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(theme song)
Episode begins at St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses; a warnicorn-drawn carriage pulls up to the front of the school.
Coachman [whistling]
Before the coachman can open the carriage door, Pony Head sticks her nose out the window.
Pony Head [inhales deeply] I'm back.
Coachman Uh, what?
Pony Head [bursts out of the carriage] I said, I'm back! [bursts into the school] What y'all doing?!
St. Olga's princesses [cheering]
Pony Head Yes, yes, I'm very excited to see me, too. I know how it feels.
Lizard princess [runs up and hugs Pony Head] Pony Head, I missed you so much!
Pony Head Girl, boundaries. [shoves lizard princess off] Now look, I been cooped up with my batty sisters for way too long. So I need to brunch, and then I need to party, pronto! Who wants to watch?
Princesses I do, I do!
A montage plays of Pony Head and the other princesses partying together, giving each other makeovers, having a pillow fight, and laughing. When the lizard princess hits Pony Head too hard with a pillow, Pony Head hits back hard enough to send the lizard princess flying into the wall.
Pony Head and princesses [laughing]
Pony Head That's what it is! Okay, that's great, but who wants to get brunched in the face?
Princess Arms [stops the party] Hold on, there. Come with me to my office.
Pony Head You have a office?
Scene cuts to Princess Arms' (formerly Miss Heinous's) office. One of the robot guards serves tea to Pony Head and Princess Arms.
Pony Head You do realize those robots are killing machines, right?
Princess Arms We reprogrammed them. A lot of things have changed here, and if you wanna brunch, you gonna have to pass a new final.
Pony Head I know how to brunch, Patty!
Princess Arms All right, then. What are the four pillars of brunch?
Pony Head [scoffs] Waffles.
Princess Arms Mm-hmm.
Pony Head Uh... eggs, obviously.
Princess Arms Uh-huh.
Pony Head Buh... Ba-ba-ba... Bacon?
Princess Arms Yeah.
Pony Head Ugh. And, uh... Hold on, it's on the tip of my tongue. Now you're making me nervous. Uh, uh, uh... Uh...
Princess Arms And more bacon.
Princess Arms' robot guard drops several textbooks on her desk.
Princess Arms You're gonna have to take the exam.
Pony Head What?! I gotta take a waffle test?! That's crazy! I am not doing that, okay?! I invented brunch! [floats out of Princess Arms' office] Did y'all hear that?! Old Underarm wants me to take a test just to eat!
Rat princess [laughs] Yeah, Pony Head. It's so cool that you can get through brunch without passing a final, but... some of us aren't as cool as you.
Pony Head Well, sorry. No need to get all emotional about it.
Rat princess I guess, huh? What I'm saying is... [tearing up] Maybe if you don't like the way things are here now, you should just go. Come on, girls.
The princesses walk away from Pony Head.
Pony Head What?
Scene cuts to castle courtyard. Pony Head tries to call Star on her compact mirror, but she gets the voicemail.
Star's voicemail Hey, girl! Or boy. Sorry I missed your call. Leave a message after the— [beeps]
Pony Head Girl, you would not believe how whack St. O's is now! They're trying to make your girl take a brunch test.
Coachman (o.s.) [screaming]
Pony Head [gasps]
The coachman's carriage flies over the courtyard gates and crashes on top of Pony Head, causing her to go flying through a upper-level window.
Rat princess Pony Head!
Meteora Butterfly suddenly jumps over the gates and lands in the courtyard with a boom.
Meteora [laughing evilly]
Rat princess Oh, no!
Meteora charges forward. The rat princess goes to Princess Arms' office.
Rat princess Princess Arms! Oh...!
Princess Arms [shaving her hairy armpits, puts her arms down] What do you want?!
Rat princess It's Miss Heinous! She's trying to take back the school!
Princess Arms [gasps]
Princess Arms sounds a school-wide alarm. Some princesses are shown playing cards as the alarm goes off.
Lizard princess [gasps] It's Miss Heinous. Full house, girls!
The card-playing princesses knock over the card table and charge to battle. A younger princess seen cooking in the kitchen drops her butcher knife, puts a collander on like a helmet, and carries a turnip into battle. The princesses storm to the front of the school, followed by the reprogrammed robot guards.
