Episode begins at Butterfly Castle; King Butterfly sleeps in a messy bed. | |
River Butterfly | [snoring, rolls over and pats Queen Butterfly's pillow] Mmm. Good morning, Moon Pie. [opens eyes and sees imprint of Moon's face in pillow, whimpers, sighs, turns on gramophone] |
Gramophone | [harpsicord music plays, segues to electronic dance music] |
River | Let... us... revel! |
Scene cuts to a castle party with happy and excited Mewmans. | |
Mewmans | [chanting] Jump! Jump! Jump! |
River | Look out below! [splashes into tub of water] |
Mewmans | [cheering] |
River | [dancing with tye-dyed beard and glowsticks, laughing] |
Two serfs raise River on a wooden chair. | |
River | Ha-ha! |
Two other serfs raise a white-furred monkey on another chair. | |
Monkey | [screeching] |
River | Forward! |
Monkey | [screeching] |
The two chairs rush at each other. Scene cuts to castle exterior at night just before they crash. | |
River | [laughing off-screen] |
Monkey | [screeching off-screen] |
Cut to next morning. | |
River | [snoring with monkey on his face, pulls monkey off, groans, throws monkey aside] |
Monkey | [screeching] |
River | Get away. [turns on gramophone] |
Gramophone | [electronic dance music plays] |
River | Keep... it... going! [laughing] |
Scene cuts to a castle party; Mewmans start to look tired. | |
River | Whoa-ho! [crashes into empty tub] |
Mewmans | [exhausted cheering] |
River | Hot tub's out of water! [dances with tye-dyed beard and glowsticks, grabs helmet from Mewman in cat costume] I need this! |
Two serfs raise River on a wooden chair again. | |
River | Ha-ha! [puts on cat costume helmet] Hyah! |
Two other serfs raise the monkey on another chair again. | |
Monkey | [screeching] |
Cut to castle exterior at night, with off-screen crashing. Scene cuts to morning once again. | |
River | [snoring with cat helmet and monkey on his face] Ha-ha! [tosses cat helmet and monkey out the window] |
Monkey | [screeching, runs away] |
River | Oh, no. Well, you're free now, little monkey. [chuckling] Huh? |
River's gramophone is covered in corn mush and a fork. He tries to turn it on, but it doesn't work. | |
River | Hey! Can someone come and fix my thing? |
Castle guards lie around the room sleeping or unconscious. One of the castle serfs hangs from a low-hanging chandelier and falls off. | |
River | Looks like I've got to go wake somebody up. Foolduke! Wake up! |
Foolduke | [wakes up, gasps] |
River | Ah, Foolduke. Ha! My music thing isn't working. I need you to take a look at it. |
Foolduke | Where's my monkey? |
River | Oh. Oh. That was your monkey? Can't say that I've seen him. Not to be rude, but there are more pressing matters, you see. |
A dimensional portal opens, and Marco comes through holding a box of cereal. | |
Marco Diaz | Uh, Star? Wow, this place is a mess. |
River | Marco! |
Marco | Oh, hey, River. |
River | [tightly hugs Marco] Marco, my boy! I can't believe you're here! [whispers] Have you seen Foolduke's monkey? |
Marco | Uh... no. |
River | [whispers] Well, we better keep an eye out. I threw him— Uh? [notices crushed box of cereal between himself and Marco] Well, what's this? |
Marco | Oh, well, they were Captain Blanche's Sugar Seeds. It's, uh, Star's favorite cereal. You can't get them on Mewni, so I brought her a box. |
River | Marco, you're not giving that to my daughter. It's all smashed. Probably a good thing she's not here. |
Marco | [sighs] |
River | Now there must be some other way to summon forth the music. We will rock at you! |
Marco | Look, River, I gotta say I'm pretty worried about Star. She left Earth in kind of a hurry. She's not in trouble or anything, right? |
River | [looking stunned] No, not at all! She and her mother just took a little trip, and Moon Pie asked me to keep up morale in the kingdom until they get back. So we've been rippin' it nonstop for days! |
Marco | I-I don't know, man. Have you looked outside? [walks to balcony] |
River | What do you mean, "Have I looked outside?" [walks to balcony] |
Marco | What I mean is morale doesn't look so high to me. |
Mewmans runs around the village in a screaming panic. One of the cottages is on fire. | |
River | What are you talking about, Marco? The people are happy if their king is happy. Let me show you. [steps onto balcony railing] Greetings, my gleeful subjects! |
Mewmans | [stop yelling] |
River | Ah! Funny story! My know-it-all friend Marco Diaz here seems to think you're not having a good time. And I said, "That's impossible!" Of course you're having a good time with all these good times I'm having. So tell me, are you not lifted?! |
Mewman in far back | Whoo! |
Scottish-sounding Mewman 1 | How's about you lift some of this garbage out of the streets?! |
Mewman dwarf | Huh? |
River | Huh? Is that what that stuff is? I thought you were all having a garage sale. |
Scottish-sounding Mewman 2 | What are you gonna do about the burning building?! |
The burning cottage continues to burn. Marco looks shocked. | |
River | Ah, you have to let one burn every once in a while. How else will you have room for a new one? |
Elderly cockney-sounding Mewman | Well, what about the monster in the cornfield? |
River | There's no monster in the corn— |
A giant monster growls and eats corn outside the cornfield, where the force field has almost completely faded away. | |
River | Huh. Well, I'll be dipped. Well, I should be able to take care of that. [cracks knuckles] Hey, you there! Move along! Scram! Get out! |
Monster | [growls, looks at River] |
River | [faintly audible] We don't want you here! |
Monster | [walks toward village] |
Mewmans | [frightened noises] |
River | Don't worry! She'll never make it past the magic shield! |
Monster | [steps over magic shield] |
