Sleep Spells/Transcript

	Episode begins at the Diaz household – morning. Marco comes down the stairs.
Marco Diaz	[yawning]
	A purple bird flies past him, squawking.
Marco	Wha...?
	Multiple birds fly past Marco squawking.
Marco	Huh?
	Camera zooms out to show the living room has been turned into a jungle.
Marco	Wow, Star's getting better at her magic. This is really peaceful.
	A lion-like monster with blue fur, four eyes, and a snake tail lunges from off-screen to attack Marco. It catches Marco in its mouth.
Marco	[screams] Help! [screams]
Star Butterfly	Mega Explosive Crystal Laser!
	Star makes a laser pointer with her wand. The lion monster drops Marco and follows the laser pointer.
Lion monster	[screeching like a cat]
Star	Here, kitty, kitty.
	The lion monster follows the laser pointer away into the bushes.
Marco	[sighs] Thanks for saving me... again.
	Marco takes out a notepad and pen. The notepad two columns: one with Star's face and 27 check marks, and one with Marco's face and 4 check marks. Marco adds a check mark to Star's column.
Marco	That makes it 28 saves for you and... 4 for me. But, heh, who's counting?
Star	Wow, Marco! I just love what you've done with the place!
	A purple bird flies up and perches on Star's head. It squawks and starts pecking her head.
Star	[gasps] Aw! So cute!
Marco	[laughing] What? I didn't do this.
Star	Well, somebody did.
Marco	"Somebody"? Birds and rainbows and... whatever that is?
	Marco points at a six-legged poodle-like creature behind him eating a bag of chips.
Poodle	'Sup?
Marco	This has to be you.
Star	Sorry, it wasn't me.
	Marco pulls down an entanglement of vines to reveal a stone sculpture of Star's head.
Star	Eh, looks more like your dad's work.
	Mr. Diaz appears in the sculpture's mouth holding a hammer and chisel.
Mr. Diaz	This was my work. [laughing] But the rest of this, no.
	Star smiles and walks off-screen. Marco looks at the camera in disbelief. Scene transitions nighttime. Marco sleeps while a caterpillar-like creature slithers across his bed.
Marco	[snoring] Huh?!
	Magic blasting sounds are heard off-screen. Marco approaches Star's bedroom door, from which blasts of light are seen through the door gaps. Marco opens the door.
Marco	[gasps]
	Star sleepwalks and fires spells around the room.
Star	[snoring and mumbling] Nnnnno... Get back...
	Marco is hit by a narwhal blast and falls to the floor.
Marco	[yelps] Star? What are you doing?
Star	Lamp... Destroy...
	Star brings a lamp to life, and it starts zapping Marco.
Marco	[screams] Okay! Oh! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!
	Star bumps into her interdimensional mirror.
Mirror	Playing messages.
	Queen Butterfly's image appears on the mirror.
Queen Butterfly	Star. Just calling with your daily reminder to behave like the queen-in-training that you are.
Star	Paper... Tornado...
Marco	What?!
	Star brings a stack of papers to life. The papers whirl around Marco.
Marco	[screaming] Ow, ow! Star! Wake up!
Star	Beanbag... Monster... Metamorphosis...
	Star brings a beanbag to life. It roars at Marco.
Marco	[screaming] Star!
Star	[wakes up, yawning] Morning, Marco. Morning, beanbag chair monster. ...Marco! Lightning Twinkle Rescue!
	Star blasts at Marco, turning the lamp, papers, and beanbag to normal.
Marco	[sighs] You saved me.
	Marco takes out his notepad and adds another check mark to Star's column.
Marco	That's, uh, 29 to 4.
Star	[holds up a sleeping narwhal] What happened?
Marco	You were spelling in your sleep! [battle cry, kicks the lamp] That must be why you don't remember turning our living room into a jungle.
Star	Oh, no! You gotta fix me, Diaz!
Marco	[gasps] Now's my chance to save you! With psychology!
Star	Psychology?
Marco	Psychologyyyy.
Star	Yeah. Psychologyyyy. ...What is it?
Marco	Psychology is like karate for your mind. I'm gonna dig deep in your brain to see what makes you tick.
Star	Ohhhh. Yeah, we have something like that on Mewni.
	Brief cut to Mewni. A man sits in a catapult. A doctor pulls the catapult's lever, and the man goes flying into the background. Cut back to Star's bedroom.
