Mathmagic/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Episode begins at Echo Creek Academy; the school bell rings. Cut to Miss Skullnick's classroom.
Miss Skullnick	Math... is a symphony... of numbers.
	The majority of Miss Skullnick's class looks bored and sleepy. Miss Skullnick turns to the chalkboard and starts writing in chalk.
Miss Skullnick	It's the poetry of logic. The magic behind nature. The beauty of seashells.
	Camera pans from left to right across the front row of students. Jackie Lynn Thomas looks tired. Francis is tired. Marco is wide awake and paying the most attention. Jackie passes out with her head on her desk.
Janna Ordonia	[whispering] Hey, Star.
Star Butterfly	Uh-huh?
Janna	[whispering] Why did the chicken cross the road?
Star	I don't know.
Janna	To get to the other side.
Star	... [laughing loudly]
Miss Skullnick	What's so funny?
Star	Hey, Skullzy, get this. She said "to get to the other side." [laughs] Get it? Ah, you expect the punchline to be one thing, but what you end up with is just logic. Classic anti-humor!
Marco Diaz	Hey, stop messing around. I need to know this for tomorrow's test.
Miss Skullnick	Okay, Miss Butterfly. If you are so enamored with logic, why don't you get up here and solve for "c"?
All students except Star	Ooh!
Star	Oh, relax, people.
	Star gets out of her seat, dances to the front of the classroom, and takes the chalk from Miss Skullnick.
Star	Thank you! [writing on chalkboard] Okay... Ahem! And "c" equals...
	Star steps to the side and reveals she drew a cat face on the board.
Star	Cat face!
Jackie	[gasps] [blearily] Cat face...!
Star	[tosses chalk away] I walk back to desk.
Miss Skullnick	What?! No, Star, "c" equals the circumference! You-You just drew a cat!
Star	Yeah, but I don't just draw cats. I draw rainbows, lightning bolts, hamburgers. I don't know where this stuff comes from.
Miss Skullnick	Star.
Star	Might draw a chicken later.
Miss Skullnick	Star!
Star	Depends on how bored I get.
Miss Skullnick	Get up here and solve for "c".
Star	I got nothin'. [growls] I'm so bad at math!
Miss Skullnick	No one is going anywhere until you come up here and solve this math problem.
	Star sticks two pencils in her mouth pointed upward and crosses her eyes.
Star	[mimicking Miss Skullnick] Solve this math problem. [groans] Fine.
	Star gets out of her seat, dances to the front of the classroom (this time with an annoyed expression on her face), and takes the chalk from Miss Skullnick again.
Star	[sighs]
	Camera pans left to right across the complicated equations on the chalkboard. Miss Skullnick stands to the right of the chalkboard with her arms crossed.
Star	Uhhhh... [looks up at the clock] [looks at the other students]
Marco	[whispering] Star, what's going on?
Star	Ah! [writes on chalkboard]
	Star writes "MARCO HELP ME!!!" on the board and shows it to Marco.
Star	Huh?
	All of the students look at Marco.
Marco	Uh... [hides face in textbook]
Star	Ugh. Okay, let's just get this over with.
	Star shoots the chalkboard with magic. Suddenly, there's a shrill-sounding rumble. Cut to Star being back in her seat. Janna is now wearing a blue winter cap.
Janna	Hey, Star. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Star	What?
Janna	To ask out the rooster.
Star	Uh... didn't we just go through this?
Janna	What?
Star	Uh, that joke. You just told me it a minute ago. But it was a little different.
Janna	What are you talking about?
Star	And where did you get that hat?
Miss Skullnick	Is there something you want to tell us?
Star	Yes, there is. What the heck is going on here?
Marco	Hey, stop messing around. I need to know this for tomorrow's exam.
Miss Skullnick	I'll tell you what the heck is going on, Star. You're going to get up here and solve for "c".
All students except Star	Ooh!
Star	Miss Skullnick, I already told you. I don't know how to do it.
Miss Skullnick	[angrily] Get up here and try!
Star	[stands up]
Janna	Are you feeling okay?
	Star nervously walks to the front of the classroom. One of the students coughs in the background. Star takes the chalk from Miss Skullnick and looks at the other students. They stare back at her.
