Scene opens at Echo Creek Academy.
Jackie Lynn Thomas [talking to Lynn] Oh, Minnesota, huh? Fancy.
Marco Diaz peers at Jackie from behind his locker. He's nervous, and his armpits are sweaty.
Marco Okay, you got this. [fanning his sweaty pits, whispers to his reflection] Today is the day.
Jackie Hey, Marco.
Marco [gasps]
Jackie Today is the day for what?
Marco Oh, uh... today is the day... I was going to ask you a question.
Jackie Okay.
Marco Jackie, I was wondering if you'd like to go out... and get me some paper towels for Marco's sweaty pits. [gasps]
Jackie Uh...
Marco No, no, no, no! That is not what I meant to say! What I meant to say is the sweat is gushing down Marco's back like a waterfall.
Jackie [laughs nervously]
Marco Now it's crossing the border into Marco's undies. Aaaah!
Jackie Okay, well, Jackie is going to go now and get Marco some paper towels for his wet body. [walks away]
Marco [panics, runs away]
Scene cuts to later in the cafeteria.
Marco [banging head against table] That! Was! So! Stupid! Ugh.
Star Butterfly Hey, hey, now, Marco. It's not that big a deal.
Janna Ordonia I heard what happened. Everyone's talking about it. Welp, looks like you should just give up on dating forever.
Marco Thanks for the vote of confidence. [sighs] I'm not gonna let being tongue-tied stop me. Pen me!
Star gives Marco a pen, and he starts writing on a piece of paper.
Marco "Jackie, will you go out with me Friday night?" [walks up to Jackie] Hey, uh, Jackie?
Jackie Oh, hey, there you are. I got your paper towels.
Marco Oh, uh... [nervous giggle] Here's some paper for you. [hands paper to Jackie]
Jackie [reading letter] "Marco can't grow hair on his chin, but he can on his back"?
Janna Ha!
Marco What?! [grabs the note, reads in a whisper] "Marco can't grow hair on his chin, but he can on his back"?!
Marco nervously backs away from Jackie and crashes into Chet, spilling his lunch on his jacket.
Chet Bro, my jacket.
Marco Oh, uh, sorry, Chet.
Chet No worries. It's just a material possession.
Marco Marco thinks Chet should punch him.
Chet What?
Marco No, no, no! I mean, if-if Marco were Chet, he'd totally punch Marco.
Chet It's just a jacket, dude.
Marco [grabbing Chet's arm] Marco would lose all respect for Chet if Chet didn't punch Marco?!
Chet Don't... Don't make me do this bro.
Marco Ow!
Marco blacks out as he pulls Chet's fist into his face. Scene reemerges at a drinking fountain; Marco flushes his black eye with water.
Star What happened in there?
Marco I don't know what got into me. Every time I'm around Jackie, I keep blurting out the wrong thing.
Jackie walks by.
Marco Every night when Marco goes to sleep, he shapes his pillow in the form of Jackie Lynn Thomas! [gasps, closes mouth] And kisses it goodnight!
Jackie Did you say something?
Marco muffles his speech with his hands. After it cuts out, he falls over and starts groaning. Black clouds gather in the sky.
Star Marco, what's happening?
Janna Wait. Let's see where this goes.
Marco continues to scream until a smaller head pops out of his neck.
Naysaya Hello.
Star [screams] ...Oh, you made a little Marco Junior.
Janna 'Sup, Marco Junior? [shakes hand]
Marco Janna, that's... that's not his hand. That's...
Naysaya Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Marco Diaz covers the mirror when he showers because... because, because Marco is ashamed of his own body!
Star Oh, it's so adorable.
Marco Are you crazy?! How am I ever gonna ask out Jackie like this?!
Jackie Hey, guys.
Marco [gasps, hides behind Janna]
Janna Hey.
Jackie Did any of you get the English homework assignment?
Naysaya Marco thinks...
Marco muffles the little head with his hoodie.
