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Episode begins with Eclipsa applying lipstick while looking at a mirror.
Eclipsa Butterfly Coo. Coo.
Archibald [holding "Pigeon Made Easy" book] Coo coo coo.
Meteora Butterfly [shakes her rattle] Coo-coo!
All [cooing]
Janna Ordonia [enters room] Is... Is this a bad time?
Eclipsa Oh, Janna! [chuckles] You'll have to pardon me. I'm just brushing up on my pigeon for the dinner party tonight with the rich pigeons. Thank you for offering to babysit.
Eclipsa puts Meteora in her baby crib.
Meteora [baby talk]
Janna Hey, anything for the Queen of Darkness.
Eclipsa I would've asked M-A-R-C-O, but I get the sense she doesn't like him very much.
Janna Yeah, who can blame her? [to Meteora] Marco!
Meteora [hisses]
Janna [chuckles] Exactly.
Eclipsa Ooh. She really does take after her father, doesn't she? [kisses Meteora's forehead] You be good, my darling. I'll be back by 8:00. [leaves]
Janna If you're not, I charge double for overtime!
The door closes.
Janna Well, let the babysitting begin. [starts playing mobile game]
Meteora [giggles, shakes her rattle, turns her head 360 degrees]
Glossaryck (o.s.) Psst! Meteora.
Meteora Huh?
Glossaryck (o.s.) Down here!
Meteora looks down to see Glossaryck at the foot of her crib. He's wearing a leaf hat, and his right arm is in a cast.
Glossaryck Hello, Princess.
Meteora [exclaims, claps]
Glossaryck Oh, geez. You would not believe the day I've had today.
Meteora [baby talk, points at Glossaryck's cast]
Glossaryck Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah. My arm. Just a little boo-boo. Nothing to really worry about.
Meteora [crying]
Glossaryck Oh, no-no-no. Don't cry. Your buddy Glossaryck's okay. Look. Look. I've got another arm. Plus, I've got a silly hat.
Meteora [baby talk]
Glossaryck Now, as your guide to all magical matters, are you ready to continue our lessons?
Meteora [exclaims, claps]
Glossaryck Have you been practicing the "dip down" exercises I taught you?
Meteora Dee-daa!
Glossaryck No, no. A little longer and a little louder.
Meteora Di-i-i-i-i-i...
Glossaryck No-no-no-no. That... T-That's all wrong. It's just "dip down". Two short words.
Meteora [louder] Di-i-i-i-i-i...! [sweating]
Glossaryck No. N-N-Now you're just getting louder. No, no. No, no, no, no, no!
Meteora grabs Glossaryck and sucks on his forehead gem.
Glossaryck I know how much joy this brings you. Let's get going.
Glossaryck opens a dimensional portal with his foot. Meteora tosses Glossaryck aside and goes through it.
Glossaryck Wait. Wait! Don't go in there without me. [follows Meteora through the portal]
Janna [still playing mobile game] Shh-shh-shh. There, there. [rocks Meteora's crib with her foot] Oh! Triple burger bonus! Yes!
Scene cuts to the Plains of Time dimension.
Glossaryck Welcome... to the Plains of Time. To complete your lesson, we got to go back in time. And we need Father Time for that.
Meteora [turns her head 180 degrees, baby talk]
Glossaryck Oh, yes. Yes, yes. I can go back in time. But I can't take a passenger with me. That's why we need Father Time. Where is he?
Glossaryck uses his eyes like binoculars to look across the landscape. Meteora grabs a flying clock with her tongue and eats it.
Meteora [baby talk]
Glossaryck Yes, of course I knew he wasn't going to be here. If he was here, it would've been easy, and you wouldn't learn anything.
Meteora [baby talk]
Glossaryck Um... Sure, there's another way to time travel. I just, uh... [covers his face with his hands] I really don't want to see Reynaldo today.
Meteora [baby talk]
Glossaryck Reynaldo the Bald Pate? Ferryman of the River of Time?
Glossaryck points to a subway-like staircase leading underground.
Glossaryck [groans] Okay. Let's just get it over with. [leads Meteora down the stairs] Look, look, he's gonna talk and stuff. Uh, just... don't interact, okay?
