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(theme song)
Episode opens at the Monster Temple at night; at a knighting ceremony, Sir Cuddles is kneeling before Queen Eclipsa.
Eclipsa Butterfly For cunning acts throughout the Mewni Groundlands and the swamp... [takes ceremonial sword from Archibald and places blade on Sir Cuddles' right shoulder] ...I knight you Sir Cuddles of Hugs—
Cuddles' Mother [sobbing] You're just gonna cut off his head?! Right here?! In front of his own mother?!
Eclipsa Uh... no. I was going to make him a knight. This is a KNIGHTING ceremony. For knighting KNIGHTS.
Cuddles' Mother Uh, well... [wipes her nose] S-Sorry. I just... You know, when a monster sees a queen with a sword... [chuckles] I mean, don't we all just think that...? My son's gonna be a knight! [sobbing]
Eclipsa [looks confused]
Sir Cuddles You know, she's gonna cry no matter what. That's what she does. So... maybe you want to go on to the next guy.
Eclipsa Sounds good. [steps to the right and stands in front of Marco And last but certainly not least...
Marco kneels in front of Eclipsa wearing armor. He pulls back his hood.
Eclipsa Marco Diaz, also known as Princess Turdina.
Star Butterfly Yes-s-s-s.
Eclipsa For his noble and dedicated service to the throne of Mewni, I knight you Sir Marco of Earth.
Marco Diaz I also liberated the Neverzonians from a fire spirit that plagued them for about a century. Maybe you wanna... mention. Maybe you wanna tell the people.
Eclipsa Go stand with the others.
Marco stands next to several other newly-knighted knights.
Eclipsa Introducing the new Knights of Mewni – Sir Marco, Lady Higgs, Sir Babyman, Sir Oldman, and Sir Cuddles.
The audience applauds. A band starts playing Celtic-style music for the post-ceremony reception.
Star Marco! [runs up and hugs Marco] Oh, congratulations! I made something for you. It's your new knight cape.
Star presents a knight cape to Marco with several patches sewn into the back. The center patch is blank.
Star Each patch represents something we did together. There you are as Princess Turdina, there's the dimensional scissors, and that Goblin Dog-looking thing is a Goblin Dog.
Marco Oh, Star, you didn't have to do that.
Star Yeah, but I wanted to. Besides, every knight has one. [gasps] I'll sew you your last patch once you get your lifelong post!
Marco Lifelong post?
Sir Crandle [appears behind Marco and puts a hand on his shoulder] That's right, Marco.
Marco Mr. Candle?
Star [chuckles] No, Marco. It's Sir Crandle. He's gonna help you choose your lifelong post.
Crandle We have much to discuss. [walks off-screen with Marco]
Star Oh, and don't choose anything with horses! They're really hard to sew!
Scene cuts to Sir Crandle's office; it looks almost identical to Mr. Candle's Echo Creek Academy office, complete with cat-shaped desk clock and candy bowl.
Marco Soooo... are you sure you're not Mr. Candle?
Crandle I told you, it's Sir Crandle. I've never even been to Echo Creek.
Marco I never said I was from Echo Creek—
Crandle So, here are some flyers. [gives Marco three lifelong post flyers] You can pick Knight Guardian of the Sad Tree, Knight Hunter of the Disappearing Ghost, Stable-Cleaning Knight – you know, what kind of knight you'll be for the rest of your life.
Marco The rest of my life?
Scene cuts to Marco's bedroom later; Marco enters. A noisemaker and bright lights greet him as he enters. Star has several noisemakers and maracas made of magic floating around her, and dance-pop music plays in the background.
Star Congrats, Marco! [starts dancing]
Marco Oh, hey, Star.
Star [dances past Marco] ♪ You're a knight now, you're a knight now ♪ [sits on Marco's bed] So? What's your lifelong post?
Marco Well, about that. I choose... quitting.
Star Wait. [poofs away noisemakers and maracas] What do you mean?
Marco I'm gonna have to turn knighthood down. But it's not because I don't love hanging out with you. I... I just can't stay on Mewni forever. I have a baby brother on the way, and I'm gonna have to start thinking about college and... [sighs]
Star starts to look sad during Marco's dialogue.
Star No, no, no. [scoffs] Please. I get it. I mean, obviously I knew you couldn't stay here forever. And, hey, you can always be called Sir Marco the Quitter. [chuckles]
Marco [looks down]
Star's compact phone starts to ring in her pocket.
