Episode begins at the Diaz Household. Orange slide tubes coil in and out of the house exterior. Marco walks through the second-floor hallway. | |
Marco Diaz | [yawning] |
Star Butterfly | (o.s.) Morning, Marco! |
Marco | Hey. [yelping and screaming] |
Marco steps in a pool of water and slides into the slide. His panicked screaming turns into excited laughing. He eventually splashes into a pool in the living room. | |
Marco | Oh, that was awesome! |
Seven laser puppies occupy the pool with Marco. Star runs in from off-screen wearing a green bathing suit. | |
Star | I know, right? Stairs are so boring. |
Marco | Heh-heh. I hope my parents don't flip when they see this. |
Mr. Diaz | I'm flipping! |
Mr. Diaz flips into the pool from off-screen. | |
Laser puppies | [yipping] |
Marco | Dad! |
Mr. Diaz | Relax, son. This is like the perfect getaway without actually getting away! [laughs] |
A dolphin appears under Mr. Diaz and carries him away. | |
Dolphin | [chattering] |
Mr. Diaz | [laughing] Oh, boy! |
Star | [laughing] I love living here! If my parents found out I've been using magic for stuff like this... |
Marco | About that... This was cool, but next time, maybe a little heads-up? Okay? Wet socks are a form of torture in some countries. |
The doorbell rings. | |
Star | I'll get it! |
Star answers the door. On the other side of the door, King Butterfly rides on the shoulders of one of his royal manservants. | |
Manservant | [blows horn] |
Star | Oh, hey, Dad. ...Dad?! |
King Butterfly | Hello— |
Star slams the door before King Butterfly and his manservant can enter. | |
Star | Oh, no! I need to hide everything! |
Camera zooms out to show the entire living room. The water slide is in the shape of a giant octopus. Marco stands next to the pool while Mr. Diaz swims in the pool. A mermaid sits on the left upper ledge. A submarine surfaces from beneath the pool. Cut to house exterior with King Butterfly. Magical lights and sounds come from inside. Star opens the door again wearing her regular green blouse. The living room is back to normal. | |
Star | What a pleasant surprise! [laughs nervously] What brings you here unexpectedly? |
King Butterfly | Well, I was in the neighborhood and... Agh. Who am I kidding? You mother, has banished me from the castle. |
Star | What did you do? |
King Butterfly | Nothing! I just left a garment or two laying around. |
King Butterfly enters the house. His manservant follows while dragging in his heavy luggage. | |
King Butterfly | I thought perhaps, I could stay here for a day while this blows over. |
Mr. Diaz hugs King Butterfly from behind. | |
Mr. Diaz | Of course you can stay here. You are familia. You can watch the kids while me and the wifey actually get away. ¡Hasta mañana! |
King Butterfly | Ah, good show! |
A laser puppy appears in King Butterfly's beard. | |
Laser puppy | [yipping] |
King Butterfly | Huh? Oh, hello— |
The laser puppy shoots King Butterfly's eyes with lasers. | |
King Butterfly | [screams] |
King Butterfly's beard bursts into flames and smolders. | |
King Butterfly | Star, if you mother was here and knew you were using your wand inappropriately, she would send you straight to St. Olga's. ...But I'm not your mother! I rather enjoy destructive magical puppies. |
Star | This visit is actually gonna be fun then! |
Star and King | Father-Daughter Day! |
Star grabs King Butterfly by the mustache and drags him around the house. | |
Star | Tour time! |
King Butterfly | [laughing] |
Marco | Hey, guys, hold up. I'm gonna go change my socks. Ugh, it's like I'm walking in pudding. |
Star opens the door to her bedroom. | |
Star | Check out my room. |
King Butterfly | Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! |
Various magical creatures occupy the room, including living clouds, monkeys, a goblin, a flying snail, a six-legged poodle eating a bag of chips, a bearded gnome, a beanbag monster, a clown, a teddy bear with an eyepatch, and Flying Pig. In a small ring, Flying Pig and the eyepatched teddy bear have a pillow fight. | |
Creature | Get him! |
