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!'''Marco''' |
!'''Marco''' |
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− | | The thing is, Star and I have recently become smooch buddies. On the lips. |
+ | | The thing is, Star and I have recently become smooch buddies. On the lips. |
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!'''Candle''' |
!'''Candle''' |
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+ | | Even if that's true kid, you shouldn't say that out loud. |
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− | |''The cat-shaped candy bold |
+ | |''The cat-shaped candy bold explodes into a pillar of flame, revealing Tom.'' |
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!'''Tom''' |
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!'''Star''' |
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− | | Is he still dark and broody? |
+ | | Is he still dark and broody? |
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!'''Marco''' |
!'''Marco''' |
Revision as of 23:23, 25 April 2020
(Theme song) | |
Episode begins inside Echo Creek Academy, at the Guidance Counselor's office | |
Oskar Greason | Mr. Candle said I'm gonna be a musician. |
Chet | Sweet. I got champion swimmer. I was gonna get dressed, but now I don't need to. |
Marco Diaz | Wow. Everyone's getting really awesome careers. |
Star Butterfly | I can't wait to find out what my future holds. [nervous laughter] |
Mr. Candle | Star Butterfly. Please sit |
Star | Okay |
Candle | Help yourself to some candy. |
Star | No, thank you. I'm just really excited to have my fortune told. How do you do it? Read palms? Converse with the dead? Examine head lumps? |
Candle | Nope. Just normal guidance counselor stuff. Have you given much thought to your future? |
Star | Totally. When I grow up, I wanna raise warnicorns [spawns a warnicorn] |
Candle | Well, that seems like a fun hobby but you might not have much time for hobbies as the queen of Mewni. |
Star | [warnicorn neighs] Queen? |
Candle | I may not know your fortune, but your future is set in stone. |
Star | Stone? |
Candle | Are you dating anyone? |
Star | What? Uh, no. |
Candle | What about that Marco boy? Got a secret crush on him? |
Star | He's my roommate. We're just friends. |
Candle | Yeah, that's weird to date your roommate. Maybe someone else then. It's never too early to start searching for the future king of Mewni. |
Star | Maybe |
Candle | Cheer up Star. Or should I say, Your Majesty? |
Star | Hmm. |
Star leaves the counseling office | |
Marco | So how'd it go? [Star walks by him] Or we can catch up later. |
Marco is now in the counseling office. | |
Candle | Mr. Diaz. I've been very anxious to speak to you. |
Marco | Seen my test scores, have you? |
Candle | Indeed. |
Sometime later | |
Marco | Garbage Island⁈ What's the use of taking honors classes if it gets you sent to the middle of nowhere? |
Star | So don't go. At least you have a choice. Apparently, the only thing in my future is being queen. |
Marco | Oh, man, I'd love to be queen. You never have to think about what to wear; you have somebody do that for you. |
Star | [groans] |
Marco | People would just love you because they have to, no matter how weird you are. |
Star | [groans] |
Marco | You never have to bathe alone. |
Star | Marco, please stop talking. |
Mr. Candle visits the men's restroom | |
Marco | Head janitor, Garbage Island. |
Star | [sighs] |
Marco enters the restroom and hears a plopping sound | |
Marco | I'll come back later. |
A fiery explosion in one of the stalls causes Marco to investigate. He finds that it's caused by Candle dumping some mysterious substance into the toilets. | |
Candle | All right sir, phase one is complete. What's next? Sir, are you there? |
Tom's face appears in the toilet's water | |
Tom | You idiot! You forgot the most important part. Me! |
Candle | I got confirmation. Starco is completely platonic. |
Marco | Starco? |
Tom | Make sure there's no possibility of them ever being a thing. |
Candle | Absolutely, sir. |
Tom | Also, stop offering everyone candy. You're gonna blow my cover. I want her back. |
Candle | I gotta go. |
Tom | I'm not done. |
Candle | No. You don't understand. [puts his hands over his pants] I gotta go. |
Tom | Flush me first. |
Later, Mr. Candle enters his office whistling | |
Marco | Hey Mr. Candle. |
Candle | [startled] Oh, hello Marco. |
Marco | I appreciate all your guidance with Garbage Island and all, but I'm gonna pass [crumples Garbage Island flyer and throws it into the trash can but he misses]. Actually, I was just thinking I might be king of Mewni. |
Candle | [spluttering his drink] What⁈ |
Marco | The thing is, Star and I have recently become smooch buddies. On the lips. |
Candle | Even if that's true kid, you shouldn't say that out loud. |
Marco | Yeah, we've been trying all styles. German, Italian, Polynesian. My tongue is so tired, I can't feel my teeth. |
The cat-shaped candy bold explodes into a pillar of flame, revealing Tom. | |
Tom | [ferocious growl] |
Marco | Busted. I knew you weren't a guidance counselor. [points at Mr. Candle when his cover is blown] |
Tom grabs Marco by the collar to take him to the underworld. | |
At the Diaz's house, Star reads a magazine about being a queen. | |
Star | Oh. These women look so miserable. [sighs heavily, goes to her mirror] |
Mirror | Calling Mom |
Queen Butterfly | What did you do? |
Star | What... nothing! Yet. I'd like to ask you something. Are you happy? |
Queen | Happy? What difference does that make? |
Star | I mean, I don't know. Do you have any warnicorns? |
Queen | Goffrey, do I have any warnicorns? |
