Monster Bash/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Scene opens outside the Monster Temple, which is decorated festively with lights. Star Butterfly is inside, hanging them up as quickly as possible. She then sticks a party hat on a skull, dumps some candy in a bowl, places a ladle in a punch bowl, and jumps into her boots, zipping them up.
Star Butterfly	All right, Marco. What do you think? Is it too much?
Marco Diaz	It's not too much.
Star	Is it not enough?
Marco	I think it's perfect.
Star	But does it read as Mewmans and Monsters together?
Marco	Yeah, basically.
Rich Pigeon	Stop worrying, Star [bends over to sip some punch from Star's goblet]
Star	Oh, Rich, it is really cool of you to pay for this party. I cannot believe you found this place.
Rich	No [sips] problem [sips], Star. [sips]
Marco	Yeah, thanks. And I'm glad your leg is better.
Rich	Legs heal, Marco, but grudges last forever. [menacing silence]
Marco	Yeah, well... I'm sorry—
Rich	Kidding, kidding! [laughs] Water under the bridge. Besides, I love throwing parties. What's the point of money if you aren't lording it over everyone, hmm?
Pony Head	Hiiiii! Time to get this thing started now. Okay, I'm sorry that I'm late, but guess why. It's 'cause I brought you a gift.
	Johnny Blowhole carries over a photo booth and then collapses. Kelly steps out of it.
Kelly	Hey.
Star	Ohhhhh! Pony, you're the best.
Pony Head	[to Marco] Oh, did you hear that? The best. Me. [to Star] Ooh, but, girl, this looks more like a standoff than a party. There's tension.
	All the monsters are on one side of the room, and all the other are on the other side. None are speaking to each other.
Star	Ugh. Maybe I pushed too hard and they aren't ready for this.
Rock Johansen	[sips a glass, throws it down] That's it!
	The music stops.
Star	Oh, no. No!
Pony Head	Ooh! Okay, now it's getting started.
Rock	If no one else is gonna say anything, I will! [walks over to the monsters] How dare you?!
	All of them run away except for a fuzzy yak monster.
Yak Monster	Uh, uh me?
Rock	[examining him] Pre-distressed ripped-knee jeans. I should've thought to wear mine. What's it like being the coolest dude here?
Yak Monster	Oh, you're... you're happy at me?
Rock	Yes, I'm happy at you.
Yak Monster	Oh, well, thanks. Where'd you get those horns? I really like 'em.
Rock	Oh, ha-ha. These old things? Yeah, boating accident. I should've died.
Yak Monster	Yeah, you should've.
Rock and Yak	[laughing]
Rock	Yeah, it was pretty painful.
	The two crowds now start mingling, and the music starts up again.
Star	Oh, thank corn.
Marco	See? You had nothing to worry about.
Star	Monsters and Mewmans partying together. Who'd have thunk?
	Scene changes. Miss Heinous' car is parked somewhere outside the party. Inside, her tracking device beeps.
Gemini	Here he comes.
	Scene jumps to Marco, who waves his arms above his head. The Goblin Dogs van rushes in, almost running him over.
Marco	Aah! Geez! Careful, Roy.
	Scene jumps back to the car. Miss Heinous's checks start glowing.
Gemini	Milady, your cheek marks are glowing.
Miss Heinous	Put in the mixtape.
Gemini	As you wish.
	Gemini puts in a cassette entitled "I Hate Princess Marco Turdina Mix". Thrash rock begins playing, and Heinous headbangs to it. Meanwhile, back at the party, Star is introducing Larry Kelpbottom to a bird-like monster.
Star	Introductions!
Bird Monster	Hey, so, like, wanna dance?
Larry	Mmm, sure.
	Star and Marco poke their head around the party, making sure everything is in good shape.
Star	[to DJ robot] Beats, on point. [at punch bowl] Punch. [licks a drop] Not cold enough!
Marco	On it! [runs off]
Star	Marco! I have magic. [pulls out wand, casts spell]
	The bowl becomes encapsulated in a giant ice cube.
