(theme song) | |
Episode begins at the Diaz Household. In Marco's bedroom, Marco positions his hand over a plank of wood. | |
Marco Diaz | [breathes deeply] |
Star Butterfly | [skipping by] La, la-la, la-la, la-laaa. Huh? |
Marco | Hiii-yah! |
Marco chops the wood in half. | |
Star | Whoa. You hate wood, too? Yeah, crush that wood! Wood's the worst! [grunts] |
Marco | No, I'm practicing for my upcoming Tang Soo Do tournament. |
Star | Oh. |
Marco | You see, Star, martial arts is all about honor and discipline. Which is why... I'm going to kick Jeremy Birnbaum's butt! |
Star | Jeremy Birnbaum? Isn’t that the talking bear that used to rummage through my parents' garbage? |
Marco | He's just this creep in my dojo who's only any good because his rich parents buy him fancy equipment and private lessons. But Saturday, he's gonna get a taste of this! |
Marco stacks three planks of wood. | |
Marco | Hiiiiii-YAH! |
Smash cut to black. | |
Marco | [screams in pain] |
Fade in on Marco's broken arm in a cast. The cast reads "Get well s♡♡n! Star!" and has several drawings on it. | |
Marco | [groans] This is a nightmare! If I can't fight Jeremy, he'll say I wussed out, and he'll never let me live it down! |
Star uses her magic wand to switch hairstyles. | |
Star | Pigtails? Ponytail? Pigtails? Ponytail? Pigtails? |
Marco | Wait a minute. You have a wand! You could just fix my hand! |
Star's last hairstyle is a hodgepodge of pigtails and ponytails. | |
Star | You know... That sort of spell is not really in my comfort zone. Oh, but if you like, I can give you a pretty wicked set of pigtails. |
Star gives her pigtails again. | |
Marco | Pigtails? [groans] |
Star | [gasps] Unless... I could look up a bone-healing spell in the magic instruction book that came with the wand. |
Star pulls a giant book out from under her bed. | |
Marco | What?! This whole time you had a magic instruction book? |
Star | Yep. Whenever the previous owner of the wand mastered a spell, they scribbled it down in here. |
Star opens the book, creating a cloud of dust. | |
Star | [coughing] But it's a complete disorganized mess. It's gonna take me foreeeever to find—Oh! Here it is. |
Marco | Really? |
Star | Hmm. It's in an ancient language. Releasio Demonius Infestica! |
Star shoots a beam of magic that coils around Marco's cast. | |
Marco | Ahh... ahhh...! I can feel it working! My fingers are tingling! |
Marco's arm is turned into a long, blue tentacle. It leaves a slime trail on the floor. | |
Marco | [screams] |
Star | [gasps] Don't worry! There must be a spell in here that can change it back! |
Star flips through the book's pages. Glossaryck briefly appears between two of the pages. | |
Star | I can fix it! |
Marco | [whimpering] |
Marco's monster arm slithers about on its own, knocking the book through Star's window. Scene transitions from night to morning. Marco wakes up in bed. | |
Marco | [yawns] |
The monster arm smacks his face, leaving slime all over him. | |
Marco | [groans] |
In the shower, Marco washes himself with soap. The monster arm slaps the soap out of his hand, smacks his face... | |
Marco | Ow! |
...and turns the shower handle to "Hot". Steam fills the bathroom. | |
Marco | [high-pitched screaming] |
At the breakfast table, Marco's body is burned red. The monster arm slaps the toast out of his hand before he can eat it and knocks over everything on the table. Star enters and sits down. | |
Star | [yawns] Morning, Marco. Morning, monster arm. I was up all night, but I haven't found a way to reverse the spell. |
The monster arm grabs Star's orange juice, pours it on Marco's head, and throws the empty glass away. Cut to Echo Creek Academy – cafeteria. As Marco and Star walk with lunch trays, Marco keeps his tray out of the monster arm's reach. | |
Lars Vanderdud | (o.s.) Hey, kid. I got a joke for you. |
Lars harasses Francis as students watch. | |
Lars | What's the most important meal of the day? |
Francis Smithington | Huh? |
Lars slaps Francis Smithington lunch tray out of his hands. | |
Lars | It's breakfast! [laughing] |
Francis | [laughing nervously] That's a good one, Lars. |
Francis leans down to pick up his tray, and Lars shoves his face in pink frosting. | |
Lars | [laughing] |
Marco's monster arm punches Lars across the face. | |
Students | [gasps] |
Lars | Who did that?! |
Marco | [pointing to monster arm] Uh... |
Lars | No one hits La—! |
The monster arm slaps Lars nine times. He runs away crying. The monster arm picks Francis up and cleans his face. | |
Francis | I, sir, am in your debt. |
