Scene opens outside Pony Head's cloud castle home. Star Butterfly is outside at its gate. She's holding a casserole dish in her hands, and she's wearing a mushroom headband instead of her usual devil horns. | |
Star | Hmm. [pause] Is this the doorbell or... |
Star pushes a button, causing a buzzer to go off along with horse neighing noises. | |
Star | Oh, what did I do? |
Pony Head (via speaker) | What are you doing? |
Star | Uh, I–I'm sorry. I just rang the doorbell. |
Pony Head (speaker) | That's not a doorbell. I'll come down and get you. |
Scene changes to the front door. Pony Head opens it. | |
Pony Head | Oh my gosh, Star! |
Star | Pony Head! Good to see you, girl. Check out what I brought. |
Pony Head | Oh, my goodness! That is the finest casserole I have ever seen, girl. Hmm, maybe this night might not be a total disaster after all. |
Star | [laughs] Right! Wait, what? |
Pony Head walks Star inside. | |
Pony Head | I've been trying to spare you from my sisters, I really have, but at this point, I need back-up. |
Star | What? They've always been so nice to me. |
Pony Head | You do not know them like I do, Star. They're like peanut butter and jealous. They have been trying to take me down for years, all because I'm next in line for the throne. Not to mention that I'm so beautiful and talented and humble. |
Star | Oh, Pony Head. I'm sure they're not that bad. |
Pony Head | Star, look at me. They are long-faced, two-faced monsters. |
The two arrive at the dining room. | |
Pony Head | All right, listen up, people. Okay, my friend Star is here for our meal, and we are going to act like normal, like a not, like a normal family that spends time together. Like normal. |
Azniss has a fork in her mouth with which she's scraping the wooden table. | |
Pony Head | Hey, Azniss. No. Okay, that is not normal. This is what I'm talking about, people. |
Star | Oh, no, it's fine. You guys don't have to do anything special for me. Just... act like I'm not even here. |
Azniss growls and continues to scrap the table. | |
Star | [whispers] Hey, Pony Head, I forgot everyone's names. |
Pony Head | [to everyone] Oh hey, Star forgot y'all's names. |
Hornanne | Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh! Roll call! |
Pony Head | No! Oh, no! |
Baby Pranciss | [singing] Baby Pranciss. |
Hornanne | [singing] Hornanne. |
Jan-Jan | [singing] Jan-Jan. |
Pamanda | [singing] Pamanda. |
Khrysthalle | [singing] Khrysthalle. |
Angel | [singing] Angel. |
Azniss | [singing] Azniss. |
Pony Head | No! Get back to the table right now! You don't introduce yourselves with a musical number. You say your name. Just say your name. Where are the twins? Shonda and Shinda. |
The two poke their heads up from the couch. | |
Shonda and Shinda | [creepily] Yes? |
Pony Head | Get your creepy selves over here. You guys are so weird. Ugh! Are we ready to eat? |
King Pony Head | Food? |
Pony Head | Yes, Daddy, it's time to eat. Get down here. |
King Pony Head laughs as he slides down the bannister, crashing right next to the table. | |
King Pony Head | [bellowing] Fooooood!! |
As he bellows, troughs fall on to the table filled with pink goop, pizza, french fries, hot dogs, cookies, cupcakes, and other items. | |
King Pony Head | Well, dig in. |
They all start to eat except for Star, who's staring blankly. | |
Star | [chuckles nervously] Uh, hey Pony Head, is it okay if I skip the trough, and... and eat this cupcake that's on a plate here? |
Khrysthalle | Yeah, that's Teta's plate. She ran off. We always make a plate for her, in the hopes that she'll come back one day. I hope she's not prettier than me, though. |
Pony Head | Oh she probably ran off because she can't stand your sorry butts, okay? |
Azniss | She ran off because you're always throwing her shade, Pony Head. |
Pony Head | She's always throwing me shade by doing her homework and then being, like, "Oh, I'm gonna donate to charity." You know what I mean? Like, that's very rude. |
Music starts playing. | |
Shonda and Shinda (via phonography) | [singing] When you look at your twin, it is like you looking back at you... |
Pony Head | Shonda and Shinda, what are you doing? |
Shonda and Shinda | We wanted to play some of our original music for Star. |
