Episode begins on exterior shot of Echo Creek Academy. Cheering is heard in the background. Cut to shot of Awesome Opossums banner; various captions on the banner read "PLEASE TRY!", "GO TEAM!", and "DON'T PLAY DEAD!" A beach ball bounces across the screen. | |
Star Butterfly | (o.s.) Oh, my gosh! I can't wait, I can't wait! |
Camera zooms out to show crowd of school students at a pep rally. Star, Marco, and Alfonzo sit together. Miss Skullnick is seen with a bucket of fried chicken. | |
Star | My very first pep rally! [gasps] I am so excited! |
Star bumps the beach ball, and a small rabbit-like creature appears from her wand. Marco picks it up.) | |
Marco Diaz | When aren't you excited? |
Star | Shh. |
Principal Skeeves | [holding a microphone] And now, Brittney Wong, who became head cheerleader on her own and not because her dad made a generous donation to the school. |
Principal Skeeves gets hit in the head with a beach ball. The Echo Creek Academy spirit committee runs out carrying Brittney Wong. | |
Spirit Committee | [rhythmically] Go, Echo Creek! Let's try not to get beat! Go, Echo Creek! Let's try not to get beat! Go, go, go, go, yeah! |
Brittney walks off the cheerleaders carrying her like stairs and takes the microphone away from Principal Skeeves. | |
Brittney Wong | Make some noise if you love the Awesome Opossums! |
Crowd | [cheering] |
Star | [gasps] I love opossums! They carry their babies on their backs! |
Marco | You know she's talking about our football team, right? We're going up against the Warriors. [shuddering] |
Star | Warriors? |
Alfonzo Dolittle | Our rivals from Silver Hill Prep. |
Marco | Every year, their team slaughters our guys. |
Skullnick | It's gonna be a bloodbath. |
Miss Skullnick pulls a whole chicken skeleton out of her mouth. | |
Star | That's terrible! We must do something! |
Marco | Well, you could join the Spirit Committee. Those kids are relentless when it comes to supporting the team. |
Ed performs a leg split while holding a pair of pennants. | |
Ed | Opossums! |
Marco | Relentless. |
Star | What a great idea! We better pick up some supplies! |
Marco | As fun as that sounds, you can go without me. |
Star | Okay! [whispering to Miss Skullnick] Hey, Skullzy. What's your favorite weapon? |
Skullnick | Battleaxe. |
Star | [clicks teeth] |
Brittney | And now, our new mascot... that I never approved of... The Awesome Opossum! |
The Awesome Opossum hops onto the field. | |
Awesome Opossum | Woo-hoo! Alright! |
The bottom half of the Opossum's costume falls, revealing the wearer's underwear. | |
Awesome Opossum | Come on, Opossu— Oh, no. |
Marco | Where's the real possum? Did the Warriors steal it again? Those jerks! |
Alfonzo | Sadly, the real possum wasn't playing possum. |
Cut to a shot of the real possum's funeral. A woman cries over the possum's death, and a custodian stands by with a shovel. | |
Awesome Opossum | I hiss, I bite, I shake my tail all night! |
The mouth of the Awesome Opossum's costume pulls back to reveal Ferguson's face. | |
Marco | Hey, that's Ferguson! |
Alfonzo | He's our new mascot! |
Marco | Oh, no! That means the Warriors are gonna to steal him! |
Alfonzo | Oh, that's silly. |
Marco | The only thing that's silly is how the Warriors are gonna look when they try to steal my friend! |
Cut to Star running through the school hallway. She stops in front of a trophy case that houses pictures of former Awesome Opossums team members. | |
Star | [sighs] So many brave young men. So many tragic losses. |
She breathes on the glass and draws a sad face in the condensation. | |
Marco sneaks through the hallway. | |
Marco | Alpha Team one, commencing security sweep for the Warriors. Over. |
He continues sneaking through the hall, shimmying against the walls and rolling on the floor until he's next to the trophy case. | |
Star | Oh, Marco. |
Marco | [surprised sounds, falls over] Oof! |
Star | How can we prevent another tragic loss to our team? |
Marco | Well, if I knew anything about football, I'd use the element of surprise. |
Star | Of course, of course, of course... |
Marco | Spritz 'em! Bring out the kitty cat offense! |
Star | Yes? |
Marco | Maybe even throw a couple big bombs! |
Star | Bombs! Yeah, I've gotta go tell that to the Spirit Committee. Bye! |
Marco | [continues sneaking] We have an all-clear. Move! Move! Move! |
Alfonzo pushes Ferguson across the hall. | |
Ferguson O'durguson | Ugh, this is not the respect a guy in a possum suit deserves. |
Cut to school gymnasium. Sabrina stands in front of a trampoline. | |
Brittney | [holding a megaphone] Don't worry, Sabrina. The Spirit Boys are gonna catch you. Grow some pompoms! |
Sabrina jumps on the trampoline and flips through the air. Star bursts into the gym. | |
Boys | Huh? |
Sabrina falls onto the ground. | |
Sabrina | Oof! |
Brittney | What the? |
Star takes one of Andrea's pompoms. | |
Star | Do these explode? |
