(theme song)
Episode begins at the Diaz Household. A police helicopter flies over the house. Star and Tom are having a picnic on the roof.
Star Butterfly Let the "Welcome Back Tom" roof picnic begin! I made smoothies! ...I think. [sips smoothie, gags] Ugh. That's disgusting. [holds smoothie out in front of Tom] Try it!
Tom Lucitor Uh...
Star Oh! And I made your favorite! Roof eggs!
Star reaches for a plate of eggs, but it falls off the roof.
Star [gasps] Ohhhh, no. Now they're ground eggs. Ah, I don't even care. I'm just stoked you're back. [hugs Tom's arm] I wanna hear all about your trip!
Tom Oh! Oh, it was great! It... kind of changed my perspective on life. Um, speaking of which, can I talk to you about something?
Star Sure, what's up?
Tom Well... I've been doing some soul-searching lately. And I keep coming back to this feeling. I-I feel like... like we should...
The helicopter from earlier flies past the house again, behind Tom.
Tom [drowned out by helicopter] I think we should break up.
Star What's that?!
Tom ...Oh, um...
The helicopter flies past again.
Tom [drowned out by helicopter] I think we should see other people.
Star [puts hand to her ear] What was that?!
Tom [drowned out by helicopter] I said I think we should break up!
Star Ugh! Winterstorm Hyperblow!
Star uses her magic to freeze the helicopter in the sky.
Star [sighs] Your Highness has the floor.
Tom Um, Star? I think we should break up.
Star [looks shocked] Wait. Why?! Okay, I know I'm not the best girlfriend, but I'm definitely not the worst! I made you all this food, and I even got you a present! It's a super rare black and white cat named Mr. Panda Pants!
Star reaches into her hair and pulls out a kitten with black and white fur, wearing a pink bow around its neck.
Mr. Panda Pants [meows]
Tom takes Mr. Panda Pants and scratches him behind the ears.
Tom Star, I appreciate the effort, but, you know, at the end of the day, it's not about what you do or what you don't do. It's about where you're headed. [stands up] And you and me – we're headed to different places.
Mr. Panda Pants jumps out of Tom's arms, and Tom puts his hands in his pockets. Star starts to cry.
Star Well, at least we'll always be friends, right?
Tom No, I can't do that. You're a really great person. That's exactly why I think being friends would be too painful for me. [starts walking away] So, maybe I'll see you in another life. Where we're both cute panda cats.
Star [crosses her arms] Yeah...
Tom raises his arm, opens a fiery portal to the Underworld, and steps inside.
Star [shuts eyes, sniffles]
The fiery portal behind Star continues to crackle. Tom is still there.
Star Uh, Tom? What are you doing? Just go already!
Tom [pokes head out through the flames] I'm trying. Just... having a little issue with the fire column. Just, uh, don't look for a sec?
Star Really?!
Tom Just do it!
Star Ugh! [turns away from Tom, mutters angrily] You're still there, aren't you?!
Tom [laughs] Just, um... one more sec. Almost there. Just give it another... uhhh...
Star UGH! [storms up to Tom] All right, what is this? What am I looking at here?
Tom disperses the flames in frustration.
Tom Aaaagh! Why isn't it working?!
Tom flies down the Diaz Household chimney.
Star Hey! [crawls down chimney] Thomas Draconius Lucitor, don't you—! Aah!
Star runs out of the chimney just as Tom tosses a wooden table into it. He tosses more wooden objects and furniture into the chimney.
Star What are you doing?
Tom I have no idea! Maybe the portal fire needs more fuel or something.
Star Is that really how it works?
Tom Probably not. But I'm willing to give it a shot. [sets chair on fire]
Star Tom! No fire in the house!
Star uses her magic to put out the fire with water.
Star I think I figured out what's going on. You're super-emotional right now, and it's probably interfering with your powers.
Tom [drops chair] Ugh! Okay, well, fine. Do you think maybe you could, you know... uh...?
Tom makes a butterfly shape with his hands.
Star Oh! Yeah. Yeah, of course. [laughs]
Star transforms into her winged, six-armed Butterfly Form.
Star One portal coming right up!
Star waves her arms apart to open a portal, but her magic fizzles out.
Star Huh? What? [keeps trying to make a portal] Arrrggghhh!
