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(theme song)
Episode begins in a snowy field in Mewni. A Mewman man is playing a Centipede-like game on his compact mirror phone.
Man Okay. Come on, come on, come on, come on. [seethes] Oh! Okay. Whew. Come on, come on. Come on.
The phone suddenly beeps with an interrupting "ALERT" notification.
Man Ugh! You...!
Seahorse (o.s.) Attention, Mewmans. It's the Ponyhead Show!
A logo for The Ponyhead Show appears on the phone screen. Pony Head bursts through the logo.
Pony Head That's me!
Man What the...? Noooooo! [echoes]
Man's Baby [crying]
Scene cuts to The Ponyhead Show camera stage with spotlights.
Seahorse And now your host. It's... Pony Head!
Pony Head appears on-screen, and the audience cheers.
Pony Head Oh, my goodness. Stop it, stop it. You guys are too kind.
Seahorse operates the camera. The audience seats are all empty. Two soundspeakers emit applauding and cheering sounds.
Pony Head I'd like to welcome you all to the very first ever Ponyhead Show, starring me, Pony Head. And if y'all would shut up...
Music and applause stop.
Pony Head ...I'm going to tell you some jokes. [goes off-camera and comes back with clown nose on her face] Clown nose!
Screen close-up on Pony Head's clown nose. A male Korean voiceover says "clown nose" in Korean. Shonda and Shinda Pony Head and Foolduke's white monkey make a rimshot on a pair of drums and a hi-hat.
Foolduke's Monkey [hoots]
The two soundspeakers near Seahorse change from "APPLAUSE" to "LAUGH" and emit the sounds of audience laughter. Star and Eclipsa appear in the backstage area watching the show.
Star Butterfly Okay, well, this probably seems kind of weird, but Pony Head totally knows what she's doing. And I'm... I'm so excited she's going to put you on her show.
Eclipsa Butterfly It's been a while since I've performed in front of an audience, but if you think it's a good idea...
Star Oh, it's a good idea. [opens her phone] Look, Seahorse even set it up so that everyone can watch. And we can gauge how much the audience likes it.
On an upvote/downvote meter, The Ponyhead Show gets one downvote.
Eclipsa And you're sure this'll get the public on my side?
Star Oh, I know it will. If there's one thing Pony Head knows, it's popularity.
Pony Head And now... staring contest!
The upvote/downvote meter goes up to 8 downvotes. Star and Eclipsa look at each other.
Pony Head You have been a great audience, but let's face it, I've been an even greater host. [laughs] We'll be right back, so don't get lonely. But first, a message from our sponsors. [floats off-camera]
Seahorse [floats into the spotlight] The Ponyhead Show is brought to you by the new Reflectacorp Mirror Deluxe. To access your new mirror, you just need to give a sample of your DNA. [licks phone screen]
In the backstage area, Pony Head's sisters Azniss and Khrysthalle do her makeup.
Pony Head Hold up right now! [shoves Azniss and Khrysthalle away] What the heck is that?
Star Pony Head, we talked about this. Eclipsa's going to perform.
Pony Head What? No, I did not say anything about having her perform. She's just supposed to be on the show, like, you know, like, just, like, sit there and, like, just, like, be good.
Eclipsa Oh, don't worry, Pony Head. I've been practicing, and I really think your audience is going to enjoy it.
Pony Head Really? Do you think that right now? Because here's what's tipping me off: your guitar is made out of dead people, okay? So that doesn't feel normal for me, and it's not on brand with my show!
Eclipsa It looks cool.
Pony Head Well, it looks like a pile of bones. We need get rid of that old thing.
Shonda and Shinda [appear behind Eclipsa] We can take it off your hands.
Pony Head You guys remember my sisters Shonda and Shinda.
Shonda and Shinda We're musicians, too. We'll take good care of it. [take Eclipsa's guitar] Bye, Eclipsa. [sink away into cloud wall]
Pony Head Don't worry, girl. I know what I'm talking about.