Star Oh, no. Oh, no. Someone's calling me. I guess I have to... leave this awkward conversation now. [leaves the room]
Scene cuts to temple kitchen; Marco is talking with someone off-screen.
Marco Oh, this is bad. I didn't mean to hurt Star's feelings, but I had to be honest with her. [takes a bite of cornplex bar, talks with mouth full, gulps] I should find her, try to smooth things over. What do you think?
Marco is revealed to be talking to Manfred, still frozen in stone.
Marco Ugh. What am I doing? I should be talking to Star. I need to go find her.
Someone suddenly puts a burlap sack over Marco's head and drags him away.
Marco [gasps, muffled screaming]
His cornplex bar falls on the floor. Scene cuts to a cottage somewhere in the forest. Inside, Marco and the rest of the newly knighted knights have sacks over their heads.
Higgs Hey, hey, whoever did this made a big mistake!
Several people in the shadows pull the sacks off their heads. In the shadows before them stands Sir Stabby.
Sir Stabby Welcome, young knights... to your knight out party!
The lights suddenly come on to reveal a banner that reads "KNIGHT OUT PARTY" and various party decorations.
Knights [chanting] Knight out! Knight out! Knight out!
Marco What? Where are we?
Stabby The Den of Knights, where the Sacred Order of Knighthood comes to just be a knight. We got a Foosball table, a sweet lounge... We even got a dragon named Noodles.
Noodles [roars]
Stabby And now that you've chosen your lifelong post, you're officially knights!
Other Knights [chanting] Knight out! Knight out!
Cuddles What did you choose, Marco?
Marco Oh, you know, I'm choosing not to be a knight.
All except Marco [gasps]
Scene cuts back to the Monster Temple kitchen. Star is stuffing her face with Captain Blanche's Sugar Seeds cereal.
Star [chewing] I mean, I only made him my squire so we could hang out and do silly stuff together. I never thought he'd, like, stop being my squire. [pouring cereal in her mouth] Why am I talking to a statue?
Star is revealed to be talking to Manfred.
Star Ugh, I don't know. I should talk to Marco. [steps on Marco's cornplex bar on the ground] Huh? A cornplex bar? Marco's the only one who ever eats these. And he would never leave one half-eaten. Would he?
Cut back to Den of Knights; all the knights surround Marco.
Sir Babyman You didn't choose a lifelong post?
Marco Well, it's just... I've kinda already done a bunch of knight stuff and, you know...
Giraffe Knight You can't just not choose your lifelong post. You kneeled before the queen.
Marco Yeah, I'm honored to be a knight, but I didn't think I was gonna do that for my entire life.
Sir Oldman What do you mean?! This is a legacy!
Sir Oldman gestures to a wall with multiple knights' pictures and capes on it.
Oldman Every knight through every generation chose their lifelong post and stuck with it! You're slapping centuries of history in the face, ya hippie!
Marco [shoves Oldman away] Well, then this party's not meant for me. [walks away and bumps into Sir Stabby]
Stabby Listen, you kid. You're going to chose a lifelong post... [draws two daggers] ...or we're going to choose one for you!
Sir Crandle appears riding a flying file cabinet.
Crandle Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not resort to hurting here, Sir Stabby.
Stabby But he doesn't have a lifelong post!
Crandle I know, I know. But in unprecedented situations like this, let's first consult the knights' handbook.
Crandle takes a book out of the bottom drawer of his file cabinet titled "Ye Royal Mewni Order of Knights Constitutions and By-Laws".
Crandle Okay. [reading] "In the unlikely event that a squire turns down their lifelong post, the Knight's Order shall..." Oh. Uh, Sir Stabby had it right. We're supposed to hurt you.
Stabby Yes!
Marco Wait, what?!
Sir Dashing of Muscleton and Babyman grab Marco by his arms. Scene cuts to Eclipsa's bedroom; Eclipsa is showing Meteora cards with various shapes on them while Star paces around the room.
Star I mean, it's weird, right? Why would Marco just drop his cornplex bar halfway through eating it? It's, like, his favorite guilty pleasure snack.
Meteora Butterfly [coos]
Eclipsa I think you might be overthinking this. [shows Meteora a card with skull on it]
Meteora [giggles]
Eclipsa Very good!
Star I don't know. He's been missing ever since I called him Sir Marco the Quitter. What if he's in danger? I gotta go find him!
In her room, Star suits up in battle armor and stops after putting on her helmet.
