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Episode begins in the Mewni marketplace. Tom browses a rack of T-shirts while Star looks at some toy wands.
Star Butterfly Whoa.
Teen Monster Yeah, that princess merch is, like, so cute, but for that price, I'm, like, it better do real magic.
Star [laughs] That is funny and a good point.
Tom Lucitor [holding red T-shirt in front of him] Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! This one's spicy!
Star Oh, my gosh, that is the cutest price tag.
Store Owner [to Teen Monster] Hey, monster! You know the rules! Monsters ain't welcome, so put the merch back and get out!
Star Whoa.
Store Owner [prods monster with broom] Shoo, shoo, shoo!
Teen Monster [runs away crying]
Tom Do you think I'd look cute in this shirt?
Star What?
Tom Or... [reaches down for a different T-shirt]
Store Owner [to Tom] Hey, over there! That goes for you, too! Monster!
Tom [stands up and glares] Hmph!
Store Owner [gasps] Oh! Prince Lucitor! [kneels in front of Tom] Sorry. Sorry, sir. Please don't incinerate my shop. [kisses Tom's hand]
Star Hmmm...
Scene cuts to Butterfly Castle. Queen Butterfly is in the library reading law books.
Queen Moon Circumstantial evidence... Hmm, okay. Hmm.
Fast footsteps are heard approaching from outside.
Moon No.
Star [kicks library door open] Hey, Mom!
Moon [strained groaning]
Star You know how Mewmans kind of keep monsters separated from the rest of the kingdom?
Moon Yes?
Star Well, I was just wondering – why?
Moon We keep monsters out because monsters are dangerous. You know that.
Star Well, yeah. But-but no! No-no-no-no-no! Not all of them. And what about people who aren't Mewmans but also aren't monsters? Like Rhombulus. He has snakes for hands. Are his hands monsters?
Moon Heavens, no! He's on the Magical High Commission!
Star And what about the Pony Heads? They're a bunch of floating horse heads!
Moon No, dear. We've had ties with the Pony Heads for generations.
Star And Rich Pigeon? His kingdom is brand-new! And he's a pigeon with legs, Mother! How is he not a monster?
Moon Well, dear, he's rich.
Star I don't really see what that has to do with anything. And what about the Lucitors? I've seen Tom do some pretty scary stuff. Somehow he's not a monster? Okay, and it makes absolutely no sense that lizard people are monsters but Lekmet, the giant magical goat-man, was not.
Moon Too soon, Star!
Star But what's the difference?! What the heck is the difference?!
Moon Enough! Look, I don't make the rules. The Royal Monster Expert does.
Star I'm sorry, what? We have a monster on staff?
Moon Not a monster. A monster expert. Dr. Jelly Goodwell.
Star Okay, then I'm gonna go have a little chat with this "Jelly Goodwell", if that even is her real name!
Moon Fine!
Star Fine! Bye! [slams library door]
Moon [sighs] What am I supposed to do with this cart?
Star stomps through the castle and kicks in another door.
Star Jelly Goodwell!
Brie Parmesan [screams]
Star We need to talk now!
Brie Oh, you must be here for the cheese! [holding a plate of cheese]
Star What? No! Don't play dumb with me, Royal Monster Expert!
Brie Oh! [giggles] No, I'm the Royal Muenster Expert.
Star looks at the plaque on Brie Parmesan's door. It reads, "Brie Parmesan, Royal Muenster Expert".
Brie The Royal Monster Expert is down the hall to the right.
Star [angrily] Okay! Thank you! [opens another hallway door] Jelly Goodwell!
A large, muscular castle official looks up from his desk at Star.
Muscular Employee Hmm?
Star Wrong office, sorry. [closes door, opens another one] Jelly Goodwell!
A small horse is riding a castle guard like a horse.
Horse And step... Step...
The horse and guard look at Star.
Star Excuse me. [closes door, opens another one] Pardon me, is this Dr. Goodwell's office?
Dr. Jelly Goodwell [holding large magnifying glass] Yes, I'm Dr. Goodwell.
Star Ah, thank goodness! Now, you listen up, Goodwell! The way we treat monsters around here is outrageous! We have got all these dumb rules saying monsters can't mingle with humans, and monsters can't go here, and monsters can't go there! [grunts] It's gotten to the point where a monster can't even go shopping for a pre-ripped T-shirt! Well, sister, I am not leaving here until you agree to make some changes.