Star Oh, I can show you, Jackie. Come with me. [leads Jackie off-screen]
Janna That's it. I remember where I've seen you before.
Scene jumps to Marco's locker as Janna opens it.
Marco Hey, where'd you get my combination?
Janna From your diary.
Janna removes the back panel to reveal a hole in the wall lit by a candle.
Marco What is that stuff?
Janna Just some of my personal things.
Janna pulls out a book entitled "Paranormal Folklore and Witchcraft, 5th Edition".
Janna I've seen Marco Junior somewhere before.
Marco Stop calling it that!
Janna [flips to a page] Here. "The Naysaya. The Naysaya grows out of the neck of its victim."
Naysaya Yes, that is Naysaya when Naysaya was younger.
Janna "It reveals itself when the afflicted attempts to woo their true love, exposing the victim's deepest, darkest secrets for all to hear."
Naysaya And to judge.
Marco [pointing at figure in background] What the heck is that thing?
Janna Oh, that's a demon. The Naysaya is a total demon curse.
Marco [groans] A demon.
Scene changes to Tom's abode, where he is seen playing video games.
Tom Dude, I'm so sorry. I totally put that curse on you to prevent you from asking out Star.
Marco Why would you do something like that?
Tom That was before we started hanging out. You haven't asked out a girl since the Blood Moon Ball? [laughs] That's way more embarrassing than that thing on your neck.
Marco How do I get rid of it?
Tom Eh, just let it run its course. Once it's shouted all your worst, most shameful secrets, it'll wear off.
Marco And how long will that take?
Tom It depends. How insecure are you?
Marco ...Oh. no. [pulls out dimensional scissors and opens a portal]
Tom Good luck, dude.
Scene changes to the Diaz Household; Marco hides under a pile of pillows in his bedroom. Star knocks on Marco's door.
Star Marco? What did Tom say?
Naysaya Thomas says Marco will have Naysaya for the rest of his life because... because, because Marco is so insecure!
Marco You should get back to school. You're missing class.
Star Well, aren't you coming too?
Marco I won't be going to school anymore.
Star What?
Star looks at her finger. She slides it under the door with two hearts, two eyes, and a mouth drawn on it. She rotates the little face towards Marco.
Star Marco, it's just a demon curse. Don't let Naysaya keep you from what you want. [sighs] Okay. The door is cutting off the circulation to my finger, so I better get going. Ooh, tingly.
Naysaya She's a good friend.
Marco Alright, dude. What do you want to keep your mouth shut?
Naysaya What?
Marco What do you want?
Naysaya M-Marco wants to know what Naysaya wants? But no one has ever asked what Naysaya wants.
Marco Well, dude, it's your lucky day. What do you want?
Naysaya May Naysaya have whatever he pleases?
Marco As long as you let me ask Jackie out, you can have whatever you want.
Naysaya Then Naysaya would like... cereal.
Marco Seriously? You... You can have cereal.
Naysaya But... b-b-but... Naysaya would like to enjoy cereal in Naysaya's own mouth. [sticks out tongue] Ahhhh...
Scene jumps to the kitchen. A bowl of cereal is being made. Marco holds up a spoonful to Naysaya.
Naysaya [panics] Will... will... will it hurt?
Marco Just make sure you chew with your teeth.
Naysaya eats the spoonful.
Naysaya Some more.
Marco feeds Naysaya another spoonful.
Naysaya Some more.
Marco feeds Naysaya yet another spoonful; Naysaya's mouth is really getting full now.
Naysaya Some more!
Marco cleans milk off of Naysaya's mouth.
Marco Okay, so you promise to keep your mouth shut, right?
Naysaya [swallows, sighs] Naysaya is in your corner.
The scene changes to Echo Creek Academy. Marco watches Jackie from a distance.
Jackie [talking to Hope Hadley and Lynn] That is so cute, you guys.
Marco wraps a scarf around Naysaya, sighs, and approaches Jackie.