Goffrey | You have 19, Your Majesty. |
Queen | Oh. Apparently I have 19. |
Star | Oh, sweet. |
Queen | But when you are queen, you don't have time for warnicorns. |
Star | Oh. |
Queen | Everything I'm saying is in your guide book. Incidentally, you may want to review the chapter on hair care. |
Star | [brushes her hair sadly] |
Queen | If you're going to be queen, you have to look the part. Don't worry so much about happiness. It makes you look pale. Love you. Bye. |
Star stares comprehensively at her guide book for a while | |
Star | Hmm. |
She smiles as she gets out a hair trimmer and turns it on | |
The scene switches back to Marco, now in Tom's lair. He is being vertically spun on some kind of torture device. | |
Marco | Stop! I knew you were listening. I never made out with Star. |
Tom | [snaps; the wheel stops spinning] |
Marco | I just said that to get your goat. |
Skull on wall | what? |
Tom | You lied to me. |
Marco | Well, you lied to Star. You made her think all she's good for is being queen. |
Tom frowns and walks away from Marco | |
Marco | Dude, just take me home. |
Tom snaps again, which releases Marco in to a tub of water. | |
Tom | I can't do that; you know too much. Now I gotta destroy you. |
Marco | What⁈ That's not fair. |
Tom | All right, fine. Battle to the death. I win, you die. |
Marco | What do I get if I win? |
Tom | [laughs] It's not gonna happen. So, yeah, ask for whatever you want. |
Marco | If I win, you gotta take me home, and you gotta tell Star the truth. |
Tom | Fine. Pick your weapon. Dueling battle axes? Rhino fiend joust? Pear grenades of anguish? |
A pear shrieks and explodes. | |
Marco | [pointing elsewhere] What about ping-pong? |
Tom | [shrugs] That's cool. |
Small-headed demon | [holds out a basket full of paddles] Your weapon of choice, my liege. |
Marco | I oughta warn you, I'm not only a karate master, I'm also good at ball sports. |
Marco serves the ball to Tom, who smacks it so hard that it breaks Marco's paddle and injuries his hand. | |
Marco | Ow! |
Demon | Point, Master Tom. |
Marco | [grabs another paddle] Okay, so I'm a little rusty. Wait till you... hi-yah! |
Marco surprise serves the ball, Tom smacks it and once again breaks Marco's paddle. | |
Marco | Owww! |
Scene switches back to Star. She tears a poster of a queen off the wall, puts on eye liner, lipstick, skull stickers, spiked arm bracelets. She also intentionally tears her pants and grabs a battle axe. | |
Scene returns to Marco's ping-pong game. | |
Demon | Game point. |
Tom serves the ball rather slowly | |
Marco | [swinging furiously] In your face! |
Tome easily bounces the ball back, and it smacks Marco in the forehead. | |
Marco | Ow! Ugh! Since when do ping-pong balls hurt so much? |
Tom | These balls are guided by demons. |
Marco | Okay. Let's play for real this time. Double or nothing. |
Small-headed demon | Dude, you're out of paddles, just give up. |
Tom | No, it's fine. Here, you can have mine [throws it at Marco] |
Marco | Ugh! |
Tom | I don't need it [levitates ball with finger] |
Marco ducks as the ball barely misses his head and cause a huge dent in an arcade machine. | |
Marco | Hey! Isn't this kind of cheating? |
Tom | You think this is cheating? You should try playing Star at ping-pong. |
Marco | Well, Star doesn't really cheat, she just makes up her own rules. |
Tom | And then she changes the rules again halfway through the game. |
Marco | Oh, so that's why I never win. |
Tom | She just does whatever she wants. |
Marco | Yeah, that's Star. |
Tom | Yeah. She is kinda awesome. [brief silence] You know you're never gonna win, right? |
Marco | I know, but you're not either. It doesn't matter if you beat me at ping-pong or pull out all my organs. You can't make Star be your girlfriend unless she wants to. |
Scene changes to the Diaz's house. A torrent of flame delivers Marco back. | |
Marco | Star, I have something to tell... |
Marco notices Star has totally changed her appearance to be more punk. | |
Marco | Whoa. |
Star | Oh hey Marco. Did you know that if you cut off a mermaid's tail, you can never be queen? It's all in the guide book. |
Marco | Star, you don't have to do that. |
Star | Oh, thank goodness. I'm so sorry Tiffany; I never wanted to hurt you. |
Marco | Shameful [Tom walks in]. |
Star | Tom! What's going on? |
Tom | I have something I need to confess. I used Mr. Candle to try to get back together with you, and it took me destroying Marco 58 games to zero to realize I was wrong. Like, I slaughtered him. I mean, beating him was so easy. |
Marco | Okay, she gets it. |
Tom | All I wanted was to get you back, but I never stopped to consider what you wanted. I'm sorry. |
Star smile and punches Tom aggressively in the chest. | |
Tom | Ow! |
Star | You tricked me, but it doesn't even make a difference. I'm still gonna be queen. |
Marco | Yeah, but that doesn't sound like a bad thing because you're gonna run Mewni your way, no matter how destructive. |
Star | That's true [throws the guide book away and creates another warnicorn, hugs Marco] |
Demon | Point, Marco. |
Tom | [Sadly] Well, I should go. by the way, I like your hair. |
Star smiles, Tom levitates himself back in to the elevator, descending down to the underworld. | |
Star | So you guys were hangin' out? |
Marco | Uh, yup. |
Star | Is he still dark and broody? |
Marco | Oh yeah, but he's not so bad. |
Scene changes back to the counseling office | |
Candle | No Brittany, I don't believe your life has peaked at such a young age. |
Tom | [burst in to room via flame] Dude, abort the mission; we're done. |
Candle | [whistles, opens window, and flies away on a file cabinet] |