Seahorse (o.s.) And now, welcome back to The Ponyhead Show!
Pony Head Oh, I'm on. [shoves Seahorse off-camera]
Seahorse [shrieks, crashes off-screen]
Pony Head Welcome back! [desk, chair, and microphone appear next to her] We have a great show for you tonight. Do you like cooking? Do you also like Earth? Because later in the show, we have Cooking with Earth Turd!
Marco Diaz and Kelly appear on a cooking stage wearing chef hats. Marco waves at the camera.
Pony Head But first, you guys are so lucky, because we have a very special celebrity guest. Oh, my gosh, I am so excited to speak with her.
Star and Eclipsa [looking hopeful]
Pony Head It's me! I'm the celebrity guest.
Star and Eclipsa [groans]
Kelly Why are we doing all this prep? Aren't cooking shows fake?
Marco Diaz [cutting onions] Yeah— No, no, no, cooking shows are real. Uh, wrestling is fake. Can you pass me the salt?
Kelly Wait, what did you just say?
Marco I said can you pass the salt?
Kelly No, before that.
Marco Uh, I said that wrestling is fake.
Kelly [wide-eyed shock]
Marco (o.s.) Kelly? Are you okay?
Kelly [walks off-stage] I have cramps.
Marco Kelly?
Star Aw, man, Pony Head sure is taking forever.
Eclipsa [snoring]
Azniss Pony Head Hey, you ready for makeup, Eclipsa?
Eclipsa [wakes up] Ooh, I didn't know I'm getting my makeup done.
Khrysthalle Pony Head It's nothing fancy. It's just a touch-up before you go on.
Eclipsa Righty-ho. [follows Azniss and Khrysthalle]
Foolduke's monkey plays the piano on-camera, with Pony Head sitting on the piano wearing a blond wig, blue dress, and lipstick.
Pony Head When you tell your daughter that she is beautiful... you're saying to her, "Who you are is how you look." You are saying to her, "The person you are on the inside, the person who is good at roller skates, the person whose beautiful singing voice fills the halls of this home, the person whose unparalleled drawing and painting abilities is less important than the person you appear to be."
Backstage, Marco knocks on Kelly's dressing room door.
Marco Uh, Kelly? [sighs] I'm so sorry I—
Kelly [appears behind Marco] Marco, why are you talking to my dressing room?
Marco Oh, I... I thought you were in there. I don't... Anyway, I... I just want to say I'm... I'm sorry. I... I didn't know you didn't know about wrestling.
Kelly Oh, no, it's fine. I'm over it.
Marco Oh. Really? Because it seems like you were upset.
Kelly No, no. I mean, you did ruin wrestling for me, that's true. But you know, I just walked around and dealt with it. Let's go make some sandwiches. It's not like you've never ruined anything before.
Marco What?
Cut back to The Ponyhead Show.
Pony Head And finally, it's time for a very special segment that I know you've all been waiting for. It's self-defense your mama never taught you! [puts on wrestling mask, holding boxing gloves, grunts]
Star Ugh! Pony Head! Seahorse, go to commercial.
Pony Head [swinging boxing gloves, grunting]
Audience [cheers]
Pony Head See that? It's all in the neck. [panting]
Star pulls Pony Head off-camera.
Pony Head Whoa! What?! What are you doing?! We're on live television!
Star What am I doing? What are you doing?
Pony Head Uh, I think I'm owning it.
Star Owning it? You are renting it at best. And really, you're just making people mad. They don't like this, Pony. And it is getting worse.
The upvote/downvote meter goes up to 558 downvotes.
Pony Head You asked me to make Eclipsa popular. I'm going to make her popular.
Star Then why don't you put her on?
Pony Head Ugh! I can't put her on if she's not even here!
Star Oh, excuses—! Wait, where is she?