Underground, Glossaryck and Meteora stand in front of the River of Time.
Meteora [exclaims]
Glossaryck All right, Meteora, pull up a seat.
Meteora [sits down]
Glossaryck This might take a while. Sometimes—
Glossaryck is cut off by a blinding light off-screen.
Glossaryck [cries out] You know what?! Never mind! He's here!
Reynaldo the Bald Pate appears on a gondola with a figurehead shaped like his own head.
Reynaldo the Bald Pate For passage through my timely sea, this question you must answer me. Who speaks in rhyme and wanders time with none to call his family? No phone calls, cards, or—
Glossaryck Thank you, Reynaldo! Please be quiet. Just... We're in a hurry, and we need to get going. [carries Meteora onto the gondola]
Reynaldo What doth bring you to my land? A passage through time, swift and grand?
Glossaryck Ah-bup-bup-bup! We don't have time for riddles today. Princess Meteora and I need to go back.
Reynaldo An inch, a pinch, the years unravel. How far dost thou wish to travel? The length of something short and flat, or perhaps something—?
Glossaryck Ah-bup-bup-bup! We just need to go... to the Age of Butterflies.
Reynaldo With haste, we must depart this place and skim the flow of time and space. Away we go and briskly float. We ride, us three, upon a...
Glossaryck ...Boat.
Reynaldo [whispers] And boom goes the dynamite.
Glossaryck At this point, I don't even know what you're getting out of this.
Reynaldo [rowing gondola] What's dank and musky like a foot and falls apart when overcooked? In soups and stews this foulness lingers. If you must touch, don't smell your fingers.
Glossaryck Meteora, I really must apologize. Father Time's wheel would've been so much faster and less... Reynaldo.
Meteora [chews on Glossaryck's mustache]
Glossaryck But why don't you practice your "dip down" while we're waiting?
Meteora Dee-daa! [falls backward, exclaims] Dee-daa! Dee-daa!
Glossaryck Okay, that's good. But try it with more emotion.
Meteora [exclaims]
Glossaryck A-All right. You're getting closer.
Reynaldo I can fill a room or just one heart. I cannot be shared, only apart. What am I?
Glossaryck Loneliness. Ah. You want to get back on the Magical High Commission.
Reynaldo [whinnies, nods his head]
Glossaryck I don't think so, Reynaldo. The riddle thing, it's... [sighs] Look. Just because I created the Commission doesn't mean they listen to me.
Reynaldo [sighs] You have arrived at the time you seek.
Glossaryck Okay, great. Thank you! Come on. Let's go, Meteora. [carries Meteora away]
Reynaldo Bye... Dad.
The staircase leading to the River of Time rises out of the ground in a forest, and Glossaryck carries Meteora out.
Glossaryck [groans] Oh, my goodness. They keep you well fed, don't they? All right. Are you ready for your lesson? 'Cause we're here— Oh, no.
A sea of gold water is seen, with multiple alligators in it. At the shore, several Mewmans are seen standing in a boat, covered in gold water.
Mewmans [shuddering]
Man 1 W-Where are we?
Woman Who are we?
Glossaryck [groans] Reynaldo brought us back too far. Let's go, Meteora.
Man 2 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Do you... Do you know who we are?
Glossaryck Uh... yes.
Man 2 Can you help us?
Glossaryck [groans] Fine. Let's just do the abbreviated version here.
Glossaryck takes the Mewnipendence Day pop-up book out of Meteora's pajamas.
Glossaryck [opens book] A long time ago arrived the first settlers of Mewni. That's you.
Mewmans Wow...
Glossaryck A modest people with noble pursuits – life, liberty, and... corn. The end. [closes book, starts floating away] Oh. O-One more thing. [to Meteora] Mind if I borrow your rattle?
Glossaryck takes Meteora's rattle and scoops a sphere of magic out of the water. A millhorse appears inside the sphere.
Millhorse [yawns]
Glossaryck puts the millhorse inside the rattle and closes it.
Glossaryck Eenie, meenie, Mewni, moe... Okay, you, Moe. Here you go.
Glossaryck tosses the rattle into the hands of the Mewman woman in the middle.
Woman Ah...
The rattle transforms into the Royal Magic Wand.