Star	But, Skullzy, I don't know the answer.
	Suddenly, there's another rumble. Cut back to Star and Janna in their seats. Janna is now wearing a red and white cap.
Janna	Because that's where she parked the car.
Star	Hey, are you guys all messing with me or something?
Miss Skullnick	What are you talking about?
Marco	Hey, stop messing around. I need to know this for my homework tonight.
Star	I thought you said it was for tomorrow's exam.
Marco	Huh?
Miss Skullnick	Get up here now and solve for "c".
All students except Star	Ooh!
Star	Oh, knock it off with the "ooh's"! Miss Skullnick, I already told you. I have no idea what the answer is.
	Another rumble and cut to Janna, who is now wearing a black top hat.
Janna	Because she flew the coop. [laughs]
Star	What is happening?! And why do you keep wearing these terrible hats?!
Janna	Hey!
Miss Skullnick	How dare you interrupt my class!
Marco	Stop messing around. I need to know this for—
Star	Oh, just can it, Marco!
Miss Skullnick	Get up here now and solve for "c"!
Star	[runs up to Miss Skullnick] This is no time for math! [slaps chalk out of Skullnick's hand] I need to find a way out of this nightmare.
	Another rumble.
Star	Oh, come o—!
	Cut to Janna, who is now wearing an olive-colored sun hat with a green ribbon.
Janna	She wanted to lead by "egg-zample".
	Star hangs halfway out the classroom window while Miss Skullnick holds the chalk out to her.
Miss Skullnick	Solve for "c".
Star	Never! [stumbles outside] Oof!
	Another rumble and cut to Janna, now wearing a cowboy hat.
Janna	Just "beak-cause". You know, beaks.
Miss Skullnick	Solve for "c"!
Star	No! [runs out of classroom]
	Another rumble and cut to Janna, now wearing a thin straw hat with a blue ribbon.
Janna	Because she didn't "chicken out".
Miss Skullnick	Solve for "c"!
Star	[hiding under Miss Skullnick's desk] No!
	Another rumble and cut to Janna, now wearing a red and yellow propeller beanie.
Janna	Because she was chicken out the other side.
Miss Skullnick	Solve for "c"!
Star	[cartwheeling on grass outside] No!
	Another rumble and cut to Janna, now wearing a red fez.
Janna	Because she needed the exercise.
Miss Skullnick	Solve for "c"!
	Star makes a hole in the classroom floor with her wand and jumps into it. Another rumble and cut to Janna, now wearing a brown graduation cap.
Janna	[speaking foreign language]
	Tom and Boo Fly appear in Miss Skullnick's class in place of Marco and Jackie respectively.
Miss Skullnick	Solve for "c".
Star	No!
	Another rumble and cut to Janna, now wearing a gold energy dome.
Janna	[speaking backwards]
Miss Skullnick	Solve for "c".
Star	No!
	Another rumble and cut to Janna, now wearing a fruit hat.
Janna	[clucking like a chicken]
Miss Skullnick	Solve for "c"!
Star	Never!
	Another rumble and cut to Janna, now wearing a sailor's cap.
Janna	To get away from the farmer.
Star	[screams and flails her arms] Stop it with the chicken jokes! They're not funny!
Miss Skullnick	Star! What in the world is going on back there?!
Marco	Stop messing around. I need to know this for—
Star	For the test tomorrow! I know!
Marco	Oh, no. There's a test?
Miss Skullnick	(o.s.) Get up here...
	Camera pans right to show Miss Skullnick, who is a human again.
Star and Miss Skullnick	...and solve for "c"!
Star	Whoa, Miss Skullnick... [laughs nervously] Okay, gotta go!
	Star uses Marco's dimensional scissors to open a dimensional portal.
Star	I gotta figure this thing out.
	Star jumps through the portal and ends up in the Plains of Time dimension.
Star	[panting] Hey, Father Time! Father Time? ...Father...? Fa... [screams]
	Star ducks and covers as Father Time rides past her with the Wheel of Progress and his giant time hamsters.
Father Time	[humming]
Star	(o.s.) Hey!
