(theme song) | |
Episode begins at the Diaz Household. A police helicopter flies over the house. Star and Tom are having a picnic on the roof. | |
Star Butterfly | Let the "Welcome Back Tom" roof picnic begin! I made smoothies! ...I think. [sips smoothie, gags] Ugh. That's disgusting. [holds smoothie out in front of Tom] Try it! |
Tom Lucitor | Uh... |
Star | Oh! And I made your favorite! Roof eggs! |
Star reaches for a plate of eggs, but it falls off the roof. | |
Star | [gasps] Ohhhh, no. Now they're ground eggs. Ah, I don't even care. I'm just stoked you're back. [hugs Tom's arm] I wanna hear all about your trip! |
Tom | Oh! Oh, it was great! It... kind of changed my perspective on life. Um, speaking of which, can I talk to you about something? |
Star | Sure, what's up? |
Tom | Well... I've been doing some soul-searching lately. And I keep coming back to this feeling. I-I feel like... like we should... |
The helicopter from earlier flies past the house again, behind Tom. | |
Tom | [drowned out by helicopter] I think we should break up. |
Star | What's that?! |
Tom | ...Oh, um... |
The helicopter flies past again. | |
Tom | [drowned out by helicopter] I think we should see other people. |
Star | [puts hand to her ear] What was that?! |
Tom | [drowned out by helicopter] I said I think we should break up! |
Star | Ugh! Winterstorm Hyperblow! |
Star uses her magic to freeze the helicopter in the sky. | |
Star | [sighs] Your Highness has the floor. |
Tom | Um, Star? I think we should break up. |
Star | [looks shocked] Wait. Why?! Okay, I know I'm not the best girlfriend, but I'm definitely not the worst! I made you all this food, and I even got you a present! It's a super rare black and white cat named Mr. Panda Pants! |
Star reaches into her hair and pulls out a kitten with black and white fur, wearing a pink bow around its neck. | |
Mr. Panda Pants | [meows] |
Tom takes Mr. Panda Pants and scratches him behind the ears. | |
Tom | Star, I appreciate the effort, but, you know, at the end of the day, it's not about what you do or what you don't do. It's about where you're headed. [stands up] And you and me – we're headed to different places. |
Mr. Panda Pants jumps out of Tom's arms, and Tom puts his hands in his pockets. Star starts to cry. | |
Star | Well, at least we'll always be friends, right? |
Tom | No, I can't do that. You're a really great person. That's exactly why I think being friends would be too painful for me. [starts walking away] So, maybe I'll see you in another life. Where we're both cute panda cats. |
Star | [crosses her arms] Yeah... |
Tom raises his arm, opens a fiery portal to the Underworld, and steps inside. | |
Star | [shuts eyes, sniffles] |
The fiery portal behind Star continues to crackle. Tom is still there. | |
Star | Uh, Tom? What are you doing? Just go already! |
Tom | [pokes head out through the flames] I'm trying. Just... having a little issue with the fire column. Just, uh, don't look for a sec? |
Star | Really?! |
Tom | Just do it! |
Star | Ugh! [turns away from Tom, mutters angrily] You're still there, aren't you?! |
Tom | [laughs] Just, um... one more sec. Almost there. Just give it another... uhhh... |
Star | UGH! [storms up to Tom] All right, what is this? What am I looking at here? |
Tom disperses the flames in frustration. | |
Tom | Aaaagh! Why isn't it working?! |
Tom flies down the Diaz Household chimney. | |
Star | Hey! [crawls down chimney] Thomas Draconius Lucitor, don't you—! Aah! |
Star runs out of the chimney just as Tom tosses a wooden table into it. He tosses more wooden objects and furniture into the chimney. | |
Star | What are you doing? |
Tom | I have no idea! Maybe the portal fire needs more fuel or something. |
Star | Is that really how it works? |
Tom | Probably not. But I'm willing to give it a shot. [sets chair on fire] |
Star | Tom! No fire in the house! |
Star uses her magic to put out the fire with water. | |
Star | I think I figured out what's going on. You're super-emotional right now, and it's probably interfering with your powers. |
Tom | [drops chair] Ugh! Okay, well, fine. Do you think maybe you could, you know... uh...? |
Tom makes a butterfly shape with his hands. | |
Star | Oh! Yeah. Yeah, of course. [laughs] |
Star transforms into her winged, six-armed Butterfly Form. | |
Star | One portal coming right up! |
Star waves her arms apart to open a portal, but her magic fizzles out. | |
Star | Huh? What? [keeps trying to make a portal] Arrrggghhh! |
Tom | Seriously?! |
Star | Well, I'm emotional now, too, okay?! |
