(theme song)
Scene opens at a donut shop in Echo Creek. Star is currently hiding in a dumpster outside.
Marco Diaz Star, let's go! We've been here for hours.
Star Butterfly No! We're not leaving until the old donuts get thrown out.
Pete comes out the door whistling, taking out the trash.
Pete Evening, Marco.
Marco Evening, Pete.
Mina Loveberry pops out of the garbage bin with the garbage bag and falls out, the donuts coming out of the bag.
Mina Loveberry Oh no, no, no, no, no, no!
Marco Star? Some lady just got your donuts.
Star What?
Star gasps.
Star Mina...
Star walks over to Mina.
Star You're Mina Loveberry!
Mina Ya caught me! Are you a cop?
Star [to Marco] That's Mina Loveberry.
Marco I have no idea who that is.
Star Marco! She's the greatest warrior to ever live.
Marco Uh, her?
Mina I lost my bag! Has anyone seen my bag? Has anyone seen my bag?
Marco That's a lady who's lost her marbles.
Star No, she's Mina Loveberry.
Mina [in background] Hello!
Star Mewni's greatest protector. At least I think that's her.
Marco Well why don't you see for yourself?
Star No, no, no, no, no. Marco, Marco, no!
Marco pushes Star over to Mina.
Star [nervously] Hello, Mina.
Mina Hello!
Star What are you doing on Earth?
Mina I'm on vacation! Doctor's orders!
Star Wh-wh-wh-what are you gonna do on your vacation?
Mina I will let the soul be my guide and wander off to the depths of this unseen planet.
Star Wow!
Marco That's what you say when you've lost your marbles.
Star Okay Marco, just... [pushes him] There is actually a really great park across the street.
Mina Fantastic! The perfect place to view humanity at its most docile. I will leave in two seconds. [walks away backwards]
Marco Boy, what a weirdo. Star? [no response] Oh no.
Star [following behind] Wait. Wait, Mina. Wait. Teach me your ways, O great warrior.
Mina Hmm. Yeah. Okay.
Star Really? O great Mina, you will not be disappointed.
Mina But ain't nothin' for free. You're gonna have to do something for me.
Star Anything.
Mina Get this bag off my head.
Star [starts tugging]
Mina Ooh, ow. A, E, I, O, U! Ahh. Ow.
Over in the park
Park Ranger Welcome to the Echo Creek Mud Pits. Here, we will answer all your questions about mud.
Woman Finally
Star Today I go where Mina goes. Look at us; we're already basically best friends. Inseparable.
Mina with Star on her back goes down into the mud pit.
Ranger Boy, are you guys in for a real educational treat today.
Mina Lesson number first. In becoming a great warrior, one must cleanse their mind from thinking thought.
Star So... just don't think?
Mina Don't think.
Star Oh, it feels so good.
Mina mentions for Star to put mud on her face.
Mina We are mud sisters.
Star [giggles excitedly]
Mina Wait a second. [points at a fake mammoth] Where's my camera, where's my telescope, where's my sketch pad? What the heck is that?
Ranger Observe the woolly mammoth who may or may not have walked through these mud pits 19 million years ago. We're not really sure.
Mina climbs on top of the mammoth
Mina Ride, my great beast. Ride to the cloud city of Cloudlandia!
Marco Get down, ya weirdo.
Mina Come on, big boy. Let's get to movin'.
Ranger Uh ma'am, you leave that mammoth alone.
Mina [pushes mammoth] I command ye to move.
Ranger That's it. I'm comin' in to get you ma'am. Sorry, you can't be doin' that. [screams, sinks into mud] Whoa, goin' down.
Mina Aah, what a cruel twist of fate.
Marco Star, she's clearly lost it.
Mina [on top of sunken mammoth] I am the conqueror of the beast. No autographs.
Star Lesson number one Marco. Just stop thinkin'.
In a different area of the park
Mina Now class, meaning you, our next lesson is of utmost importance to the survival of a warrior. We're gonna learn how to make some weapons.
Kid on swing The higher I go, the closer I get to reaching the stars.
Mina Be resourceful with finding material. [rips chain]
Kid [screams]
Mina See? Now I have a sturdy chain to chain stuff with. Easy breezy taco peasy. Go make your own warrior weapon.
Star Alright Star, you got this. It's just like arts and crafts, but with weapons.
Marco watches from a park bench with a lady
Lady Which ones are yours?
Marco [sighs] Those two [points towards a screaming Mina]
Lady Oh bless your soul.
Star Come on Star, anything can be a weapon. [sees a shoelace] Oh my goodness. Look at this string. How lucky could I be? Oh, and what is this? A pine cone? Everything's comin' up Star.
Kid Let go of my bat, you naughty lady.
Mina [grabs it, sticks out tongue]
Star Mina, did you finish building your weapon yet?
Mina I have created the most deadly of maces [holds bat]
Star Awesome! You know, I'm actually pretty proud of mine too.
Mina Uh, kazza kazza wha?
Star It is a pine cone tied to a string, and then, I put some flowers on it and drew a face. I call him Davey.
Mina Fantastic! Ho!
Star Ho!
On the park bench
Lady [to Marco] You know, when they turn 18, they're the government's problem.
At a hot dog stand
Vendor Hot dogs here. Get your hot dogs. Hot dogs.