Dr. Goodwell [stands up] I've spent my entire life studying monsters. Nobody knows more about them than I do. I've even lived among them and observed their behavior firsthand, and you... are exactly the princess I've been waiting for!
Star Wait, what?
Dr. Goodwell For years, I've hoped to find a royal who actually gets it. The way we treat monsters in Mewni is, well, monstrous!
Star Exactly!
Dr. Goodwell Monsters need to be respected.
Star Yes!
Dr. Goodwell And loved!
Star Yes!
Dr. Goodwell And their habitat preserved!
Star Oh, yes! Yes! Yes!
Dr. Goodwell Excellent. Let me take you out into the field and show you what I've been working on.
Star Let's go!
Scene cuts to Star and Dr. Goodwell walking through Mewni in monster costumes.
Star Being a researcher is awesome! These monster costumes are great!
Dr. Goodwell [chuckles] They're monster camouflage. Speaking of which, we should probably go ahead and apply our monster musk.
Star Monster musk? What's that?
Dr. Goodwell [sprays Star with monster musk]
Star [sniffs] Oh, that is nasty! What's in there?
Dr. Goodwell My own special blend of various monster secretions. [sprays musk into her mouth, gargles, spits] Let's get going! First we need to go through the Forest of Certain Death... then across the Lake of Endless Suffering... over the Dam of Constant Sorrow... across the Bridge of the Inevitable Hereafter... and here we are!
After traveling through the above areas, Star and Dr. Goodwell arrive a small treehouse.
Star Whoa, sick treehouse, doc!
Dr. Goodwell Oh, no-no. [laughs] It's not a treehouse. It is my field research lab. [climbs treehouse ladder]
Star It looks like a treehouse to me.
Dr. Goodwell (o.s.) It's not!
Star Whatever you say, doc.
Star tries following Dr. Goodwell up the ladder, but her monster costume prevemts her from climbing.
Star Oh!
Star removes her costume and climbs into the treehouse.
Star [grunts] Dr. Goodwell? Whatcha doing?
Dr. Goodwell [looking through binoculars] Shhh! There's a herd nearby!
Star A herd? A herd of what?
Dr. Goodwell Monsters!
A large village of monsters is seen at the center of a small valley.
Star Whoa.
Dr. Goodwell [whispering] This hill features naturally occurring geographic formations that almost look like buildings. The monsters were clever enough to use them for shelter. Amazing!
Star [laughs] Wait, what?
Dr. Goodwell Ooh! Ooh! You've got to get a look at this!
Buff Frog walks through the village with his tadpoles in a baby stroller.
Dr. Goodwell There's 011358, and he has his offspring with him!
Star Oh, hey, Buff Frog! You know him, too?
Dr. Goodwell I have been watching 011358 since he was a tadpole. I implanted a tracker on his ear and have been keeping close tabs on him ever since.
Buff Frog is shown to have a tracker on his right ear.
Buff Frog [whistling, scratches just below his ear, continues whistling]
Star Okay, I don't know about this, Goodwell. The spying? The costumes? The monster musk? Monsters are just like us. You don't need all this equipment to get to know them.
Dr. Goodwell Get to know them? [laughs] Oh, sweet, naive Star. It's not so simple. When monsters and Mewmans mix, bad things happen, usually to the monsters.
Star Yeah, but the—
Dr. Goodwell I've devised a plan! Let me show... you... [slowly slinks away into another room]
Dr. Goodwell returns with a cart covered in a tarp. She pulls away the tarp to reveal a model of the monster village and surrounding valleys.
Dr. Goodwill Ta-da!
Star Ooh! Nice cartsmanship.
Dr. Goodwell Thank you!
Star Aw, look at little tiny us in the treehouse! So cute! And the monster village! What are you planning?
Dr. Goodwell [pours water from water cooler into a cup] You see that wondrously mysterious structure the monsters built? [pours water at top of model]
Star Uh, you mean "dam"?
Dr. Goodwell I believe it's some kind of primitive monument that they built out of instinct. But no matter. We simply remove a small piece of their structure to release a gentle flow of water, which travels down the chasm, covers the lowlands around the monster nesting grounds, and creates a natural island! Voilà!
