Episode begins at Butterfly Castle; King Butterfly sleeps in a messy bed.
River Butterfly [snoring, rolls over and pats Queen Butterfly's pillow] Mmm. Good morning, Moon Pie. [opens eyes and sees imprint of Moon's face in pillow, whimpers, sighs, turns on gramophone]
Gramophone [harpsicord music plays, segues to electronic dance music]
River Let... us... revel!
Scene cuts to a castle party with happy and excited Mewmans.
Mewmans [chanting] Jump! Jump! Jump!
River Look out below! [splashes into tub of water]
Mewmans [cheering]
River [dancing with tye-dyed beard and glowsticks, laughing]
Two serfs raise River on a wooden chair.
River Ha-ha!
Two other serfs raise a white-furred monkey on another chair.
Monkey [screeching]
River Forward!
Monkey [screeching]
The two chairs rush at each other. Scene cuts to castle exterior at night just before they crash.
River [laughing off-screen]
Monkey [screeching off-screen]
Cut to next morning.
River [snoring with monkey on his face, pulls monkey off, groans, throws monkey aside]
Monkey [screeching]
River Get away. [turns on gramophone]
Gramophone [electronic dance music plays]
River Keep... it... going! [laughing]
Scene cuts to a castle party; Mewmans start to look tired.
River Whoa-ho! [crashes into empty tub]
Mewmans [exhausted cheering]
River Hot tub's out of water! [dances with tye-dyed beard and glowsticks, grabs helmet from Mewman in cat costume] I need this!
Two serfs raise River on a wooden chair again.
River Ha-ha! [puts on cat costume helmet] Hyah!
Two other serfs raise the monkey on another chair again.
Monkey [screeching]
Cut to castle exterior at night, with off-screen crashing. Scene cuts to morning once again.
River [snoring with cat helmet and monkey on his face] Ha-ha! [tosses cat helmet and monkey out the window]
Monkey [screeching, runs away]
River Oh, no. Well, you're free now, little monkey. [chuckling] Huh?
River's gramophone is covered in corn mush and a fork. He tries to turn it on, but it doesn't work.
River Hey! Can someone come and fix my thing?
Castle guards lie around the room sleeping or unconscious. One of the castle serfs hangs from a low-hanging chandelier and falls off.
River Looks like I've got to go wake somebody up. Foolduke! Wake up!
Foolduke [wakes up, gasps]
River Ah, Foolduke. Ha! My music thing isn't working. I need you to take a look at it.
Foolduke Where's my monkey?
River Oh. Oh. That was your monkey? Can't say that I've seen him. Not to be rude, but there are more pressing matters, you see.
A dimensional portal opens, and Marco comes through holding a box of cereal.
Marco Diaz Uh, Star? Wow, this place is a mess.
River Marco!
Marco Oh, hey, River.
River [tightly hugs Marco] Marco, my boy! I can't believe you're here! [whispers] Have you seen Foolduke's monkey?
Marco Uh... no.
River [whispers] Well, we better keep an eye out. I threw him— Uh? [notices crushed box of cereal between himself and Marco] Well, what's this?
Marco Oh, well, they were Captain Blanche's Sugar Seeds. It's, uh, Star's favorite cereal. You can't get them on Mewni, so I brought her a box.
River Marco, you're not giving that to my daughter. It's all smashed. Probably a good thing she's not here.
Marco [sighs]
River Now there must be some other way to summon forth the music. We will rock at you!
Marco Look, River, I gotta say I'm pretty worried about Star. She left Earth in kind of a hurry. She's not in trouble or anything, right?
River [looking stunned] No, not at all! She and her mother just took a little trip, and Moon Pie asked me to keep up morale in the kingdom until they get back. So we've been rippin' it nonstop for days!
Marco I-I don't know, man. Have you looked outside? [walks to balcony]
River What do you mean, "Have I looked outside?" [walks to balcony]
Marco What I mean is morale doesn't look so high to me.
Mewmans runs around the village in a screaming panic. One of the cottages is on fire.
River What are you talking about, Marco? The people are happy if their king is happy. Let me show you. [steps onto balcony railing] Greetings, my gleeful subjects!
Mewmans [stop yelling]
River Ah! Funny story! My know-it-all friend Marco Diaz here seems to think you're not having a good time. And I said, "That's impossible!" Of course you're having a good time with all these good times I'm having. So tell me, are you not lifted?!
Mewman in far back Whoo!
Scottish-sounding Mewman 1 How's about you lift some of this garbage out of the streets?!
Mewman dwarf Huh?
River Huh? Is that what that stuff is? I thought you were all having a garage sale.
Scottish-sounding Mewman 2 What are you gonna do about the burning building?!
The burning cottage continues to burn. Marco looks shocked.
River Ah, you have to let one burn every once in a while. How else will you have room for a new one?
Elderly cockney-sounding Mewman Well, what about the monster in the cornfield?
River There's no monster in the corn—
A giant monster growls and eats corn outside the cornfield, where the force field has almost completely faded away.
River Huh. Well, I'll be dipped. Well, I should be able to take care of that. [cracks knuckles] Hey, you there! Move along! Scram! Get out!
Monster [growls, looks at River]
River [faintly audible] We don't want you here!