Pony Head | Nobody wants to hear your creepy singing except for dead people. Are we at a haunted house? [to Star] See what I mean? |
Star | I don't know, I think it's kinda sweet. |
Baby Pranciss | I miss Teta! |
Pony Head | How do you even know who Teta is? You were a zygote when she disappeared. |
Angel | Not cool, Pony Head. |
Pamanda | That's really mean. |
Others at the table also complain about Pony Head's statement. | |
King Pony Head | Now, now, girls, settle down. [slurps from his mug] |
Pony Head | I'm sorry you all can't handle how on point I am right now. [to Star] Can't trust anyone in this house. [flies away] Not even my best friend. |
Star | He-heh, I'm just gonna go check on her. |
Star heads to Pony Head's room and enters. | |
Star | Knock, knock. Can I come in? |
Pony Head eats some food and belches loudly. | |
Star | So... I'm really sorry you felt ganged-up on down there, but uh, you gotta admit, you were being a little intense, right? |
Pony Head continues to ignore Star. She puts on some head phones and beat boxes to the music. | |
Star | Hey, Pony Head. [takes off her headphones] Guess what's in the casserole... |
Pony Head flies over to her closet. | |
Star | ...that I made? |
Pony Head puts on some funny clothes which Star laughs at, then silence. | |
Star | Just take a wild guess. [silence] Nah, All right, I'll just tell you. It is [whispering] gingerbread and ice cream. |
Pony Head | [yelling] Why don't you go eat it with my sisters since you think they're so great? |
Star | Ugh! Fine. |
Star stomps out and slams the door. She joins the others to eat and even manages to take a bite of the pink goop. | |
Baby Pranciss | This casserole is delicious, Star. |
Star | Yeah, I know. |
Baby Pranciss | Was Pony Head mean to you, too? |
Star | [gulps] I don't get it. It's seems like she just flipped out of nowhere. |
Pamanda | [sighs] Don't beat yourself up about it. |
Azniss | She's like that all the time. You haven't picked up on that yet? |
Star | I guess she can sometimes be a little– |
Khrysthalle | Bit of a party pooper? We know. |
Baby Pranciss | She's pooped on our parties more times than I can even count. And then, she makes fun of me 'cause I don't know all of my numbers yet. [whimpers] |
Star | You poor thing! |
Baby Pranciss | And guess who's developed a complex? |
Star | Uh... |
Whistine | All of us. We all did. She messed us up real good. |
Khrysthalle | It's true. Because of Pony Head's attitude, I became terribly insecure, and now, I have to compensate by putting all of my self-worth into my jaw-dropping beauty. [sobbing] It's real hard, you guys, and I do it every day. Every day. |
Star | I've never known Pony Head to be so horrible. |
Shonda and Shinda | But at least we have each other. |
Azniss | Yeah, we don't need no stinkin' Pony Head to have a good time. We can show you how a real pony head parties. |
Some music starts playing. Scene changes to after dinner; all the pony heads are styling each other's manes as well as Star's hair. | |
Baby Pranciss | Now you look fierce. |
Star | Thanks, Pranciss. |
Jan-Jan | Yo, Star, check this out. |
Jan-Jan knocks her glasses off her head and onto her face. | |
Star | Oh, cool. Fun tricks. |
Star then does the same with her headband. | |
Star | Huh? What do you think? |
Jan-Jan | I wasn't done. |
She then groans as she flips herself inside out, ending up upside-down. | |
Star | I'm not sure what just happened there. |
Baby Pranciss | You should be honored. She only does that for her sisters. |
Khrysthalle | Heh. You're, you're totally like one of the family now. |
Star | I am? |
All | Absolutely. |
Star | [gasps] Oh, yay! I've always wanted sisters. |
Whistine | You know what's the most awesomest thing about having sisters? |
Star | Arguing over the remote? |
Azniss | That's a good guess, but it's actually [whispering] THE SECRETS. Do you like secrets? |
Star | Usually. |
Azniss | Do you like projects? |
Star | [hesitantly] Yes. |
Azniss | Cool, 'cause we've got this super secret project we've been working on, and we'd love to get your thoughts on it. |
Star | Sweet! |
Azniss sticks her tongue on a scanner and opens up a locked drawer. She grabs a folder with the title "Top Secret" and hands it to Star. | |
Azniss | Check it out. |
Star looks through it. | |
Star | Wait. "Teta on Ice?" I thought Teta ran off. |
