Running with Scissors/Transcript

	Episode begins in Marco's bedroom; he lies asleep in bed.
Marco Diaz	[yawns]
	He turns over to the left, and a laser puppy appears in his bed. It shoots Marco in the face with a laser.
Marco	Aah!
Laser puppy	[licks Marco's face]
Marco	Aww, not now, puppy.
	Marco turns over to the right, and another laser puppy appears in his bed. It also shoots Marco in the face with a laser.
Marco	Aah!
	The two puppies lick Marco's face, and he pulls the bedsheets over his head.
Marco	[sighs] I should be safe under here.
	Multiple laser puppies appear under the sheets with Marco. They shoot his butt with multiple lasers, and he jumps into the air.
Marco	Aaaah!
	When Marco lands back on the bed, the laser puppies jump from the bed to the floor.
Marco	Whaaaaat?!
	The laser puppies hold their leashes in their mouths, wanting to be walked.
Marco	Ugh...
	Cut to Diaz Household's front door, where Marco is about to take the laser puppies for a walk. Camera zooms out of reveal it is raining heavily with flooded streets. A teenage boy floats down the street on an inner tube.
Teenager	Whee!
Marco	[groans]
	In Star Butterfly's bedroom, Star fires magic beams from her wand at a floating tennis ball, but all of her shots miss.
Star Butterfly	Pshew! Pshew! I'll get you, tennis ball. Pshew! Pshew!
Marco	[enters] Hey, can I borrow your dimensional scissors for a second?
Star	[gives Marco her dimensional scissors] Yeah, sure. Whatever.
Marco	[takes scissors from Star] Thanks.
	Marco returns to his bedroom, where the laser puppies are gathered.
Marco	All right, guys. Who's ready for a walk?
	Marco opens a dimensional portal to the park, where several people are seen walking their dogs. Lydia and Willoughby appear in the background.
Marco	Come on, puppies.
	The laser puppies jump through the portal into the park and start shootng their eye lasers everywhere.
Marco	Whew! Problem solved. [looks at dimensional scissors] Hmmm...
	In the kitchen, Rafael is getting something from the refrigerator. A portal opens in front of him, and Marco's hand reaches through to grab a bottle of soda. In his bedroom, Marco drinks some of the soda.
Marco	Hmmmmm...
	At a fast-food taco restaurant, a cashier presents a takeout bag at the drive-thru window.
Cashier	Here you go. [sees nobody] Hmm? Sir?
	A portal opens in front of the cashier, and Marco's hand reaches through to take his food from her. Marco's hand reaches through again to give the cashier some money. In his bedroom, Marco eats a hamburger.
Marco	[belches]
	Camera zooms out to show he's surrounded by twelve dimensional portals. He sticks his foot through one of them, which connects to the beach, and wiggles his toes in the sand. Two little kids making a sandcastle nearby look at Marco's foot with shock.
Marco	Ahhhh... Feels good, man. [slurps soda]
	Marco tries to throw his soda cup away in the garbage can, which is only a few feet out of his arm's reach.
Marco	So... far...
	He takes out Star's dimensional scissors and opens another portal. Unlike the previous blue portals, the new portal is orange and yellow like fire.
Marco	What...?
	An arm reaches through the portal and pulls Marco through. Marco lands on the barren land of a wasteland dimension.
Hekapoo	(o.s.) Where did you get these?
	Marco looks up to see Hekapoo of the Magic High Commission, sitting on top of the portal and holding Star's dimensional scissors. She jumps down off the portal.
Hekapoo	Seriously, fleshwad. Talk.
Marco	Uh, well, I'm borrowing them from a friend who may or may not be Star Butterfly.
Hekapoo	Wrong answer. I'm the forger of all dimensional scissors. Each pair is made specifically for the entity who earns them.
	Hekapoo holds the scissors up to the flame that burns over her head. As the scissor blades glow bright orange, Hekapoo holds them up to Marco's face, and strange writing appears engraved on them.
Marco	Lady, I can't read that.
	Marco reaches for the scissors, but Hekapoo slaps his hand away.
Hekapoo	That's me. That's my name. He-ka-poo. Hekapoo! You humans are lame times a thousand. [pokes Marco's face] Boop!
