(theme song) | |
Scene opens at a donut shop in Echo Creek. Star is currently hiding in a dumpster outside. | |
Marco Diaz | Star, let's go! We've been here for hours. |
Star Butterfly | No! We're not leaving until the old donuts get thrown out. |
Pete comes out the door whistling, taking out the trash. | |
Pete | Evening, Marco. |
Marco | Evening, Pete. |
Mina Loveberry pops out of the garbage bin with the garbage bag and falls out, the donuts coming out of the bag. | |
Mina Loveberry | Oh no, no, no, no, no, no! |
Marco | Star? Some lady just got your donuts. |
Star | What? |
Star gasps. | |
Star | Mina... |
Star walks over to Mina. | |
Star | You're Mina Loveberry! |
Mina | Ya caught me! Are you a cop? |
Star | [to Marco] That's Mina Loveberry. |
Marco | I have no idea who that is. |
Star | Marco! She's the greatest warrior to ever live. |
Marco | Uh, her? |
Mina | I lost my bag! Has anyone seen my bag? Has anyone seen my bag? |
Marco | That's a lady who's lost her marbles. |
Star | No, she's Mina Loveberry. |
Mina | [in background] Hello! |
Star | Mewni's greatest protector. At least I think that's her. |
Marco | Well why don't you see for yourself? |
Star | No, no, no, no, no. Marco, Marco, no! |
Marco pushes Star over to Mina. | |
Star | [nervously] Hello, Mina. |
Mina | Hello! |
Star | What are you doing on Earth? |
Mina | I'm on vacation! Doctor's orders! |
Star | Wh-wh-wh-what are you gonna do on your vacation? |
Mina | I will let the soul be my guide and wander off to the depths of this unseen planet. |
Star | Wow! |
Marco | That's what you say when you've lost your marbles. |
Star | Okay Marco, just... [pushes him] There is actually a really great park across the street. |
Mina | Fantastic! The perfect place to view humanity at its most docile. I will leave in two seconds. [walks away backwards] |
Marco | Boy, what a weirdo. Star? [no response] Oh no. |
Star | [following behind] Wait. Wait, Mina. Wait. Teach me your ways, O great warrior. |
Mina | Hmm. Yeah. Okay. |
Star | Really? O great Mina, you will not be disappointed. |
Mina | But ain't nothin' for free. You're gonna have to do something for me. |
Star | Anything. |
Mina | Get this bag off my head. |
Star | [starts tugging] |
Mina | Ooh, ow. A, E, I, O, U! Ahh. Ow. |
Over in the park | |
Park Ranger | Welcome to the Echo Creek Mud Pits. Here, we will answer all your questions about mud. |
Woman | Finally |
Star | Today I go where Mina goes. Look at us; we're already basically best friends. Inseparable. |
Mina with Star on her back goes down into the mud pit. | |
Ranger | Boy, are you guys in for a real educational treat today. |
Mina | Lesson number first. In becoming a great warrior, one must cleanse their mind from thinking thought. |
Star | So... just don't think? |
Mina | Don't think. |
Star | Oh, it feels so good. |
Mina mentions for Star to put mud on her face. | |
Mina | We are mud sisters. |
Star | [giggles excitedly] |
Mina | Wait a second. [points at a fake mammoth] Where's my camera, where's my telescope, where's my sketch pad? What the heck is that? |
Ranger | Observe the woolly mammoth who may or may not have walked through these mud pits 19 million years ago. We're not really sure. |
Mina climbs on top of the mammoth | |
Mina | Ride, my great beast. Ride to the cloud city of Cloudlandia! |
Marco | Get down, ya weirdo. |
Mina | Come on, big boy. Let's get to movin'. |
Ranger | Uh ma'am, you leave that mammoth alone. |
Mina | [pushes mammoth] I command ye to move. |
Ranger | That's it. I'm comin' in to get you ma'am. Sorry, you can't be doin' that. [screams, sinks into mud] Whoa, goin' down. |
Mina | Aah, what a cruel twist of fate. |
Marco | Star, she's clearly lost it. |
Mina | [on top of sunken mammoth] I am the conqueror of the beast. No autographs. |
Star | Lesson number one Marco. Just stop thinkin'. |
In a different area of the park | |
Mina | Now class, meaning you, our next lesson is of utmost importance to the survival of a warrior. We're gonna learn how to make some weapons. |
Kid on swing | The higher I go, the closer I get to reaching the stars. |
Mina | Be resourceful with finding material. [rips chain] |
Kid | [screams] |
Mina | See? Now I have a sturdy chain to chain stuff with. Easy breezy taco peasy. Go make your own warrior weapon. |
Star | Alright Star, you got this. It's just like arts and crafts, but with weapons. |
Marco watches from a park bench with a lady | |
Lady | Which ones are yours? |
Marco | [sighs] Those two [points towards a screaming Mina] |
Lady | Oh bless your soul. |
Star | Come on Star, anything can be a weapon. [sees a shoelace] Oh my goodness. Look at this string. How lucky could I be? Oh, and what is this? A pine cone? Everything's comin' up Star. |
Kid | Let go of my bat, you naughty lady. |
Mina | [grabs it, sticks out tongue] |
Star | Mina, did you finish building your weapon yet? |
Mina | I have created the most deadly of maces [holds bat] |
Star | Awesome! You know, I'm actually pretty proud of mine too. |
Mina | Uh, kazza kazza wha? |
Star | It is a pine cone tied to a string, and then, I put some flowers on it and drew a face. I call him Davey. |
Mina | Fantastic! Ho! |
Star | Ho! |
On the park bench | |
Lady | [to Marco] You know, when they turn 18, they're the government's problem. |
At a hot dog stand | |
Vendor | Hot dogs here. Get your hot dogs. Hot dogs. |
Mina | Lesson number tres. You gotta gather intel. Sh, someone may be listening. Learn from your new surroundings. |
