Naysaya/Transcript

	Scene opens at Echo Creek Academy.
Jackie Lynn Thomas	[talking to Lynn] Oh, Minnesota, huh? Fancy.
	Marco Diaz peers at Jackie from behind his locker. He's nervous, and his armpits are sweaty.
Marco	Okay, you got this. [fanning his sweaty pits, whispers to his reflection] Today is the day.
Jackie	Hey, Marco.
Marco	[gasps]
Jackie	Today is the day for what?
Marco	Oh, uh... today is the day... I was going to ask you a question.
Jackie	Okay.
Marco	Jackie, I was wondering if you'd like to go out... and get me some paper towels for Marco's sweaty pits. [gasps]
Jackie	Uh...
Marco	No, no, no, no! That is not what I meant to say! What I meant to say is the sweat is gushing down Marco's back like a waterfall.
Jackie	[laughs nervously]
Marco	Now it's crossing the border into Marco's undies. Aaaah!
Jackie	Okay, well, Jackie is going to go now and get Marco some paper towels for his wet body. [walks away]
Marco	[panics, runs away]
	Scene cuts to later in the cafeteria.
Marco	[banging head against table] That! Was! So! Stupid! Ugh.
Star Butterfly	Hey, hey, now, Marco. It's not that big a deal.
Janna Ordonia	I heard what happened. Everyone's talking about it. Welp, looks like you should just give up on dating forever.
Marco	Thanks for the vote of confidence. [sighs] I'm not gonna let being tongue-tied stop me. Pen me!
	Star gives Marco a pen, and he starts writing on a piece of paper.
Marco	"Jackie, will you go out with me Friday night?" [walks up to Jackie] Hey, uh, Jackie?
Jackie	Oh, hey, there you are. I got your paper towels.
Marco	Oh, uh... [nervous giggle] Here's some paper for you. [hands paper to Jackie]
Jackie	[reading letter] "Marco can't grow hair on his chin, but he can on his back"?
Janna	Ha!
Marco	What?! [grabs the note, reads in a whisper] "Marco can't grow hair on his chin, but he can on his back"?!
	Marco nervously backs away from Jackie and crashes into Chet, spilling his lunch on his jacket.
Chet	Bro, my jacket.
Marco	Oh, uh, sorry, Chet.
Chet	No worries. It's just a material possession.
Marco	Marco thinks Chet should punch him.
Chet	What?
Marco	No, no, no! I mean, if-if Marco were Chet, he'd totally punch Marco.
Chet	It's just a jacket, dude.
Marco	[grabbing Chet's arm] Marco would lose all respect for Chet if Chet didn't punch Marco?!
Chet	Don't... Don't make me do this bro.
Marco	Ow!
	Marco blacks out as he pulls Chet's fist into his face. Scene reemerges at a drinking fountain; Marco flushes his black eye with water.
Star	What happened in there?
Marco	I don't know what got into me. Every time I'm around Jackie, I keep blurting out the wrong thing.
	Jackie walks by.
Marco	Every night when Marco goes to sleep, he shapes his pillow in the form of Jackie Lynn Thomas! [gasps, closes mouth] And kisses it goodnight!
Jackie	Did you say something?
	Marco muffles his speech with his hands. After it cuts out, he falls over and starts groaning. Black clouds gather in the sky.
Star	Marco, what's happening?
Janna	Wait. Let's see where this goes.
	Marco continues to scream until a smaller head pops out of his neck.
Naysaya	Hello.
Star	[screams] ...Oh, you made a little Marco Junior.
Janna	'Sup, Marco Junior? [shakes hand]
Marco	Janna, that's... that's not his hand. That's...
Naysaya	Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Marco Diaz covers the mirror when he showers because... because, because Marco is ashamed of his own body!
Star	Oh, it's so adorable.
Marco	Are you crazy?! How am I ever gonna ask out Jackie like this?!
Jackie	Hey, guys.
Marco	[gasps, hides behind Janna]
Janna	Hey.
Jackie	Did any of you get the English homework assignment?
Naysaya	Marco thinks...
	Marco muffles the little head with his hoodie.