Marco	Yeah, this is pretty different. Now, before we start, I must transform myself.
Star	Transform?
	Marco spins around. He puts on a pair of glasses and a sweater vest, and he takes out a textbook labeled "PSYCH 101".
Marco	Glasses! Paper! Clothes! Book! [strikes a pose] Dr. Marco, Ph.D!
Star	What does Ph.D stand for?
Mrs. Diaz	[walks by the bedroom door] "Pretty handsome dude."
Dr. Marco	Mom! Go back to bed!
	Scene transitions to Marco and Star in the living room. Star lies on the couch while Marco sits in a chair.
Dr. Marco	All right, Miss Butterfly. I'm going to administer a series of psychological tests to uncover what's bothering you.
Star	Ooh, tests. Sounds fun! Oh, wait. No, it doesn't.
Dr. Marco	Test number one: role playing! I want you to pretend to be someone close to you.
Star	[wearing Marco's hoodie] Hi, I'm Marco! My skinny jeans are awesome! Ooh, here comes Jackie Lynn Thomas! I'm gonna impress her with my karate! I got this cute little mole!
Dr. Marco	[exasperated sigh]
	Marco writes "THIS ISN'T WORKING" on his notepad.
Dr. Marco	Test number two: art therapy! [hands Star a paintbrush] Paint me a picture of your childhood.
	Scene transition. Star paints herself being constricted by a snake with Queen Butterfly's face; a three-headed monster with the heads of Ludo, Buff Frog, and a fly monster; and a unicorn.
Dr. Marco	Hmmm. Such depth! So many symbols! What does it say about your childhood?!
Star	I was just drawing unicorns and monsters 'cause they're cool. Rawr! Aah! Rawr!
Dr. Marco	Test three: ink blot test! [holds up an ink blot] Tell me what you see on this paper.
Star	An ink blot! I win!
Dr. Marco	Okay, no-no-no. What does this remind you of?
Star	A fat porcupine.
Dr. Marco	Oh, yes, that's good. [holds up a different ink blot] What about this one?
Star	A little alien guy in a gnome cap. [gasps] Maybe I'm sleep-spelling because I'm secretly a little alien guy in a gnome cap.
Dr. Marco	Eh, no. [holds up an ink blot that's just a small black dot] Now what about—Ugh, wait. Hold on, this is a mistake.
Star	[gasps] That reminds me of my overbearing mother suffocating me with all the duties of becoming a queen for the rest of my life...!
Dr. Marco	I think we may have found the root of your problem. You have mother issues!
Star	[clapping] Yay! I have mother issues!
Dr. Marco	No, that's bad.
Star	Aww. I have mother issues.
Dr. Marco	It's okay, Star. Identifying the problem is the first step to recovery.
Star	Recovery...!
	Cut to some time later. The house flashes with light as Star continues to sleep-spell. Marco wakes up in his bed.
Marco	[yelps]
	A magic beam blasts through his bedroom door, and his bed turns into a giant cat balloon. Star bursts into the room.
Star	[snoring]
Marco	Aw, man.
	Marco takes out his notepad and crosses out one of the check marks on his column.
Star	[muttering] Get away...!
Princess Smooshy	[o.s., grunting]
Marco	Huh?
	Marco sees Princess Smooshy reaching out to Star. Star keeps her away with laser blasts.
Marco	Wait... What the?
	Marco's cat balloon pops, and he falls on top of Star.
Marco	[groans]
Star	Undy pants? Oh, no! Marco's naked!
Marco	No, I'm in my jamjams. Look.
	Camera pans over to Princess Smooshy.
Princess Smooshy	I want your face!
Marco	Ugh, you weren't sleep-spelling. You were just defending yourself against that sleep goblin... elephant.
Star	Wow! I'm hardcore!
Princess Smooshy	I came here for your face! To steal your face! You hurt me in my butt!
	Princess Smooshy turns around to reveal a tiny narwhal with its horn stuck in her butt.
Marco	[shuddering]
Star	Could you... stop yelling?
Princess Smooshy	Well, I'm sorry. I don't have any ears. Camera phone.
	Princess Smooshy takes out her camera phone and takes a selfie.
Princess Smooshy	I'm on the run from St. O's.
Star	Well, you can't stay here. I don't want to go to St. O's!
Princess Smooshy	Oh, you're going to St. O's.