Monster [walks toward village]
Mewmans [frightened noises]
River Don't worry! She'll never make it past the magic shield!
Monster [steps over magic shield]
Mewmans [screaming]
Mewman Woman 1 The beast cometh!
River There's still the moat! Yes. She'll never make it across the magic moat!
Monster [steps across empty moat]
River The magic traffic cones?
Monster [steps across traffic cones]
Mewman Man 1 We're about to die, y'all! Run!
Mewmans [running and screaming]
Monster [trampling through village]
Elderly cockney-sounding Mewman Hey! Thanks for partyin' us all to our deaths!
River He's right. I'm not fit to rule. [stammers, gives his crown to Marco]
Marco Uh, wait a minute.
The balcony door closes on Marco.
Marco Hey!
River [crying, locks balcony door]
Marco [pounds on door] You locked me out!
River Oh, no. Now I lock you on the balcony.
Marco It's okay. [pokes head through small window] Just unlock the door.
River I can't do anything right! [sobs, covers face with cape] I can't do anything right!
Marco squeezes into the castle through the small balcony window.
Marco Hey! Pull yourself together, man!
River Moon should never have left me in charge. "The people love you," she said. "Keep them happy and safe," she said. And now, because of me, the kingdom is defenseless!
Guard [toots party horn]
River Moon didn't even tell me where she was taking Star. What if something happened to them? No wonder I want to party all the time. I'm worried sick!
Marco I'm worried, too. Star just... left. Do you have any idea when she'll be back?
River It's funny you should ask, Marco. Let me show you something. Whenever Moon goes away, she always puts together a few outfits for me, so I know what to wear while she's gone. But... But look at this! [points at tall closet with dozens of prepared outfits] She's got them piled up all the way to the top of the room. [chuckles] So it's probably she's not coming back... [crying again] ...anytime soon, is she, Marco? [sobbing]
Marco I don't know. But they can't ever come home if they don't have a home to come home to.
Monster [growling, stomps through village]
River Oh, right, yes. I see what you're saying. This is the end of everything. [whimpering]
Marco No! It means you have to go lead your people.
River But they hate me! They've never hated me before.
Marco It doesn't matter. [gives River his crown] You're the only king they have.
River You sound just like my wife. [sniffles] And that's just what I need! [puts crown on and returns to balcony] My people! Please, listen!
Mewmans [screaming]
River We all— [gets hit in the head by corn] Ow! Okay, I deserved that. Look, if the queen were here, she'd fix all this with her magic! Well, she's not here! But that doesn't mean we should cower in fear. We still have each other, and together, we can defeat this monster!
Mewman Woman 2 No offense, King, but you're a terrible king!
River You're right. I stink at this. But right now, I'm all you've got and you're all I've got.
Timepiece Merchant [screaming]
Mewman Man 2 We can't do anything!
Mewman Woman 3 We don't have any weapons or magic!
River We don't need magic to do extraordinary things. Dentist! Construction worker! Remember when you two worked together to dislodge that tooth-shaped rock in the road?
The dentist and construction worker smile and nod at each other.
River (o.s) Blacksmith! You worked with the turtle sanctuary to make iron shells for the turtles in need!
Blacksmith [taps smithing hammer on turtle's iron shell]
Two Mewmans are seen having a staring contest.
River (o.s) And you two weirdos hold the record for the longest staring contest!
Contest Mewman 1 [blinks] Wha...?
Contest Mewman 2 Whoo-hoo!
Contest Mewman 1 Aw, man, I lost!
River We all can do something unique and helpful, and that's Mewni's greatest strength! And it's what Queen Moon loves the most about all of you!
Mewmans [agreeing] Yeah, we are pretty good!
Mewman Man 3 Uh, I don't think any of that's gonna help us defeat the monster.
The giant monster stomps toward the castle.
River So what do you say? Let's show that monster what happens when it messes with Mewmans!
Mewmans [cheering]
River Huh! Foolduke, fetch us our loincloths!
Marco What?
River, Marco, and the villagers storm out of the village and charge toward the monster.
River Ha-ha!
Mewmans [cheering]
River [licks the dirt] He's near.
Marco [points at monster] Yeah, he's right there.
River Hey, monster!
Monster [growls]
River Go away!
Monster [stomps up to River] Go away? But you're the one who called me over.
River What? I didn't call you over.
Monster Yes, you did. You kept motioning, "Come here, come here."
River Oh, no, I was motioning, "Go away, go away!"
Monster Oh, no. That's, "Come here, come here."
River No, it's, "Go away, go away!"
Monster Ugh. So you're telling me I came all this way for nothing? I got, like, a thousand splinters on this foot.
Mewman under monster's foot Help!
Monster You might consider widening the streets a little. What a waste of my day. [walks away]
Mewmans [cheering]
River We did it! Everyone, I'm holding one final off-the-chain party at the castle in honor of all of you!
Blacksmith Three cheers for King River!
Mewmans Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray!
Ludo [joins in off-screen] Hooray!
Mewmans Hip, hip—
Ludo (o.s) Hooray!
Scene pans over to Ludo and his bald eagle and giant spider.
Ludo Hip, hip... hooray.
Ludo's rats attack Mewni.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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