Man 1 Ooh!
Glossaryck Congratulations! You can do magic with that thing.
Woman Okay.
Glossaryck Come on, Meteora. We've got to hitch another ride with my weird son. [to Mewmans] Oh, and another one more thing! There's a storm coming! So y'all might want to huddle around that stump!
The Mewmans look at the giant stump nearby as thunder crashes in the sky. Scene cuts back to Reynaldo in his gondola.
Reynaldo Through darkness, slumbers, toils, solemnly alone. No game of catch, no father, no home.
Glossaryck [enters behind Reynaldo] Hey, Reynaldo?
Reynaldo Father!
Glossaryck Yeah. Can we just go forward in time a bit? Thanks.
Reynaldo Thou makest haste like wind, we shall arrive and—
Glossaryck Oh, geez, just go. Just go!
The staircase pops out of the ground again, and Glossaryck and Meteora emerge.
Glossaryck [sighs] Here's a free extra lesson for you – don't have children. [chuckles] Oh, it looks like we're here.
A group of Septarians is gathered. In the middle, young Rasticore nervously holds out his arm inside the open mouth of another Septarian and closes his eyes.
Rasticore Boss, is this really necessary?
Young Toffee appears with long hair and a spiked jacket.
Toffee Rasticore, if you're too weak for this, you'll never survive against a Mewman. Do it.
The Septarian with his mouth open bites off Rasticore's arm.
Rasticore [screams] It's kinda tingly.
Glossaryck Great. On to the last part of your lesson.
Rasticore's arm slowly grows back.
Toffee Now, they may have magic, but we are invincible.
Glossaryck (o.s.) Hey, Toffee!
Toffee Who said that? [turns around and sees Glossaryck and Meteora] Oh. Hello again.
Glossaryck Sorry for interrupting your weird meeting, but I'm trying to teach this little girl a lesson.
Toffee What are you trying to teach her? How to get your arm broken?
Septarians [laughing]
Meteora [baby talk]
Glossaryck Yep, that's the bad boy who broke my arm.
Meteora [snarls at Toffee]
Glossaryck Whoa. Hold your horses. I'm sure Toffee had a good reason for doing what he did.
Toffee You were making that stupid leaf hat, so I snapped your arm.
Glossaryck Okay. Not the best reason. But that doesn't mean he has to keep doing terrible things. If he did, he'd... break my other arm.
Toffee Oh. That's a good idea. [grabs Glossaryck]
Meteora [crying, snarling]
Meteora pounds on Toffee's pant leg, but he shoves her away with his tail.
Glossaryck Maybe that baby isn't the one who needs to be taught a lesson. Maybe we came to teach you.
Toffee Well, what are you going to teach me?
Meteora stands up with her eyes closed. She opens them, and they glow bright green. Toffee looks nervous as Meteora levitates off the ground.
Meteora Deeee... daaaaa!
Meteora fires ray beams from her eyes that strike Toffee. His eyes turn black, and he releases Glossaryck from his grip.
Glossaryck Okay. That's enough, Meteora. Meteora!
Meteora [stops dipping down, giggles, falls to the ground]
Toffee [gasps deeply] See?! This is the threat of magic! This is what we're at war against.
Toffee and his fellow Septarians leave.
Glossaryck I guess you learned two lessons today – how to "dip down," and that jerks like him never learn.
Meteora [giggles]
Scene cuts back to Janna; the screen on her mobile phone reads "YOU DIED".
Janna Not again! Ugh. Now I got to restart from the pickle factory.
There's a flash of light off-screen, and Meteora is back in her crib. The door opens.
Janna Oh, hey.
Eclipsa enters with a bunch of feathers in her hair.
Eclipsa How did it go? Any trouble?
Janna Yeah, I keep getting stuck on this one jump on level 43. Oh, come on!
Meteora Dee-daa!
Eclipsa Did she just say "Daddy"? [picks up Meteora]
Meteora [giggles]
Eclipsa Did you just say "Daddy"? Oh, my darling! Oh, what a genius!
Glossaryck is sitting on a pillow. He pulls his right arm off and grows a new arm.
Glossaryck You know, I think magic's in pretty good hands.
(end song)
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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