Star Wait. I'm overreacting. Marco is his own person, and I need to give him space. [takes off her helmet and drops it on the floor]
Cut back to Den of Knights; Marco is tied to a chair and wailing in agony. His wailing turns to laughter when it is revealed Sir Crandle is tickling Marco's foot with his ponytail.
Crandle Now, submit and accept your lifelong post, or we'll lock you in the dungeon for eternity.
Marco [laughing] Look, guys, I don't mean to laugh, but... I thought this was supposed to hurt.
Crandle Okay, well, let's move on to the fingernails.
Cuddles holds a small chalkboard up to Marco's face and scratches his claws on it. Cuddles covers his ears, screams in pain, and runs off-screen.
Marco Can I go now?
Crandle [groans] You came to Mewni to become a knight, so why can't you just pick a lifetime post?
Marco Well, there's just more to life than being one thing.
Higgs Ah, geez, we're getting a lecture from the princess's squire? I mean, what have you done?
Marco Well, I helped save Mewni from a monstrous she-demon. And I can't even list all the things I did in the Neverzone.
Babyman W-What's the Neverzone?
Marco Oh, just the most dangerous dimension in the multiverse, where I spent decades adventuring. I mean, I've been knighted like nine times there.
Oldman Wow! I want to go to the Neverzone.
Babyman, Oldman, and Dashing [excited affirming]
Stabby Fine!
All [looks at Stabby]
Stabby [holds Marco's cape over Noodles' fiery mouth] He doesn't want to be a knight?!
Marco Hey, hey! Not the cape, man!
Stabby So there is something that gets to you.
Marco [threateningly] If you so much as singe a single thread on that patchwork, I swear your face will hit every surface in this room, and when you wake up, you'll be in the belly of that dragon.
Stabby [chuckles] Oh, really?
Stabby lets go of the cape over the fire. Marco throws himself against the floor, breaking apart the chair he's tied to, and he kicks one of the chair legs at Stabby's face. He then jumps over Noodles' open jaw and catches his cape before it touches the flames. Marco rolls to his feet and stands with his arms tied and his cape around his neck.
Higgs Get him!
Higgs, Babyman, Oldman, and Cuddles rush toward Marco. He dodges the first three's attacks and catapults Cuddles over himself with his feet, knocking him across the room. Babyman ends up with a barrel stuck on his head. Higgs, Oldman, and Cuddles surround Marco again. When she jump him, he leaps over them, causing them to fall on top of each other, and he lands on the ceiling chandelier. As Babyman stumbles around with the barrel on his head, Marco appears from the side to kick him on top of the other knights, and the barrel breaks. Marco grabs Stabby by his collar with his foot.
Marco I wasn't joking.
Stabby is thrown into the right wall, thrown into the ceiling, thrown into the left wall, dragged across the floor, and tossed into Noodles' belly.
Noodles [low growl]
Marco [shakes off his ropes] Well, this has been fun.
Crandle [comes out from hiding behind a barrel] All right. You win. You win. You may leave if you wish. [groans] I just don't understand why you'd want to turn this down! Accepting your lifelong post should be a knight's proudest achievement.
Higgs It's 'cause the dude's a lousy cheater. Got the squire job handed to him, then he spends years training in that Neverzone place? He thinks he's too good to be a knight.
Marco If you all could for one second think about the world from someone else's point of view, none of this would've happened. You want to train up in the Neverzone, be my guest. [opens portal with his scissors] Knock yourselves out. Oh, just remember that time works differently there, so—
Cuddles, Babyman, Oldman, and Higgs run into the portal. After a few seconds, Higgs comes back out.
Higgs Yeah! [laughs] Feast your eyes! ...Wait. Where'd all my muscles go?
Marco Neverzone? Time warp? Things go back to normal here?
Higgs There's nothing left for me here. [goes back in the portal]
Scene cuts back to the Monster Temple at early morning; Star sits on her bedroom roof watching the sunrise. Marco appears behind her.
Marco Watching without me?
Star Got to rip the bandage off at some point, right?
Marco [sits down next to Star]
Star I'm really sorry for being a pill earlier. It's just... It's gonna be so weird when you go back to Earth.
Marco Hey, we still have some time before I need to leave.
Star Promise you'll visit all the time.
Marco I will. But for when I'm not here...
Marco gives Star a cape similar to the one she gave him. Patches sewn into the back depict the two of them together.
Marco Just because I'm going back to Earth doesn't mean we can't stop having adventures together. And I figured, if there's any lifelong post to accept on Mewni, it's our friendship.
Star Oh, Marco! [puts cape on] Thank you. I love it.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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