Pizza Party/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Episode begins during a flashback. A Mewni village shakes violently from a monster attack. A young Mina Loveberry is selling rags in the village while Mewmans pass her by.
Mina Loveberry	Rags for sale. Get your lightly-used rags here.
	A bunch of arrows fly into Mina's rags. The ground shakes, knocking Mina off her feet.
Mina	Oof!
	A giant spider monster appears outside the village behind Mina.
Mina	Oh, corn!
Solaria Butterfly	(o.s.) Halt, vile monster!
	Solaria Butterfly appears, leaping into the air with a glowing red sword, and flies toward the monster.
Solaria	Prepare for JUSTICE!!! Hi-yah!
	Solaria slashes at the monster with her sword. The monster screeches in pain. Mina watches Solaria with awe. Solaria lands on top of a village hut and points her sword at the monster. Baby Eclipsa is strapped to her chest.
Solaria	Crawl back to the pit from whence you came! I, Queen Solaria, hereby claim this village for Mewmankind!
Baby Eclipsa Butterfly	[cooing, claps her hands]
Monster	Fine, I'll go! [cries, walks away] Maybe you shouldn't build your village on my nest! You ever think of that?
	The villagers cheer for Solaria.
Woman	That's actually pretty helpful!
Solaria	Citizens! Too long you have lived under the monsters' reign of terror. I am forming a new volunteer army to remove this monster threat once and for all. Now, who among you will join me?
Baby Eclipsa	[giggles]
Woman	(o.s.) Uh... do we have to?
Solaria	What?
Woman	We're pretty used to this by now. It's fine.
Solaria	It's not fine.
Man 1	Plus, shouldn't you be doing, like, queen stuff?
Man 2	Yeah, seems like a lot of work.
Man 3	Yeah, I gotta get back to work, man.
	The assembled villagers disperse and walk away.
Man 1	I gotta do my laundry.
Woman	I have to go to the bathroom.
Solaria	Well, there you have it, Eclipsa.
Baby Eclipsa	[gurgles]
Solaria	Another village seemingly unconcerned with rampaging monsters.
Baby Eclipsa	[coos]
Solaria	Oh, yes, you're so sweet. Let's go get a Snookers. You want a Snookers?
Mina	Y-Your Majesty? For what it's worth, I... I thought your speech was real neat. You must be the strongest queen ever, standing up to all those monsters.
Solaria	So, there is someone brave enough to step forward. Peasant girl, will you volunteer to be my first Solarian Warrior?
Mina	Aw, jeez, I'd love to, but I'm just a simple rag peddler.
	Solaria jumps down in front of Mina.
Mina	Oh!
Solaria	No. I see your conviction. Your love for your kingdom. You are exactly the kind of soldier I'm looking for.
Mina	But I've never fought anyone before.
Solaria	That is no matter. I do not ask for strength. I ask only that you believe in me.
Mina	[eyes watering] I do believe in you.
Solaria	Then swear yourself to me, and I will make you the fiercest warrior Mewni has ever known!
	A cockerel crows behind Solaria. Scene cuts to present day. Mina looks toward the Monster Temple and hears her cockerel crowing in the distance.
Mina	Time to fulfill my oath!
	Scene cuts to Monster Temple.
Moon Butterfly	Star, I know it must seem crazy that Mina's working for me. But let me explain.
Star Butterfly	You... TRAITOR!!!
	Star transforms to her Ultimate Magic Form and fires Cupcake Blasts, Bunny Blasts, and Narwhal Blasts in every direction. Marco, Eclipsa, and Moon shield themselves from flying cupcakes, bunnies, and narwhals.
Eclipsa	[groans]
	Moon transforms to her Ultimate Magic Form. Star and Moon hover over the ground.
Moon	I know what this looks like, but you have to understand!
Star	Understand what?!
	Star fires off more assorted spells that Moon shields herself from.
Moon	Mina was already planning to overthrow Eclipsa. Trust me, I stopped her from doing far worse.
Star	So you start a revolution behind my back?!
Moon	The one who started this was her!
	Moon waves her hand toward Eclipsa and fires off a magic blast that strikes the ground near her.
Eclipsa	[holding Meteora] Aah!
Moon	Oh, dear! That was an accident!
Star	[scoffs] "Accident". Like anyone's gonna believe that.
Moon	[sighs, turns back to normal] Star, I know you trust Eclipsa. I trusted her once, too. Look where that got me.
Eclipsa	I beg your pardon?
Moon	You're the reason I was lost in the magic dimension. You're the reason I was separated from my family! From my daughter!