Princess Arms Do not let them enter the school!
Meteora and the robot guards charge toward each other.
Gemini Oh, milady!
Gemini takes out a small remote and presses the red button on it. The robots suddenly stop charging, and their eyes turn red. They then march back toward the princesses.
Princess Arms Wha— What are you doing?
The robots rip out their own hearts, which start to beep.
Princess Arms [gasps]
The robots throw their ripped-out hearts at the princesses like bombs.
Princesses [screaming]
A beeping heart lands near the youngest princess, and she cries.
Princess Arms Come on, don't just stare at it!
Princess Arms picks up the beeping heart and throws it at Meteora, and it explodes, engulfing Meteora in blue fire and smoke. Meteora emerges from the smoke moments later.
Princess Arms Oh, no. Everyone back inside! [punches robot guard]
The princesses go back inside the school and close the doors on Meteora.
Princess Arms Lower the pizza boxes!
Princesses toss out pizza boxes from the second floor balconies and board up the doors with them.
Young princess [sobbing] We're gonna die!
Princess Arms No, we're not.
Human princess Yeah, this is like a year's worth of pizza. There's no way she's getting through this.
Princess Arms Shh-shh-shh! Listen. I think they stopped.
Rasticore suddenly gets into the school by opening a portal with his dimensional chainsaw.
Rasticore Did you miss me?
Meteora and Gemini leap into the school from a second-story window.
Princesses [screaming]
Princess Arms tries fighting off Meteora with a long stick, but Meteora breaks it in half and pins her to the wall by driving the two stick halves through her dress.
Gemini [chuckles evilly]
Princess Arms [frees herself from the wall] All right, girls! Plan B!
Meteora, Gemini, and Rasticore run down a hallway, but the princesses cut them off.
Princess Arms Hold it right there! If you wanna get to the brunch room, you're gonna have to go through us!
Rasticore [revs up chainsaw]
Princess Ram [shudders]
Meteora, Gemini, and Rasticore attack, and the princesses scream with terror. Scene cuts to the brunch room; Princess Arms comes in flying through the wooden door. The door then falls over next to her.
Princess Arms [yelps]
She sees Pony Head stuffing her face with waffles.
Princess Arms Pony Head, you're alive?!
Pony Head [loud gulp]
Princess Arms What are you doing?
Pony head [makes a waffle, egg, and bacon sandwich] I'm brunching on your four pillars before Heinous finds me. [chomp]
Princess Arms [gasps] She's after you?
Pony Head Isn't everybody?
There is a loud boom and sizzling sound outside the brunch room, and Meteora, Rasticore, and Gemini walk through the blue smoke. Pony Head's horn lights up with magic power.
Pony Head If I don't make it out of this, I want you to know... I hate you.
Before breaching the brunch room, Meteora tears away a nearby door, and she, Gemini, and Rasticore enter a side room.
Pony Head What?
In another chamber, Meteora finds several robots in glass tubes and other scientific equipment. At the far back is a heap of a robot. Meteora snaps her fingers, and Gemini plugs the robot in, causing it to power on. St. Olga stands upright and pulls cobwebs off herself.
St. Olga Young lady, did you unplug me?
Meteora Good morning, St. Olga.
St. Olga Oh, no. You changed your... look.
Meteora It's called a tail, and I think I look great with it.
St. Olga I think you looked better without it.
Gemini Well, I think she looks great with or without—
Meteora covers Gemini's mouth with her tail.
Meteora I need you to show me my master file.
St. Olga ...Of course. A trip down memory lane.
St. Olga starts playing a slideshow of herself and baby Meteora.
St. Olga I found you when you were just a street baby. I raised you as my own out of the goodness of my heart, and I managed to find the perfect work-life balance.
Meteora Show me the real master file!
St. Olga [turns off slideshow] I do not know what you are talking about.
Meteora snaps her fingers again, and Gemini presses his remote, causing St. Olga's eyes to turn red. A compartment on her back opens to reveal a computer mouse, and Gemini clicks on the mouse twice. St. Olga starts playing a new slideshow.