The doorbell rings. Star poofs back to normal. | |
Star | Coming! |
Star opens the front door, and two police officers appear. | |
Male Officer | Hey, kids. I'm just here about the, uh... police helicopter? Yeah, it seems to be frozen in place over this here, uh... house. |
Star | Ohhhh, right, that. Sorry, my bad. But would you mind coming back a little later? I'm kind of in the middle of something. |
Male Officer | Thank you for your cooperation. Barb! |
Barb, a female sanitation worker, appears behind the two cops. | |
Barb | Yeah, Boss! I'm just gonna skedaddle up to the roof and spend probably hours figuring out what's going on up there. [laughs] |
Star | Oooookaaaaay... Well, like I said, I'm right in the middle of something, soooo do whatever you gotta do! |
Rafael Diaz | (o.s.) Star! |
Rafael and Angie appear with baby Mariposa. | |
Rafael | What is going on here?! |
Male Officer | Uh, we're here about the police helicopter. |
Rafael | No, not you. Star! Tom! Why do you look so sad? |
Tom | Um... |
Star | Tom and I broke up. |
Rafael | What?! |
Male Officer | [gasps] |
Barb | [gasps] |
Man on Police Radio | [gasps] Over! |
Rafael | [runs up to Star and Tom, falls to his knees] Pero porqué?! |
Star | Uh, thank you, but what we really need now is just— |
Rafael | I know exactly what you need! |
Rafael grabs a flyer for the "Sad Teen Hotline" off the wall and takes his phone out of his pocket. He dials the number on the flyer. | |
Sad Teen Hotline Operator | Thank you for calling the Sad Teen Hotline. What can I help you with today? |
Rafael | Hello! I have two teens here in my house. They are now breaking up! |
Sad Teen Hotline Operator | Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. How are they holding up? |
Rafael | Oh, they are devastated! One of them was crying, and the other one looks like he might try to burn down the house at any minute! |
Star | [over Rafael] This is a nightmare. |
Angie Diaz | Oh, sweetie. It's just a part of life, you know? Me and Rafael broke up literally hundreds of times before we finally got married. |
Rafael | Thank you for reminding me. |
Angie | Remember when we broke up after Valentine's Day... [continues under] |
Male Officer | Yeah, breakups are tough. Breaking up with my high school sweetheart was the worst mistake of my life. |
Female Officer | I've never known true happiness ever since I got dumped over 20 years ago. I'm sad a lot. |
Tom | [literally burns with anger] Argh! I'm outta here! [walks away] |
Star | Hey, wait a minute! [follows Tom] |
Rafael and the male police officer continue talking over each other. Scene cuts to the Diaz Household backyard. | |
Star | [groans] This could not have gone worse. |
Tom continues trying to open a portal to the Underworld. | |
Tom | Keep it together, Tom. You can do this. [exhales] Calming breaths. |
As he keeps trying, he starts jumping up and down and flailing his arms. | |
Tom | Calming breaths! Calming breaths! I said calming breaths! |
Star | Tom, that's not gonna work! Ugh. Look, I know you don't like me anymore, but I still— |
Tom | I do still like you! |
Star | Then why does this have to be so difficult?! |
Tom | ARGH! Did you think this was easy for me?! This is probably the hardest thing I've ever done! And being around you right now is... It's just, like, this huge reminder of how much I don't know what I'm doing! [turns away from Star] |
Star | [looks remorseful] Oh, Tom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset. |
Tom turns to face Star with tears in his eyes and running mascara. | |
Tom | I'm not upset! [sniffles, rubs mascara off his face] Okay. Maybe I'm a little upset. |
Star | [laughs] Here, let me help you with that. |
Star licks her thumb and rubs some mascara off of Tom's face. | |
Tom | Ugh! Star! |
Star | There we go. |
Tom | Man, this really stinks. |
Star | Yes, this whole day has just been... yikes. |
Star and Tom | [laugh, sigh] |
Star | What happens now? |
Tom | Well, I would still like to be friends with you, Star. I... I just... I feel like I should be dating someone who I could be best friends with. You already have one of those. |
Star | [starts crying again] Yeah. I understand. |
Marco enters through the backyard gate. | |
Marco Diaz | Hey, lovebirds! Am I back too early? |
Star | Ugghhh! We were doing so well. |
Marco | I was walking around the mall for, like, three hours, so I figured I'd— What?! |
A mechanical crane appears next to the house to retrieve the frozen helicopter. | |
Marco | Uh... whaaaat? |
Star and Tom briefly glance at each other, then look back at Marco. | |