Marco	I don't care whose name is on them. I borrowed them from Star, and I'm returning them.
Hekapoo	And how do you propose you're going to get them back?
Marco	Well, I'll earn them like you said that I—
Hekapoo	[falls over laughing] That's rich.
Marco	I'm serious! I'll have you know I have a red belt in karate.
Hekapoo	This should be amusing. Okay. All you have to do is blow out this flame.
	The flame over Hekapoo's head shrinks to a small flicker.
Marco	Really? No problem. [inhales]
	Marco tries to blow the flame out, but Hekapoo swiftly jumps several feet away.
Marco	What the...?!
	Marco runs up to Hekapoo, but she jumps away again.
Marco	[growls]
	Marco chases Hekapoo across the wasteland, but she runs faster than he can keep up. She runs so far out of his view that she ends up behind him, and she smacks the back of his head, leaving a small burn.
Hekapoo	That's one! Ha-ha!
Marco	Hey!
	Hekapoo dashes out of Marco's view and appears behind him again, smacking the back of his head a second time.
Hekapoo	That's two. [laughing]
Marco	Ow!
	Marco stops and runs in the opposite direction, causing him and Hekapoo run straight toward each other. As Marco approaches, Hekapoo opens a portal to another space. Unable to stop in time, Marco falls into the portal.
Marco	Aah!
	He slides on the ground toward the edge of a cliff and hangs over the edge by a tree root. Hekapoo follows him through the portal and stands over him.
Hekapoo	Bye-bye.
	Marco loses his grip on the tree roots and plummets downward. When Hekapoo looks over the edge, Marco appears from below and blows out her flame.
Marco	Hah!
	Hekapoo vanishes into thin air.
Marco	Huh?
	Climbing up the cliff, Marco looks for Hekapoo but can't find her.
Hekapoo	[echoing] She didn't have the scissors! And you're gonna have to blow out a whole lot of flames to find them.
	Marco looks down a nearby hill and sees hundreds of Hekapoo duplicates.
Hekapoo	[holds up dimensional scissors] Are you looking for these, dum-dum?
Marco	Ugggghhh.
	Marco slides to the bottom of the hill and walks through the crowd of Hekapoos.
Hekapoos	[taunting Marco]
	Four Hekapoo clones smack the back of Marco's head, burning some of his hair away.
Marco	Ow! You're burning me a bald spot!
	The real Hekapoo uses the scissors to open nine different-colored portals. She and her duplicates scatter through the portals in different directions until Marco is all alone.
Marco	I don't have time for this!
Hekapoo	[echoing] It may take days, months, even lifetimes. [laughs] I don't think you have the goods to do it.
	A portal back to Earth opens behind Marco.
Hekapoo	[echoing] Go home to your stinky dirt rock, little boy.
Marco	I don't care how long it takes. I'm getting those scissors.
	Cut back to Star's bedroom. Still firing beams at a floating tennis ball, she misses again and shoots a hole through the wall.
Star	Aw, dang it.
Dog walker	(o.s.) Good boy, Joffrey.
	At the other end of Star's room, an unnamed dog walker walks his dog Joffrey, and Joffrey is about to pee on Star's couch.
Star	Whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Rainbow Diaper Blast!
	Star uses her magic to materialize a diaper on Joffrey.
Star	Not cool, bub!
Dog walker	Take it easy, man! This new dog park is really confusing!
Star	Dog park? [face-palms] Oh, Marco!
	Star goes to Marco's bedroom.
Star	Why did you m...?! [sees dimensional portals] Oh, no. He's gone scissor-happy.
	In the park, the laser puppies' lasers have set much of the area on fire. A woman runs across the screen screaming and carrying her dog.
Star	Okay, puppies, time to come home.
	The laser puppies jump back through the portal into Marco's bedroom.
Star	Oh, Marco, Marco, Marco. [sees Hekapoo's portal] Oh! ...Oh, this does not bode well.
	In another dimension, Pony Head's compact mirror phone sits on a treadmill next to an open bag of Gold'n Crispz. The mirror phone starts to vibrate, and Pony Head answers wearing a sweatband.