	Father Time looks down and sees Star caught between the Wheel of Progress's spokes.
Star	Father Time!
Father Time	You're stuck in my wheel.
Star	Can you help me?
Father Time	[picks Star up] I ran over you.
Star	I'm stuck in some kind of weird time loop, and I can't figure a way out of it.
Father Time	Okay!
	Father Time tosses Star behind him, and she runs on the Wheel of Progress as it turns.
Father Time	Ya-haw!
Star	Wait! I can't figure out what's happening! I need your... [screaming]
	Star trips off the Wheel of Progress and falls on the ground.
Star	...help!
	Father Time and the Wheel of Progress roll off into the distance.
Star	[groans] I gotta find way to end this!
Omnitraxus Prime	[echoing] What do you need?
Star	Who said that?
Omnitraxus	[echoing] I said it.
	Star turns around to see a swirling galaxy in the sky. The galaxy shrinks down to Omnitraxus Prime's humanoid form.
Omnitraxus	What do you need?
Star	I need Father Time. I'm... stuck in a time loop.
Omnitraxus	Okay, nah, you don't need him. He's time-time. I'm space-time.
Star	Who are you?
Omnitraxus	I'm Omnitraxus Prime! I'm the space-time guy. The time loop – that's my territory. It's a space-time problem. Father Time problem is like, "I burnt this toast that I really wanted to eat."
Star	Look–
Omnitraxus	"Oh, dang it. I burnt this toast. I wish I could go back in time before it was burnt."
Star	I need–
Omnitraxus	That kind of thing.
Star	I need some answers. I am stuck in a nightmare math class that's repeating itself, but n... i-it's, like, changing too? Like, super weird changing.
Omnitraxus	Okay. What's it keep returning to?
Star	The same stupid math problem.
Omnitraxus	Oh, well... why don't you just do the math? Omnitraxus Prime has spoken! [grows back into a galaxy]
Star	Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, wait. I did do the math.
Omnitraxus	[shrinks back to humanoid form] Hmmmm?
Star	Miss Skullnick wants me to [mimicking Miss Skullnick] "do the work".
Omnitraxus	Okay, so do the work. ...Omnitraxus Prime has spoken! [grows back into a galaxy]
Star	I can't!
Omnitraxus	[shrinks back to humanoid form] Ugh. I have a ton of things to do today.
Star	I can't do the work. I never paid attention in class. I tried to use my wand to solve it, but I ended up right back where I started.
Omnitraxus	[sighs] Look, I can see what's happening here. I can show you how to sort this out. But there's gonna be some tummy-time.
	Omnitraxus phases Star into his stomach.
Star	Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on a second!
Omnitraxus	Get up in my guts.
Star	Gross! Whoa... It's neat in here. [jumps onto floating crystal platform]
	Omnitraxus phases into his stomach after Star.
Omnitraxus	Mm-hmm. So... all time and space are considered as one. And within it, infinite parallel universes exist—
Star	Bored! I'm bored.
Omnitraxus	I can't believe this is happening. Let me explain this another way. Hmm...
	Camera zooms out to show Star and Omnitraxus surrounded by hundreds of crystals.
Omnitraxus	In the Crystal Fields of Interwoven Continuum!
Star	[gasps] So pretty!
Omnitraxus	Ah, you see?
	Omnitraxus taps the crystal platform Star is sitting on, and it drifts closer to the crystal fields. Multiple versions of Star are shown on the crystals' surfaces.
Omnitraxus	(o.s.) Here's infinite versions of you in infinite parallel timelines in infinite parallel math classes.
Star	[points at kitty Star] Awww, I'm adorable.
	Three crystals show alternate versions of Star solving the math problem.
Omnitraxus	And all those versions of you managed to work through that problem. You're the only version of you that didn't do it.
	The crystals show normal-timeline Star standing in front of the chalkboard. Suddenly, there's another shrill-sounding rumble.
Star	That sound! That's the same sound from the classroom!
Omnitraxus	That's your parallel timelines colliding with each other. If you don't figure out that math problem soon, they're all gonna shatter and forever be lost within the fabric of time-space. ...Uh, space-time.