Dr. Goodwell removes a piece of the dam in her model, causing the water to flow down and turn the village into an island.
Star More like a prison. I mean, how are they supposed to get in and out?
Dr. Goodwell [starts to look crazy] Well, they don't! It's guaranteed total isolation from Mewmans! [takes out detonator] Shall I detonate the dam?
Star Listen, we can't just go around blowing up dams and imprisoning monsters. That's crazy! Mewmans have been deciding what's best for monsters for way too long.
As Star talks, something beeps.
Dr. Goodwell [with the detonator button pressed] But I already did it.
An explosion at the dam causes water to rush down from the top.
Star Ugh. Unbelievable. You know what, Jelly? You doomed these monsters!
Dr. Goodwell You don't like my explosion?
Star It's not about that. I thought you were different. But you're just like everybody else here. [leaves treehouse]
Cut to Buff Frog and his tadpoles in the village.
Buff Frog No, no, no, no, no. Stop complaining. Look, of course there is bigger, better stroller. But you should appreciate the one we have.
Buff Frog's tadpoles, crammed into the small stroller, look at him sad and angry.
Star [runs up to Buff Frog, panting] Hey, Buff Frog! Look-look-look-look-look! [stuffs binoculars into Buff Frog's eyes] Jelly Goodwell blew the dam, and now the water's gonna come down and turn this whole place into an island!
Buff Frog [looks at dam] What?
In Buff Frog's vision, a small amount of water trickles steadily from the dam.
Buff Frog Hey, Star, it's not a problem. That's just a little trickle of water. Nothing we haven't seen before. [to Dr. Goodwell] Oh, you must be crazy dirty lady that watches us through trees. Hello. I am Yvgeny Bulgolyubov.
Dr. Goodwell Well, I'm Jelly Goodwell! Oh-ho-ho!
Dr. Goodwell shakes Buff Frog's hand with the hand she's holding the detonator with. Another explosion at the dam goes off, destroying it entirely and sending a large rush of water hurling toward the village.
Dr. Goodwell Oh, I'm such a turd-brain! I... I shook your hand with the blower-upper thing!
Buff Frog No, it's too much water! It won't create an island. This will destroy entire village! Come on!
The water rushes through the winding valley toward the village.
Buff Frog [picks up boulder] Incoming! [hurls boulder]
Dr. Goodwell Oh, my goodness!
Buff Frog hurls the boulder off-screen.
Buff Frog Come on, move it! This is not drill!
More monsters appear to hurl objects. Three-eyed Potato Baby throws a house.
Three-eyed Potato Baby Hey, hey!
Star uses her magic to stack the objects together to make a new dam.
Star [grunting]
The water continues to rush toward the village, knocking over some trees.
Monster Hey, Star! [tosses boulder at Star]
Star [stacks boulder on top of dam]
Dr. Goodwell Incredible! Mewmans and monsters working together!
Star Here it comes!
Dr. Goodwell Oh, no!
Katrina Hey!
Dr. Goodwell Huh?
Katrina Grab that rock!
Dr. Goodwell Oh! [picks up rock]
Katrina Great, let's go!
Dr. Goodwell Oh! Okay!
Star finishes building the new dam seconds before the water reaches them. The water only makes a small splash over the dam.
All [cheering]
Dr. Goodwell How could I have been such a dum-dum? Here I thought we should live separately. But really, Mewmans should live like monsters!
Dr. Goodwell rips off her clothes. Her hat lands on a small monster's head. Star covers Buff Frog and his tadpoles' eyes.
Dr. Goodwell Ha-ha! [rolls in mud] Play in the mud! Act like idiots! [laughs]
Dr. Goodwell throws a rock at her hat on the small monster's head, knocking it off.
Dr. Goodwell I'm a monster! [laughs] I'm a monster! [laughs, climbs tree]
Star picks up Dr. Goodwell's "Royal Monster Expert" badge and pins it to Buff Frog's chest.
Buff Frog [grunts]
Star There. Now Mewni has a real monster expert.
Buff Frog [tearing up, strained] Thank you.
Star Awww, you're crying.
Buff Frog [strained] No, the badge. I think you broke the skin a little.
Star Oh, gosh! [removes badge from Buff Frog's chest] Sorry, sorry, sorry!
Star and Buff Frog [laughing]
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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