Kevin | Get him! |
Creature | Get him! |
Kevin | Gut him like a fish! |
Gnome | I got twenty bucks on Teddy! |
All creatures | Hi, Star! |
Kevin | I'm Kevin. I'm new! |
King Butterfly | Magnificent! |
Star | If you like this, let me show you the most magical room in the whole house. |
Star drags King Butterfly toward the bathroom by his beard. | |
Star | The bathroom! |
King Butterfly | [gasps, excited grunting, approaches the toilet] What a glorious throne! [sits on toilet] Why does it have a hole? |
Star | Um, humans put things in there and flush 'em down. |
King Butterfly | Flush? What's a flush? |
King Butterfly turns the lever on the toilet, and it flushes. He watches in awe as the water swirls down in the bowl. | |
King Butterfly | My word! Where does the water go? |
Star | Nobody knows. It's one of Earth's greatest mysteries. |
King Butterfly | [grabs toilet paper] Does this go in it? |
Star | All the time. |
King Butterfly flushes the toilet paper. | |
King Butterfly | [deep gasp, huffing and puffing] |
King Butterfly races to the other side of the bathroom and returns with a toothbrush. | |
King Butterfly | This? |
Star | I don't see why not. |
King Butterfly flushes the toothbrush off-screen while Star watches with a wide smile. | |
King Butterfly | [holding a toilet brush] This? |
Star | Go for it...! |
Cut to Marco's bedroom. A laser puppy chews on one of his socks. | |
King Butterfly | (o.s.) This? |
Star | (o.s.) Sure! |
King Butterfly | (o.s.) This? |
Star | (o.s.) Yup! |
King Butterfly | (o.s.) This? |
Star | (o.s.) Go ahead! |
Marco | What are they doing in there? |
Cut back to the bathroom. The toilet starts to overflow with water from all the stuff King Butterfly is trying to flush, such as Flying Pig. | |
King Butterfly | [laughing, holding a bowling ball] This?! |
Star | Do it! |
Off-screen, King Butterfly flushes the bowling ball. Marco approaches the bathroom door. The laser puppy still chews on his sock. | |
Laser puppy | [growling] |
Marco picks up the laser puppy as Star and King Butterfly race out of the bathroom. The toilet has a multitude of items shoved into it. | |
Star | Hey, Marco! |
King Butterfly | Love the bathroom! |
Marco | Thanks. What's next on the itinerary for the d— |
The overflowing toilet water reaches Marco's feet. | |
Marco | [wailing] |
Cut to Star and King Butterfly on a miniature golf course. | |
Star | Marco taught me how to play this. You are absolutely gonna love it. |
King Butterfly | Ohhh... |
Star | The goal is to knock this tiny moon into that hole. |
King Butterfly | Ha-ha! What fun! |
King Butterfly holds his golf club by the shaft instead of the grip. | |
Star | Uh, you're holding your club upside-down. |
King Butterfly | This is a club? There's one thing we got better on Mewni. |
King Butterfly takes out a large club with the bludgeoning end shaped like a ram's head. | |
King Butterfly | Tally-ho! |
King Butterfly hits his golf ball, and it flies into a metal frog statue, knocking it over. | |
King Butterfly | Ha-ha! How's that for getting it into the hole? [laughing] What's that? |
King Butterfly points to a golf hole shaped like a miniature castle. | |
Star | That's the Candy Castle. The next hole. |
King Butterfly | Lord Salivary of the Weebler elf clan, you sly dog! [roars] |
Star | What? |
King Butterfly smashes the castle with his club. Other golf course patrons watch in horror. | |
Girl | Mommy, why is Santa doing that? |
Star | Dad! |
King Butterfly | [picks up a tiki torch] I'll teach you to give my wife the googly eye! |
Star | Dad, stop it! |
King Butterfly hurls the torch into the demolished castle, setting it on fire. The entire golf course soon goes up in flames. | |
Civilians | [screaming] |
Star and King Butterfly run away from the burning golf course. | |
King Butterfly | Ha-ha! The ball's in your court, Salivary! |
Camera pans up to the moon. Scene transitions to nighttime. Star lies in her bed holding a pair of King Butterfly's underwear. | |
Star | [moaning, sniffing] |
Star opens her eyes and sees the underwear. | |