Pony Head	[mouth full] Hey, girl. I'm doing my cardio. Okay, hold up. I'm gonna put it on an incline.
	Pony Head presses a button on the treadmill that slightly raises the tread's incline level.
Pony Head	Okay, girl, what's good?
Star	Okay, so Marco opened a bunch of portals with my scissors, and one of them looks like this.
	Star points her mirror phone at Hekapoo's portal.
Pony Head	Oh, snap! That's bad!
Star	Yeah, that's what I thought.
Pony Head	That red portal is Hekapoo's. You need to get away from it, and if she asks, you do not tell her you got those scissors from me, okay?
Star	Wait. I thought Hekapoo gave you those scissors.
Pony Head	I mean, yeah. She left the scissors in the bathroom at the Bounce Lounge, and, um, what happened then was, uh, I took them. So yeah, basically, they're mine.
Star	What? No, Pony, that's stealing.
Pony Head	Uh, I'm pretty sure that's called finding.
Star	Okay, so is Marco in trouble?
Pony Head	You know what? He's probably dead. [slurps drink] That Hekapoo chick is crazy, man.
Star	Oh, boy... All right, I'll talk to you later, girl. [gives happy peace sign] Bye-eee! [hangs up phone] I'm coming, Marco.
	Cut to a dimension with a green and yellow sky, prickly trees, and a volcano. A crow with five eyes is perched on a tree branch.
Crow	[raucous squawk]
	At the edge of a lifeless forest, there's a building carved out of a hollow tree. Smoke billows out of the top like a smokestack, and two Hekapoo clones stand guard outside the front door with spears. A man approaches the building on the back of what appears to be a motorcycle.
Hekapoo clone 1	[sneezes]
Hekapoo clone 2	Dude, watch it! [points at her flame]
Hekapoo clone 1	Sorry.
	The man swoops down from the sky on a dragon-cycle wearing wasteland gear. His face is mostly obscured by a tattered red hoodie.
Hekapoo clone 1	Ohhhhhh, incoming!
	The dragon-cycle stops a short distance away from the building, and the hooded man draws a katana from its sheath. With a single swing of his sword, the man generates a strong gust of wind.
Hekapoo clone 1	Jump!
	The first Hekapoo clone jumps into the air, but the second one's flame gets blown out by the wind. She vanishes into thin air.
Hekapoo clone 1	Oh, dude, it's on!
	The hooded man runs up to the Hekapoo clone, and she swings her spear down on him...
Hekapoo clone 1	Hiii-yah!
	...producing a wall of fire. When the flames disappear, the hooded man is gone.
Hekapoo clone 1	Ha-ha!
	The hooded man sneaks up behind the Hekapoo clone and catches her in an armlock.
Hekapoo clone 1	[gasps] Oh, man!
	The hooded man blows out the Hekapoo clone's flame, and she vanishes. Reaching into his vest, the man takes out a small book and pen. He opens the book, revealing pages and pages of crossed-out flames. On the last page, he crosses out two flames and closes the book. Inside the building, the real Hekapoo telekinetically molds molten metal into a pair of scissors. The hooded man enters.
Hooded man	So it all comes down to this. Sixteen years. A lot of clones. Seemed to go by... [snaps his fingers] ...like that. [walks up to Hekapoo] I finally tracked you down, Hekapoo.
Hekapoo	[turns to face hooded man] Yeah, it's the real me. No more clones, so...
	The hooded man pulls off his hood, revealing Marco Diaz - 30 years old.
Marco	Who's a little boy now?
	Marco's dragon-cycle Nachos rolls up.
Hekapoo	This is the part where you blow out my flame.
Marco	[sits in chair] Hah. You barely escaped me on the exploding plains of Flendar. And when I lost your trail in the mist of the Neverzone, I thought I'd never find you. After spending a few years infiltrating a cloister of monks, I acquired some ancient texts which led me to dimensional scholars who taught me to translate their language. After that, it was a simple matter... [stands back up] ...of surviving the Afflicted Forest and ending up right at your door. [blows out Hekapoo's flame]
Hekapoo	Not bad for a human.