Star | Tom and I are breaking up. |
Marco | What?! Why?! |
Star | It's... It's complicated. But it's the right thing. |
Tom | For both of us. I should go. I feel like I'm ready now. |
Star | ...Me, too. |
Tom takes a few steps away and opens a portal to the Underworld. Star steps toward him. Tom turns to face her. Star moves in to kiss him on the lips, but she stops. | |
Star | Oh. Hmm. Right. |
Instead, she kisses him on the cheek, and they both smile. Tom walks toward the flaming portal. | |
Tom | Catch you later, "Starship". |
Tom floats up into the flames. Star looks sad. | |
Marco | Come on. I'll make you some nachos. |
Star | That sounds pretty good. |
Star and Marco start walking toward the house. | |
Marco | You know, I heard the new season of Fiesta de la Noche is— |
Tom | (o.s.) Aw, c'mon! |
Tom still has not left. He pokes his head out through the flames. | |
Tom | Are you kidding?! Uggghhhh! |
Tom floats up to Star and Marco, and the flames disappear. | |
Tom | Gueeeess whaaaat...? |
Star | Nooooo! Still?! |
Marco | "Still" what? |
Tom | We've been trying to open portals all day. |
Star | But apparently we're both too emotional to do it. |
Marco | Well... I'm not upset at all! |
Star and Tom glare bitterly at Marco. Marco starts sweating. | |
Marco | What I mean is... I can help you! With my scissors! One non-emotional portal comin' up! Beeeoooop! |
Marco waves his dimensional scissors to open a portal, but nothing happens. | |
Star | Um, Marco? |
Marco | Uh, sorry. I, uh... [keeps waving scissors] Oh, c'mon, you stupid scissors! What the?! |
Tom | Come on, man. |
Marco | This has never happened to me before! |
Star | [sighs] Of course. We infected Marco with our sad vibes. |
Tom | Wait, wait, wait. So what does that mean? |
Marco | I... think it means you're stuck here. |
Tom and Star look shocked. Scene cuts to nighttime. The police helicopter is still frozen in the sky over the house, and Rafael is still on the phone with the Sad Teen Hotline. Mariposa is sucking on her thumb. Rafael is lying on the floor, surrounded by used tissues. | |
Rafael | I just don't understand! How could they throw away their whole relationship like that? Is love... a lie? |
Sad Teen Hotline Operator | So, this Star and Tom – are they your friends from school? |
Rafael | They are friends with my son Marco. |
Sad Teen Hotline Operator | Wait, your son? I thought you were a sad teen. |
Rafael | Oh, no, no, no. I am a sad grown man. |
Sad Teen Hotline Operator | This hotline is for teens only. |
The Sad Teen Hotline operator hangs up on Rafael. Scene cuts to Marco's bedroom. Marco is lying in bed, and Tom is lying on an inflatable mattress on the floor. | |
Marco | Pssst. Hey, Tom? You awake? |
Tom | No. |
Marco | You're... But... But you're talking right now. |
Tom | [sarcastically] You're right. Miraculously, I'm talking in my sleep. It's a demon power. |
Marco | Wait. Is... Is that a thing? |
Tom | Of course it isn't, Marco! That'd be stupid! |
Marco | Okay, okay! Sorry for bothering you. |
Tom | No, look, I'm sorry, man. I-I just... I think I'm too emotionally exhausted to hold a conversation right now. |
Marco | Dude, I get it. It took me months to get over Jackie. |
Tom | [raises eyebrow] Yeah, but did it really? |
Marco | Yes! It did! And I get what you and Star are going through. |
Tom | Thanks. I just... You know, I just hope I... I get some time, some calm time without any— |
Star bursts into Marco's room by kicking in the door. | |
Star | Guys! |
Tom | Gaaaah! Ohh! Please, use your hands! |
Marco | What's happening? |
Star | I don't know, but something super, super weird! It's not just the portals that are all out of whack! Look! [takes out her compact mirror phone] Call Mom! |
Mirror Phone | Calling Mom. |
The phone line rings, and then the screen shows static. | |
Tom | Um, maybe she's asleep? |
Star | Uh-uh. Call Pony Head! |
Mirror Phone | Calling Pony Head. |
The phone line rings, and the screen shows static again. | |
Tom | But Pony Head... I mean, she stays up 'til at least 4:00am! |
Marco | So... what? Are our emotions doing this, too? |
Star | No, there's definitely something bigger going on here. I don't know what it means or why it's happening, but I think it's really bad. [sighs] We have to go back to Mewni. |
The frozen police helicopter, now unfrozen, falls out of the sky and crashes. There's an explosion outside the window behind Star. |
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Sad Teen Hotline/Transcript
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