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Episode begins at the Diaz Household; music is heard inside. Star and Marco appear outside through a dimensional portal.
Marco Diaz All right. We'll just pop in and pop out real quick, 'cause I've got that royal squire mixer this afternoon.
A woman runs out of the house wearing a baby diaper on her head and a sash that reads "DIAPER QUEEN" and waving a baby diaper flag.
Woman Aah! I caught the bouquet! I caught the bouquet! I caught the bouquet!
Star Butterfly So... what kind of party is this?
Marco [looking at stork statue] Bird... Bird Day? Bird Day? Is that a thing? Bird Day?
Star Doesn't it say on the invite? [takes party invitation out of Marco's hand]
Marco Star, I'm a squire of Mewni. I don't have time to read invites!
Star Seems to be some kind of kid-washing party.
Marco What?
Star Yeah. A "baby shower".
Marco I guess someone's having a baby.
Star A dirty baby, it sounds like, seeing as to how they're gonna wash it.
Angie Diaz Marco!
Marco Hey, Mom. So, who's having the baby?
Angie Can't you tell?
Angie turns slightly to the side to reveal she's pregnant. Star excitedly bobs up and down.
Marco [gasps] Mom?! You're gonna be... a mom?! When did this happen?!
Rafael Diaz Oh, while you were out on Mewni. And you're going to be a big brother! [shows an ultrasound sonogram] Say hello to your hermanito – Marco Junior!
Star [deep gasp] Oh-my-gosh, oh-my-gosh, oh-my-gosh, oh-my-gosh!
Marco Wait, what? You're naming him Marco Junior?
Angie After you.
Marco That's not how it works! You don't name your son after your son!
Angie [points at Marco Jr.'s mole] But he's got a little mole just like you, "Marco Senior".
Marco Wow... A brother! How have I not heard about this until now?
Angie It's okay. You've been busy. Point is, you're here today. Now, give your mom a hug!
Marco Oh, yeah, okay. [gives Angie a weak one-armed hug]
Angie [grimly] I spent thirty-seven hours squeezing you out of my body, and this is what I get?
Marco Oh, I just didn't want to—
Angie [threateningly] Give your mother a hug.
Marco [nervously] Okay.
Marco and Angie share a tight, warm hug.
Rafael Now come on! We have a baby to shower!
Scene cuts to house interior. Party guests mingle about and eat and drink food.
Star [feels Angie's belly] Whoa! I felt him kick! We might have to find a spot for this little guy on the Mewni King's Guard!
Rafael [laughs] No, I think stealing one of our sons is enough for now, Star.
Marco [pushes Star aside] Oh, oh, oh! He's kicking? He's kicking?
Angie [sarcastic] Why, yes, Marco, you may touch my stomach.
Marco ...I don't feel anything.
Angie He must have stopped.
Marco You think that's because he doesn't like me?
Angie I think his brain is the size of a grape. Which reminds me, I'm gonna eat a bag of grapes before we open presents. [runs off-screen, panting]
Marco Presents?
Star Yeah, it was in that invitation you didn't read.
Charlie Booth, disguised as Gustav, appears with a lot of baby presents.
Rafael Oh, Gustav, you've outdone yourself again!
Marco Oh, my gosh. I didn't get a gift for Marco Jr. I'm a terrible big brother.
Star Shh-shh-shh-shh. Calm, Marco Sr. I know! Why don't we pop on over to Quest Buy and get him a little present?
Marco Quest Buy? I don't know.
Star Sure! Come on! [pulls Marco toward the front door]
Marco Whoa!
Angie [talking to Mrs. Morrison] Well, we were so lonely that we decided, "Hey, why not have a baby?" [sees Star and Marco leaving] Marco, where are you going?
Marco Uh, I'm gonna, uh, run out and grab some ice for the party.
Rafael But we have plenty of ice.
Marco Yeah, but I'm gonna get fancy ice they harvest from a glacier.
Rafael Oooh! Glacier ice!
Angie Well, don't be gone too long. We'll be opening presents soon.
Marco No problemo! [leaves]
Rafael [tosses ice out of his cup] Get out of here, tap-water ice! You are not needed anymore!
Angie Are you... just gonna hold your drink until Marco gets back?
Rafael For glacier ice? I will wait.
Scene cuts to Quest Buy.
Marco Seriously?! None of this stuff is safe for a baby!
Star How about Baby's First Hidden Poison Capsule?
Star holds a pacifier that ejects a small cloud of poison.
Star What's safer than not having enemies because you poisoned them all?!
Marco I am not giving the baby a pacifier filled with magic poison.
Star Well, there's always a gift card.
Gift Card You have 8.5 minutes until expiration. [shoots laser]
Goblin Aah! No! Aaah! Please! No!
Marco No. This gift has to be the perfect reminder of me since I might not be around much.