Star	Oh, I can show you, Jackie. Come with me. [leads Jackie off-screen]
Janna	That's it. I remember where I've seen you before.
	Scene jumps to Marco's locker as Janna opens it.
Marco	Hey, where'd you get my combination?
Janna	From your diary.
	Janna removes the back panel to reveal a hole in the wall lit by a candle.
Marco	What is that stuff?
Janna	Just some of my personal things.
	Janna pulls out a book entitled "Paranormal Folklore and Witchcraft, 5th Edition".
Janna	I've seen Marco Junior somewhere before.
Marco	Stop calling it that!
Janna	[flips to a page] Here. "The Naysaya. The Naysaya grows out of the neck of its victim."
Naysaya	Yes, that is Naysaya when Naysaya was younger.
Janna	"It reveals itself when the afflicted attempts to woo their true love, exposing the victim's deepest, darkest secrets for all to hear."
Naysaya	And to judge.
Marco	[pointing at figure in background] What the heck is that thing?
Janna	Oh, that's a demon. The Naysaya is a total demon curse.
Marco	[groans] A demon.
	Scene changes to Tom's abode, where he is seen playing video games.
Tom	Dude, I'm so sorry. I totally put that curse on you to prevent you from asking out Star.
Marco	Why would you do something like that?
Tom	That was before we started hanging out. You haven't asked out a girl since the Blood Moon Ball? [laughs] That's way more embarrassing than that thing on your neck.
Marco	How do I get rid of it?
Tom	Eh, just let it run its course. Once it's shouted all your worst, most shameful secrets, it'll wear off.
Marco	And how long will that take?
Tom	It depends. How insecure are you?
Marco	...Oh. no. [pulls out dimensional scissors and opens a portal]
Tom	Good luck, dude.
	Scene changes to the Diaz Household; Marco hides under a pile of pillows in his bedroom. Star knocks on Marco's door.
Star	Marco? What did Tom say?
Naysaya	Thomas says Marco will have Naysaya for the rest of his life because... because, because Marco is so insecure!
Marco	You should get back to school. You're missing class.
Star	Well, aren't you coming too?
Marco	I won't be going to school anymore.
Star	What?
	Star looks at her finger. She slides it under the door with two hearts, two eyes, and a mouth drawn on it. She rotates the little face towards Marco.
Star	Marco, it's just a demon curse. Don't let Naysaya keep you from what you want. [sighs] Okay. The door is cutting off the circulation to my finger, so I better get going. Ooh, tingly.
Naysaya	She's a good friend.
Marco	Alright, dude. What do you want to keep your mouth shut?
Naysaya	What?
Marco	What do you want?
Naysaya	M-Marco wants to know what Naysaya wants? But no one has ever asked what Naysaya wants.
Marco	Well, dude, it's your lucky day. What do you want?
Naysaya	May Naysaya have whatever he pleases?
Marco	As long as you let me ask Jackie out, you can have whatever you want.
Naysaya	Then Naysaya would like... cereal.
Marco	Seriously? You... You can have cereal.
Naysaya	But... b-b-but... Naysaya would like to enjoy cereal in Naysaya's own mouth. [sticks out tongue] Ahhhh...
	Scene jumps to the kitchen. A bowl of cereal is being made. Marco holds up a spoonful to Naysaya.
Naysaya	[panics] Will... will... will it hurt?
Marco	Just make sure you chew with your teeth.
	Naysaya eats the spoonful.
Naysaya	Some more.
	Marco feeds Naysaya another spoonful.
Naysaya	Some more.
	Marco feeds Naysaya yet another spoonful; Naysaya's mouth is really getting full now.
Naysaya	Some more!
	Marco cleans milk off of Naysaya's mouth.
Marco	Okay, so you promise to keep your mouth shut, right?
Naysaya	[swallows, sighs] Naysaya is in your corner.
	The scene changes to Echo Creek Academy. Marco watches Jackie from a distance.
Jackie	[talking to Hope Hadley and Lynn] That is so cute, you guys.
	Marco wraps a scarf around Naysaya, sighs, and approaches Jackie.