Gemini There we go.
The slideshow first shows Meteora as a young adult, strapped to a chair in the school's solitary conform-ment chamber.
Meteora (younger) You know, my mind's been wandering so much lately, I thought I could use a little refresher. Get me back on track.
St. Olga Time for a nice, relaxing brain massage.
Meteora No, not that memory! Rewind more! Go back!
The slideshow then shows Meteora as a teenager, looking at her monster tail in the mirror.
Meteora (teen) Mother, why do I have to hide my tail?
St. Olga You know that old rhyme, dear. "Boys do not make passes at girls with devil tails."
Teenage Meteora hides her tail under her dress.
Meteora No, rewind!
The slideshow then shows Meteora as a child, looking at her glowing cheek marks in a puddle of water.
Meteora (child) Oh, Mommy, Mommy, look! My cheeks are glowing! Isn't it pretty?
St. Olga Do you know what would make you even prettier?
Meteora (child) What, Mommy?
St. Olga Suppressing your flaws.
St. Olga wipes young Meteora's cheeks. Present-day Meteora watches the film in silence.
Meteora (child) [crying] Mommy, wait! I can fix it!
Young Meteora tearfully makes her cheek marks stop glowing.
Meteora Please, not this memory. Go back further.
The slideshow then shows King Shastacan standing over baby Meteora's crib.
Royal aide King Shastacan, the Lady St. Olga is here to see you.
King Shastacan Oh, St. Olga, thank you for coming.
Meteora This. This is it.
Shastacan This baby is unfit to inherit the kingdom. She's absolutely heinous.
Meteora (baby) [sneezes]
St. Olga Heinous. What a pretty name.
The slideshow stops.
Meteora Mewni should've been mine.
St. Olga I did my best raising you. All the other robot moms laughed behind my back. It was not easy. You should thank me.
Meteora Yeah... Thank you!
Meteora punches St. Olga into the wall, deactivating her again. The arm Meteora punched St. Olga with suddenly grows in muscle mass. The princesses appear before Meteora again.
Pony Head Hey! This school has become so dear to me since I got here ten minutes ago, and I did not come here to watch you destroy it!
A more monstrous-looking Meteora growls at Pony Head and glares at her with yellow slitted eyes.
Pony Head Ooh, you know what? You are clearly going through some things that, actually, I'm just gonna

circle back later. Wow.

Meteora charges at Pony Head.
Pony Head [screaming]
Scene cuts to the school's front exterior. Meteora emerges from the fog holding Pony Head's broken horn and drops it on the ground. Rasticore tries to sneak past Meteora.
Rasticore [muttering] I'm just gonna sneak by you...
Meteora Oh, Rasticore.
Rasticore Hmm?
Meteora [slowly turning her head] Looks like it's just you and me now.
Rasticore Yeah, about that... I really appreciate you nursing me back to health and all, but, uh... Look, y-you're great. Uh, you know that. Why am I telling you, huh? Ugh! I'm so bad at these things. I don't deserve a gal like you.
Meteora What...?
Rasticore Oh, I'm so busy with this job. I'm addicted to work! Sometimes I say to myself, "You know, Rasticore, wouldn't it be cool if you could meet Heinous, like, four years from now?"
Meteora It's Meteora.
Rasticore Yeah, yeah. See? I don't even know your name. Such a jerk. Ugh. Yeah. I gotta go. [starts walking away] But promise me this one thing: Twenty years from now, if we meet up and we're both still single, you'll be my soulmate. What am I talking about? That's not gonna happen. You're gonna find some awesome guy that's gonna steal you away from me.
Meteora looks stunned. Gemini appears next to her.
Gemini Looks like it's just you and me.
Meteora Ugh!
Meteora opens Gemini's heart compartment, rips out his heart, and throws it at Rasticore, blowing up his body.
Gemini Uh, if you wanted my heart, all you had to do was ask... [powering down]
Rasticore, once again reduced to just an arm, tries crawling away, but Meteora steps him and picks him up.
Meteora Oh, Rasticore. Time to take back the throne of Mewni.
Meteora walks off into the night.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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