... we're in... time-out. I mean, we must've done something bad, 'cause we're stuck in this dirty, stinky place, and it is so pretty out there!
Marco [shrieking]
Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna see the Firstborn through the car's windshield and scream.
Star It has so many legs! [gasps] Oh, my gosh. What if... what if that thing is holding us prisoner?
Janna You gotta run that thing over.
Tom Oh, do it, do it.
Star Sounds good. Awww, but I don't remember how to make the box move. Trying... to... remember...!
Star summons a tiny narwhal.
Star [exclaims]
Star, Marco, Tom, Janna [laugh]
Janna I can't tell if I wanna hug it or eat it.
Marco [looks at Firstborn, screams again] What is that?!
Star steps on the gas pedal and pushes the car into the Firstborn.
Firstborn [grunts] Watch it!
Star, Marco, Tom, Janna [laugh]
Janna Do it again!
Star drives the car and chases after the Firstborn.
Firstborn Stop this at once!
Star presses on the gas pedal with her hands while Marco steers with the steering wheel.
Marco We almost got it!
Firstborn STOP!
The Firstborn's magic flashes, and the car stops, hovering over the water.
Star, Marco, Tom, Janna [exclaim]
Firstborn Behave! Or I will turn this thing around, so help me! We have nearly reached the Mewni well. Just sit still and... [gasps]
The Firstborn is suddenly dragged under the water. The car falls onto the ground.
Star, Marco, Tom, Janna [grunt]
Star Where'd she go?
Marco Maybe she's in that purple stuff we're sitting in.
The car sits in the middle of a puddle of black water.
Marco Huh.
Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna stare blankly into space.
Star I'm bored. Hey, let's go do something fun.
Marco Oh, I love fun! Let's do that.
Janna Okay.
Tom screams demonically and blows the roof off the car. The roof lands far away. Tom now has a more demonic appearance, and his body's on fire.
Tom [altered voice] Wow. I am so sorry for that. I just blew up. I didn't even know I could do that. Oh, boy. I'm still on fire. There's gotta be an "off" switch somewhere here, right? [turns his head 270 degrees]
Star Let's go play.
Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna struggle to remove their seatbelts.
Janna Let me go!
The Firstborn pops up out of the water.
Firstborn [gasps]
Star Oh, hello. Hey, could you help us? We don't know how to get out of these things, and he's on fire.
Tom [shrugs] I can't figure it out.
Firstborn [gasps] The Mewni... The Mewni Well... is just ahead!
Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna look at a nearby waterfall flowing upward.
Firstborn [gasping] Go! Go now before he gets—!
A black horn swims up to the Firstborn, and she is pulled back down under the water. A pause, then Star, Marco, Tom, and Janna continue to struggle with their seatbelts. Star accidentally presses the unfastening button on her seatbelt.
Star Ohhhhh! The button makes the rope-y thing let go!
Marco and Janna unfasten their seatbelts, too. They and Star run off laughing.
Tom Hey, guys, wait for me! [pulled back by seatbelt] ...Hey, guys, wait for me! [pulled back by seatbelt]
Star and Marco frolic through the water together.
Star and Marco [laughing] Whee!
They both soon fall over onto their backs.
Star You're fun.
Marco [chuckles] You're fun, too.
Star and Marco I like you.
White Unicorn (o.s.) Excuse me.
A little white unicorn appears from behind a rock.
White Unicorn I'm lost. Have you seen my family? I don't know where they went.
Star No, I'm sorry. But maybe... we can be your family.
Star holds hands with Marco.
Marco ...I'd like that.
White Unicorn [giggles] Okay!
Star [scratches behind unicorn's ear] Awww! I love our little family!
White Unicorn Mama, I'm hungry.
Marco Well, eat up, champ. You need to grow up big and strong.
The white unicorn starts drinking the water, including the black water. Meanwhile, Janna wanders into an enclosed grotto.
Janna [chuckles]
The grotto's walls all have Moon Butterfly's black handprints on them.
Janna Whoa! High-five. [high-fives one of the handprints]
Several little unicorns with black coats appear around Janna, growling at her.
Janna ...Awww!
Scene cuts back to Tom, who is still in his seatbelt in Oskar's car and still on fire.
Tom Whew! It is hot in here.
Star and Marco are hugging the little white unicorn.
Marco [crying] I'm... so happy. Can we have a thousand babies?
Janna tosses four black unicorns in front of Star and Marco.
Janna You can have those. But this one's mine.
Janna has a very tiny black unicorn under her hat.
Tiny Unicorn [snarling]
Star Come here!
Star and Marco scoop up all the unicorns and hug them.
Star Mmmm!
Janna Looks like you got another one on the way.
A black horn swims across the water and up to Star and Marco.
Marco So this is where babies come from.
Star Yeah. It's okay. Come to Mama.
A much larger black unicorn rises out of the water.
Black Unicorn [snarls]
Marco You're a big baby.
The black unicorn rears up on its hind legs and whinnies menacingly. The Firstborn, covered in bruises, appears from the side and tackles the black unicorn. It slides across the water.
Marco Whoa, you guys play rough.
Firstborn [collapses to her knees, groans] No. It doesn't want to play. Its sole purpose is destruction...!
The little white unicorn that Star and Marco "adopted" turns black, and it growls at Star.
Star Awww. I think they just want to play.
Star pokes the little black unicorn's nose. It snaps its teeth at Star's finger.
Star See?
The large black unicorn gallops toward Star and her friends.
Black Unicorn [echoing whinny]
Firstborn You must leave! I'm sorry!
The Firstborn's horn glows, and a flash of white light engulfs everything.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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