Ferguson pops in and knocks Francis aside. | |
Ferguson | You're a hero! |
Students | [cheering] |
Jackie Lynn Thomas | Can I check out that arm? |
Marco | Uhhh... sure. |
Janna Ordonia | I want it to be my boyfriend! |
Hope Hadley | Me too! |
Jackie | High five! |
Marco smiles. | |
Francis | [breathing heavily] |
Cut to Diaz Household at nighttime. | |
Star | (v.o.) A-ha! I found it! |
In Star's bedroom, Star looks through her magic instruction book while Marco plays with his monster arm on Star's bed. | |
Star | A reverse tentacle spell! I think. |
Marco | Uh, maybe you should practice on something first. |
Star | Way ahead of you. |
Star takes out a potted plant. | |
Star | Returnio Armius Normalritecus! |
Star's spell burns the plant to a crisp. | |
Star | [shuddering] |
Marco | Uh, I'm going to bed now. [leaves room] |
Star | Don't worry! I'll get it! |
Star takes out another potted plant. | |
Star | Returnius Armius Normalrinny! |
Star's spell makes the second plant explode. | |
Star | Ugh... |
Scene transitions from night to morning. Star's failed attempts include a stump with eyes, a green foot, a multi-layered hand, a foot with six toes, a large rock arm, flowers with toes, and ballooned hands. | |
Star | [exhausted] Returnio... Armius... Normalrino... |
Star's spell makes a normal human hand. | |
Star | [gasps] |
The hand gives a thumbs-up. | |
Star | Marco! |
Star runs out of the room, then comes back to retrieve the hand. Marco does push-ups in his room with the monster arm. | |
Marco | 673... 674... 675... |
Star | I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I DID IT! |
Marco | Hey, I think this monster arm might actually help me take out Jeremy. Hiiii-YAH! |
Marco breaks nine stacked pieces of wood with the monster arm. | |
Marco | [breathing heavily] |
Star | Wait. You're gonna fight with that? That sounds kind of unfair. |
Marco | [slowly approaching Star] Ohhhh, funny how you never have a problem using your magic when it benefits you, but as soon as it gives me an advantage, you want to take it away! |
Star | [looking scared] Marco, I think that arm's a bad influence on you. |
Marco | And I think you should go. |
Marco pushes Star out of the room. | |
Star | What? Fine! But I don't—! |
Marco slams the door in Star's face. | |
Marco | Huh! Man, what does she know? |
The monster arm comes alive and sprouts a mouth. | |
Monster Arm | Don't listen to her. She's just jealous. |
Marco | Wha...?! You can talk?! |
Monster Arm | You don't need her anymore. I can give you everything you ever dreamed of. |
Marco | Really? |
Monster Arm | First, we're gonna destroy that little punk Jeremy. |
Marco | Yeah... |
Monster Arm | Then we're gonna get Jackie Lynn Thomas to like you. |
Marco | Yeah! |
Monster Arm | And then we're gonna slaughter all humans and feast on their bowels! |
Marco | YEAH!!! Wait, what? |
Monster Arm | I mean, uh, w-win the tournament! |
Marco | Yeah! |
Cut to dojo interior. A small crowd sits in the seats. | |
Star | [o.s., exhausted] Excuse me. |
Man | (o.s.) Ooh! Watch it! |
Star | [o.s., exhausted] Sorry. |
Girl | (o.s.) Hey! Ow! |
Star moves through the crowd's top row and sits next to Alfonzo and Ferguson. | |
Star | [exhausted] Sorry. Sorry. ...Sorry. |
Alfonzo Dolittle | Are you okay, Star? |
Ferguson O'durguson | You look terrible, and I have very low standards. |
Star | [yawning] I've been up for two nights trying to fix his monster arm, then he gets mad, and then I got to come here and watch him karate, you know? |
Sensei Brantley | Allow me to introduce our first competitor, Jeremy Birnbaum! |
On one side of the dojo, a seemingly tall man in a blue cloak sips water served to him by one butler while another butler massages his shoulders. | |
Jeremy | Hiii-yah! |
He pushes the butlers away and throws off the cloak, revealing a little boy standing on a footstool. | |
Star | That's Jeremy?! |
Ferguson | (o.s) That kid can't be any more than eight years old! |
Jeremy | [laughing] |
Cut to Jeremy's parents in the crowd. His father holds up a sign that reads "WE ♡ JEREMY". | |
Mrs. Birnbaum | We love you, son! |
Jeremy | Shut it, Mom! |
Sensei | And his opponent, Marco Diaz. |
Camera dramatically zooms in on Marco on the other side of the dojo. His body is half obscured by shadow. | |
Audience | [gasps] |
Mr. Birnbaum | Now that's an appendage. |
Jeremy | Hey, wait! He's got a monster arm! That's not fair! |
Sensei | Yeah! Pretty cool, right? |
Marco's monster arm lashes around Jeremy's neck and tosses him around the dojo. | |