Marco	Hey, Jackie.
Janna	Look. Is that Marco?
Star	[gasps] He's going for it!
Jackie	Hey, Marco. Wha... Are you cold? What's going on here with the scarf?
Marco	Oh, you know, sometimes I... ski... to school.
Jackie	No way! I snowboard! Awesome.
Marco	Yeah, yeah. There's probably a lot of stuff you don't know about me. That's why I thought it would be cool if we, uh... if we... if you and I... if we went on a—
Naysaya	Oh-oh-oh, this is the Jacqueline Marco practiced asking out in the mirror. Oh! Marco even pretend-kissed you with his own... reflection.
Marco	Naysaya, you promised you wouldn't do that!
Naysaya	Wha... What's a promise?
Jackie	Look, I gotta go home. You're... you're really confusing me.
	Jackie gets on her skate board and starts skating away.
Marco	Jackie, wait! It's not me saying this stuff! [unwraps scarf] It's him!
Students	[gasps]
Naysaya	Greetings, Jacqueline.
Jackie	[gasps]
Carrie	That is disgusting.
Sabrina Backintosh	Is that a British accent?
Marco	Jackie, there's nothing I can do. [sighs] Got this curse thing on my neck. But I'd still like to ask—
Naysaya	Marco hasn't taken a bath since he saw that shark movie!
Marco	Ugh. He's right. I haven't taken a bath since I saw that shark movie. I mean, I take showers. I'm just... afraid of the tub.
Naysaya	Oh, oh, oh! And Marco wears—
Marco	I wear ballet shoes around the house.
Naysaya	And he never held hands—
Marco	I never held hands with a girl. So I practiced with Ferguson.
Naysaya	And, and, and—
Marco	I always sit when I go to the bathroom. What? Come on, there's ladies in the house. I cry when it rains. I-I still got my wubbie, and his name is Esteban. Until last week, I thought that the state of mind was between Nebraska and Kansas. I'm a straight-A student, and I've still got no idea how to do long division. Go ahead! Someone yell out a division!
Student	Uh, 724 divided by 37?
Marco	I got no idea. Get a calculator!
Naysaya	Yes, but-but Marco also—
Marco	I filled a notebook with my first name and your last name because I couldn't decide which looked better – "Marco Diaz Lynn Thomas" or "Marco Lynn Thomas Diaz".
Naysaya	Oh, oh!
Marco	Oh, yeah, and another thing. [holds up a piece of paper] I kept this drawing you made of the moon. I pulled it out of the trash in art class.
Jackie	That's supposed to be a watermelon.
Marco	Oh, really? Looks like a moon. Well, your watermelon reminds me of my biggest fear of all: that we're all alone on this tiny blue marble, floating in the infinite expanse of the universe, ripped from the center, and ejected out into a black void for no reason at all. Players on the stage of the absurd.
Jackie	Wow, that was really... deep.
Marco	So there it is, Jackie Lynn. That's it. That's all my insecurities. You know everything now. Unless I left anything out.
Naysaya	...No, Marco, that's... everything.
Marco	I still think it'd be really great if we hung out Friday night.
Star	[laughing excitedly]
Jackie	You know, a group of us are all going to a movie Friday night. You should totally come.
Marco	That would be awesome.
Jackie	Cool. Well, see you then. [skateboards away]
	Star tackles Marco.
Marco	Aah!
Star	You did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it, you did it!
Janna	You know who to call when you get divorced, Marco.
Marco	So, curse fulfilled right? How's this work? You just kinda dry up, flake off?
Naysaya	You know, Naysaya has never been to the movies.
Marco	[sighs]
	Scene changes to the movie theater; Marco and Jackie sit next to each other.
Naysaya	[eating popcorn, whispers] Don't open the door! It's not the milkman!
	An evil laugh bellows, following by a scream of terror.
Audience	[gasps]
Jackie	[grabs Marco's arm, scared] That's not milk!
Naysaya	Oh! Marco's very nervous right now.
	Marco shoves a piece of popcorn into Naysaya's mouth.
Marco	After the movie, you gotta go.
	(end song)