Marco Hey, Jackie.
Janna Look. Is that Marco?
Star [gasps] He's going for it!
Jackie Hey, Marco. Wha... Are you cold? What's going on here with the scarf?
Marco Oh, you know, sometimes I... ski... to school.
Jackie No way! I snowboard! Awesome.
Marco Yeah, yeah. There's probably a lot of stuff you don't know about me. That's why I thought it would be cool if we, uh... if we... if you and I... if we went on a—
Naysaya Oh-oh-oh, this is the Jacqueline Marco practiced asking out in the mirror. Oh! Marco even pretend-kissed you with his own... reflection.
Marco Naysaya, you promised you wouldn't do that!
Naysaya Wha... What's a promise?
Jackie Look, I gotta go home. You're... you're really confusing me.
Jackie gets on her skate board and starts skating away.
Marco Jackie, wait! It's not me saying this stuff! [unwraps scarf] It's him!
Students [gasps]
Naysaya Greetings, Jacqueline.
Jackie [gasps]
Carrie That is disgusting.
Sabrina Backintosh Is that a British accent?
Marco Jackie, there's nothing I can do. [sighs] Got this curse thing on my neck. But I'd still like to ask—
Naysaya Marco hasn't taken a bath since he saw that shark movie!
Marco Ugh. He's right. I haven't taken a bath since I saw that shark movie. I mean, I take showers. I'm just... afraid of the tub.
Naysaya Oh, oh, oh! And Marco wears—
Marco I wear ballet shoes around the house.
Naysaya And he never held hands—
Marco I never held hands with a girl. So I practiced with Ferguson.
Naysaya And, and, and—
Marco I always sit when I go to the bathroom. What? Come on, there's ladies in the house. I cry when it rains. I-I still got my wubbie, and his name is Esteban. Until last week, I thought that the state of mind was between Nebraska and Kansas. I'm a straight-A student, and I've still got no idea how to do long division. Go ahead! Someone yell out a division!
Student Uh, 724 divided by 37?
Marco I got no idea. Get a calculator!
Naysaya Yes, but-but Marco also—
Marco I filled a notebook with my first name and your last name because I couldn't decide which looked better – "Marco Diaz Lynn Thomas" or "Marco Lynn Thomas Diaz".
Naysaya Oh, oh!
Marco Oh, yeah, and another thing. [holds up a piece of paper] I kept this drawing you made of the moon. I pulled it out of the trash in art class.
Jackie That's supposed to be a watermelon.
Marco Oh, really? Looks like a moon. Well, your watermelon reminds me of my biggest fear of all: that we're all alone on this tiny blue marble, floating in the infinite expanse of the universe, ripped from the center, and ejected out into a black void for no reason at all. Players on the stage of the absurd.
Jackie Wow, that was really... deep.
Marco So there it is, Jackie Lynn. That's it. That's all my insecurities. You know everything now. Unless I left anything out.
Naysaya ...No, Marco, that's... everything.
Marco I still think it'd be really great if we hung out Friday night.
Star [laughing excitedly]
Jackie You know, a group of us are all going to a movie Friday night. You should totally come.
Marco That would be awesome.
Jackie Cool. Well, see you then. [skateboards away]
Star tackles Marco.
Marco Aah!
Star You did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it!
Janna You know who to call when you get divorced, Marco.
Marco So, curse fulfilled right? How's this work? You just kinda dry up, flake off?
Naysaya You know, Naysaya has never been to the movies.
Marco [sighs]
Scene changes to the movie theater; Marco and Jackie sit next to each other.
Naysaya [eating popcorn, whispers] Don't open the door! It's not the milkman!
An evil laugh bellows, following by a scream of terror.
Audience [gasps]
Jackie [grabs Marco's arm, scared] That's not milk!
Naysaya Oh! Marco's very nervous right now.
Marco shoves a piece of popcorn into Naysaya's mouth.
Marco After the movie, you gotta go.
(end song)
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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