Star | [screaming, falls out of bed] Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross! |
King Butterfly's clothes are littered all over Star's bedroom. One of his shirts falls onto the floor with a splat. | |
Star | Ewww... What was that? |
Star uses her wand to illuminate the room. Magical creatures are running in fear from a giant mound of dirty clothes. Star enters the mound of clothes and finds King Butterfly and Kevin roughhousing while other magical creatures watch. | |
Star | Dad, what are you doing? |
King Butterfly | [laughing] Hello, darling! |
Star | It's the middle of the night. |
King Butterfly | Ah, the perfect time for a tussle. Isn't that right, clowney? |
Kevin | The name is Kevin, old man! |
King Butterfly tosses Kevin into the wall, and he falls to the floor with a squeak. | |
King Butterfly | Give it up, clown! |
Kevin | Bring the pain! |
The two grapple, and King Butterfly catches Kevin in an arm lock. Kevin cries in pain. | |
King Butterfly | I can do this all night! [laughing] |
Kevin | [pained groaning] Chicky-wink. |
Close-up on Star's exhausted face. Scene transitions to morning. At the breakfast table, Marco eats cereal, and Star empties an entire bottle of maple syrup on her pancakes. | |
Marco | Good morning, Star. |
Star | Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba... |
Marco | It was ridiculously loud last night. |
Star | It wasn't me, Oskar. It was my dad. He's insane! He just thinks he can come down to Earth and do whatever he wants! He is so inconsiderate! |
Marco | Huh. I can weirdly relate. |
Star | What do you mean? |
Marco | Doesn't that sound familiar? |
Star | Yeah... He does this to my mom! |
Marco | Never mind. |
Star | Well, I'm just glad he's leaving today. I don't know how much more of this I can take. |
Outside, King Butterfly swings on Christmas lights like a tree vine. He swings into the nearby window. | |
Star | [squeals] |
King Butterfly | Hello, Star. |
King Butterfly opens the window and enters the house. | |
Star | Dad, what are you doing? |
King Butterfly | I'm hanging lights for the party. |
Star | What party? |
King Butterfly | Oh, jeez! I forgot to tell you. I'm having such a great time here, I've decided to stay! Isn't that great? |
Star | Greeeeeat. |
King Butterfly | Oh, and in celebration of moving here, I've invited some friends to check out my new digs. |
The doorbell rings. | |
King Butterfly | They're here! |
The house suddenly fills with various creatures from other dimensions. A man in a toga and a blue squirrel in a crown hold a frog-like creature upside-down like he eats a cake. | |
Man and squirrel | Chew, chew, chew, chew, chew! |
A creature with a long beard draws on another creature's face with green marker as a cloud creature laughs. | |
Bearded creature | Don't wake him up, man! |
Cut back to King Butterfly, who talks with King Pony Head. | |
King Butterfly | We'll see if Salivary recovers from this one. |
King Butterfly and King Pony Head | [laughing] |
Star | Dad, I really need to talk to you right now. |
Helios | (o.s.) Hey, guys! |
Helios floats outside the front door, too big to squeeze through the door opening. | |
Helios | Well, here I am! Yeah! Now the party can start. [laughing] Ooh, tight squeeze. |
Helios breaks through the door opening to enter the house. | |
Helios | My bad. |
King Butterfly | Oh, no! Who invited Helios?! That guy is the worst! |
King Pony Head | Gross! Now he got his ear pierced? |
King Butterfly | There he goes, eating all the appetizers. |
Helios inhales the appetizers on a snack table. | |
King Butterfly | He ruins every party and is completely oblivious about it! |
Star | Funny. I can weirdly relate. |
King Butterfly | Look, people are already going into orbit around him! |
Dozens of party guests float uncontrollably around Helios. A short elf creature is drawn toward him. | |
Elf creature | No, no, no! Please, somebody! His gravitational pull is—! |
The elf creature is pulled inside Helios. | |
Star | So why don't you just kick him out? Along with everyone else? |