Star	Hmm. [licks it, tongue get stuck] Hmm!? Cold, cold cold, uh-huh. [whines]
	Tom Lucitor holds up his hand and melts the ice with some fire, freeing Star's tongue.
Star	Oh! Oh, my dear sweet angel lady, I thought I lost you. [sighs, looks up] Tom, when did you get here?
Tom Lucitor	Um, I helped you set up. Remember? Rich Pigeon made me carry in that statue of him. [gestures]
Star	How did I not notice that till now?
Tom	I don't know. I looked great moving it... all by myself. [helps Star up] It's your loss really. May I have this dance?
Star	Aww, you're being very sweet, but I have to focus on this party right now. It's a new age, Tom. Monsters and Mewmans living in harmony, and I want everyone to remember this night forever.
Tom	Well, do you remember this? [moves in to kiss her]
Star	What are you doing?
Tom	Uh, being romantic and kissing you.
Star	[laughs] Oh. [suggestively] You might have to help me remember then.
Tom	Okay.
	He moves in to kiss Star again, but right as he's about to do so, Star inhales deeply and blows right into Tom's mouth. Tom turns away and coughs the air out.
Tom	Star!
	Star then immediately hugs him and kisses him on the cheek multiple times.
Tom	I miss this. I miss you. I haven't seen you at all recently. Come on, just one little dance.
Star	Oh, Tom, I miss you, too. But I really gotta focus. We'll dance later.
	Star blows him a kiss and runs off.
Tom	I'll see you then.
Marco	[returns with bag of ice] Ice! Oh, Star fixed it.
Tom	Dude, I-I don't get it. She'll be queen soon anyway. Why not enjoy being young just for a little longer?
	He groans and hits the table, setting the punch on fire. Marco opens the block of ice and tries to dump it in.
Marco	She's been working on this for months, man. This is important to her. She's trying to fix centuries of bigotry and social biases that plague Mewni...
	Tom punches the ice block, which is stuck in the bag. The ice block breaks into cubes that put out the fire in the punch.
Tom	Sorry, sorry. Just gonna stop you there, Marco. I'm not into politics. [walks away]
Marco	Dude, you're a prince. Everything you do is political.
	An arm off-screen creepily reaches for Marco. Marco jumps back into a karate pose.
Marco	Whoa!
Rich	[gasps] Look, guys, I got him to do it! I got him to do the sword hand dance! Everyone, sword hand dance!
	Upbeat music begins playing and everyone starts doing the "sword hand dance".
Marco	No, it's... it's not a dance. This indicates I'm poised for combat.
Kelly	Hey, Marco, wanna dance?
Marco	Okay.
	On the outside of the party, Princess Spiderbite is rubbing her spider bite. Slime Monster walks up to her.
Slime Monster	Ahem. Would you like to...?
	A piece of slime drips off and splatters to the floor.
Spiderbite	Eww, no. Does that actually work on girls? Come on!
Slime	Well, yeah, it works on everybody. Girls' bites, boys' bites. It even works on grandmas' bites.
Spiderbite	Wait, what?
Slime	My slime. It's just like aloe vera.
Spiderbite	You actually wanna cure my spider bite?
Slime	Yeah. Uh, well, only if-if you want to.
Spiderbite	Dude, I am so sick of this spider bite! Give me some of that!
	The two high-five, and Spiderbite applies the slime to her bite. The bite vanishes instantly.
Spiderbite	Whoa! That's amazing! You're amazing.
Slime	Oh, it's nothing. [leans against wall] Really.
	The wall behind him collapse, and he falls backwards down some dark stairs. Spiderbite looks in, slipping on his slime and falling down right on top of him.
Spiderbite	Oh, my gosh! Slime, are you okay?
Slime	[lifting his head] I'm okay. You'd be surprised how many times that's happened.
	Something growls.
Slime	[looks at surrounding monster statues] There's some pretty spooky statues down here.
Spiderbite	Yeah. That one looks like it's seen better days.
Slime	That one looks like my old math teacher.
	A large shadow approaches Spiderbite and Slime.