Star	Ooh, I know! I bet you're great at math! You can solve it for me!
Omnitraxus	Did— Are you even listening to me? There's no shortcuts to this! Answer the math problem, or your world's gonna fall apart! Just do the work, Star.
Star	Do the work?
	Star reappears in her seat in the classroom. The other students and Miss Skullnick are all giant cockroaches.
Janna	Why'd the chicken cross the road?
	A piece of the wall behind Janna breaks away into a black cosmic void.
Star	Who cares?! There are infinite chickens crossing infinite roads, okay? So why don't you just ask them? [groans] [gasps] Hold on. That's it.
	Star glitches out and turns into her punk/metal appearance from the end of "Mr. Candle Cares".
Star	If all the infinite versions of me know how to solve that math problem... [glitches back to normal] ...then I must know how to solve it, too, right?
Janna	Uh, it's just a joke about a chicken. [glitches into a chicken]
Star	[raises hand] Miss Skullnick, I would like to solve for "c"!
Miss Skullnick	Star? [glitches into a trashcan] Are you feeling well?
	Star walks toward the front of the classroom.
Star	Perfectly fine... [glitches into an infant] ...Miss Skullnick. [glitches into an elderly woman] I have a math problem... [glitches back to normal] ...to solve. [takes chalk from Miss Skullnick] Come on, Star. You can do this. [growls]
	Star looks at the equations on the chalkboard. There's a sudden rumble and crash; the entire wall at the back of the classroom breaks away into the cosmic void.
Star	Okay, infinite me's in infinite parallel dimensions, let's do this. I already know how to do this in the other dimensions, so I just need to... [glitches into reenactment dress from "Mewnipendance Day"] ...channel those... [glitches back to normal] ...me's.
	Star closes her eyes and reopens them, looking determined.
Star	Okay, lets see. Solve for "c". [glitches into Old Star] 4 over... [glitches back to normal] 16 minus 7... [glitches into caricature of herself]
	More pieces of the classroom walls break away. Blake, Ferguson, and Hope glitch out and turn into barbarians.
Star	[muttering indistinctly] [glitches into Demon Star, then Bear Suit Star] ...which means that "c"...
	Marco glitches out, and his hair moves from his scalp to his chin. He glitches out again and has multiple heads, one of which is Naysaya. The classroom starts to disintegrate from the back to front. All of the students briefly glitch into moose.
Star	[muttering indistinctly] [glitches into Mina Loveberry-Star, then Kelly-Star, then Male/Short-Haired Star]
	Jackie and Justin glitch out and turn into dogs.
Star	[muttering indistinctly] [glitches into Elf Star, then back to normal]
	More of the classroom breaks away, and the other students starts getting sucked into the void.
Star	[muttering indistinctly] [glitches into Pizza Star, then Kitty Star] Meow-meow-meow-meow-meow...
	The other students and Miss Skullnick drift away into the void, and the classroom's disintegration reaches the chalkboard. The space Star has to write slowly shrinks.
Star	[muttering indistinctly] ...to the fourth power... [glitches into Monster Star] ...divide by root of 3... [glitches into Mermaid Star, then Sheep Star] ...over 12... [glitches back to normal] ...and therefore "c" equals...!
	Just before the piece of the classroom breaks away into the void, Star closes her eyes. She writes "C = 7".
Star	...Seven. Seven? Yeah, seven!
	Star turns around. The classroom is back to normal. The students and Miss Skullnick all stare at her.
Star	...Yes, I did it!
Miss Skullnick	Hmm. Wow. Yep, you did it all right.
Star	(o.s.) I know! I solved the problem!
Miss Skullnick	Well, no, I mean, it's totally wrong. But you tried, so it's a start.
Star	[smiles with pride]
Miss Skullnick	(o.s.) Nice job, Star. Now take your seat, please.
	Star puts the chalk down and returns to her seat at the back of the classroom.
Marco	Star, don't feel too bad. It's pretty complicated stuff.
Star	Oh, Marco, you have no idea.
Miss Skullnick	[hands chalk to Marco] Mr. Diaz, get up here. It's your turn.
	Marco looks annoyed.