(theme song)
Episode begins on a carriage being pulled by invisible goat traveling to St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses. Inside the carriage, Pony Head is putting makeup on something.
Pony Head Okay, you need to hold still. One more second. It needs to be perfect. Mm. Mm. Mm-hmm!
Marco, dressed as "Princess Marco Turdina", is shown wearing a lot of eyeliner, blush, and lipstick.
Marco Diaz How do I look?
Pony Head [holds a mirror up to Marco's face] Super pretty!
Marco [gasps, covers his face] Oh, no.
Star Butterfly What's the matter? You don't like it?
Marco [smears makeup on his face] No, I... I know I look amazing. It's just... Ugh! I can't go back to St. Olga's like this! I gotta come clean!
Pony Head [spits out mirror] Mm-mm! If you tell those girls that you have been lying about being a princess, they will destroy you.
Marco I still can't believe they want to give me an honorary degree.
Marco holds an invitation to St. Olga's. The word "Wayward" is crossed out and replaced with "Doing Just Fine".
Marco Ugh. I know I inspired a generation and all, but I can't keep lying!
Pony Head Whatever. It's your funeral.
The carriage suddenly stops, and Marco is thrown out of his seat.
Marco [groans]
Pony Head Hey, goat! Just because you're invisible doesn't mean I can't hurt you! Oh. We're here. Mm. [leaves the carriage] Come on, ladies.
Star follows Pony Head out of the carriage. Marco's dress can't fit through the carriage.
Marco [grunting]
Star You're having a princess problem.
Marco [sighs] Yeah, I'm having a princess problem.
Star Okay, stand up straight.
Marco [stands up straight]
Star Arms forward.
Marco [holds his arms out in front of him]
Star And exhale.
Marco Exhaaaaale.
Star pulls Marco through the carriage door.
Marco Oh! Well, you've obviously done this before.
Dance music plays at St. Olga's School, and princesses are heard cheering.
Marco Okay. I can't do this. [runs back toward the carriage]
A spotlight shines down on Marco.
Turdina Fan (o.s.) Princess Turdina, where you going?
Princesses cheer for Marco.
Fish Princess Sign my poster!
Minotaur Princess Sign my cat!
Minotaur Princess's Cat [meows]
Cactus Princess Sign my face!
Princess Arms [shoves through the crowd] Okay, people, don't crowd her! Princess Turdina! It is truly an honor.
Marco Oh, please, you don't have to—
Princess Arms We can't wait to show you what we've done with this place.
Marco Whoa!
Princess Arms [opens school doors] Welcome to Utopia!
Star, Marco, and Pony Head [gasping]
Princesses party and play games around the main school lobby. One princess is holding a boombox. Two other princesses are playing foosball. Three other princesses ride a large wolf monster through the room. A prince lies sleeping on a pile of trash with a slice of pizza on his head.
Prince [gasps] Where am I?
Pony Head Oh, it's so beautiful!
Marco Wow, this is, uh... [opens a book on tea party etiquette and finds a slice of pizza] ...really something.
Princess Arms Oh, we got rid of all those oppressive classes about manners and "please" and "thank you" and all that other trash. We have our own curriculum now!
Princess Arms points to a class schedule painted on the wall. It reads "11am—7pm: Brunch. 7pm—11am: Party!"
Marco Brunch and... party. When do you sleep?
Princess Arms Oh-ho-ho, don't worry about it!
Marco You know, sometimes structure isn't a bad thing.
The dance music stops.
Princess Arms What?
Marco I just think that rules have a place—
Princess Arms Yeah, but you told us to never conform! If you weren't being honest about who you are, then this whole school would be built on a lie!
Marco Uh, what I meant to say was rules have a place... in the garbage! Ha-ha!
Princess Arms Oh, ha-ha! Oh! Oh, good one. That was... Oh, you had me.
Scene cuts to the school dining hall, where several princesses are talking. One princess is sleeping on a stack of pancakes.
Princess Arms Here's some princesses hard at work on their brunch final. We don't believe in grades. No, we don't. Just pancakes.
Troll Princess [noisily eating pancakes] I love learning!
Cut to the school gardens, where princesses are seen gossiping.
Princess Arms These are the whispering gardens, our designated gossip area, because a princess's voice shall not be silenced! [gasps] Oh, my gosh, did you hear that Beatrice and Alfred broke up again?
Pony Head Oh, no way!
Cut to empty school courtyard, where only a DJ is seen behind turntables.