Star | [writing] Learn from new surroundings. |
Mina | [pokes a woman's hair] Oh sorry. I didn't know it was a wig. Who is your ruler on this planet? |
Woman | [laughs] Not from around here, are we? |
Star | She's a foreigner. |
Woman | Oh, how exotic. This is the United States of America. We don't have any rulers here. We're free. |
Mina | But how makes the rules? |
Vendor | We make our own rules. [eats half of a customer's hot dog] through the radical process [grabs the customer's money] of voting. |
Mina | [screeches] Just trying to wrap my head around this. You mean you vote if you can do something or not? |
Random Cowboy | That's right little lady. |
Mina | So, I can do this? [stands on two people's backs] |
Woman | Sure. |
Mina | [juggles] And this too? |
Star | You betcha. |
Mina | Is this legal? [sets hot dog cart on fire] |
Vendor | Actually, that's arson [laughs] |
Mina | Freedom! |
Crowd | Freedom! |
Mina | No chains or limitations. I'm freedom! |
Marco is flabbergasted. | |
Mina | We have learned there are no rules on this planet. It's an anything goes fight to the death. |
Marco | Star, wait. You've gotta stop this. |
Star | Stop what? What am I doing? |
Marco | You guys ruined the entire park today. |
Star | Marco, Mina was my idol growing up. Imagine if you randomly met your idol one day and didn't follow them around. |
Marco | But your idol is bananas. |
Star | Look, thanks for trying to look out for me, but I'm gonna go train with my hero. |
Marco | Fine. I'm just gonna enjoy the park by myself. |
Police arrive | |
Officer 1 | Sir, we're gonna have to ask you a couple of questions. |
Star | [hikes up hill] Alright, step one. Just stop thinking. Step two make a weapon. Step tres. Gather intel. [pants] Mina. I made it. |
Mina | Come, little mud face. You must partake in the warrior's ritual. Step inside the circle of animals. |
Star steps inside | |
Mina | Now, repeat these words: |
Star | Repeat these words. |
Mina | Not these words, the ones coming. |
Star | Right. Sorry. |
Mina | O great battle lords. |
Star | O great battle lords. |
Mina | Please protect us. |
Star | Please protect us. |
Mina | Carry our foes off to the depths of space and time to they may forever live in the ruins of our victory. |
Star | [mutters gibberish] victory. |
Mina | Lead us to the battle and you shall bathe in our conquests. Ha! [makes weird noises] |
Star | So, mud sister, what are we battling? So demons? Gargoyles? |
Mina | Them people [points] |
Star | Joggers? |
Mina | No, ding-dong. All the people of this forsaken planet. |
Star | [laughs] No. You don't mean that. That's wacky talk. |
Mina | What these little ants lack is a ruler. And guess who's gonna give 'em one? [touches Star's nose] Bink. Now, [to everyone] kneel before your new ruler. |
Man | Okay. |
Mina | Ha ha. We're gonna have so much fun rulin' these folks. |
Star | I've made a huge mistake. |
Scene changes back to Marco and the police. | |
Officer 1 | So a gonzo donut collector came out of a dumpster. |
Marco | Uh huh. |
Officer 1 | To teach your friend, another gonzo donut collector in a dumpster. |
Marco | Yep |
Officer 1 | And together, they destroyed a family park? |
Officer 2 | Yeah. If I was trying to cover my butt, I'd say the exact same thing. |
Mina | [far away] Kneel before me, minions. I am the greatest warrior that this world has ever known! |
Police turn on their sirens | |
Officer 1 | Let's ride. |
Star | Mina, I can't take over the Earth. |
Mina | Ah, of course you can. You're a warrior now. Now let's start by rounding up the rest of these folks, and pushin' 'em off this here ledge. |
Man | [nervous giggle] |
Star | Mina, I care about Earth; I don't wanna conquer it. |
Mina | I thought you cared about being a warrior! [floats into sky; her body becomes larger and more muscular, and her voice deepens] |
Star | I guess I thought being a warrior was something different. |
Man | Uh, excuse me miss. Don't we get a vote in this? |
Crowd | Yeah! |
Mina | What are you, a bunch of comedians? We ain't votin' on this. I'm your ruler now. |
Man | Mm, all those in favor of the crazy lady being our new ruler, raise your hands. [pause] One, two... six. Okay. All those opposed. [pause] One, two... five, six. Looks like we have ourselves a draw. Hey, did anybody not vote? |
Star | Me. I didn't vote. |
Mina | Come on. You got mud on your face; we're a team. We can rule this land together, mud sister. |
Star | [wipes off mud] No. You're bananas, Mina. Like the bad kind. |
Man | Hey, freedom wins again. |
Crowd | [cheers] |
Mina | I thought you were a warrior, but you're just a little girl living on a stupid freedom planet. [grabs Star's weapon] You don't even deserve this. |
Star | Davey! |
Mina | Ha! I wouldn't dare rule over this loony bin [crawls into a dumpster] |
Police arrives on scene. | |
Officer 1 | Attention citizens. We are looking for |
Star | She's in there. |
Officer 2 | [opens dumpster] Uh, there's nothing inside. |
Officer 1 | Magic does exist. I repeat, magic does exist. |
Star | You were right, Marco. Mina was a lady with no marbles. |
Marco | You wanna go check behind the French bakery for some day-old baguettes? |
Star | Of course I do. |
Scene changes to Mewni. | |
Mina | [to Davey] Boop. Mud sister. |
Camera zooms out to show Mina sitting under a tree. She has reverted to her normal appearance. |
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Starstruck/Transcript
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