Pony Head I don't know, but she's missing out. [floats away]
Laughter is heard coming from Eclipsa's dressing room.
Star Oh, no.
Inside the dressing room, Pony Head's sisters do Eclipsa's makeup.
Azniss [holding powdering stick] It's all about the 'tude, 'clipsa. You got to be mean.
Hornanne Pony Head [holding hairspray] Yeah, you don't want to be understood. You want to be feared. [rattles can, sprays]
Star [kicks in dressing room door] Where's Eclipsa?! What have you done with her?!
Eclipsa spins around in her chair. She has a wild hairstyle and is wearing glasses with wacky frames, a leopard-print suit, and purple high-heels.
Eclipsa How do I look?
Star Ohhhh, that is more than just a touch-up.
Shouting is heard outside Pony Head's house.
Woman 1 (o.s.) I want my compact back!
An angry mob of Mewmans shouts outside the front gates of Pony Head's house.
Mewmans [yelling, "Get this show off my phone!", "Turn this garbage off!"]
Star What is wrong with these people? If they don't like the show, they could just turn it off.
Seahorse Actually, they can't do that.
Star What? Why?
Seahorse Oh, I hacked their compacts. It's impossible for them to turn it off.
Star What?! Why would you do that?!
Seahorse I'm so glad you asked. You can do anything with Reflectacorp mobile technology.
Star Ugh! Eclipsa, I am so sorry. This is a train wreck. Pony Head is crazy. Why do I always forget that? I think you should just back out of the show.
Eclipsa No, no, it's okay. I want to go through with it. In for a penny, in for a pound.
Star But this is a P.R. disaster.
Eclipsa How is that any different than the rest of my life? At least I get the chance to formally introduce myself to my people.
Star You know what? You're right. Okay, Eclipsa, let's make them LOVE YOU. But first thing's first. This outfit.
Eclipsa No, no, I'm definitely changing out of it.
Star Oh, okay, good. Then we'll make them LOVE YOU.
Cut back to The Ponyhead Show. Pony Head is telling a story to the viewers. Behind her, Marco looks bored and disappointed, and Kelly is patting him on the back.
Pony Head ...So, I asked him to buy me a $60,000 necklace, obviously. And he was like, "You don't even have shoulders. How are you going to wear a necklace?" And I was all, "What?! Have you ever seen a necklace?! It's not a jacket! it's for a neck! And guess what! I have one, dummy!" And then I dumped him.
Star uses Raspberry Ribbon Lasso to pull Pony Head off-camera.
Pony Head How many times you going to—?!
Star [plugs Pony Head's mouth with Cupcake Blast]
Pony Head [muffled shouting]
Eclipsa Uh, hi. [waves to camera] I'm Eclipsa. Uh, queen. [chuckles] Um... [takes out her guitar] I'm going to play you a song here. I wrote it.
Star turns on a single spotlight on Eclipsa, and Seahorse points the camera at her. She starts singing Here I Am.
Eclipsa ♪ Imagine waking up ♪
♪ To a world turned upside-down ♪
The angry mob stops shouting and looks at their phones.
Eclipsa ♪ Those you know are gone ♪
♪ And suddenly you have the crown ♪
♪ Here I am, this is me ♪
♪ Brokenhearted but finally free ♪
Star uses her magic to levitate Eclipsa into the air.
Eclipsa ♪ Never quite fit the mold ♪
♪ Just not great at doing what I'm told ♪
♪ Now I'm here in your world ♪
♪ So much bigger from my point of view ♪
Marco and Kelly look awestruck.
Eclipsa ♪ Centuries from my home ♪
♪ Can't go back, so let's start something new ♪
♪ Here I am, this is me ♪
♪ Open-hearted, I proudly decree ♪
♪ Now as queen, I am yours ♪
♪ Let's make magic and reach for the stars ♪
♪ Let's make magic and reach for the stars ♪
Marco Wow...
Pony Head [spits out Cupcake Blast] Whoa, hold up. You guys like that?