Spiderbite	[laughs] Yeah, and that one looks like... it's breathing?
	Both scream as the shadow draws closer. Scene goes black, and then returns to the party upstairs.
Pony Head	This party is on point. Good job, girl!
Star	Aww, thanks, Pony. You know, I think I really did do a good job.
Rich	[raising goblet] To Star Butterfly, for putting on this magnificent party.
Squirrel Monster	And inviting everybody to come.
Star	Aww, you guys. Stop.
Crowd	Speech, speech!
Star	Okay, I'm blushing. I'm literally blushing, guys. [sighs] Well, we kids are the future, and starting tonight, we are going to create a new Mewni. A Mewni where everyone is welcome anywhere. [squeals] I'm so excited, I could scream.
Spiderbite	[screams] Help!
Star	Oh, my gosh. [runs over to her] What happened?
Spiderbite	Ahh... It-it was a monster.
Bird Monster	What is going on over here?
Larry	Obviously, she was attacked by that slimy monster.
Bird Monster	What? Slime wouldn't attack anybody.
Duck-Billed Monster	Is he still down in that chamber?
Spiderbite	I... I...
Duck-Billed Monster	We saw you take him down there.
Bird Monster	Yeah, like, what did you do to him?
Star	Okay, has anyone seen Slime Monster?
Mole Monster	No, but Eric's missing, too. He was over by that door earlier.
Squirrel Monster	So was Tanya. [to Rock] Weren't you dancing with Tanya earlier?
Rock	There were a lot of girls. I don't know all their names.
Squirrel Monster	What did you do with Tanya?
Rock	Nothing! Monsters do whatever they want!
Squirrel Monster	What is that supposed to mean?
Rock	It means Mewmans aren't the ones attacking people and dragging them through creepy hidden doorways. You know, monsters. It's like their instinct.
Squirrel Monster	Oh, here it comes. Just 'cause he's a monster.
Pony Head	[to Star] Hey, girl.
Star	Oh, Pony, thank goodness.
Pony Head	I don't know what you did, but this party just got way more interesting.
Squirrel Monster	You're jumping to conclusions.
Rock	Just common knowledge.
Star	[screaming] Stop!
	Everyone falls silent.
Star	Please, everybody, just let me take care of this. Go back and enjoy the party. There's fresh punch; it's very cold. The Goblin Dog food truck is out front, and we even have some... jokes! [to Pony Head] Pony, keep everybody entertained while I investigate.
Pony Head	Ooh! I'm the jokes!
	Outside the party, Marco is looking through the Goblin Dogs menu.
Marco	[reading] "Original, Strawberry." Roy, who... who gets strawberry?
Roy	[shrugs]
Marco	Can... Can I have one?
Star	Marco, I need you. [grabs him away]
Marco	Whoa!
	Scene changes back to the party.
Tom	[to Rich] Your hat looks fine.
Marco	[being dragged] Star, I was doing something.
Star	Tom, I need your help. Monster kids have started disappearing, and nobody knows where Slime Monster is—
Tom	Star, relax. It's a party. They're probably just off cuddling somewhere... which is what you and I should be doing. Don't you think?
Marco	Ewww.
Star	Ugggh! I do not have time for this, Tom. Don't you understand? If something bad happens to those monsters, everything I've worked for will be ruined. So you can either help me or you can get out of my way. Come on, Marco. [walks away]
Marco	Princesses. [pats Tom's back] Pat, pat. [walks away]
	Tom bursts into flames, then cools it. A piece of the ceiling falls to the floor next to him. Scene jumps to Star and Marco who are now descending down the stairs with a candelabra.
Star	Hey, Slime? Slimy dude. You in here?
	The two find a streak of slime leading into darkness. They follow it down even more stairs.
Marco	What do you think this place was anyway?
Star	I don't know, but these stairs are not easy in this dress.
	The two enter a chamber with a large circular door.
Marco	Whoa, check it out. It's like a little campsite.
	Marco walks up to a pile of books next to a pitched tent. He opens one.