	Cut to fantasy sequence of Star and Princess Smooshy.
Princess Smooshy	You see, we're both big girls. We got the same highs and lows, the same east and west. You can hardly tell us apart. Except for in the face. [takes a selfie] Camera phone. So I'm gonna laser finger your face off of your head. Oh, you can have my face. See, I'm gonna wear your face, and then you can go to jail. 'Cause you look like me. It's just a classic face-switch scenario.
	Fantasy sequence ends.
Star and Marco	[laughing]
Marco	Oh, yeah. Oh, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Princess Smooshy	It's not funny. [grabs Star]
Star	[screams]
Marco	Star!
	Princess Smooshy runs off with Star. Marco chases them.
Marco	Don't worry, Star. I'll save you!
	Princess Smooshy and Marco slide down the stair railing.
Marco	Whoaaa!
	Marco pops out of the mouth of Star's head sculpture. He runs past Princess Smooshy, who hides her face behind a newspaper with the headline "PRINCESS MONSTER ON THE LOOSE." Marco walks back with his arms crossed.
Marco	Ahem.
Princess Smooshy	[puts newspaper down, laughs nervously]
	Princess Smooshy grabs a vine, and she and Star are pulled upward. Marco grabs another vine and follows. Princess Smooshy and Star crash through the roof.
Princess Smooshy	[takes a selfie] Camera phone.
	As Princess Smooshy runs from Marco, Star's hair snags on an antenna. It recoils back and smacks Marco in the face.
Marco	[yelps]
Princess Smooshy	Nose grab!
	Princess Smooshy climbs onto the roof of Star's loft with her trunk-like nose. She uses a pair of dimensional scissors to open a dimensional portal.
Princess Smooshy	[laughing evilly]
Marco	(o.s.) Stop!
	Marco nearly slips on the roof tiles.
Marco	Whoaaa...!
Princess Smooshy	Be careful on this roof. It is slippery from the evening dew.
Star	Let me go, you weirdy weirdo!
Princess Smooshy	Is Marco small? Or is he just really far away? I can't tell. Laser finger.
	Princess Smooshy starts lasering Star's face.
Star	[screaming] Marco!
Marco	Nooo!
	Marco tries to climb onto the loft roof, but he's too short to reach. As he falls, he drops his "Dr. Marco" glasses. Marco puts on the glasses and sweater vest again.
Dr. Marco	Glasses! Paper! Clothes! Book! [strikes a pose] Dr. Marco, Ph.D! You don't have to do this! I have an "A" in psychology! I can help you!
Princess Smooshy	No, thank you.
	Princess Smooshy approaches the dimensional portal.
Star	Use your mind karate!
Dr. Marco	Listen to me!
Princess Smooshy	I already told you. I don't have any ears.
Dr. Marco	Well, maybe that's why you're in this mess!
Princess Smooshy	Okay, I do have ears. But I don't use them to listen to people. The only people I listen to is my mind. And right now, my mind is telling me to steal her face.
Dr. Marco	[removes glasses] But you can't keep running from your problems. When you steal other people's faces, all you're really stealing is your future.
Princess Smooshy	But... But I like my future.
	Star smiles. Marco smiles.
Princess Smooshy	...I don't like my future! [takes a selfie] Camera phone. [laughing evilly]
	Princess Smooshy begins stepping through the dimensional portal. Marco tosses the "PSYCH 101" textbook at her. It hits her in the face. Princess Smooshy drops Star and falls off the roof. The blue lion monster appears next to her.
Lion monster	[growling]
Princess Smooshy	[screaming]
	Star and Marco wince as the lion monster attacks Princess Smooshy. Scene transitions to St. Olga's guards taking Princess Smooshy away.
Star	Wow, Marco. You really saved my face.
Marco	Yes! Finally!
	Marco adds a check mark to his column on the notepad.
Star	I don't get it. Why is this tally thing such a big deal to you?
Marco	Uhhh... I don't know. I guess you're this magic princess from another dimension, and I'm just...
	Star puts on Marco's "Dr. Marco" glasses.
Star	Ahem. Star, Ph.D. Marco, you are awesome. We don't need to get caught up in who saves who. All that matters is that we have each other's back.
Marco	Yeah. But this time... I totally saved you! Woo-hoo! Whoa!
	Marco slips off the roof and hangs off the side.
Marco	You're right. We shouldn't keep track anymore.