	Hekapoo gives Marco a new pair of dimensional scissors. His name appeared engraved on them.
Hekapoo	You truly earned these. I underestimated you.
	Star kicks in Hekapoo's door and points her wand at her.
Star	Hekapoo, where's Marco?
Marco	Star!
	Marco runs up to Star and hugs her, but Star pushes him away and points her wand at him.
Star	Unhand me, beautiful stranger! How do you know my name?
Marco	It's me, Marco! See? [shows Star his hoodie]
Star	Marco?! ...
	Star looks at Marco's body
Star	[lovestruck] Marco...!
Marco	Oh, man! We have so much to catch up on! I've learned how to sword fight, I fought an army of wolf-bears... [continues indistinctly]
	As Marco talks in the background, Star blushes at Marco's toned muscles.
Star	Aaaaaabs...
Marco	...I rode in a hot air balloon, and then I jet-skied off a waterfall! Isn't that cool?
Star	What?
Marco	Oh, check it out! It took me sixteen years, but I totally earned these scissors.
Star	W-W-Wait. Sixteen years? You've been gone from Earth for, like, eight minutes.
Marco	...Eight minutes?!
Hekapoo	Yeah, I forgot to tell you that time passes differently in this dimension. Not sorry.
Star	No, no, no, no. This is good. It means you haven't missed anything back on Earth. Come on. Use your new scissors to take us home.
Marco	Yeah, about that... I don't think I'm coming back. Turns out I really like my new life here. I got my sword, my dragon-cycle. I get to ride around all day and go on adventures whenever I want. It's the journey, you know?
Star	Yeah, that dragon-cycle is pretty dope. ...No! Wait, wait! What about your parents or your friends... or... me?
	Marco looks down at his dragon-cycle Nachos, and she purrs softly. His tender smile turns into a look of uncertainty. Marco's face is reflected off one of the blades of his dimensional scissors. When he opens the scissors, Star's face is reflected off the second blade. Star smiles at Marco. He smiles back at her before turning to face Hekapoo.
Hekapoo	Don't look at me. Those scissors are yours now. You can come back here any time you want.
	Marco uses his scissors to open a portal back to Earth.
Marco	Please. Take care of Nachos while I'm gone.
	Nachos purrs as Marco hugs her.
Hekapoo	She's in good hands.
Marco	[to Nachos] Adios, boo-boo. [kisses Nachos on the snout] [to Hekapoo] Well, old friend, you really gave me a run for my money.
Hekapoo	Likewise. You're pretty cool. [smacks Marco's bald spot, laughs]
Marco	...Thanks.
Star	Bye! [leaves through portal]
Marco	Later, H-Poo. [leaves through portal]
Hekapoo	(o.s.) Don't call me that!
	Star dives out of Hekapoo's portal into Marco's bedroom. Marco comes out after her.
Star	Oh.
	Marco is reverted back to a teenager; his clothes are too big for him.
Marco	No! My hot bod! Where did it go?!
Star	[pokes Marco's belly] Squish.
	Marco covers up his exposed midsection and blushes.
Star	I guess you're back on Earth's timeline now. But look on the bright side. You still have your bald spot.
Marco	Seriously?! That's the thing that stayed the same?!
	Hekapoo comes partways out of her portal.
Hekapoo	[laughing] You got the mark of Hekapoo, son! Okay, bye-bye. [leaves through portal]
	Marco looks disappointed.
Star	Hey, who cares if you're fourteen again? That just means we have more time to go on adventures together. Especially now that you have your own scissors.
Marco	Yeah, I guess you're right.
Star	Of course I am. Now I'm gonna go make us some nachos. [leaves the room]
	Marco looks around his bedroom. He approaches the desk and turns his laptop on, bringing up the sign-in screen. A text box on the screen reads "Password".
Marco	"Password"? ...I don't remember my password.
	Marco sits down on his bed.
Marco	[sighs]
	He picks up the hamburger he was eating before he left and takes a bite out of it.
Marco	...Mmm. Still warm.
	The laser puppies run up to Marco with their leashes.
Laser puppies	[barking and whimpering]
Marco	All right. Let's go for a walk.
	Marco picks up the puppies' leashes and leads them out of the room.