King Butterfly | No way. I'm not talking to that tool. |
Star | Ugh! |
Two small bunny creatures play with water balloons. | |
Marco | Uh, hey, guys. Are those water balloo— |
The water balloons splash near Marco's feet. | |
Marco | Whoa! |
A fish-like creature with an elephant-like trunk walks by with a punch bowl, spilling it everywhere. | |
Fish creature | Punch. Punch. Punch. |
Marco | No, no, no, no, no. Whoa! |
Marco runs toward the camera, stepping his feet into a creature made of water. | |
Water creature | Your feet are so soft. |
Marco | Aaaah! No! |
Helios | Whoo! Everybody, dancing really sure works up my appe— Ooh, dessert! |
Helios inhales various sweets from another snack table. | |
Star | Excuse me, I think you've overstayed your welcome and you gotta go. |
Helios | [gulp] Well, you want to know something? I may be filled with hydrogen, but you're filled with "annoy-ogen"! You just got burned by the sun! [laughing] |
As Helios talks, Star briefly gets caught in his gravitational pull. | |
Star | Whoa! |
Marco paces around in a puddle of water. Star walks up to him. | |
Marco | I don't ask for much. Just a pair of dry socks, that's all. It's like I'm mushing bananas between my toes. |
Star | Marco, I am so sorry that every time I tried to have some fun, I ended up soaking your socks. |
Marco | Look, I love all the fun things you want to do. Just a little heads-up would be nice. There's really nothing worse than wet socks. |
Star | Oh. Yeah. ...Oh, yeah! Nothing worse than wet socks! |
Helios | [laughing] I'm still hungry, but there's no more food. [growing in size] I guess I'll just have to eat the whole planet! |
Party guests | [gasp] |
Star appears over the party on a pink cloud. | |
Star | It's time to purge this party! |
Star uses her magic to turn the house into a giant water slide again, flooding the living room with water and soaking every party guest's socks. | |
Party guests | [groaning] |
Four-legged creature | Hey, two pairs of wet socks! |
Turban-wearing goblin | I'm outta here. [leaves through dimensional portal] |
One by one, the party guests all leave through dimensional portals. | |
King Pony Head | Because I'm ridiculously apathetic to the suffering of others, I'm leaving too. [leaves through dimensional portal] |
King Butterfly | Gentlemen, gentlemen! [looks at the living room mess] Wow... I really made a mess of things. |
King Butterfly picks up Helios, who has been reduced to a small golf ball-sized sphere. | |
Helios | [high-pitched] There's no way I'm poopin' out on this party. [sneezes] |
Star and Marco are on the couch. Marco wrings the water out of his socks. King Butterfly walks up to them. | |
King Butterfly | Um, sweetheart, I perhaps got a little carried away. [sits on couch] And I may have been a little inconsiderate. I guess that's why your mother threw me out in the first place. I'm sorry, you guys. |
Star | And you'll patch things up with Mom? |
King Butterfly | Definitely. |
Star and King | Hugs! |
Marco | What are you gonna do with Helios? |
Helios | Ooh, after party! Where we gonna go? |
King Butterfly | I have no idea, but I'll give you a ride! |
King Butterfly takes out his ram's-head club. | |
King Butterfly | Ha-ha! Tally-ho! |
King Butterfly strikes Helios like a golf ball, and he goes flying through a dimensional portal. | |
Helios | [screaming] |
King Butterfly | Hole in one! [laughing] I'll send my top serfs here to make everything better than new. Farewell. |
King Butterfly opens a dimensional portal to Mewni and jumps through it. | |
Star | Bye, Dad! |
Marco | Bye! |
Star | Whew. From now on, I'll always give you a heads-up. |
Marco | Thanks. But a surprise is good every once in a while. Wouldn't you agree? |
Marco shoves Star into the water. | |
Star | Aah! |
Marco jumps into the water with her. They resurface on the backs of dolphins and play with the water creature. | |
Star and Marco | [laughing] |
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Royal Pain/Transcript
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