She pulls the handle off the pompom like a grenade pin and throws it at Ed. It lightly hits his face. | |
Star | Maybe we can set them on fire! |
Brittney | (o.s.) Uh, we're kinda in the middle of something? |
Star | You're the leader. What's the plan? |
Brittney | [curt laugh] This year we have a secret weapon. [snaps fingers] |
Brittney is joined by two other cheerleaders. | |
Brittney | We're gonna distract them with out booty-shaking dance moves. Uh-huh. |
Brittney and the two cheerleaders start shaking their butts. Star stares and blushes at the display. | |
Star | Do you know nothing of combat?! No Warrior is gonna be distracted by Chantal's booty! |
Chantal | Wha...? |
Star | Lucky for you, my mom assigned the royal guards as my babysitters. |
Flashback to Star's childhood. A royal guard kneels in front of young Star holding a stuffed toy. | |
Royal Guard | You know you've done it right when you hear the neck snap. |
He twists the stuffed toy's head, causing its cotton stuffing to pop out. Young Star delighted jumps up and down, clapping her hands. | |
Young Star | Yaaay! |
Cut back to present day – gym. | |
Star | [chuckling] |
Brittney | I know on planet "Moo-ni" or wherever it is you're from, it may be okay to be stupid, but no pesky magical foreigner is gonna question my leadership! You are officially banned from the spirit committee! [whips her hair] |
Star | Fine! Looks like it's all up to me. |
Brittney | [holding a megaphone] Okay, thanks for coming out! Come back never! |
Cut to school exterior. Marco, Alfonzo, and Ferguson stand in the school parking lot. | |
Marco | Okay, if a Warrior tries to kidnap you, blow on this stranger danger whistle. |
Ferguson | This is ridiculous. I just wanted to dress up like a possum to pick up on ladies. |
Marco | Hey! This whistle's gonna save your life! |
Marco tries to force the whistle into Ferguson's mouth. Ferguson resists. | |
Marco | Put it in your mouth! Do it! |
Ferguson | No! |
Alfonzo | Oh, dear. |
Marco | Blow it! |
Ferguson | Never! You get it away from me! |
Marco | Let me hear you blow! |
Ferguson | (o.s.) Get that whistle away from me! |
Camera pans left to show Star looking into a dumpster. Four stray cats are seen eating thrown-out food. | |
Star | You guys ready to be part of my kitty cat offense? |
Stray cat | [meows] |
Star | Ugh, fine. Then I guess we gotta do this the hard way. [jumps in] Kitty! |
Star jumps into the dumpster. The dumpster shakes and rattles as garbage is thrown everywhere and the stray cats yowl. | |
Star | I got you now! |
The dumpster's lid closes, and magic bursts escape from the gaps. Cut to the Diaz Household at dusk. A squirrel runs across a power line. Marco looks suspiciously outside his room's window. | |
Ferguson | Why can't I go home?! Dude, it's Taco Wednesday. It's the day we eat all the leftovers from Taco Tuesday! |
Marco | Because your house would be the first place the Warriors would look when they try to kidnap you! |
Ferguson | It kinda feels like you're trying to kidnap me. |
Marco | [menacingly] I'd watch that talk if you ever want to see your parents again. |
Star | (o.s) Marco! |
Marco opens the window blinds. Star hangs off a power line while holding a squirrel by its tail. | |
Star | Hey, Marco, do you have any highly flammable liquid? |
Marco | I don't know. Check the garage. |
Star | Cool, thanks! (she drops down with the squirrel) |
Star drops to the ground, taking the squirrel with her. Marco closes the blinds. | |
Marco | Alright— |
Ferguson | Man, I bet I could get a lot of action if I had a real prehensile tail. |
Alfonzo | Oh, yeah. |
Ferguson | Hey, ladies, you care for a drink? Wha! (He whips a soda can with his costume's tail, dropping it on Marco's laptop. The laptop flashes and the screen flickers to black.) |
Ferguson whips his costume tail at an open soda can. The soda spills onto a nearby laptop. shorting it out. Marco, Ferguson, and Alfonzo stand in shock and silence. Cut to the Echo Creek Academy football field at night. The stands are filled with crowds. | |
Spirit Committee | [chanting] Two, four, six, eight, distract them with our booty shake! |
Brittney | Oh! Oh! |
On the field, the Warriors warm up for the game. One of them cracks his neck and laughs. The Opossums watch in fear, and one of them faints. Marco, Ferguson, and Alfonzo stand next to the bleachers. Marco "protects" Ferguson as a little girl runs past. | |
Marco | It's almost game time, and thanks to me, no Warriors have even gotten close to you. |
Star appears behind Marco and Ferguson dressed in armor and holding a spiked mace. | |
Star | Haaaah! |
Marco and Ferguson | [yelps] |
Star | Who's ready for a bloody, bloody bloodbath? [laughing maniacally] |
Marco | What's with that crazy look in your eyes? |
Star | [with red, bloodshot eyes] What do you mean? |
Marco | Watch Ferguson. I need to talk to "Princess Cuckoo Pants." |
