The Bogbeast of Boggabah/Transcript

	(theme song)
	Episode begins at Butterfly Castle. In her office, Queen Butterfly looks over a stack of papers.
Queen Moon	[sighs, leans back in her chair]
	Star kicks the door open with a grunt.
Moon	[screams, falls over]
Star	Mama, I need to talk to you! I can't believe it!
Moon	Star, I'm in the middle of—
	Star tosses all of the books and papers off of Moon's desk.
Star	It's blowing my beautiful mind!
Moon	Okay. [gathering papers off the floor] I have been meaning to talk to you as well. We need to discuss what happened at the temple.
Star	Right?! Isn't it bonkers that Heinous is Eclipsa's daughter?! Mina told me everything!
Moon	Mina? What are you talking about? Listen, I won't have you making up ridiculous stories to distract from the real issue here. The little party you threw at the Monster Temple? I told you that it was dangerous to rush the Mewman and monster relationship. You should have checked with me first.
Star	What? No, that's not what I'm talking about! Besides, you should've checked with me before you sent Rhombulus in to storm the whole place!
Moon	Rhombulus? I didn't send Rhombulus.
Star	Lies!
Moon	You barge in here with ridiculous claims about Heinous, make a mess in my office, and then call me a liar? I don't have time for this!
	Moon casts magic to levitate Star out of the office.
Star	[grunting] What?! H-Hey! No-no-no-no! I am not finished talking about this yet! What are we gonna do about Heinous?! How could you do this to your precious baby girl?!
Moon	You're not a baby, so stop acting like one! [slams office door]
Star	[grunts] I'm not a baby? I'll show you a baby. No! I came here to talk about Heinous, and that's just what I'm gonna do. [bumps into King Butterfly] Ugh!
King River	There you go, rushing into things again.
Star	Ugh! Dad, now is not the time! I really need to talk to Mom!
River	[picks up Star and puts her down in front of him] Ah, you don't know what you need.
Star	I'm sorry?
River	But I do. [rips off his clothes] Hunting trip!
Star	What?!
River	Just like my father did with me, his father did with him, and his father did with him!
Star	Just right after I talk to Mom about this—
	River grabs Star and carries her away from Moon's office door.
River	[laughs] That's what I said to my father before me, and what he said to his father before him, and his father before him, and his brother...
Star	Uggghhh! Daaaad!
	Scene cuts to Forest of Certain Death. River wades through a stream carrying sleeping bags, a bow, and arrows over his head.
River	[grunting]
Star	Dad, what are we doing here? We have a royal family crisis on our hands!
River	[climbs out of the stream] There's always a crisis.
Star	[takes out compact mirror] Okay, I'm just gonna call Mom and—
River	[grabs compact mirror] No, you don't. [eats compact mirror]
Star	Papa, what are you doing?!
River	[swallows] Ahhh!
Moon's voice	[muffled in River's stomach] Hello? Hello? Star, is that you?
River	[pokes his belly to end phone call] She's busy. Starship, listen to me. This is a very important hunt, and I want you here for it. Once it's over, you can return to your little crisis, but until then, you're all mine. Deal?
Star	Fiiiiiine. Can we please hurry, then?
River	As soon as we find Eddie.
Eddie	[appears out of a bush] I'm right here!
Star and River	Aah!
Eddie	That's me, Eddie. I have the markings of a plant, but in fact, I'm just a regular fella.
River	Oh! [laughs] Eddie, you old bottom dweller!
Eddie	[chuckles] True, I am a bit of a creeper.
Star	Yeah. You are.
Eddie	So, what brings you to this neck of the parts?
River	The Bogbeast of Boggabah!
Eddie	Wow-wee. Is it that time already?
Star	Bogbeast? [takes out her wand] Sounds easy enough.
Eddie	Ah, you're a first-timer, clearly.
River	This is no trifle matter! The last thing you want is to face the beast ill-prepared.
Eddie	I remember my first Bogbeast hunt. It did not go well. Well, I'll alert the others! You better get prepped! [crouches down in bush and crawls away]
Star	How long is this gonna take?
River	It takes as long as it takes!
Eddie	[appears again, whispering] Listen for the Bogbeast song. That's when you know it's near.
River	(o.s.) Come, Star!
Star	[groans] Coming...
	Scene cuts to a tribal tent in a forest clearing.
River	Okay, the first ritual is to cleanse our minds of fear! [pours water on hot coals] The beast can smell your fears before you're even afraid.
Star	Uh-huh. Okay, yeah. So what do we do first?
River	We sweat! [lightly shaking]
Star	O... kay. [lightly shaking]
	After several moments, a bead of sweat appears on River's forehead.
River	[strained] Look, look! I got one!
Star	Ugh, forget this. Summoning Cloudy Charm!
	Star summons Cloudy to rain on her and River, flooding the tent.
Star	We good here?
	Scene cuts back to forest. River rolls up to a bunch of leaf clumps.
River	[spits] It's time to learn how to be one with our surroundings. [gathers leaves around himself] Voilá! The ancient skill of camouflage! But before you start, you must check every leaf carefully.
Star	Yeah, I have a better idea.
	Star uses her wand to completely cover herself with leaves.
River	No! You'll accidentally pick up the baby bog dragons that live there!
Star	Huh?
	Five bog dragons appear in Star's coat of leaves.
Bog dragons	[squeaking, breathing fire]
Star	Easy, little dragon babies.
	[flames whoosh]
Star	[screams]
	Star is covered in soot with her hair blown back. The bog dragons run away.
Star	[sighs] Next task!