Marco	These earmarks are fresh.
	One of the torches on the wall goes out. Star and Marco jump in fright.
Star	Slime? If that was you, now would be a nice time to tell us.
	The candelabra goes out.
Marco	[panicking] Matches, matches, matches!
Star	Okay, [panics] I found a candle!
Marco	Here, here!
Star	I can't see where! Oh, wait, I'll just use my wand.
	Star's wand flickers with light. Someone else puts down their foot causing Star and Marco to jump.
Star and Marco	[yelp]
Star	What the... Mina Loveberry?
Mina Loveberry	Mud Sister?
	Scene cuts to black. Cut back to Mina Loveberry in the temple sub-basement.
Mina	Hah. What the heck are you doing here?
Star	I am throwing a very important Mewman and Monster friendship party.
Mina	Wait, wait, wait, monsters? I've been throwing monsters into this closet all night.
	She opens up the closet; trapped inside are six different monsters.
Slime	Get us outta here!
Star	What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no! What are you doing? You need to let them go right now!
Mina	Ha! I need to keep this place safe from evil monster treachery.
Star	They're not evil, they're my friends. Come on. This place is abandoned. Nothing sinister is going on.
Mina	Young warrior, everything about these monsters and whosits is sinister.
Star	You don't understand. I am trying to—
Mina	Interrupting! You don't understand the complexities of this situation. I am duty-bound to protect this temple. Doctor's orders.
	Mina holds up a rock with two eyes and smile drawn on. It is wearing a stethoscope.
Marco	This one's all you, Mud Sister.
Star	Maybe it's time to get a second opinion.
Mina	You doubt the words of a professional?
	Mina starts poking Star with the probe of the stethoscope.
Star	No, but, just... Ow! Okay, stop it! Okay, Mina, look, let's just calm down and not escalate things.
Mina	I'm not the one escalating things, escalator! I've been waiting hundreds of years— Aaah!
	The ceiling above her caves in; on top of the rubble is Miss Heinous.
Miss Heinous	Princess Marco.
Marco	Heinous?! Oh, no! I am done running from you. This ends now!
	Gemini and Rasticore pounce on Marco and Star. Moments later, Star tries to gnaw away Rasticore's arm while Gemini straps Marco to Miss Heinous's machine.
Miss Heinous	Okay. Now to set the mood. Play the music.
Gemini	Uh, again, milady?
Miss Heinous	[growling] Play it!!
Gemini	Yes, ma'am. [under his breath] Heard it 15 times.
	The thrash begins to play. Miss Heinous headbangs to the music.
Miss Heinous	[putting the bulb on her head] Start the machine.
	Gemini tries to start it.
Gemini	Okay... um... Milady... the lever is... stuck.
Miss Heinous	What? Hmm?
Gemini	When–when I push it, it doesn't go down.
Miss Heinous	[pushes Gemini aside] You imbecile! Utterly incompetent! But no matter. This is between me and Princess Marco now.
	Miss Heinous's cheeks glow, and the ground shakes. Behind them, the circular door glows with two clubs inside a spade. It opens slowly. The entire temple explodes with a blast of light. Miss Heinous walks towards the room.
Gemini	Milady?
Miss Heinous	[gasps, enters the room] It can't be.
	The room appears to be a nursery.
Marco	So are we still fighting or...?
Star	Read the room, Marco.
	Miss Heinous picks up two dolls, one a red monster, and the other who looks like Eclipsa Butterfly.
Gemini	What have you got there [chuckles], milady?
Miss Heinous	Dolls.
Gemini	Oh, I... I can see that.
Miss Heinous	These were my dolls. [clasps them to chest] I love my dolls.
Gemini	That's... That's very... nice.
Miss Heinous	I can't believe it. It's all coming back to me. That was my bookshelf. And my toy chest. This place – this was my nursery. [gasps]
	Miss Heinous walks over to the crib and wipes the dust away on its backboard, revealing the name "Meteora".
Miss Heinous	And this... this was my baby bed.
Gemini	But... how is this possible?