Marco pulls Star off-screen. Two Warriors appear from behind the bleachers and abduct Ferguson. | |
Ferguson | Stranger danger! STRANGER DANGER! [blowing whistle] |
Marco | Okay, Star, what are you up to? |
Star | Exactly what you said. (Picks up her wand in the form a of mace.) I booby-trapped the battlefield. |
Marco | WHAT?!?! |
Cut to shots of the football field with landmines, pitfall traps, and laser sensors. Marco remand stunned couldn't believing what Star had done. | |
Marco | STAR!... The Warriors weren't actually gonna kill our team! They were just gonna beat them in football! Which is a game!!! |
Star | Ohhhhh... |
The referee blows his whistle. The Warriors kick the ball during kickoff, setting off a landmine. The football lands in Justin's hands. He drops the ball, and the Opossums scatter about the field in fear. The crowds start to scatter. One of the Warriors is pulled into a blue vortex. Ed sets off another landmine and goes flying through the air. Star remains worried, guilty on what she had done. | |
Star | Oh, no. Everything's going according to plan. |
The referee blows his whistle again and trips over a tripwire. The end zone lifts up, and various creatures come out from underground, including giant magical squirrels and three-eyed firecats. | |
Marco | Let me guess, the kitty cat offense? |
Star | [chuckling nervously] |
Marco | Huh? |
A giant squirrel chases some of the Warriors. | |
Marco | We have to do something! |
Star briefly hesitates on what to do before running off-screen. She pops back on-screen to retrieve her mace. Marco dodges exploding landmines and slams his foot on a giant squirrel's tail, stopping it in its tracks. He gets in front of the squirrel and kicks its face as it gets up again. | |
Warrior | Alright! Dude, you are awesome! |
Marco | Uh, thanks, bro. |
A magical bird swoops down and picks up one of the Warriors. A giant squirrel pounces on Marco. Star tries to rescue a Warrior from the vortex. | |
Star | Marco! |
Star picks up her mace and goes to help Marco, leaving the Warrior in the vortex. | |
Warrior | No, no no, nooooo! |
Star jumps into the air and pulls her mace apart to reveal her magic wand inside. | |
Star | Mending Heart Hurricane! (The monster turns back into squirrels) |
Star fires a magic blast at the giant squirrel that turns it back into eight normal squirrels. One of them gnaws on Marco's head. The Spirit Committee runs across the field, with Brittney Wong shoving the others aside. | |
Brittney | Out of my way! I am too pretty to die! (Falls over and get eaten by another monster, screaming) |
A giant snake burrows underneath Brittney and pops its head out of the ground. | |
Brittney | [screaming] |
The giant snake tosses Brittney into the air and catches her in its mouth. | |
Star | Mending Heart Hurricane! |
Star turns the giant snake back into hundreds of normal worms. Back on the ground, Brittney spits out snake saliva. Marco saves some of the Warriors from the firecats, but he is soon surrounded by firecats and giant squirrels. | |
Star | Nuclear Heart Healing Hurricane! |
Star drops out of the sky and turns all of the monsters back to normal with a wide blast of magic. The cats and squirrels scatter. Two of the Warriors continue carrying Ferguson away. | |
Ferguson | Come on, fellas! Can't we discuss this man to possum?! |
The Warriors get blown away by Star's landmines, freeing Ferguson. Marco restrains another monster, and Star turns it back to normal. | |
Ferguson | Hey, Marco, you were right! They were trying to kidnap me! |
Marco | Ferguson, get off the field! |
Ferguson | What?! I can't hear you through all the explosions! |
Ferguson runs onto a landmine, and it goes off. | |
Marco | Ferguson! |
Ferguson lies on the ground smoldering. | |
Marco | No, buddy! I'm sorry! I failed you! [hugs Ferguson] Forgive me! |
Ferguson | Dude! I was just playing possum! |
Marco | Huh? |
Ferguson | It's what we do! |
Marco | You're alive! This is why you only have two friends! |
Camera pans across the destroyed football field. One of the uprights falls over. One of the Warriors picks himself up out of a crater. Brittney sits in shock with her mascara running. A burnt Opossums banner falls. Star looks out upon the destruction. | |
Star | I've really messed up. |
Marco | You mean, we really messed up. I should've been watching out for you. |
Warrior | Let's get outta here! |
The Warriors dash onto a school bus, and it speeds away. | |
Justin | Hey, they just forfeited. We win! |
The crowd stands up from cowering and cheers. The Opossums pick up Star, Marco and Ferguson. | |
Star | Woo-hoo! Huh... Why do I have this weird feeling I'm forgetting something? |
A giant magical bird swoops down and snatches Marco. | |
Marco | [screams] |
Star | That was it. |
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School Spirit/Transcript
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