Mina Lesson number tres. You gotta gather intel. Sh, someone may be listening. Learn from your new surroundings.
Star [writing] Learn from new surroundings.
Mina [pokes a woman's hair] Oh sorry. I didn't know it was a wig. Who is your ruler on this planet?
Woman [laughs] Not from around here, are we?
Star She's a foreigner.
Woman Oh, how exotic. This is the United States of America. We don't have any rulers here. We're free.
Mina But how makes the rules?
Vendor We make our own rules. [eats half of a customer's hot dog] through the radical process [grabs the customer's money] of voting.
Mina [screeches] Just trying to wrap my head around this. You mean you vote if you can do something or not?
Random Cowboy That's right little lady.
Mina So, I can do this? [stands on two people's backs]
Woman Sure.
Mina [juggles] And this too?
Star You betcha.
Mina Is this legal? [sets hot dog cart on fire]
Vendor Actually, that's arson [laughs]
Mina Freedom!
Crowd Freedom!
Mina No chains or limitations. I'm freedom!
Marco is flabbergasted.
Mina We have learned there are no rules on this planet. It's an anything goes fight to the death.
Marco Star, wait. You've gotta stop this.
Star Stop what? What am I doing?
Marco You guys ruined the entire park today.
Star Marco, Mina was my idol growing up. Imagine if you randomly met your idol one day and didn't follow them around.
Marco But your idol is bananas.
Star Look, thanks for trying to look out for me, but I'm gonna go train with my hero.
Marco Fine. I'm just gonna enjoy the park by myself.
Police arrive
Officer 1 Sir, we're gonna have to ask you a couple of questions.
Star [hikes up hill] Alright, step one. Just stop thinking. Step two make a weapon. Step tres. Gather intel. [pants] Mina. I made it.
Mina Come, little mud face. You must partake in the warrior's ritual. Step inside the circle of animals.
Star steps inside
Mina Now, repeat these words:
Star Repeat these words.
Mina Not these words, the ones coming.
Star Right. Sorry.
Mina O great battle lords.
Star O great battle lords.
Mina Please protect us.
Star Please protect us.
Mina Carry our foes off to the depths of space and time to they may forever live in the ruins of our victory.
Star [mutters gibberish] victory.
Mina Lead us to the battle and you shall bathe in our conquests. Ha! [makes weird noises]
Star So, mud sister, what are we battling? So demons? Gargoyles?
Mina Them people [points]
Star Joggers?
Mina No, ding-dong. All the people of this forsaken planet.
Star [laughs] No. You don't mean that. That's wacky talk.
Mina What these little ants lack is a ruler. And guess who's gonna give 'em one? [touches Star's nose] Bink. Now, [to everyone] kneel before your new ruler.
Man Okay.
Mina Ha ha. We're gonna have so much fun rulin' these folks.
Star I've made a huge mistake.
Scene changes back to Marco and the police.
Officer 1 So a gonzo donut collector came out of a dumpster.
Marco Uh huh.
Officer 1 To teach your friend, another gonzo donut collector in a dumpster.
Marco Yep
Officer 1 And together, they destroyed a family park?
Officer 2 Yeah. If I was trying to cover my butt, I'd say the exact same thing.
Mina [far away] Kneel before me, minions. I am the greatest warrior that this world has ever known!
Police turn on their sirens
Officer 1 Let's ride.
Star Mina, I can't take over the Earth.
Mina Ah, of course you can. You're a warrior now. Now let's start by rounding up the rest of these folks, and pushin' 'em off this here ledge.
Man [nervous giggle]
Star Mina, I care about Earth; I don't wanna conquer it.
Mina I thought you cared about being a warrior! [floats into sky; her body becomes larger and more muscular, and her voice deepens]
Star I guess I thought being a warrior was something different.
Man Uh, excuse me miss. Don't we get a vote in this?
Crowd Yeah!
Mina What are you, a bunch of comedians? We ain't votin' on this. I'm your ruler now.
Man Mm, all those in favor of the crazy lady being our new ruler, raise your hands. [pause] One, two... six. Okay. All those opposed. [pause] One, two... five, six. Looks like we have ourselves a draw. Hey, did anybody not vote?
Star Me. I didn't vote.
Mina Come on. You got mud on your face; we're a team. We can rule this land together, mud sister.
Star [wipes off mud] No. You're bananas, Mina. Like the bad kind.
Man Hey, freedom wins again.
Crowd [cheers]
Mina I thought you were a warrior, but you're just a little girl living on a stupid freedom planet. [grabs Star's weapon] You don't even deserve this.
Star Davey!
Mina Ha! I wouldn't dare rule over this loony bin [crawls into a dumpster]
Police arrives on scene.
Officer 1 Attention citizens. We are looking for
Star She's in there.
Officer 2 [opens dumpster] Uh, there's nothing inside.
Officer 1 Magic does exist. I repeat, magic does exist.
Star You were right, Marco. Mina was a lady with no marbles.
Marco You wanna go check behind the French bakery for some day-old baguettes?
Star Of course I do.
Scene changes to Mewni.
Mina [to Davey] Boop. Mud sister.
Camera zooms out to show Mina sitting under a tree. She has reverted to her normal appearance.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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