Mina	Oh, it's possible, all right! I knew you'd be back here one day... Meteora!
Gemini	I beg your pardon! This is Miss Heinous, the honorable headmistress of St. Olga's School for Wayward Princesses!
Miss Heinous	No. Meteora. That is my name. At least, it was my name a long, long time ago. [her cheek marks glow again]
Gemini	Milady, your arm.
	Miss Heinous's arm now has the appearance of a red claw with scales.
Miss Heinous	No, no, no, no, no!
Gemini	Shall I fetch your makeup?
Mina	Well, ain't this a pretty picture? First, Eclipsa wakes up, and now, look who comes a-cryin'. Ty-pi-cal.
Star	Whoa, wait. Eclipsa? What does she have to do with this?
Marco	Yeah, uh, can someone fill us in?
Mina	Don't you ding-dongs know anything? She's her mama! [gestures to a portrait of Eclipsa holding Miss Heinous as a baby]
Marco	Eclipsa is Heinous' mother?! But how?! Eclipsa is hundreds of years old! Besides, that would mean Heinous is a... a princess!
Star	It... means she's a Butterfly.
Mina	It means [jumping into air] she's a [demonic voice] monster!
	Mina, in a fit of rage herself, turns into her muscular augmented form. She hovers in mid-air.
Gemini	Now, uh, uh, see here...
	Mina blasts Gemini aside with a blast from her arm. She then holds up her arm to Miss Heinous.
Star	Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mina. Just... Wait just one second. I got a lot of questions here.
Mina	Doctor's orders!
Star	[grabs wand] Double Rainbow Fist!
	Star shoots a pair of Rainbow Fists at Mina to throw her against a wall.
Star	[to Marco] Quick, go get the monster kids!
Marco	Right!
	Mina gets up and takes another swoop at Star. Star shoots out a few blasts, but Mina swats them away easily.
Star	Stardust Daisy Devastation!
	Mina is surrounded by a barrier of stardust and daisies, but she breaks it. Marco successfully frees the monsters and looks in on Star still blasting away. Mina dives at Star, but Marco jumps in and knocks her out of Mina's path.
Yak Monster	[running] Whoa! Get out!
Mina	Ugh, you let them go?! You traitor!
	Mina glows blue with flames and starts blasting the fire at Star. Star takes cover behind a pillar. Miss Heinous is still staring at her dolls.
Gemini	Miss Heinous! We must leave quickly!
	Marco grabs some of Mina's books and throws them at her. They merely agitate her.
Mina	Ugh!
	Meanwhile, Tom comes heading down the stairs using his finger as a candle.
Tom	Star? Star, are you down here?
	Star screams as she's thrown against the wall right in front of Tom.
Star	Tom!
Tom	Star! Look, I know I did something wrong, and I'm still not sure what, but I want to apologize.
Star	Oh, that's great, great. Kind of got a thing here.
	Star runs back into the room. Tom sees the fight and ignites his fists.
Star	Spider With a Top Hat Blast!
	Spider With a Top Hat appears, and his top hat turns into a minigun. He blasts Mina with laser fire.
Spider	War cryyyyyyy!
	The bullets do nothing, and Mina smacks him over to Star. Mina then walks towards Star slowly. Star tries a few blasts. Tom joins in and growling with rage, he casts a spell which causes a fault line to emerge beneath Mina. From the chasm, large stone blocks emerge, encasing Mina in a coffin-like space which Tom wraps with golden magic chains. Mina manages to break free, knocking Tom aside.
Tom	Oof! Agghhh!
	Mina looks around the nursery, now completely ablaze in blue fire.
Mina	Where is she?! Where is Meteora?! Nooo!
	Mina screams, punches a hole in the ceiling, and flies away. Scene jumps back to the party.
Pony Head	[laughing] Okay, all right. Here's a good one. Okay. Mmm. Knock, knock.
All	Who's there?
Mina	[crashes through the floor] Where is Meteora?! Where's the monster?!
Star	Raspberry Ribbon Lasso!