Star [gasps] Oh, I know!
Scene cuts to a sign that reads "Atelier de Cobalt Ferrero, Mewni's Quality Painter".
Marco "Atelier de Cobalt Ferrero". He... works in the basement?
Star and Marco go down to the Quest Buy basement, where various art supplies are scattered around.
Star Mr. Ferrero?
Cobalt Ferrero What?
Star [kneels down next to Cobalt] Oh, your portraitness.
Cobalt Eh? What do ya want?
Star My friend Marco here wants one of your legendary portraits.
Cobalt [flies up to Marco] Is that right, Marco? [pokes Marco's face]
Marco Yeah. I'm starting to think this is a bad idea.
As Marco walks away, he bumps into a portrait of Rich Pigeon.
Marco Oh! Rich Pigeon. Sorry, didn't see you there.
Star Uh, Marco, that's a portrait.
Marco What?!
Cobalt That piece? Not even finished yet.
Marco Wow! He's so real, I can almost smell him!
Cobalt That's just the perch he posed on.
A nearby bird perch is covered in bird poop.
Star That's "fowl"! Get it? 'Cause he's a bird.
Marco It's the perfect gift! A portrait that realistic, it's like I'll be there with my family even when I'm not!
Cobalt I know, I know. I'm very talented. But we got a lotta work to do before the painting begins. I have to study you closely. I have to live with you, breathe with you, eat a lock of your hair. The process takes weeks, maybe months.
Marco Can't you do something faster?
Cobalt No! I never compromise my work.
Marco [holding $650] 650 cash.
Cobalt Sold.
Cobalt gives Marco an exam booklet and Scantron sheet.
Cobalt You need one of these things.
Marco A Scantron?
Cobalt [gives Marco a pencil] And one of these.
Marco What? I don't have time for a pop quiz!
Cobalt It's an "Essence Test", wise guy. The abridged version of me studying you for months.
Marco "What kind of socks do you prefer with loafers? A: Tube socks. B: Ankle socks." How is this supposed to help with a portrait?! [sighs] Whatever. I don't have time for this. [humming]
Marco quickly fills in bubbles on the Scantron sheet before finishing on question 200.
Marco Uh, Mr. Ferrero? All done.
Cobalt [takes Scantron sheet] Let's make some art!
Marco sees his reflection in Cobalt's good tooth.
Marco Let's.
Cobalt paints Marco's portrait on a canvas. The passage of time is indicated by a clock.
Marco [sitting on bird perch] C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Time's running out, and my legs are asleep!
Cobalt snaps his fingers. His assistant elves give him Marco's Scantron sheet and a bowl. Cobalt squeezes black liquid out of the sheet and into the bowl. He dips his hands in the liquid and flings it at the painting before wiping his hands on one of the elves' hat.
Cobalt Mwah! She's done.
Scene cuts back to the Diaz Household. The Morrisons leave the Diazes' party.
Mrs. Morrison Bye! Great party! And, uh, congratulations!
Star and Marco return.
Angie Marco, what took you so long? You missed the whole party.
Rafael Yes, and where is the glacier ice?
Marco What? Oh! Uh, they were all sold out... of it.
Rafael Oh. I see. [pours his juice on the ground]
Marco I know I'm not always here, so I got Marco Jr. this gift to make up for it.
Angie Aw, how sweet.
Marco shows his parents the painting.
Angie Aw, how nice. You got us a... [shocked] painting!
Rafael Ohhh!
Angie You paid money for that?
Marco What are you talking about? Whoa-ho-ho!
Marco looks at the painting. It looks overly detailed and absolutely hideous; Marco has misaligned eyes, long nose with exaggerated nostrils, big mole, crooked smile, and long chin. He also has long clasped fingers.
Marco What the heck?! This doesn't look like me at all!
Rafael It's like he got the proportions all wrong and then tried to fix it by adding more detail and more detail and more detail. But, Marco, it did not fix it.
Angie Well, it was a nice thought.
Marco looks disappointed and ashamed. Scene cuts to house interior, where Star and the Diazes have dinner together. Marco has the same expression as in the previous scene.
Rafael And then just as I take off Marco's diaper, he pee-pees all over my shirt!
Star [laughing]
Angie [laughing] I remember. C'mon, Marco, I thought you loved it when Dad told stories about when you were a baby.
Marco No, I'm fine.
Star Uh, Marco, what's that on your face?
Marco Huh? Oh. [wipes his face] Did I get it?
When Marco moves his napkin away from his face, he suddenly has a longer chin.
Star [stunned] Um... Yeah, no, no, not exactly.
Angie Marco?
Marco blinks, and his eyes fall slightly out of alignment. He also has exaggerated eyebrows, eyelashes, and nostrils.
Star Your face! It looks like... [gasps] It looks like the painting!