Princess Arms And this is where we have our party class to celebrate our freedom from the reign of Miss Heinous!
A deflating balloon blows through.
Princess Arms I see what you're seeing. It's cooler at night.
Cut to school interior; Princess Arms opens a pair of doors.
Princess Arms This... is the Hallway of Turdina!
The hallway is filled with portraits, posters, and other memorabilia of Princess Marco.
Marco Whoa.
Princess Arms This is the very first Turdina poster we hung up. All of your T-shirts, and all of your dolls, and a lock of your hair, and a poster of your movie!
Star Oh, I gotta get a DVD of that!
Marco This is too much!
Princess Ram Are you kidding? We owe this whole school to you. You showed us that all princesses don't have to fit into the same mold.
Chicken Princess [squawks]
Marco Pfft. No, I didn't.
Princess Arms And we're gonna show you our appreciation by throwing you the biggest party this school's ever seen!
Marco A party? For me?
Star Uh, Marco, isn't there something you wanted to tell these girls?
Marco Oh! Yeah, um... [clearing throat] It's not criminal to be an individual!
The princesses cheer for Marco.
Princess Ram She said her catchphrase!
Pony Head Aw, you are way much more fun as Turdina!
Lizard Princess Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! It's here! It's here!
Marco What's here?
Lizard Princess [pulls Marco to front of the school] Check it out! Isn't it amazing?
Marco Whoa.
A large statue of Princess Turdina is seen in front of the school.
Princess Ram In honor of the one princess who changed our lives, we dedicate this to you!
Marco [blushing] I'm so beautiful...
Minotaur Princess I hope you do like it, Princess Turdina! It took all year to save up enough to get it made!
Two-Headed Princess We cleaned toilets on weekends for extra cash!
Princess Arms But it was worth it because you showed us that there's another way to live.
Princesses [cheering]
Princess Smooshy Hey, hey! It's time for a group selfie in front of the statue.
Marco Oh. Okay, sure. [smiles for the camera]
Princess Smooshy Camera phone! Mm! [snaps picture]
Star Are you... enjoying this?
Pony Head Hey, this is the first time he's ever been popular! Don't ruin it for him.
Star Well, he should tell the truth like a decent human being. [goes up to Marco] Hey, Turdina, can I talk to you for a sec?
Marco Sure. Uh, bye, ladies!
Star [pulls Marco aside] Marco, I think you're running out of time to tell the truth.
Pony Head Don't even listen to her, Turdina! These princesses worship you!
Star Yeah, but they worship someone who doesn't exist. Marco is the most organized, rule-abiding person I know.
Pony Head Think of the party!
Marco Yeah, they spent all that money for the statue. I can't crush their spirits.
Star I'm just worried you might be letting this attention get to your head.
Marco What? That's not it! This is for them, not for me!
Princess Arms Princess Turdina, come on! It's time for your ceremony!
Several princesses prepare a palanquin for Marco to ride to the ceremony.
Marco I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm going with Pony's advice.
Pony Head Whoo! Good choice.
Marco gets on the palanquin and claps his hands. The princesses carry him to the ceremony. Scene cuts to ceremony stage, where Princess Gwendolyn does an interpretative dance.
Princess Gwendolyn Oppression! Eternal darkness! Suddenly, light! Freedom! Turdina! [releases doves into the air]
Princesses [looking confused]
Princess Arms [through microphone] Thank you, Princess Gwendolyn, for that beautiful interpretive dance. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. The woman herself – Princess Marco Turdina!
Marco appears from behind the curtains, and the princesses cheer for him.
Princess Arms I present you this honorary St. Olga's degree.
Marco Wow!
Marco's degree reads "St. Olga's Degree (Cool!)" and is decorated with various stickers.
Princesses [chanting] Turdina! Turdina! Turdina! Turdina!
Marco Dearest princesses, congratulations on this wonderful school. I know you see me as an idol, but today you're my idols! You embody everything that Princess Turdina... uh, um, that I stand for – not letting anyone force you to be something you're not, living by your true colors, loving who you are!
Princesses [cheering]
Marco I'm proud to have inspired you to be brave, even when it's scary. And when being true to yourself might mean disappointing... thousands of people. Um... [looks at Star]
Star [looking sad]
Marco [sighs] That's... That's why I have to tell you the truth. I, Princess Marco Turdina, am a boy!