Azniss | Oh, baby, we're hatching a plot to depose Pony Head as heir to the throne. |
Star | [shocked, then giggles] Nah. [laughs] |
Azniss | Yeah. [laughs]. |
Khrysthalle | You saw how she is. She's unfit to lead. |
Pamanda | Yeah, [opens law book] look, we've got it all figured out. |
Azniss | Pony Law states that if a pony princess puts one of her sisters [emphasizing] ON ICE, she can never be queen. |
Jan-Jan | So we're putting Teta on ice, and framing Pony Head for it. |
Star | On ice? Well that sounds fun. |
Azniss | No, no, no, no, no, honey. We mean... |
All | On ICCCCCCCCCCCCCCE. |
Star | [whispering] Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, you guys, ice is supposed to be cool, and what you're talking about is bad ice. |
Baby Pranciss | Not really. We're just gonna pretend Teta's on ice. |
Jan-Jan | Ain't that right, Teta? |
Camera quickly jumps to the closet, where a pair of eyes is looking out. | |
Teta | Yep. They got a new life set up for me and everything. I'll have a mustache! |
Azniss | What you think, Star? |
Star | I got... a lot of questions. I know Pony Head has got some issues, but don't you think maybe framing her is a bit much? |
Khrysthalle | Ugh, everyone knows Pony would be the worst queen ever. She just won't admit it to herself. |
Azniss | This way, the right pony gets to inherit the throne. [leaps over to a crest with battle axes screaming] Me!! |
Khrysthalle | Wait a minute... who said you were gonna be queen? |
Pamanda | Yeah, I thought I was gonna be queen. |
Azniss and Khrysthalle | Pamanda, really? |
Pamanda | [reads law book] No, you're right. |
Jan-Jan | Uh, I should be queen. |
Hornanne | No, I should be queen. I'm perfect. |
Angel | No, I should be queen. |
Teta | I think I'd do a good job. |
Azniss | That makes no sense. You're supposed to be dead. |
Pamanda | We talked about this... |
Star starts backing away from them all, but bumps into the twins. | |
Shonda and Shinda | Where are you off to in such a hurry? |
Star | Oh, oh, oh. Oh me, me? |
Azniss | You weren't planning on telling Pony Head now, were you? |
Star | [gasps] No! Of course not. Never. No. |
Azniss | 'Cause, uh, we can't allow you to snitch, sugar booger. [laughs] You're one of us now... sister. |
The whole family glares at Star. | |
Baby Pranciss | [raising an axe] And if you betray your sisters, you're gonna get disappeared, too. Just like Teta. |
Pony Head whinnies loudly. She's looking in through the doorway. | |
Pony Head | Bam! You are busted! |
Pony Head smashes a book case and a cloud lamp. | |
Star | Pony, what is going on? |
Pony Head | Star, you beautiful angel, I am so sorry you've been put through this trauma, girl. I knew these no-class-having wannabe queens were up to somethin'; I just didn't know what. And, now I have it all on video. |
She spits out her phone on her tongue while it plays a video of Azniss confessing. | |
Azniss (phone) | This way, the right pony gets to inherit the throne. |
Star | Okay, thanks for having me. Because I definitely feel like I've been had. |
Star walks out. Scene changes to the front door of the house. | |
Star | Oh, unbelievable. |
Pony Head | Yeah, so anyway, thank you, Star for coming over. I know you probably feel used, but I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you so much. |
Star | What, are you kidding? Pony Head, this is one of the most stressful experiences of my already very intense life. |
Pony Head | I'm sorry. My sisters are totally insane. |
Star | [laughs] Oh, totally insane. |
Pony Head | Whoa, hold up. You cannot just be sitting up here talking about my sisters like that. |
Star | You–you just said it yourself. |
Pony Head | Star, I love my sisters. We do this every meal. |
Star | I guess I just don't get the whole sister thing. |
Pony Head | You have one of the best sisters a girl could ever need, 'cause you got me, B-fly, ha ha. |
Pony Head moves to hug Star and kisses her. Star hugs her back. | |
Star | Aww, girl. |
King Pony Head | Star, you weren't trying to leave without saying good-bye, were you? [whispers] Take me with you. |
Star drifts out through the gates riding her cloudy charm. | |
All | Bye Star! |
Star | Bye-bye |
(end song) |
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