	The spell grabs a hold of Mina's ankle.
Star	You're ruining everything I'm trying to accomplish!
Mina	Well, you just helped the most dangerous monster in the history of Mewni escape!
	The doors to the temple burst open, and blasts fly everywhere, crystallizing party goers indiscriminately.
Rock	What's happening?!
	The Butterfly Castle royal guards rush in.
Rhombulus	Everybody, freeze!
Star	Uh-oh.
Mina	The donut patrol? Huh. I gotta make track.
	Mina runs over to a window and jumps out. She flies away by spinning her hair like helicopter blades.
Star	So... you guys came here to party?
	Scene changes to outside the temple. A knight straps yellow "Though Shalt Not Cross" tape against the entrance. Sirens wail.
Rhombulus	You are in a world of trouble, young lady.
Star	Look, it was just a party, okay? We weren't doing anything wrong.
Rhombulus	Oh, really? Then what was that huge surge of magic we detected in the dungeon earlier?
Star	Oh, yeah. That. [laughs]
Rhombulus	Do you have any idea what this place is?
Star	Uh... a fun place to throw parties?
Rhombulus	It's not just a fun place to throw parties. It's... Well, I'm not even authorized to tell you what it is. That's how bad it is.
	His left snake arm blows raspberry.
Star	You don't know what it is, do you?
Rhombulus	What? No! I totally know what it is! It's...
	His left arm immediately starts jabbering to Rhombulus.
Rhombulus	Oh, yeah. Ugh. I don't have time for this. You stay here. I got a crime scene to deal with.
	He walks over to Miss Heinous's car and crystallizes it.
Tom	[to Star, holding a goblet] Hey. I made this for you. I mean, no, that's-that's a lie. They're just handing them out over there. I was, um... here.
	Tom lights the drink on fire to warm it up and hands it to Star.
Star	Aw, thanks, Tom.
Tom	So, sorry for being a total nag back there. I get it now. You were dealing with some serious stuff.
Star	It's okay. Doesn't even matter now anyway. The party was a disaster.
Tom	What? No! It was a great party. I mean, yeah, sure, some monsters got trapped in a closet. And Mina probably traumatized some people. And we got busted by the cops. And I... am not helping at all right now.
Star	This is all my fault. I really thought I could just change everything overnight. Ugh, I was so wrong.
Tom	Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. There's no way you could've known that all this weirdness would happen.
Star	Yeah, that's the problem, Tom. I don't know anything. I don't know how to fix what's wrong with Mewni. I don't even know who my own family is anymore. All that stuff with Heinous and Eclipsa. I just... what?
	Star sees some guards escorting the monster party goers.
Star	Hey, hey, hey! What do you think you're doing? Let those monsters go.
Guard 1	We found these hooligans loitering outside the temple. I need to take them in for processing.
Star	Oh, really? Then why don't you process those hooligans?
	Star gestures to the royal kids, who are wrapped in blankets and being given hot chocolate .
Guard 2	More hot chocolate, Your Highness?
Spiderbite	Yes.
Guard 1	Well, uh...
Star	Let 'em go!
Guard 1	Yes, Your Highness.
Star	[to monsters] I am so sorry this happened to you guys.
Elephant Monster	Ugh, it's okay, Star. Trust me, this happens to us all the time.
Star	I-I can make it up to you. Stay for the after-party. Snacks on me.
Elephant Monster	Uh, thanks, but I've had enough parties for a while.
Slime	Yeah, I almost died for real.
Elephant Monster	Catch you later, okay?
	They all walk off together. Scene jumps to a road in the forest. The guards in their horse-drawn vehicles are heading back, sirens wailing. After they pass, Gemini leans out from behind a tree.
Gemini	Ooh, there's too much heat out there. We should get going, Miss Heinous.
Miss Heinous	[cheek marks glowing] That's not my name.
Gemini	I'm... sorry?
	Miss Heinous stands up, and Rasticore looks shocked. When she turns around, she has yellow eyes, pointy ears, and fangs.
Miss Heinous	My name is Meteora.
	(end song)