Just as Marco says "boy", his words are drowned out by the sound of a chainsaw. A dimensional portal opens, and Miss Heinous' car comes out, with Rasticore's torso tied to the front.
Star Oh, no.
Gemini comes out of the car, walks around to the other side, and opens the driver side door. Miss Heinous steps out.
Princesses [gasping, screaming]
Princess Jaggs Ooh!
Mouse Princess It's Miss Heinous!
Miss Heinous Princess Turdina is a fraud, and I have the evidence to prove it! [holding cassette tape labeled "Princess Turdina's Confession"]
Princesses [muttering]
Princess 1 It's a tape...
Princess 2 It's a tape of what?
Miss Heinous That's right, I watched your video and saw your dark secret!
Marco Oh, that phony confession I did? Go ahead, show 'em! It's not real!
Miss Heinous Oh, no, it's not... But this is!
Miss Heinous pulls down on Marco's dress collar and reveals his single chest hair.
Princesses [gasps and exclamations]
Princess 3 Wait! Is that a hair?
Miss Heinous Turdina isn't a princess! She's a boy!
Princesses [gasping]
Marco How'd you know about Rodrigo?!
Humanoid Princess Whatever! That doesn't prove anything! Princesses can be hairy!
Hairy Princess Yeah! We believe in you, Turdina!
Marco No.
Princesses [whispering]
Star [smiles]
Marco I lied to you. [takes off his dress] I... am a boy.
Princesses [gasping]
Princess Jaggs [intrigued] Ooh! [blushing] Oop! I mean, ugh!
Miss Heinous This, princesses, is why you need me running St. Olga's. Look where all this freedom got you – living in filth and championing a "hero" who's been lying to you all along. Henceforth, you must reinstate me as your schoolmaster! You need me... and I need you.
Star Wait, what did she just say?
Princess Arms Wait, no. Why does it matter if he's a boy? Nothing he said was wrong!
Minotaur Princess Yeah! He can think for himself and so can we!
Princess Ram He can be a princess if he wants to!
Princess Arms Turdina's a state of mind!
Princesses [cheering]
Miss Heinous Silence! Silence!
Miss Heinous gets hit in the face with a water balloon.
Princesses [gasps]
Star Ooooh! I just got her right in the face!
Pony Head [neighs excitedly] Come on, girls!
The princesses rush toward the stage.
Princess Ram Free will!
Miss Heinous No! No! [runs away]
Gemini fends off the princesses with Rasticore's torso tied to his back.
Gemini Spare me!
Miss Heinous Get in the car!
Miss Heinous and Gemini get in the car as the princesses rush up to it.
Princess Turdina lives!
Miss Heinous backs the car up, and it flies away into a dimensional portal.
Princesses [cheering]
A robot DJ starts playing club music, and the princesses start dancing.
Marco Well, looks like Turdina's gone for good.
Pony Head [crying] Yeah! Because you took her away from us, you selfish monster!
Star You look like you can breathe a lot easier now.
Marco Mostly 'cause I'm out of that dress! That corset was killin' me!
Mouse Princess [walks up to Marco] Could we get a selfie with Marco Turdina, Boy Princess?
Marco Sure.
Star, Marco, Pony Head, Mouse Princess, and Minotaur Princess pose for a selfie with Mouse Princess's phone.
All Camera phone!
Mouse Princess Oh, Smooshy's gonna be so jealous of this one!
Minotaur Princess Where is Smooshy, anyways?
Scene cuts to another dimension, where Miss Heinous, Gemini, and Rasticore use a machine to transfer youth energy from Princess Smooshy to Miss Heinous. Because of the energy transfer, Smooshy looks emaciated. When the transfer is complete, Smooshy collapses on the ground. Miss Heinous pulls the transfer device off her head, and she looks younger with glowing cheek marks.
Miss Heinous Ahhh! Oh, yeah, that's good! Gemini, we gotta get more of this stuff.
Gemini Oh, yes, but I'm afraid this one is out of juice, milady.
Princess Smooshy [weakly] Camera phone...
Miss Heinous I know that, you fool! I'm not talking about her!
Gemini Well, I'm happy to share some of mine with you.
Miss Heinous No! I want the good stuff. I'm coming for you, Princess Marco Turdina!
Gemini I don't mean to interrupt, milady, but we say this all the time. "I'm coming for you..." Maybe we should just stay in tonight, and you can have a little Gemini fuel?
Miss Heinous No. Nobody asked you. Go get the car!
Gemini U-uh... Of course, milady.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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