Eclipsa	That was an accident, Moon. You know that. And Star can take care of herself. She's far wiser than we were at her age.
Moon	I'm not going to argue about this, Eclipsa. I'm here to offer you a deal.
Star	Deal? [turns back to normal] Mom, what are you doing?
Moon	Surrender the crown to me. In return, I'll call off Mina and my Solarian Warriors.
Eclipsa	So you're the one who created the warriors. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
Moon	After that, I'll heal Globgor at the Magic Sanctuary, and you and your family will be free to live in any dimension of your choosing. Except this one.
Eclipsa	And if I don't do what you're asking? What then?
Moon	...Things could get worse.
	Eclipsa holds out the Royal Magic Wand to give to Moon.
Marco Diaz	[gasps]
Star	No!
Eclipsa	It's all right, Star. I tried my best, but it appears my best... wasn't enough.
Star	What?
	Eclipsa gives the wand to Moon, and it transforms from a parasol to a short crystal wand. Scene cuts to New Monstertown. Solarian Warriors are stomping through the village, and villagers are running around and screaming in terror. Scene transitions to a crystal ball in the Bureaucracy of Magic, where Rhombulus, Omnitraxus Prime, and Hekapoo are having a pizza party.
Rhombulus	[snake arms blowing party horns] Yeah! We're number one! We're number one! Eat this, Eclipsa! Not so fancy now, are ya? [throws confetti] Whoooo! Pizza party!
Hekapoo	Who let him have soda?
	Rhombulus uses one of his snake hands to messily eat pizza.
Hekapoo	Hey, watch it! You're making a mess!
Rhombulus	[mockingly] Huh? A mess? Oh, no! Please don't arrest me!
Right Snake Arm	[laughing]
Left Snake Arm	[mockingly] No, not the dungeon again!
Hekapoo	Isn't this a little premature? Eclipsa hasn't even surrendered yet, and the last time I tried to contact Mina, she just sent back a bag of old jelly beans. I don't know what that means!
Sean	[putting up a "VICTORY!" banner] Well, it's only a matter of time, isn't it? I'm just excited for things to go back to the way they were in the good ol' days.
Rhombulus	The Magic High Commission is back in the game, baby!
Omnitraxus Prime	We'll be back to our glorious schedule...
Hekapoo	[yawns]
Omnitraxus	...of weekly meetings with the queen, and the pre-meetings, and the meetings to schedule meetings, and the post-meeting, and the bi-monthly meeting to discuss the productivity of our meetings...
	Hekapoo uses her dimensional scissors to open a dimensional portal under the table. She then makes a duplicate of herself and goes through the portal, leaving the duplicate in her place.
Omnitraxus	(o.s.) ...as well as checking the notes to accurately record the minutes of— What are you doing to that pizza?!
Rhombulus	(o.s.) I'm eating it!
	Scene cuts back to the Monster Temple. Eclipsa, Meteora, and Star enter Meteora's room.
Eclipsa	Knock-knock. [gives Meteora to Star] I'll only need a minute.
	Moon enters behind Star. Eclipsa approaches the bedridden Globgor.
Eclipsa	Hello, darling. How are you holding up? I think I found a way to keep us all safe. We'll be giving up a lot, and... but since when has our relationship ever been easy? [laughs]
Meteora	Pa-pa.
Star	Oh, he's really, really not looking so good.
Moon	No, he's not. But this will all be over soon.
Star	[tersely] Mm-hmm. And the monsters? Are you gonna stop attacking them, too?
Moon	I never told the soldiers to attack the monsters. You know how overeager Mina can get. But I would not attack innocent civilians.
Star	I don't know. Doesn't seem too off-brand for you at this point.
Eclipsa	I'm doing this for us, Globgor. [kisses Globgor's lips] Be back in a jiffy.
	At the temple entrance, Moon pulls the wall lever to open the gates. Star, Eclipsa, Meteora, and Marco are silent nearby.
Star	So, you're just gonna leave Mewni.
Eclipsa	I'm sorry, Star. I know you've tried so hard to help me. But right now, what's best for Mewni is that my family leaves.
Moon	Eclipsa's right, Star. As queen, it is your duty to do what is best for your people... even if they end up hating you for it.
	The cockerel crows again.
Moon	[gasps]
	Mina appears at the temple entrance in her flying Solarian Armor.
Mina	[laughs] What's up, scalawags? Looks like time's up!
	Mina crushes the cockerel in her armored hand and tosses it away.
Mina	Now, the fun begins.
	Mina kicks open her helmet's front visor.
Mina	So, you've captured the monster smoocher, did ya? Hah. Did she put up a fight? Gonna make a necklace out of all the teeth you knocked out?