Mewmans | [screaming] |
Mewman Woman 1 | The beast cometh! |
River | There's still the moat! Yes. She'll never make it across the magic moat! |
Monster | [steps across empty moat] |
River | The magic traffic cones? |
Monster | [steps across traffic cones] |
Mewman Man 1 | We're about to die, y'all! Run! |
Mewmans | [running and screaming] |
Monster | [trampling through village] |
Elderly cockney-sounding Mewman | Hey! Thanks for partyin' us all to our deaths! |
River | He's right. I'm not fit to rule. [stammers, gives his crown to Marco] |
Marco | Uh, wait a minute. |
The balcony door closes on Marco. | |
Marco | Hey! |
River | [crying, locks balcony door] |
Marco | [pounds on door] You locked me out! |
River | Oh, no. Now I lock you on the balcony. |
Marco | It's okay. [pokes head through small window] Just unlock the door. |
River | I can't do anything right! [sobs, covers face with cape] I can't do anything right! |
Marco squeezes into the castle through the small balcony window. | |
Marco | Hey! Pull yourself together, man! |
River | Moon should never have left me in charge. "The people love you," she said. "Keep them happy and safe," she said. And now, because of me, the kingdom is defenseless! |
Guard | [toots party horn] |
River | Moon didn't even tell me where she was taking Star. What if something happened to them? No wonder I want to party all the time. I'm worried sick! |
Marco | I'm worried, too. Star just... left. Do you have any idea when she'll be back? |
River | It's funny you should ask, Marco. Let me show you something. Whenever Moon goes away, she always puts together a few outfits for me, so I know what to wear while she's gone. But... But look at this! [points at tall closet with dozens of prepared outfits] She's got them piled up all the way to the top of the room. [chuckles] So it's probably she's not coming back... [crying again] ...anytime soon, is she, Marco? [sobbing] |
Marco | I don't know. But they can't ever come home if they don't have a home to come home to. |
Monster | [growling, stomps through village] |
River | Oh, right, yes. I see what you're saying. This is the end of everything. [whimpering] |
Marco | No! It means you have to go lead your people. |
River | But they hate me! They've never hated me before. |
Marco | It doesn't matter. [gives River his crown] You're the only king they have. |
River | You sound just like my wife. [sniffles] And that's just what I need! [puts crown on and returns to balcony] My people! Please, listen! |
Mewmans | [screaming] |
River | We all— [gets hit in the head by corn] Ow! Okay, I deserved that. Look, if the queen were here, she'd fix all this with her magic! Well, she's not here! But that doesn't mean we should cower in fear. We still have each other, and together, we can defeat this monster! |
Mewman Woman 2 | No offense, King, but you're a terrible king! |
River | You're right. I stink at this. But right now, I'm all you've got and you're all I've got. |
Timepiece Merchant | [screaming] |
Mewman Man 2 | We can't do anything! |
Mewman Woman 3 | We don't have any weapons or magic! |
River | We don't need magic to do extraordinary things. Dentist! Construction worker! Remember when you two worked together to dislodge that tooth-shaped rock in the road? |
The dentist and construction worker smile and nod at each other. | |
River | (o.s) Blacksmith! You worked with the turtle sanctuary to make iron shells for the turtles in need! |
Blacksmith | [taps smithing hammer on turtle's iron shell] |
Two Mewmans are seen having a staring contest. | |
River | (o.s) And you two weirdos hold the record for the longest staring contest! |
Contest Mewman 1 | [blinks] Wha...? |
Contest Mewman 2 | Whoo-hoo! |
Contest Mewman 1 | Aw, man, I lost! |
River | We all can do something unique and helpful, and that's Mewni's greatest strength! And it's what Queen Moon loves the most about all of you! |
Mewmans | [agreeing] Yeah, we are pretty good! |
Mewman Man 3 | Uh, I don't think any of that's gonna help us defeat the monster. |
The giant monster stomps toward the castle. | |
River | So what do you say? Let's show that monster what happens when it messes with Mewmans! |
Mewmans | [cheering] |
River | Huh! Foolduke, fetch us our loincloths! |
Marco | What? |
River, Marco, and the villagers storm out of the village and charge toward the monster. | |
River | Ha-ha! |
Mewmans | [cheering] |
River | [licks the dirt] He's near. |
Marco | [points at monster] Yeah, he's right there. |
River | Hey, monster! |
Monster | [growls] |
River | Go away! |
Monster | [stomps up to River] Go away? But you're the one who called me over. |
River | What? I didn't call you over. |
Monster | Yes, you did. You kept motioning, "Come here, come here." |
River | Oh, no, I was motioning, "Go away, go away!" |
Monster | Oh, no. That's, "Come here, come here." |
River | No, it's, "Go away, go away!" |
Monster | Ugh. So you're telling me I came all this way for nothing? I got, like, a thousand splinters on this foot. |
Mewman under monster's foot | Help! |
Monster | You might consider widening the streets a little. What a waste of my day. [walks away] |
Mewmans | [cheering] |
River | We did it! Everyone, I'm holding one final off-the-chain party at the castle in honor of all of you! |
Blacksmith | Three cheers for King River! |
Mewmans | Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! |
Ludo | [joins in off-screen] Hooray! |
Mewmans | Hip, hip— |
Ludo | (o.s) Hooray! |
Scene pans over to Ludo and his bald eagle and giant spider. | |
Ludo | Hip, hip... hooray. |
Ludo's rats attack Mewni. |
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Marco and the King/Transcript
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