Jeremy | [grunting and screaming] |
Audience | [gasps] |
Sensei | Hey-oh! |
Jeremy knocks into a trophy shelf and through the ceiling. | |
Jeremy | Whoa! |
Jeremy lands on the floor covered in bruises. | |
Jeremy | [groans] |
Sensei | Point, Diaz. |
Marco | Where are your private lessons now, Jeremy? Huh? |
The monster arm picks up Jeremy's body. | |
Monster Arm | [laughing] He's beaten. Now finish him! |
Marco | What? |
Monster Arm | This is what you've always wanted. Destroy him! Eat his bowels! |
Jeremy | Not my bowels! I love my bowels! |
Marco | Hey, listen, I just wanted to win the tournament so he wouldn't make fun of me! |
Monster Arm | If you're too weak to finish him, I'll do it myself! |
The monster arm tears Jeremy's shirt, revealing his stomach. | |
Jeremy | [screams] |
Marco | Star was right about you...! You are a bad influence! |
Monster Arm | And you are pathetic. |
The monster arm throws Jeremy into a punching bag. The punching bag swings backward and hits Jeremy's face. | |
Sensei | Point, Diaz. |
Monster Arm | [roaring] |
The monster arm attacks Marco, attempting to devour him. | |
Marco | Star?! You can change it back now! |
Alfonzo and Ferguson | Star! [gasps] |
Star sleeps with her head on a man's shoulder. Ferguson tries to shake her awake. | |
Ferguson | Star, you gotta wake up! |
Marco | Star! |
The monster arm repeatedly hits Marco against the ceiling. | |
Ferguson | Staaaaar!!! |
The monster arm uses Marco's arm to slap his own face. | |
Monster Arm | Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. |
Ferguson | Hey! Wake! Up! |
Alfonzo | Here, try this. |
Alfonzo hands Ferguson a beverage. | |
Ferguson | Oh, thank you so much. [slurps] |
Alfonzo | No! On Star! |
Ferguson | Oh, right. |
Ferguson splashes Star with water, and she wakes up spitting out the water. | |
Marco | Star! |
The monster arm coils around Marco's neck, choking him. | |
Star | [gasps] Returnio Armius Normalrino! |
Star blasts the monster arm with magic. The monster arm dodges, and the beam turns a punching bag into an arm. | |
Star | Returnio Armius Normalrino! |
The monster arm dodges again, and Star's magic turns a dumbbell into an arm. A third blast turns a towel into an arm. A fourth blast creates a pair of arms next to Sensei that pound together. Sensei bows to the arms in return. | |
Sensei | Hai. |
The monster arm keeps dodging Star's magic, making arms all over the dojo. | |
Alfonzo | Whoa! |
The monster arm hangs from the ceiling and swings gently back and forth. | |
Monster Arm | [laughing] I could do this all day. |
Star | Ugh! He's too wiggly! |
Marco looks down and sees all the arms Star made with her magic. He pushes himself and the monster arm off the ceiling, and the arms catch them as they fall. The arms hold the monster arm. | |
Monster Arm | [groaning] |
Marco | Now! |
Star | Returnio Armius Normalrinooooo! |
Star's magic finally hits the monster arm, and it begins to shrink back to normal. | |
Monster Arm | You'll never get rid of me! I'm part of you now! [slowly fading and getting high-pitched] You can treat the symptoms, but you'll never cure the viruuuus...! |
Marco's arm returns to normal. | |
Marco | [groans] |
Star | Marco, are you okay? |
Marco | [looks at his arm, gasps] My arm! My beautiful arm. It's back to normal. |
Marco's fingers suddenly crack and snap out of place. | |
Marco | [groans] And totally broken. |
Jeremy | Broken arm? Hah! Well, it looks like I win. |
A set of golden brass knuckles falls out of one of Jeremy's gloves and clangs on the floor. One of the animated arms picks it up and holds it in front of Sensei's face. | |
Sensei | Brass knuckles? Seriously? |
Jeremy | Pfft! Brass? They're gold. |
Sensei | You boys have brought shame and dishonor to this great and noble sport. 'Tis a sad day for strip mall dojos everywhere. |
Jeremy briefly looks at Marco before angrily kicking over some arms and walking away. | |
Mrs. Birnbaum | [clapping] Oh-ho, bravo, son! Bravo! |
Jeremy | [growls] I wish I could fight you, Mom. |
Mrs. Birnbaum | [whimpers] |
Ferguson | What a turd. |
Marco | [sighs] Sorry. I should've listened to you, Star. |
Star | I know. |
Marco | Hey, uh, when the monster arm said he'd be back, that's nothing to worry about, right? |
Star | Uhhh... probably not? |
Close-up on Marco's extremely worried face. Camera pans down to his broken arm. Cut to black. |
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Monster Arm/Transcript
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