Moon	No, Mina. Eclipsa has chosen to surrender.
Mina	Of course she's agreed to surrender. She's a coward and a traitor to her mother's legacy. Now, if you don't mind, Moon, I'm gonna need ya to scoot to the side a little.
Moon	I... Wait, what?
Mina	You know, just scootch a little so I don't accidentally get ya when I run her through with my sword and all.
Marco	Huh?!
Star and Eclipsa	What?!
Moon	That won't be necessary. Eclipsa is here to officially announce her resignation. You and your troops may stand down.
Eclipsa	Uh, to be perfectly honest, at this point, I'll... I'll skip the speech and be on my way.
Mina	(o.s.) No one's going anywhere!
	Mina flies out of her armor and gets in Moon's face.
Mina	Where's Globgor, you monster fangirl?!
Moon	Globgor is no longer your concern, Mina. He will be leaving Mewni along with Eclipsa and Meteora.
Mina	Uggghhh! But you're letting them off too easy! What about your army, huh?! We all swore an oath to protect Mewni! To get rid of all those dirty monsters and make life good again for the real Mewmans!
Maude Maizley	You tell 'em, sister!
Moon	This was never about hurting monsters, Mina. Now, for the last time, stand down! I gave you all your powers, and I can take them away.
Mina	Oh, I'll stand down, all right! Right after we round up all the monsters and shove 'em all off the cliff! They're all gonna be like, "Oh! Oh, no! My bod!" [laughs] "Oh, my poor monster bod!"
Star	I used to look up to this person.
Moon	That's it, Mina.
	Moon raises the Royal Magic Wand, and it glows bright blue.
Moon	Return the power paid in blood, your essence now restored. Revoke the strength that comes in floods, and rest forevermore!
	A wave of magic releases outward from the magic wand and washes over the Solarian Warriors. Nothing happens.
Warrior 1	[laughs] That tickled.
Moon	I don't understand.
Mina	[laughs]
Moon	[gasps]
Mina	Did you really think that would work? You may have created the warriors, but we pledged our loyalty to Queen Solaria.
	Mina puts her fist on her chest, and the other Solarian Warriors do the same.
Moon	What...?!
Mina	Now then, my warriors! Rise and assemble!
	The Solarian Warriors draw their energy swords.
Mina	Arrest every monster and monster smoocher you can find, but save Globgor for me!
Moon	No! This wasn't supposed to happen!
Star	What did you expect, Mom?! You teamed up with Mina!
Moon	We have to go! Now!
	Star, Marco, Moon, and Eclipsa try to run away, but they are cut off by the Solarian Warriors' swords.
Star, Marco, Moon, and Eclipsa	[scream]
Mina	You mooks are also under arrest! Why? For obstructing mama's business!
Moon	Mina, this is madness!
Mina	No, Moon. This... is... JUSTICE!!!
	Mina flies toward Star, Marco, Moon, and Eclipsa in the same way Solaria flew toward the monster in the flashback at the beginning of the episode.
Star, Marco, Moon, and Eclipsa	[screaming]
	A dimensional portal opens underneath Star, Marco, Moon, Eclipsa, and Meteora, and they fall through.
Mina	Huh?!
	Mina flies face-first into a Solarian Sword.
Mina	Oof!
	Mina falls to the ground, and the dimensional portal behind her closes.
Mina	Gah! Uggghhh! Not fair!
	Mina blows the entrance off the Monster Temple.
Mina	Idiots! Find Eclipsa!
	Mina bursts into Meteora's room. It is empty except for a bearskin rug on the floor.
Mina	Next room!
	River Butterfly gets up, disguised as the bearskin rug. He reveals Eddie hiding in the potted plant.
Eddie	Hello.
River Butterfly	Move!
Eddie	Whoops-a-diddle!
	Eddie moves the potted plant's leaves aside to reveal a lever on the wall. River pulls the lever, and the fireplace rotates around, revealing Globgor.
Globgor	[groans, falls to floor]
River	Globgor! You poor man. Here, take my beard meat.
Eddie	Hey, now! This guy's a vegetarian, remember?
River	You expect me to give him a salad when you've been sitting in it all day?!
	Scene cuts to a swampy, rainy forest. Star, Marco, Moon, Eclipsa, and Meteora fall through a dimensional portal.
Star, Marco, Moon, and Eclipsa	[scream, grunt, groan]
Star	[sighs]
Marco	[groans] What happened?
Hekapoo	(o.s.) I saved your butts.
	Star and Marco see Hekapoo standing in the rain with her arms crossed.
Hekapoo	So... you're welcome.