	River dusts off a tree stump and pats it.
River	Mewman hair-braiding is very important.
Star	Oh. [sits on stump]
River	It teaches focus and attention to detail! [tugs on Star's hair]
Star	Ugh! Dad!
River	[humming and laughing]
	River ties Star's hair into braids.
River	There! [knocks Star off stump] Now do me.
Star	[growls]
	Deep, low tones suddenly emerge from the deep forest.
Star	The Bogbeast song! Let's go get it!
River	Honey, we must finish the rituals.
Star	But—!
River	Make me pretty!
Star	Fine-fine-fine-fine! [quickly ties in a knot in River's beard] Done!
River	Thank you, pumpkin. Next ritual!
	River walks away and drags along Star, who accidentally got one of her braids caught in River's beard knot.
Star	[grunting] Dad!
	River collects sap from a tree in a small wooden bowl.
River	Okay. The last ritual is to teach focus. [mixes leaves and twigs into sap] To protect ourselves, we must cover our bodies with ancient markings!
	River unrolls a small scroll with markings drawn on it.
Star	Ahhh! Like tattoos?
River	No! Ancient markings!
Star	That doesn't seem hard. And kinda cool.
River	[dips stick into sap] Dip the stick. Careful. Slowly.
	As Star holds up the scroll, River draws markings on his arms.
River	There we are!
Star	Way ahead of you!
	Star has a crude, splattered mess of sap on her arm.
Star	Fascinating! Can we start the hunt now?
River	Yes! Just one hundred more scrolls to go! [unrolls another, much larger scroll]
Star	[gasps, groans]
	Scene cuts to Star drawing markings on River's back.
River	Make sure you get the curve. Don't forget the curve at the end.
Star	Uh-huh, uh-huh. Got the curve. There, I'm done!
River	Very good, milkshake! Now, let's see what you—
	The top of River's back reads "BOY BEATZ" in sap.
River	"Boy Beatz"? [laughs] That's supposed to say "Bogbeast"! Ha! I'm afraid we'll have to start all over.
Star	What?! [flustered groan] All right, I'll get the ink, and then—
River	Oh, no. I mean all over. From the very beginning! Tallyho-ho! [runs off-screen]
Star	[whispering] Whaaaaat? Ugh.
	Scene cuts from Star and River forcing themselves to sweat in the tent, to covering themselves in leaves, to braiding their hair, to painting markings on their bodies again.
Star	[panting] Okay! We sweated, we camouflaged, we braided, and we protected our bodies with ancient scroll thingies! I... am... ready!
River	Wait! I'll tell you if you're ready or not! Look into my eyes.
	Star and River stare into each other's eyes.
River	Hmm... Mm-hmm... Yes. You are ready! [back cracks] Ack! My back! Don't worry. This happens all the time. Just need to sit down. [lies down on sleeping bag]
Star	But I'm ready!
River	[zips up sleeping bag] Actually, no, you're not. I lied. Just as my father lied to me, and his father lied to him, and his father lied. He was a liar. Now, come lay down, and we'll start over fresh in the morning. [snores]
Star	What?! You're asleep?! Ugh! Okay. [climbs into sleeping bag]
	Wind whistles through the forest. The Bogbeast's song echoes again, and Star's eyes open pop open.
Star	He's here. That's it!
	Star bursts out of her sleeping bag in a new outfit.
Star	Bogbeast, I'm coming for you!
	Various accessories magically appear on Star's outfit, giving her the appearance of a huntress. Her wand transform into a bow.
Star	[screaming] Bogbeast! [runs into a muddy bog] Yow! Ugh! Oh! Are you kidding me?! I don't have time for this!
	The Bogbeast's song echoes once again.
Star	What the? Ugh!
	Star fires an arrow behind her and gets even more stuck in the mud.
Star	[grunting] Uh... Hello? Hello? Who is there?
	Mud is suddenly thrown in Star's face.
Star	[groans] Bogbeast, is that you?
	Star sinks further into the mud, and her wand sinks completely.
Star	No!
	A shadowy figure with antlers approaches from behind Star.
Star	Don't— Don't— Don't come any closer! [screaming]
	Someone puts a crown of antlers on Star's head.
Star	What? Huh?
	River appears next to Star wearing a pair of stump shoes.
River	Greetings, all! [laughing] I present you the Bogbeast of Boggabah!
	A crowd of Mewmans appear around the bog, cheering. Some start playing bluegrass music. One blows a horn that sounds like the Bogbeast's song.
Star	Dad?
	Mud is thrown in Star's face again.
River	Congratulations, pumpkin! [laughs]
Star	Uh... [chuckles] What? Me? I am not the Bogbeast.
River	Of course you are! We've all been the Bogbeast at one point or another! Old Eddie here has even been the Bogbeast twice!
Eddie	[laughs] I never learn!
River	Being impulsive and running into situations headfirst without thinking is your specialty, dear. But it's also what makes a Bogbeast. You have so much greatness in you. I don't want anything to stand in your way, especially yourself. Please remember this hunt always.
Star	[hugs River] I will, Dad.
Mewman	Bog party, everybody!
River	Sorry, not this time. I promised Star we'd go home. She has stuff that she needs to do.
Crowd	Awww...
Star	You know what? My stuff can wait 'til morning. I think I can squeeze a little bog party in.
River	Bog party!
Crowd	[cheering, playing music]
	Star, River, and the Mewmans start dancing. Scene cuts to next day at Butterfly Castle. Star walks up to Moon's office door covered in mud.
Star	[sighs] Okay. [knocks on door]