Tom Seriously?!
Star Well, I'm emotional now, too, okay?!
The doorbell rings. Star poofs back to normal.
Star Coming!
Star opens the front door, and two police officers appear.
Male Officer Hey, kids. I'm just here about the, uh... police helicopter? Yeah, it seems to be frozen in place over this here, uh... house.
Star Ohhhh, right, that. Sorry, my bad. But would you mind coming back a little later? I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Male Officer Thank you for your cooperation. Barb!
Barb, a female sanitation worker, appears behind the two cops.
Barb Yeah, Boss! I'm just gonna skedaddle up to the roof and spend probably hours figuring out what's going on up there. [laughs]
Star Oooookaaaaay... Well, like I said, I'm right in the middle of something, soooo do whatever you gotta do!
Rafael Diaz (o.s.) Star!
Rafael and Angie appear with baby Mariposa.
Rafael What is going on here?!
Male Officer Uh, we're here about the police helicopter.
Rafael No, not you. Star! Tom! Why do you look so sad?
Tom Um...
Star Tom and I broke up.
Rafael What?!
Male Officer [gasps]
Barb [gasps]
Man on Police Radio [gasps] Over!
Rafael [runs up to Star and Tom, falls to his knees] Pero porqué?!
Star Uh, thank you, but what we really need now is just—
Rafael I know exactly what you need!
Rafael grabs a flyer for the "Sad Teen Hotline" off the wall and takes his phone out of his pocket. He dials the number on the flyer.
Sad Teen Hotline Operator Thank you for calling the Sad Teen Hotline. What can I help you with today?
Rafael Hello! I have two teens here in my house. They are now breaking up!
Sad Teen Hotline Operator Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. How are they holding up?
Rafael Oh, they are devastated! One of them was crying, and the other one looks like he might try to burn down the house at any minute!
Star [over Rafael] This is a nightmare.
Angie Diaz Oh, sweetie. It's just a part of life, you know? Me and Rafael broke up literally hundreds of times before we finally got married.
Rafael Thank you for reminding me.
Angie Remember when we broke up after Valentine's Day... [continues under]
Male Officer Yeah, breakups are tough. Breaking up with my high school sweetheart was the worst mistake of my life.
Female Officer I've never known true happiness ever since I got dumped over 20 years ago. I'm sad a lot.
Tom [literally burns with anger] Argh! I'm outta here! [walks away]
Star Hey, wait a minute! [follows Tom]
Rafael and the male police officer continue talking over each other. Scene cuts to the Diaz Household backyard.
Star [groans] This could not have gone worse.
Tom continues trying to open a portal to the Underworld.
Tom Keep it together, Tom. You can do this. [exhales] Calming breaths.
As he keeps trying, he starts jumping up and down and flailing his arms.
Tom Calming breaths! Calming breaths! I said calming breaths!
Star Tom, that's not gonna work! Ugh. Look, I know you don't like me anymore, but I still—
Tom I do still like you!
Star Then why does this have to be so difficult?!
Tom ARGH! Did you think this was easy for me?! This is probably the hardest thing I've ever done! And being around you right now is... It's just, like, this huge reminder of how much I don't know what I'm doing! [turns away from Star]
Star [looks remorseful] Oh, Tom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset.
Tom turns to face Star with tears in his eyes and running mascara.
Tom I'm not upset! [sniffles, rubs mascara off his face] Okay. Maybe I'm a little upset.
Star [laughs] Here, let me help you with that.
Star licks her thumb and rubs some mascara off of Tom's face.
Tom Ugh! Star!
Star There we go.
Tom Man, this really stinks.
Star Yes, this whole day has just been... yikes.
Star and Tom [laugh, sigh]
Star What happens now?
Tom Well, I would still like to be friends with you, Star. I... I just... I feel like I should be dating someone who I could be best friends with. You already have one of those.
Star [starts crying again] Yeah. I understand.
Marco enters through the backyard gate.
Marco Diaz Hey, lovebirds! Am I back too early?
Star Ugghhh! We were doing so well.
Marco I was walking around the mall for, like, three hours, so I figured I'd— What?!
A mechanical crane appears next to the house to retrieve the frozen helicopter.
Marco Uh... whaaaat?
Star and Tom briefly glance at each other, then look back at Marco.
Star Tom and I are breaking up.