A tomato splats against a window near Star, and the angry mob outside resumes shouting.
Mewmans [yelling, "Give me back my compact, you evil witch!", "Give me back my compact!", "Can you please give me back my phone?!"]
Star looks at her phone. The upvote/downvote meter is at over 4,900 downvotes and zero upvotes. Star closes the phone and uses her magic to poof away all the broadcasting equipment.
Seahorse Aah! You could've just pulled the plug.
Star Oh, we should have pulled the plug a long time ago.
Marco It's over? I never got to show off my dad's recipe for tortas ahogadas.
Kelly You should come make it at my house sometime.
Marco Sure!
Star Uh, Eclipsa? That was an awesome song. I'm sorry nobody else liked it. [sighs] I'm sorry I dragged you into this. But don't worry, we'll find a way to get the people of Mewni to love you.
Pony Head Oh, don't be so hasty. Every single one of my boyfriends hated me before they loved me.
Eclipsa I don't have any regrets. I'd rather be hated for who I am than liked for who I pretend to be.
Pony Head Wait, don't you want to be fake and hated?
The angry mob outside the house disperses. A little girl is humming "Here I Am", and she upvotes The Ponyhead Show.
ved Star vs. the Forces of Evil Episode Transcripts
Season 1
Star Comes to EarthParty With a PonyMatch MakerSchool SpiritMonster ArmThe Other Exchange StudentCheer Up, StarQuest BuyDiaz Family VacationBrittney's PartyMewbertyPixtopiaLobster ClawsSleep SpellsBlood Moon BallFortune CookiesFreeze DayRoyal PainSt. Olga's Reform School for Wayward PrincessesMewnipendance DayThe Banagic IncidentInterdimensional Field TripMarco Grows a BeardStorm the Castle
Season 2
My New Wand!Ludo in the WildMr. Candle CaresRed BeltStar on WheelsFetchStar vs. Echo CreekWand to WandStarstruckCamping TripStarsittingOn the JobGoblin DogsBy the BookGame of FlagsGirls' Day OutSleepoverGift of the CardFriendenemiesIs MysteryHungry LarrySpider With a Top HatInto the WandPizza ThingPage TurnerNaysayaBon Bon the Birthday ClownRaid the CaveTrickstarBabyRunning with ScissorsMathmagicThe Bounce LoungeCrystal ClearThe Hard WayHeinousAll Belts are OffCollateral DamageJust FriendsFace the MusicStarcrushed
Season 3
Return to MewniMoon the UndauntedBook Be GoneMarco and the KingPuddle DefenderKing LudoToffeeScent of a HoodieRest in PuddingClub SnubbedStranger DangerDemoncismSophomore SlumpLint CatcherTrial by SquirePrincess TurdinaStarfariSweet DreamsLava Lake BeachDeath PeckPonymoniumNight LifeDeep DiveMonster BashStump DayHoliday SpellcialThe Bogbeast of BoggabahTotal Eclipsa the MoonButterfly TrapLudo, Where Art Thou?Is Another MysteryMarco Jr.Skooled!Booth BuddiesBam Ui Pati!Tough LoveDivideConquer
Season 4
Butterfly FolliesEscape from the Pie FolkMoon RemembersSwim SuitRansomgramLake House FeverYada Yada BerriesDown by the RiverThe Ponyhead Show!Surviving the SpiderbitesOut of BusinessKelly's WorldCurse of the Blood MoonPrincess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic BellGhost of Butterfly CastleCornball!Meteora's LessonThe Knight ShiftQueen-NappedJunkin' JannaA Spell with No NameA Boy and His DC-700XEThe Monster and the QueenCornonationDoop-DoopBritta's TacosBeach DayGone Baby GoneSad Teen HotlineJannanigansMama StarReady, Aim, FireThe Right WayHere to HelpPizza PartyThe Tavern at the End of the MultiverseCleaved
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