Marco Oh! Ha-ha, guys. I get it. The portrait stinks. But, you know, I was just trying to do something that Marco Jr. could remember me by when I was— [muffled]
Marco's mouth suddenly freezes into a crooked smile.
Marco [mumbling] [garbled] What's happening? What is happening?!
Star Oh, I knew it was a bad idea to rush a magical portrait!
Marco [mumbling angrily]
Angie Marco, don't use that kind of language at the table.
Marco [mumbles sadly]
Rafael Oh! Maybe if we destroy the painting, it will break the spell.
Scene cuts to outside the house.
Star (o.s.) Laser Beam Blast!
Star's magic reduces the painting to ashes.
Star Anything?
Marco's face remains unchanged.
Rafael I think it's getting worse?
Marco [mumbled] It's getting worse?!
Star Well, guess there's only one thing left to do.
Scene cuts back to the Quest Buy basement. Cobalt Ferrero is painting a minotaur woman's portrait.
Cobalt Very nice. Now if you could just turn your cheek a little to the—
Star Cobalt! Look what your painting did to Marco's face.
Marco [distressed mumbling]
Star It's getting worse!
Cobalt The painting is just a reflection of his answers in the Essence Test, and if there's any discrepancies, the painting will adjust you to match the portrait. No extra charge!
Star Okay, there's gotta be some way to fix this. We tried destroying the painting, but that didn't work.
Cobalt True art can never be destroyed. [chuckles] You'll need to take the Essence Test again, and you must answer the questions truthfully.
Cobalt gives Marco another exam booklet, Scantron sheet, and pencil. Before Marco can grab the pencil, his fingers straighten and become rigid.
Marco [mumbling]
Marco picks up the pencil with his frozen hands, but he quickly drops it. He slowly picks it up again...
Marco [muffled] I got it! What the...?!
...but then his arms fold into a rigid clasped pose.
Marco [whimpering]
Rafael Oh, no! He can't take the exam like that!
Angie C'mon! Don't worry, we'll take the test for you.
Rafael After all who understands the mind of a teenage boy better than his own parents?
Marco Mrmpf!
Marco suddenly turns flat like a canvas.
Rafael and Angie [screaming]
Cobalt [eating popcorn] He's becoming the canvas. You'd better hurry.
Angie picks up Marco, moves him to the side of the table, and sits in his chair.
Angie Okay! Question one: "Which do you prefer to ride? A: A bicycle. B: A unicycle. C: A tricycle. D: A dragoncyc—" Uh, what's a dragoncycle?
Rafael I don't know.
Angie Remember when Marco was little and had that red tricycle?
Rafael He loved that!
Angie That's it! The answer is C: tricycle!
Star and Marco looking worriedly at each other. Star jumps onto the table in front of Angie.
Star Mrs. Diaz, we don't have much time! We have to be really careful these answers are perfect!
Angie That's what we're doing! [straining] If you could get off the... sheet!
Angie pulls the Scantron sheet out from under Star and accidentally smacks Rafael in the face with it.
Rafael Ay!
Angie Sorry, dear.
Rafael I am not bleeding. It is okay.
Star That's great! [wrestling Scantron out of Angie's hands] But I don't know if your answers really capture the Marco of today.
Rafael Of course not. The Marco of today is very frightening.
Marco [whimpering]
Star No, I just mean he... he's grown up.
Angie Sure, but I know my own son.
Star Sorry, but the answer is D: dragoncycle.
Angie Marco?
Marco [muffled, sadly] Um... Uh-huh.
Angie Oh. I was wrong about my own son?
Rafael This is sad.
Angie Star, get this test done.
Star All right, let's do this thing! Okay. "How old are you? A: 0 to 15. B: 16 to 25. C: 26 to 35." [fills in answer C]
Angie Um...
Rafael Hmm...
Star You two have some catching up to do. Okay, "Have you ever worn a dress? A: Yes." "Do you prefer corn shakes or corn malts?" Malts, duh. Next question.
Star fills in answers up to question 200.
Star And... done!
Star hurriedly gives the Scantron sheet to Cobalt, who squeezes black liquid out of it and pours it onto the portrait's ashes. Marco magically turns back to normal.
Marco Huh?
Star [hugs Marco] Oh, Marco, you're beautiful again!
Marco Thanks, Star. [to his parents] Mom? Dad?
Marco and his parents have a group hug.
Angie I guess we have some catching up to do.
Rafael My beautiful son is all grown up!
Marco I should have visited more. I don't want Marco Jr. growing up without knowing who I am.
Angie Visit anytime, sweetie. I mean, those scissors work both ways, right? Snip, snip?
Cobalt This is a beautiful family moment. And I just happen to be runnin' a special on family portraits.
Marco Uh... that'll be a no!
(end song)
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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