Marco What?! Why?!
Star It's... It's complicated. But it's the right thing.
Tom For both of us. I should go. I feel like I'm ready now.
Star ...Me, too.
Tom takes a few steps away and opens a portal to the Underworld. Star steps toward him. Tom turns to face her. Star moves in to kiss him on the lips, but she stops.
Star Oh. Hmm. Right.
Instead, she kisses him on the cheek, and they both smile. Tom walks toward the flaming portal.
Tom Catch you later, "Starship".
Tom floats up into the flames. Star looks sad.
Marco Come on. I'll make you some nachos.
Star That sounds pretty good.
Star and Marco start walking toward the house.
Marco You know, I heard the new season of Fiesta de la Noche is—
Tom (o.s.) Aw, c'mon!
Tom still has not left. He pokes his head out through the flames.
Tom Are you kidding?! Uggghhhh!
Tom floats up to Star and Marco, and the flames disappear.
Tom Gueeeess whaaaat...?
Star Nooooo! Still?!
Marco "Still" what?
Tom We've been trying to open portals all day.
Star But apparently we're both too emotional to do it.
Marco Well... I'm not upset at all!
Star and Tom glare bitterly at Marco. Marco starts sweating.
Marco What I mean is... I can help you! With my scissors! One non-emotional portal comin' up! Beeeoooop!
Marco waves his dimensional scissors to open a portal, but nothing happens.
Star Um, Marco?
Marco Uh, sorry. I, uh... [keeps waving scissors] Oh, c'mon, you stupid scissors! What the?!
Tom Come on, man.
Marco This has never happened to me before!
Star [sighs] Of course. We infected Marco with our sad vibes.
Tom Wait, wait, wait. So what does that mean?
Marco I... think it means you're stuck here.
Tom and Star look shocked. Scene cuts to nighttime. The police helicopter is still frozen in the sky over the house, and Rafael is still on the phone with the Sad Teen Hotline. Mariposa is sucking on her thumb. Rafael is lying on the floor, surrounded by used tissues.
Rafael I just don't understand! How could they throw away their whole relationship like that? Is love... a lie?
Sad Teen Hotline Operator So, this Star and Tom – are they your friends from school?
Rafael They are friends with my son Marco.
Sad Teen Hotline Operator Wait, your son? I thought you were a sad teen.
Rafael Oh, no, no, no. I am a sad grown man.
Sad Teen Hotline Operator This hotline is for teens only.
The Sad Teen Hotline operator hangs up on Rafael. Scene cuts to Marco's bedroom. Marco is lying in bed, and Tom is lying on an inflatable mattress on the floor.
Marco Pssst. Hey, Tom? You awake?
Tom No.
Marco You're... But... But you're talking right now.
Tom [sarcastically] You're right. Miraculously, I'm talking in my sleep. It's a demon power.
Marco Wait. Is... Is that a thing?
Tom Of course it isn't, Marco! That'd be stupid!
Marco Okay, okay! Sorry for bothering you.
Tom No, look, I'm sorry, man. I-I just... I think I'm too emotionally exhausted to hold a conversation right now.
Marco Dude, I get it. It took me months to get over Jackie.
Tom [raises eyebrow] Yeah, but did it really?
Marco Yes! It did! And I get what you and Star are going through.
Tom Thanks. I just... You know, I just hope I... I get some time, some calm time without any—
Star bursts into Marco's room by kicking in the door.
Star Guys!
Tom Gaaaah! Ohh! Please, use your hands!
Marco What's happening?
Star I don't know, but something super, super weird! It's not just the portals that are all out of whack! Look! [takes out her compact mirror phone] Call Mom!
Mirror Phone Calling Mom.
The phone line rings, and then the screen shows static.
Tom Um, maybe she's asleep?
Star Uh-uh. Call Pony Head!
Mirror Phone Calling Pony Head.
The phone line rings, and the screen shows static again.
Tom But Pony Head... I mean, she stays up 'til at least 4:00am!
Marco So... what? Are our emotions doing this, too?
Star No, there's definitely something bigger going on here. I don't know what it means or why it's happening, but I think it's really bad. [sighs] We have to go back to Mewni.
The frozen police helicopter, now unfrozen, falls out of the sky and crashes. There's an explosion outside the window behind Star.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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